[RiverClan] RiverClan Medicine Cat Apprentice Applications!

[olliebones]

Good luck all!!

[Rowan]

17 Moons (+1 Every 4th) // Female // RiverClan Apprentice
Current Purrks: The Collector … Monkeys Paw [soon]
themesong : Mansion - NF


can you hear it too, or is it just me?
The way my heart fractures at the sound of their names

“Every time I think I’m healing, I hear their laughter in the wind—and I fall apart all over again.”

“They were everything to me. My sisters. My shadow. My light. And now the world keeps spinning like it didn’t just rip them out of it.”

“You look at me like I’m lucky to be alive. Like survival was some kind of gift. But if you’d seen what I saw—if you’d heard the way they screamed—you’d know it wasn’t luck. It was punishment.”

“Do you know what it feels like to be the one left behind? To walk through camp and wonder who’s next? To feel your chest collapse under memories you didn’t ask for? I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I don’t talk unless I have to, because if I start, I might never stop.”

“Don’t call me strong. I’m not. I’m just trying not to shatter.”

“And the worst part? I would’ve traded places with them if I could’ve. I still would.”

 

insidious is blind inception


⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆
PERSONALITY / CHARACTER
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

BACKSTORY
Everything was perfect! Due to being sick, her apprentice ceremony was delayed until she was 8 moons old. Sure, it was sad seeing her 4 littermates move on, but she got to stay with Raccs, her little brother, and she wasn’t worried about falling behind! She could fly through her training in no time, right! …Right? Well, she was finally an apprentice with LarkPaw, ShadowPaw, BumblePaw, and ShallowPaw!
. . . . .
CrowPaw wasn’t always this way. Once, she was a lively apprentice—charming, curious, talkative. A little awkward, but full of joy. Once. But then everything changed. A warrior’s mistake. Thrown into danger by the very cat meant to guide her, her mentor. One sister gone in a flash, an accident, they said. A moment she’ll never forget, finding the body. The second died in a moment CrowPaw was already down, and she had to hear her sister was…what?—evil? CrowPaw didn’t come out of it unscathed—her body healed, but her mind didn’t. Her soul didn’t. And her trust? Shattered.
The river still sings the names of her sisters in her ears. Every ripple reminds her of what she lost. Their faces live in her dreams. Their blood lives in her memory. She wonders if it should’ve been her instead. Maybe she was the cursed one. The jinx. Why did she survive when they didn’t? And why does everyone look at her like they don’t know what to say? Like she’s fragile. Like she’s broken. Maybe it’s because she is.
Only a few cats feel safe anymore—her remaining brother, RaccoonWeb. Berryshine. The ones who held her when she couldn’t breathe. But even with them, she sometimes feels unreachable. Alone.


PERSONALITY
CrowPaw walks through life with the weight of silence clinging to her. Once, she had a voice that carried, a laugh that rang across the camp, a thousand questions bursting at the seams of every conversation. Now, her voice barely rises above a murmur. There’s hesitation in everything she does—whether she’s speaking, moving, or just existing near others. It’s not shyness. It’s not a lack of interest. It’s fear. Of saying the wrong thing. Of looking weak. Of being seen the wrong way again. Or of being hurt again, physically or emotionally.

She doesn’t trust easily. Not because she doesn’t want to—but because she’s already been burned by the very paws meant to guide her. Her old mentor shattered that part of her, the part that believed authority meant safety. Ever since, she’s kept herself at arm’s length, even from those she cares for. RaccoonWeb is the only one she lets all the way in. BerryShine is close behind. But even with them, she stumbles. She second-guesses her words, her worth, her place. Some days, just looking someone in the eyes feels like a task.

Still, there’s strength in her. Not the kind you notice right away. Not the kind that shouts or stands tall. It’s the strength of staying. Of waking up. Of trying again after sleepless nights and panic-filled days. She shows up. She tries. Even when everything in her tells her she’s not good enough, she keeps going. She pushes through the shaking limbs, the flinches, the haunting memories. That quiet persistence runs deep in her blood.

