Darling, Dearest, Dead

[Estelle]

Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]



[ CW: Brief description of a drowned body ]

How odd is the cycle of life, truly? You are told someone is long gone. Deceased, buried beneath six feet of water, never to be seen again. Only you do. Their bloated, blue and water-logged corpse lives in your minds eye. You would think a dead women would look more dead. But she wasn't. And that truth, however much Sleepysunrise had denied her death, sat heavy on her heart. The knowledge that she chose not to return.

She wanted to be mad. Perhaps she was. Maybe she was a hypocrite for trying; her eyes closed, body curled up, sleeping in her grandmother's den one more time before the day might come where she is kicked out. Probably sooner than later. The dead often infiltrated her mind; why couldn't she infiltrate her mother's, her wandered inside just like them?

She tried. She tried oh so hard. Eyes pressed closed. For once, since moons, willing herself to go to sleep, and calling out with desperate pleas to the mother she once knew. I need you.


[ @Rose ]

[Rose]

She/Her | Purrks Overlook

When one didn't know what to expect of one's own kin, wariness had its reason. But when one is pleaded for, how can that plea be left unanswered? The truth is this: it cannot. Was she not a mother, one who forever, undyingly loved her children? She was. No matter how they met her. No matter how they came to her.

Even if Dreamwalking sapped her energy, left her already strained body even more tired. Energy she badly needed to survive in the tunnels. Yet. She could feel the call. The gentle tug of a mind searching for hers, reaching out, and then Lark is pulling it towards her, inch by inch, reeling in the fish she'd caught. Or was it, the other way around? Had she become the one trapped in net?

The darkness of the dreamless abyss called to her - a place where she could float, regenerate some strength, to keep going in the tunnels. Dreams were taxing mentally, but still Lark wove one with a wary efficiency. A quiet meadow, sunset on the horizon. And if she made sure her dreamself was at its full health, unlike the starvation she was facing in the real world, what of it?

[ @Estelle - Sleepysunrise ]

[Estelle]

Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]

...It worked. She felt her mind being enveloped by that familiar feeling when the spirits decided to play, and she was left at their mercy. Her mother stood ahead. Sleepysunrise daren't look at her face; she couldn't let herself for fear that her façade would crack, or that this moment would slip from her paws like so many others. There was a long silence from the petite dark grey molly, eyes downcast and head downturned. She felt shy.

"...Hm."
She tried to speak, her voice hitched with hesitance. Warily, her eyes lifted, trying to gauge whether her mama already knew why she had so wanted to see her this night. But she couldn't tell. Mama always had been a mystery. She swallowed.
"Mossfreckle is gone. Rookfire is demoted."
A quiet voice began to explain. It would be a lie to say she wasn't avoiding the main point of this meeting.

She lowered her gaze again, biting the inside of her lip as silence fell over her. Miss Grandmama had heeded her request and decided to give her a chance, but what would Mama think?
"--Miss Grandmama made me medicine cat. I asked her."
She admitted. She awaited for her Mama's reaction, before uttering on.
"I need the knowledge. You have it."
Please, gnawed at her mind while dark voices chimed the worst of all; thoughts of hatred and disdain. Would Mama be disappointed it was her?

She just wanted the knowledge. Would Mama find fault in that?


[ @Rose ]

[Rose]

She/Her | Purrks Overlook

For a while she hadn't understood. For a while, Lark wondered if she'd misheard. If the complete exhaustion she felt was slowly seeping into her dream realm too. Mossfreckle, gone? Where had her brother gone? Rookfire, demoted? From what, his Enforcer position? And why? It isn't until Sleepysunrise's next words that Lark goes stock still. A statue moreso than before, unblinking, unbreathing. Even the twittering of birds, the chirping of crickets, the gentle breeze, were all silent, unmoving.

The world was holding its breath. One heartbeat, another, and then unbridled fury wrecks the land, withering trees, flames springing high, crackling and popping and casting an eerie glow in the sky.

No. She wanted to snarl the syllable, wanted to set free her indignation, her rage, at the sight of the cat her mother had set before her. This was her daughter. The role of Medicine Cat had taken everything from her, it had ripped away anything she'd ever loved, contorted and twisted and shattered it into something she could barely make sense of afterward. She would never wish that upon her own flesh and blood.

And yet.

