This is a solo story, please no comments.
CONTENT WARNING: SEVERE Depression and Suicidal Ideation
Haunted - Kelly Clarkson
Looking up from her nest, the she-cat saw golden light filtering into the den entrance. Sundown was approaching. Without thinking, she rose and padded from the den. Her gaze, hollow and blank, paid no heed to the clanmates around her as she autonomously walked across the camp and through the entrance. There was somewhere she needed to be.
Louder, louder, the voices in my head. Whispers taunting all the things you said.
Her slow, slightly unsteady gait turned her toward the ocean. Her surroundings, while beautifully lit with the oranges and golds of the sunset, were a blur. Instead she was deep in her own mind, the numbness in her chest beginning to ache. It had been days since she had last seen the brown tabby pelt she longed to be in the presence of. With each day, as the scent of the nest nearby grew more stale, the numbness increased.
Faster the days go by and I’m still stuck in this moment of wanting you here.
Silver striped tail dragging the ground, the warrior made her way up the gentle slope that led to Lionsrange, the last place they had gone together. No one had seen hide nor hair of the tabby Shield, and the lack of answers was eating away at here. What had happened to her? Where had she gone? Would she come back?
Now you’re gone and I’m still crying. Shocked, broken, I’m dying inside.
Yet again she found herself sitting on the cliffs of Lionsrange, listening to the waves crash against the rocks below. Only a few nights ago, her father had come to her in a dream, telling her to hold on. Now, she wasn’t sure if she could. She felt lost, empty. Looking out at the deep blue, the thought crossed her mind again. Perhaps the cat she needed to see was in the one place she couldn’t go to. Maybe, in order to see her again, she had to go through with it?
Where are you? I need you. Don’t leave me here on my own.
The numbness started to give way to a pulsing, horrid pain deep within the core of her chest. With every beat of her heart she felt the darkness rise again, threatening to take over. But this time, there was no fear. She welcomed the deep, black feeling. The one constant that was with her throughout everything.
Speak to me. Be near me. I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me.
She could still picture the cat she loved, almost a mirage in front of her cold blue eyes. Maybe she should go and search for her? Find out the truth? The truth… Would she want to know the truth of the fate of the brown tabby? She wasn’t sure…
Shadows linger only to my eye. I see you, I feel you, don’t leave my side.
The thought of finding the truth was almost enough to spark a little glow in her heart, but it was quickly snuffed out by the overwhelming shadows. The thought that she might never see Hazelstorm again… it was excruciating. The flickering thought caused a pulse of pain in her chest, and her gaze fell from the horizon to the rocks below.
It’s not fair, just when I found my world they took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart.
Why had she left? Was this her fault? The silver tabby felt another pang of pain as the idea of having caused the molly to leave surged through her. She had thought that they were friends, that they would always be side by side. Hazelstorm wasn’t one to just up and abandon her clan for no reason. Abandon her for no reason. The confusion and pain mixed in the warrior’s mind.
I miss you, you hurt me, you left with a smile. Mistaken, your sadness was hiding inside.
What if her confession of the constant battle against the darkness of her own mind had driven the Shield away? What if she was just too much to handle? Where had the one cat she thought she could rely on gone? The questions raged through Wolfsong’s head, building a headache that brought tears to her eyes.
Why did you go? All these questions run through my mind.
Fatigue from the sleepless nights of laying in her nest without hope of rest or motivation set in all at once, bringing the silver she-cat to the ground. With a soft thump she let her belly hit the ground, her eyes misting over as the moisture of tears began to run down her cheeks.
I wish I couldn’t feel at all. Let me be numb, I’m starting to fall.
With her face pressed to the ground, Wolfsong trembled as her chest and throat were racked with sobs once again. Despair threatened to overtake her, but she knew her father would be disappointed if she did not try to fight still. It was hard, though, oh so hard. This would be by far her greatest challenge. Regardless of the outcome, she knew she wanted to see Hazelstorm again. She needed to see her again. As hopeless as she felt, she would wait. She had to know if she would come back.
Now all that’s left are the pieces to find, the mystery you kept, the soul behind a guise.
Slowly, as the sun sank below the horizon and the sky began to grow dark once more, the sobs began to fade, the tears to dry. The familiar numbness of the past few days grew once more to engulf her chest and the darkness it held. Lifting her gaze to the sky, she pushed her body to her paws, forcing her joints to move and begin to turn her back to the direction of camp. Turning away from the last golden rays of the sunset, her blue eyes faded back into their hollow stare, and her body began to move away from the cliffs, back towards home.
You were smiling.
~Wolfsong
Haunted [Solo]