She’s deeply observant. She notices the way someone’s ears twitch when they’re uncomfortable, or the hollowness inside thise who have given ups eyes. She notices the moods that hang over camp like clouds. She watches, not to judge, but to understand. To keep herself safe. And sometimes, to help. She doesn’t always know what to say—but she knows how to sit beside someone without demanding they speak. How to listen without interrupting. How to offer comfort without needing praise. She is, however, quite well with words of wisdom, knowing quite well what to say when a cat needs help. That is about the only time she’s confident with her words. She also struggles (but is slowly figuring out) how to follow her own advice herself. Even when she’s uncertain, she has moments of startling clarity—moments where something inside her flares up and she speaks with a raw, aching honesty. Her words aren’t poetic. They’re real. Simple. True. And those moments, rare as they are, tend to linger in the minds of those who hear them.


WHY HEALING?
For CrowPaw, healing is the only thing that makes sense anymore.

After everything that’s happened—after LarkPaw’s and ShadowPaw’s deaths, after the moons of fear and silence and barely breathing—there’s no dream of glory left in her. No desire to fight, to chase honor or strength. Those things feel empty. Like they belong to someone else. Someone louder, braver, more whole. Not her.

What she can do—what she wants to do—is help. Quietly. Steadily. Honestly. She wants to be the paws that stop the bleeding instead of the ones that cause it. She wants to be the reason someone lives, even when the world feels like it’s falling apart. Not because she needs the thanks or the recognition, but because maybe, just maybe, saving someone else means she’s still worth something.

Healing gives her a place when everything else feels distant. It gives her something to focus on when her mind starts spiraling again—when the memories come rushing back, when the guilt presses so hard she can’t breathe. The herbs don’t yell. The sick don’t ask why she flinches. The injured don’t expect her to be someone she isn’t. In the medicine den, things are quieter. Slower. Simpler. No second guessing how others will perceive things. She simply does.

And in that quiet, CrowPaw finds herself. Not the version everyone remembers—the bright, talkative kit she used to be. Not the skeleton she became after the attack. But a new version. One that’s still afraid. Still broken. But trying. A version who can hold trembling paws and whisper comfort, even if her voice shakes. A version who notices things others miss. Who watches closely and listens hard and never turns away from pain, because she knows exactly what it looks like when no one notices you're drowning.

She knows what it’s like to lose everything in a single moment. To stand over the bodies of the cats you loved most and feel like your whole world has been torn in two. She knows what it’s like to wish you'd done more, or said something, or just been faster. She never wants anycat to feel that way—to carry the weight she carries. If she can be the reason even one cat doesn’t have to lose a sibling, a friend, a future… that’s reason enough.

Being a medicine cat apprentice isn’t about escaping her grief—it’s about giving it purpose. If she’s going to carry this weight, she wants it to mean something. If she’s going to stay alive when her sisters couldn’t, she wants to make that life count for more than just surviving.

CrowPaw doesn't want power. She doesn’t want praise. What she wants is to make sense of the mess inside her. To find purpose in it. Being a medicine cat apprentice doesn’t feel like ambition—it feels like a lifeline. Like healing others might help her learn how to heal herself. She’s still learning how to trust her own instincts again, how to speak with certainty. But she’s trying. That counts for something.


WHAT SHE’D BE LIKE AS A MED CAT APPRENTICE
STRENGTHS
CrowPaw would be a medicine cat apprentice defined not by confidence, but by quiet, unwavering persistence. She’s the type who listens more than she speaks, soaking up every word her mentor says and memorizing it like a lifeline. She’s meticulous with her work, not because she believes she’ll be great, but because she’s terrified of making a mistake. In her mind, one mistake could mean a lost life—and she knows too well what it’s like to lose someone. This makes her an incredibly careful, thorough learner. She checks her poultices twice, her herb stores three times. She watches for signs other cats might miss—the way a patient flinches, the hesitation in their voice, or the way they hold themselves like something is wrong they haven’t said yet. She doesn’t rush, doesn’t brush off pain. She listens. She sees.