Here Sleepysunrise stands. It was the hardest of feats to not let the pain in her heart show, the stabbing sensation, the doubtful whispers. She did not wish for her daughter to lose everything, just as she had. Alas. This was not a decision for her to make. She'd done this to herself by choosing not to return, by choosing to help from afar unless ShadowClan was in dire times and needed her -- but they hadn't reached out, not until now. So instead, cramming her grief into a corner of her heart, Lark leaned back to look at the daughter she wished was in her arms with those sightless eyes.

Around them, the world returns to normal, and guilt fills Lark's heart. She was on a hair-trigger it seemed. It was not her daughter she had a problem with. It was herself. “This is what you wish for?” Lark rasps, the sound rough and guttural. She wouldn’t make decisions for her kin.

She had no right.

No matter how much it pained her to see Sleepysunrise following in her paw steps.

---

 

Sleepysunrise’s To-Learn List:

➺ Current List of Herbs
★ Blessed Thistle
★ Bramble Twigs
★ Burnet
★ Catmint
★ Cattail
★ Celandine
★ Chamomile
★ Coltsfoot
★ Daisy
★ Daisy Leaf
★ Dandelion
★ Dock
★ Elder Flower
★ Goldenrod
★ Honey
★ Ivy Leaf
★ Ivy Vines
✩ Juniper Berries
✩ Lady’s Mantle
✩ Lavender
✩ Mallow
✩ Mousebile
✩ Mushrooms
✩ Oak leaves
✩ Rosemary
✩ Sticks
✩ Stinging Nettle
✩ Thyme
✩ Yarrow

➺ Current List of Toxic Herbs
✩ Deathberries
✩ Meadow Saffron
✩ Nightshade

➺ Current List of Techniques
★ Herb Life Extension
★ Stinging Nettle Care
★ Special Drinks
★ Storing Honey
★ Storing Cobwebs
✩ Amputation
✩ Cracked Pads
✩ Makeshift Splint

And had her daughter said yes - that single word was all she required, then what choice was there except to move on? To move forward with the decision Sleepysunrise had chosen for herself. Only time would tell whether consequences or rewards would arise. "I will teach you what I can, Sleepysunrise." It was not a lie. Her loyalty remained to her kin, to ShadowClan. The rest of the world can burn. "I love you, truly. I am just... afraid. That what happened to me will happen to you, and that, I would never wish upon someone I love. Regardless, this is your life. Yours to lead. Congratulations, sweetheart. I couldn't be less proud of you, no matter who you are, no matter what path to walk you pick in life."

She sighs softly. "Just know this, daughter, please. You, and all of your siblings, and your grandmother, are the best thing to have ever happened to me." She let that sit in the air for a moment or two, and then began her tirade. There was a lot to teach, and a lot to know, but first... first she requests to know what her daughter already had learned. Of the herbs her daughter named knowing, there were two that sparked her interest. Brighteye and horsetail. She could ask in detail later, but for now-- Lark had too little time to waste. “If I had more time, I would have wanted to go into detail with all of this for you – but I do not have time, not when I am working against it.”

"To start us off, I need to lay down techniques for you. Elmshadow taught them to me, I taught them to Mossfreckle - but seeing as he... he isn't here to teach you, that's what I'll do now." She was so mad. And worried. And mad. Where was her brother, dammit?! What was going on with him?? First he hadn't deemed it fit to tell her about the omen he received about Smokekit, and now he'd up and... she didn't know, because Sleepysunrise had given her no details. Was he even alive?

Later. She could mull on it later. Now was the time allotted to Sleepysunrise.

"First, to extend herb life. This technique works for anything that you do not need the juices or sap from. Take the fresh herb - works best with newly picked herbs but if you have an older fresh herb can still do the job - and make sure it’s clean, free of debris or bugs. Set it out on a flat rock with direct sunlight. During cooler seasons you may need to flip the herb and move it around to get an even heating but during Greenleaf and the warmer ends of Leaffall and Newleaf you can get away with the heat from the rock assisting the direct sun. Wait until the herb is crumbly to the touch then carefully move it back into the herb stores. If it gets wet again it will mold quickly so make sure to keep it somewhere sheltered and dry, separate from any fresh herbs."

"Second, Stinging Nettle requires special care, as the hairs on the leaves and stems can leave sensitive skin with a nasty itch. To remove those, put the leaves and stems into the stream for a bit then scrub them firmly. A firm hold on the stinging nettle seems to spare you the itch, it’s gentle brushes that pick up the hairs. Once it’s free of the hairs, dry it in the sun like the other herbs or it might rot."

"Storing Cobwebs is simple enough. They have their own storage as they will pick up almost anything they come into contact with, so store them at the end of a stick, propped off the ground and away from the other herbs."

"Special Drinks. Sometimes, you absolutely need these. Soak a ball of moss in the water then place it on a broad leaf, drip some honey into it, if you want to there are various herbs you can add to this as well, simply crumble them over the top, otherwise the honey and water alone make hydration quite a bit easier. Wrap the whole thing up and set it out in the sun just until it’s no longer cool to the touch. Drinking herbs with honey seems to be easier to take for fussy patients and has a lot of benefits for pregnant queens." Her tail wraps around her paws, gaze turning distant. She'd fed this concoction to Cinderpaw once. "To Store Honey, it will be fine enough in its own combs, though wrapping a broad leaf around the whole thing can help if you'd rather avoid getting its compartment soiled or letting it leak into other areas."

"Blessed thistle is good for pregnant or nursing queens to stimulate milk production, increase liver productivity, relieve indigestion and loss of appetite when eaten. The flowers can also be chewed to a poultice and applied to boils or abscesses to help them heal. It is important to note that the flower poultice can sting a bit and the plant does have a bitter taste. The leaves can also be added to a poultice for wounds to decrease swelling. Blessed thistle can be collected from Newleaf to Leaffall and likes places where there’s not much other vegetation with drier dirt and direct sun." A thorny ground shrub with prickled leaves manifests into view, and, when it blooms, showcases a yellow or red and yellow spider-like bloom.

"Bramble Twigs are simple enough." Lark murmurs, a bout of mist making a couple appear out of thin air as she begins to line the herbs up. "They're chewed into a syrup that aids sleep in low doses and induces it in higher ones." She'd found out this one amidst a lot of panicking, to be fair. She'd thought it was poison at first, but knew better now.

"Burnet is next; it grows in sunnier times, but you can usually find it at any point through the year." A tall and grass-like plant with purple blooms appears. "Burnet is considered a traveling herb as it bolsters strength but can also be good for queens during a difficult kitting."

"Catmint." A nod to the plant. "One of the few herbs known to actually cure Greencough, and possibly whitecough. Elmshadow told me it is cold-intolerant, so it’s not easy to find during the seasons you need it most. You’ll want to collect and dry a good amount before leafbare."

“I don't know much of Cattails, having only handled them a couple of times, but the root can be used as a poultice for burns, sores, and insect bites.”

Celandine came next. Lark inclines her head to the little yellow flower. “Squeezing the sap from celandine and dripping it into damaged, irritated, or weakened eyes can help with soothing damaged, irritated, or weakened eyes.” The former Medicine Cat sat back. “Celandine likes the warmer moons of Newleaf and Greenleaf.”

“Chamomile are long-stemmed white flowers with white centers. Chamomile is generally found in cooler areas with damp soil from Newleaf to Greenleaf, sometimes into Leaffall. Eating them helps against sleeplessness or restlessness, though they work rather well crushed into a honey water drink and are especially popular with pregnant queens.” Remind her to find some for herself after she gets herself out of the tunnels. Skies above, she was so exhausted, and could all but crash. For now, she had to do her all to stay alive.

“Coltsfoot is a single-stemmed low-growing herb with large flat round leaves and shows up during Newleaf.” She gestured to the plant in question that rested at her paws. “It helps ease trouble breathing when eaten. A poultice of coltsfoot - or yarrow - can also treat cracked pads.”

“Daisies look similar to chamomile but are flatter overall, unlike chamomile’s bulbous center. They can be chewed to a pulp and applied topically over swellings to reduce the swelling or any joint pains. Daisy leaves also ease joint pain. A traveling herb.” That one was simple enough.

“Dandelions, along with daisies, will be found almost anywhere there is sun. Dandelions can be found as flat, round yellow flowers. The dandelion flower can be chewed to a pulp and applied topically to numb surface wounds such as bee stings or burns. And it’s another that has useful roots. Eating the roots will cure meadow saffron poisoning. Meadow saffron is another poison to watch out for on top of the common deadly nightshade and death berries. I’ve really only found a few near the WindClan side of the territory but they’re fatal if not treated. They have thick stems with tubular purple flowers, one to each stem.”