Her compassion is deep-rooted and instinctive. She has felt unbearable grief and doesn’t want any cat to ever feel that kind of pain again. That desire fuels her. It gives her purpose on the days where it feels like the fog in her chest is too thick to breathe through. She would stay up all night with a sick kit, offer quiet reassurance to injured warriors, and comfort grieving elders with the kind of gentleness only someone who truly understands grief can offer. CrowPaw doesn’t just want to heal wounds—she wants to ease fear, to soften sorrow. She wants to be the kind of presence she wishes had been there for her when everything fell apart.

CHALLENGES
But her softness is a double-edged sword. CrowPaw is still healing herself, and that wound bleeds into everything she does. She struggles deeply with self-doubt. Even when she does everything right, she’ll worry it was wrong. If a patient doesn’t recover—or worse, if one dies—she will blame herself without hesitation. She’ll replay every step she took, every herb she chose, every word she said, until it eats at her. Her anxiety may cause her to freeze under pressure or hesitate when immediate action is needed. She fears failing others more than she fears her own pain.

She’s also slow to speak up, especially in front of older or higher-ranking cats. Even when she knows what to do, she’ll second-guess herself, heart pounding with the thought of being wrong. Her voice may shake when offering advice, and she might need reassurance before following through with her decisions. Without a supportive mentor or trusted companion nearby, she could fall into spirals of guilt, especially if reminded of her sisters or brother.

Still, despite her fears, CrowPaw pushes forward. Not for recognition. Not for praise. But for the ones she’s lost—and the ones she can still save.


HOW SHE INTERACTS [general and personal]
OTHER APPRENTICES
CrowPaw tends to keep her distance. She isn’t cold, just...quiet. Watchful. She used to be more outgoing before everything happened, but now she chooses her words carefully, only speaking when she feels like she has something worth saying. Around other apprentices, she often feels out of place, like she’s on a different wavelength. She listens more than she talks, and when she does talk, her voice is soft, unsure. She doesn't always know how to respond to jokes or playful teasing, and if the conversation turns toward anything personal, she tends to shut down or deflect. Still, if an apprentice shows her real kindness or patience, she’ll remember it. Deeply. And slowly—hesitantly—she’ll begin to trust them.

WARRIORS
CrowPaw approaches most warriors with a deep-rooted hesitance. She used to see them as strong and wise, cats to admire without question—but after everything her former mentor put her through, that view has cracked. Being told to jump into thorns in the name of “training” left her wary, unsure of who to trust. Now, when a warrior gives her an order, she flinches—not because she doesn’t want to obey, but because she’s afraid of what might follow. She still tries her hardest during training, desperate not to disappoint, but the fear hums beneath every movement. If a warrior is cold or demanding, she retreats inward, shrinking away. If they’re patient—gentle—she doesn’t know what to do with it at first. But she’ll respond, slowly. She may not say it aloud, but those rare acts of kindness leave deep marks on her heart.

HIGH RANKS
CrowPaw looks up to OwlStar and other high ranks with a blend of awe and intimidation. She's not the type to speak unless spoken to, but she takes their words to heart and follows their guidance seriously. She might feel like she doesn’t deserve their attention, but if one of them takes her seriously, it’ll mean more to her than she can ever say aloud. She sees strength in them—and part of her wishes she could carry herself with that same confidence.

HOW SHE’D BE WITH PATIENTS
This is where CrowPaw’s heart shines. She may not be loud or bubbly, but her empathy runs deep. She understands fear. Pain. Loneliness. And because of that, she’s patient and gentle with others who are hurting. She doesn’t rush, doesn’t talk over them—just offers quiet comfort, a steady presence. Even if she’s tired or overwhelmed, she’ll always make time for someone in pain. If she loses a patient, it hits her hard—she’ll carry the weight of it, even if no one blames her. In her mind, every life matters. Every one is a thread she wants to protect from unraveling.

---

Italics = Dead
Underline = Inactive/Missing

POSITIVE
RaccoonWeb || Little Brother || He’s kept his faith in me. I’m so proud of him…he made it so much further than I did…he’s so smart and I’m lucky to have him around. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to him.

BerryShine || Friend(?) || She’s amazing at what she does. I couldn’t thank her enough for being there when I was at my lowest, and I’d do anything to repay her. She’s a good cat, I’m certain of that…and I’m glad I could help her when she needed it.

LarkPaw || Littermate Sister || I’m sorry…I wish I could have done something. I’ll never forget you.

ShallowPaw || Littermate Brother || You were there for me after…the incident. You were there for me after I was haunted. Where did you go? Please come home…

NEUTRAL
ShadowPaw || Littermate Sister || Your death isn’t the only thing that haunted me. I don’t want to believe what I hear but…is it true?…After LarkPaw…you still try to kill a kit? I can’t- I won’t believe it. But FaithPaw got blinded somehow. Stars, what did you do Shadows?

CobwebStorm ||Ex-Medicine Cat || She messed up but…she left in her own will so the clans didn’t have issues, right? That was good of her. And she was there for me with Berrys after the incident…I appreciate her presence.

PrimroseAdder || Helpful Warrior || She’s been more helpful with my training than any of my past mentors, or my current one. She’s patient and kind.

SpiderPaw || Acquaintance || I only went on a patrol with her but…she seems kind. I’d like to get to know her better, I think I could get comfortable being around her…I don’t have many friends.

NEGATIVE
LavenderLeopard || Ex-Mentor || You hurt me. You broke me. You betrayed my trust and scattered everything I believed. Then you tried to defend yourself. Monster.

what’s reality with all these questions



⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆
MEDICAL COMFORT
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

ROLEPLAYER COMFORTABILITY
☆ILLNESS
slight description/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
moderate descriptions/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
major descriptions/mentions = 9/10 pretty comfortable with roleplaying, preferably have a trigger warning
☆INJURY
slight description/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
moderate descriptions/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
major descriptions/mentions = 9/10 pretty comfortable with roleplaying, preferably have a trigger warning
☆BIRTH/KITTING
slight description/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
moderate descriptions/mentions = 9/10 comfortable with roleplaying, preferable have a trigger warning
major descriptions/mentions = 7.5/10 sorta comfortable with roleplaying, please have a trigger warning
☆BLOOD/GORE
slight description/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
moderate descriptions/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying, have a trigger warning for others though!
major descriptions/mentions = 9/10 pretty comfortable with roleplaying, preferably have a trigger warning
☆MENTAL DISTRESS/DISEASE
slight description/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
moderate descriptions/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
major descriptions/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying, have a trigger warning for others though!
☆DEATH
slight description/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying
moderate descriptions/mentions = 10/10 comfortable with roleplaying, have a trigger warning for others though!
major descriptions/mentions = 9/10 pretty comfortable with roleplaying, have a trigger warning for others though!