A leafy-looking plant shows up next. “This one is called Dock. It grows straight from the ground all through the year. Putting the leaf down in a nest can help reduce soreness. Dock leaf poultices are also used to cool cracked pads.”

“Elder Flower can look similar to boneset with tall stalks and clusters of white flowers through the clusters tend to be larger and the leaves are broader. When it’s given with boneset it can help alleviate congestion and fever, soothe aches, and stimulate appetite. You’ll find it sometimes starting in Newleaf through Greenleaf. So it’s a good herb to collect early and preserve for the colder seasons.”

“Goldenrod is a yellow flower - quite hard to miss,” Lark waves the plant into existence to showcase it alongside all the rest she kept summoning one by one. “You can turn it into a poultice to treat aching joints and stiffness. It can also be used to treat severe injuries.”

“Honey has use in almost any situation; it soothes throats, infections, coughing, and can be used to help swallow concoctions and give energy. For wounds, it can be added to poultices to keep the wound from drying out too quickly and promote healing. Eaten by itself or added to water, it can help soothe sore throats and reduce coughing. It is also high in sugars so it can help to promote hydration when added to water for sick patients or queens and it can help give a little boost of energy to queens in labor.”

Exhaustion crept on. “Ivy Leaves and Ivy Vines are mostly straight-forward, the former being useful for storing herbs, and the latter to bind—”

---

That was when she felt it. Something in the real world, something not meant to be near her, her physical body reacting to it. Lark’s focus wavers, the dream beginning to dissolve. “I must go. Find me again, and I will answer if I am able.” And then everything disappears, starting with a splintering crack down the middle, folding in on itself, leaving either its former inhabitants to wake, or to drift into their own dreams.

[ @Estelle - Sleepysunrise ]

[Estelle]

Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]

She made a mistake. She made a mistake calling out to her mother. She should have known. She should have known this would go wrong, she should have known her mother would never agree. The world was eerily silent for several moments, silent only to the ears of her mother. To Sleepysunrise, she heard the voices. Those nagging thoughts, tone screaming tones, the alarm bells ringing in her mind that peaked as the world went up in flames. And at the centre of the burning, wild fire that ate away at her vision and mind, sat the very source of this fire: her mother. The burning flame of ShadowClan. The bird that soared above all. The faceless creature. The flames reflected in the young one’s eyes, fear could be seen within them. Fear, regret; she wanted to snarl and rip at the tones screaming for her to run, screaming for her to rip at this image before her, screaming she never was and never would enough. That mama was upset. That these flames were meant to burn and scar as it should have done moons ago. That out of all her children, she was no more than a walking curse that remained, doomed to die or watch the world die around her. She never wanted you to live.

And as the flames died, so did the fire in the daughter’s eyes. Left watching, silently, expecting the worst to come from this creature before it spoke with a guttural tone. Hesitantly, she agreed. She had chosen this to remain close to her grandmother, to follow in her mother’s paw steps – to make them proud. How wrong she was. Mama was dead. This creature wanted her dead too. The words that followed next felt like hollow lies, overwritten by the tones that ever danced around her mind. Words from a faceless creature. From a being beyond her control, beyond life, beyond death. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be her mama. It couldn’t be real. Her throat ran dry, eyes glazed over in a certain exhaustion that didn’t fit. An exhaustion different from the worn and unkept look that pulled at her being day in day out. She didn’t want to hear these lies. She didn’t want to hear this nonsense. Be quiet! She wanted to snarl. Be quiet.

The creature began its tirade. Her eyes were glued to the herbs ahead. To its paws. Sometimes she stole a glance, always empty of its facial features, a dark cloud hiding the truth. Love was to be earned. Love was a rewards for those who were worthy. Useful. This creature had made its stance abundantly clear. Sleepysunrise was worthy of none. Call it out; she thought, pick apart its blunt lie and throw it back in its face. Gut it; the thoughts repeated, see what the stars look like. But who was she kidding? The dead never stayed dead. They lived on to haunt the minds of those who were stuck in the breathing world. It was unspeakable how she so wished for this thing that had taken control of her mother’s body to hold her one last time. To whisper sweet lies and empty promises into her ear. Even as it bid farewell and the dream broke apart, Sleepysunrise could only be left watching on in silence. Watching her mother’s form disappear in the fog of the waking world, leaving the poor kit confused and torn on the fate of the fallen.


[ @Rose ]