---

CHARACTER COMFORTABILITY
☆ILLNESS
slight sickness = 10/10 she is gentle and focused with mildly sick patients. she’s quietly attentive, and doesn’t mind staying close to make sure they’re comfortable
moderate illness = 9.5/10 even if she’s nervous about catching something herself, crowpaw won’t let it stop her. if someone needs care, she’ll be there
serious illness = 8/10 clan-wide sicknesses make her anxious, but she’ll still volunteer to help—even if it means leaving camp to care for them elsewhere. her worry never shows in front of patients
☆INJURY
slight injuries = 10/10 there are easier to handle. she’s careful, quiet, and quick to offer help, even if it’s just a scratch
moderate injuries = 9/10 blood makes her a little uneasy, but she doesn’t show it. she’ll focus on what needs to be done, with soft words and steady paws
heavy descriptions/mentions = 8/10 she might freeze for a heartbeat if it’s bad, but once she starts working, she doesn’t stop. flashbacks and fear simmer underneath, but she channels it into doing her best
☆BIRTH/KITTING
easy births = 9/10 not something she’s fully used to yet, but if she’s needed, she’ll help—quiet, supportive, and respectful.
difficult births = 6.5/10 these shake her. she doesn’t have any family ties to kitting or motherly love, so she’s unsure how to act emotionally—but she’ll assist, even if her heart’s racing
☆BLOOD/GORE
slight blood = 9.5/10 not her favorite sight, but nothing she can’t handle. she keeps her expression calm, even if her stomach flips a little
moderate blood/gore = 8.5/10 she focuses on the patient, not the mess. the memories make it hard sometimes, but she works through it
heavy blood/gore = 7.5/10 her paws might shake, and she might want to turn away—but she doesn’t. even if her thoughts spiral later, she’ll keep working until the bleeding stops
☆MENTAL DISTRESS [she takes such things very seriously as she has had bad experiences with mental health in the past/semi-present (healing)]
slight distress = 10/10 she’s always willing to sit beside someone and listen. no pressure. just presence
moderate distress = 9.5/10 her voice might be small, but she’ll still offer support, even if she’s unsure what to say. she knows just how much that means
heavy distress = 8.7/10 it scares her to see others so upset, but it also pulls at her heart. she stays, no matter how hard it is for her to witness
☆MENTAL DISEASE
slight description/mentions = 9/10 she handles it respectfully, even if she doesn’t always know what to do
moderate descriptions/mentions = 8/10 if she is uncomfortable or she doesn’t understand something, she quietly turns to her mentor for help. she wants to help, even if she’s scared she’ll mess it up
major descriptions/mentions = 7/10 this can make her anxious. but she won’t back away from someone in need. she just might stay quieter, letting others take the lead while she learns
☆DEATH
inevitable = 7/10 if she’s assured there was nothing anyone could’ve done, she’ll try to accept it… but it still sticks with her. she mourns quietly, letting guilt settle
so-so = 4.5/10 doubt creeps in fast. did she miss something? could she have done more? she won’t say a word, but the guilt weighs heavy
treatable if she just did better = 1/10 this would devastate her. if a cat died in her care—especially when there was a chance—she’d shut down for a while. no excuses. no fighting back. just silence and shame



feels like I missed my alarm and slept in



⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆
ABOUT / WHY ME
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

YAPPING

I’m Rowan (wow…shocker), and since joining in May of 2024, I’ve been consistently active in the community, engaging and supporting others. With over 2,500 posts and a decently steady presence, I feel ready to step into a higher role. My focus on creativity and connection are beneficial for such a rank, and I’m eager to help guide RiverClan forward, especially after the hassles they’ve been through recently. I’m learning how to balance out my own life with WCO and everything is setting into place, especially with the convenience of my summer schedule which will allow me consistent, daily activity. If receiving this role, I may shelve some characters to make the responsibility more manageable and to ensure consistency with focusing on CrowPaw and being active with healings and other major events. Now, I’m aware Ares and him being the Crown of the Atari may be a bit of a concern, and as they aren’t formal hr’s, I have learned a responsibility from a managing that and the allegiance. I believe that I’d be able to handle both roles if so permitted.

________________________________________

PERSONALITY TYPE RESULTS
Also! Y’all!!! In no way am I saying other users don’t have these qualities, y’all are awesome <3

 

ENFP-T [CAMPAIGNER]
Extraversion, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive
Here, I more-so relate my personality results to roleplay, but the link to my results is in the title to read the plain results! <3


STRENGTHS
Creativity & Energy: My boundless enthusiasm and creativity are huge assets when it comes to running events or generating new ideas. As a medicine cat apprentice (roleplayer), I’d engage with the clan and offer fresh solutions, bringing excitement and positive change to the role.

Empathy & Understanding: I have an intuitive grasp of people’s emotions and motivations, and this helps me create characters who feel authentic. I genuinely care about building meaningful relationships, both in and out of character. I enjoy exploring how my characters react to others and how they grow through their connections. Whether it’s through shared experiences or deep conversations, I aim to create moments that resonate emotionally with everyone involved.

Adaptability & Openness: I’m open to new ideas and directions in roleplay. I love exploring different styles, genres, and storylines, and I’m always ready for the unexpected. I adapt quickly to whatever is needed, whether that’s shifting a plot’s tone or diving into a new character arc. This flexibility keeps me engaged and excited about every new opportunity that comes my way. I like diving into my characters and I stick to their beliefs, no matter which one I’m posting as.

AREAS TO GROW
Perfectionism & Self-Criticism: I have a tendency to want things to be perfect. This sometimes leads to overthinking or doubting myself when I feel like I haven’t done my best. It’s something I’m actively working on – learning that roleplay is about having fun and collaborating, not about making everything flawless. Cause im…pretty flawed lmao T-T

Fear of Missing Out: I have a hard time letting opportunities slip by, so I can sometimes take on too much at once. While I enjoy being involved in everything, I’ve learned that focusing on what truly excites me and matters most keeps my energy more balanced. I’m learning to be more selective about where I invest my time and attention…y’know…this application is my main focus right now.

WHAT MAKES ME A GOOD CANDIDATE
I believe I would be a good fit for the role of Medicine Cat Apprentice because of my deep curiosity, empathy, and willingness to learn. I genuinely enjoy connecting with others and being a supportive presence in times of need. Whether it's offering advice or simply listening, I always try to be there for others, and I think that’s a vital part of being a high rank. Helping others and making sure they feel heard and cared for is something I value deeply, here and in real life. I still love exploring new ideas and approaches, which helps me stay open-minded and flexible. I recognize that the role of Medicine Cat comes with its challenges and responsibilities, but I’m ready to embrace those, learn from them, and grow with the guidance of more experienced cats.

I know that being a Medicine Cat Apprentice isn’t just about having all the answers – it’s about being patient, open to feedback, and committed to self-improvement. I’m not perfect, but I’m always striving to be better and take initiative when needed. Above all, I recognize the importance of teamwork and collaboration. I understand that the Medicine Cat role requires working closely with others, and I believe I can contribute positively to the clan’s well-being while also learning from the team around me. In short, I would be honored to take on the responsibility of Medicine Cat Apprentice and join the ShadowClan highrank team, and I am committed to learning, supporting others, and growing within the role.

broken legs but I chase perfection



⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆
PERSONAL RULES / BELIEFS / HABITS /PRACTICES
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⟡⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆
These are habits/belief that she either already has or will develop through the next couple moons through her own journey as well as assisting other cats. She is also very into figuring out cats mental health more. Of course this won’t distract her from her typical physical healing, but she tries to focus on cats mental health in her free time.

CROWPAW’S PERSONAL RULES / MENTAL CARE BELIEFS
”No One Cries Alone”
She never wants others to feel isolated in grief the way she did. If someone’s crying or mourning, she’ll stay with them — no matter what. She believes just having someone there, even in silence, can save a life.
"Even if you don’t speak… stay. Even if it’s just your shadow beside theirs. Let them know they’re not forgotten."

”You Are Not Weak For Resting”
She quietly pushes apprentices to sleep, and if a cat is grieving, she’ll insist they eat and rest even if it’s just a few bites or a quick nap.
"The ones who never stop to breathe? They break the hardest."

”Say Their Name”
She encourages cats to talk about lost loved ones, instead of pretending they didn’t exist. She believes the memory of someone keeps them alive, and it helped her survive the loss of her sisters.
"If you miss them, say it. If you remember their laugh, share it. Let them echo in the camp — not disappear from it."

”Do Something With Your Paws”
When overwhelmed, CrowPaw copes by doing things — organizing herbs, grooming moss, smoothing fur. She encourages cats to do small actions when emotions feel too big.
"The storm in your head feels smaller when your paws are busy."

”You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Pain”
She’s learned that some cats ask about grief to gossip or judge. CrowPaw tells cats it’s okay to set boundaries, even with kin.
"Your heart is not a story for everyone to read. Share it with who you trust — not who just wants to look."

”Don’t Chase Ghosts. Let Them Visit”
A soft belief of hers — she accepts that the dead may come in dreams, signs, or feelings. But she warns others not to obsess over what can’t be changed.
"If they come to you in dreams, listen. But don’t go digging in shadows hoping to find them."

”Scars, Mental or Physical, Don’t Mean Shame”
She’s sensitive about her own emotional wounds — but she wants others, especially younger cats, to feel safe being vulnerable, even broken.
"You don’t have to be ‘fine.’ You don’t have to pretend."

”Let Someone Know You Need Them”
She regrets not saying it sooner, especially to her siblings. So she tells cats it’s not weakness to ask for comfort or say, “I need you.”
"They won’t always know you’re struggling. Sometimes you have to let them see you hurting."

”One Safe Place, Always”
She encourages every cat to find one place — even just a corner of camp — where they feel safe enough to breathe. For her, it’s the medicine den.
"Find your safe place, and don’t let anyone take it from you."

”Not Every Bad Thing is Your Fault”
Something she repeats to herself. Something she’d quietly whisper to another cat breaking under guilt.
"You didn’t make it happen. You didn’t deserve it. Not everything breaks because of you."

---

Emotional + Mental Health Focus
* Keeps a “quiet list” of cats to check on regularly, especially those who’ve lost someone or show signs of hiding pain.
* Watches body language closely — she’s learned that silence can mean suffering and wants to spot pain before it spills over.
* Believes that healing isn’t just herbs — it’s trust. If someone doesn’t trust her, she doesn’t force treatment; she works on connection first.
* Sometimes leaves small comforts like feathers or moss balls in nests of grieving cats — little, anonymous gifts to make them feel cared for.
* Encourages kits and apprentices to have “safe words” they can use when they’re overwhelmed, so they don’t have to explain everything out loud.
* Practices grounding techniques like: “Name three things you can feel. Two things you can smell. One thing you can hear.” She learned this to stop herself from spiraling.
* Assigns gentle tasks to struggling cats, like sorting leaves or licking moss — so they feel useful without pressure.

Spiritual Beliefs / Quiet Faith
* Believes StarClan sees grief, not just pride. She prays not just for strength, but for peace, especially for kits and the forgotten.
* Thinks the dead sometimes come in dreams not to give prophecy, but just to comfort — and that’s just as sacred.
* Carries small pebbles from where her sisters died. Sometimes she lays one beside a sick cat’s nest like a quiet prayer.
* When treating dying cats, she whispers apologies and promises, even if they can’t hear.
“I’ll remember you. I’ll make it matter. You weren’t just pain.”

Unique Healing Practices / Rituals
* Has a secret habit of humming very softly while tending to wounds — not for tradition, just because it helped her when she was scared.
* Makes custom moss nests for cats stuck in the den long-term — each one decorated slightly differently to make them feel personal.
* When a cat is scared to sleep, she stays nearby and tells soft stories, often made up, until they drift off.
* She tries to teach kits calming breathing by practicing with them like a game — pretending they’re blowing a dandelion or cooling prey.

Beliefs About Her Role
* She doesn’t believe being a medicine cat means she has to be perfect. She believes it means she has to keep trying.
* She sees her role not as a power or a title, but a chance to stop what happened to her from happening to anyone else.
* Her greatest fear isn’t failure — it’s becoming numb. She’d rather cry for a cat than pretend she doesn’t care.
* Thinks there’s bravery in softness. That being tender in a world full of death is defiance.

what do you do when the world doesn’t break you? — just leaves you half alive
“I don’t think healing is soft. I think it’s jagged. Slow. Ugly, sometimes. It’s picking pieces out of your own chest with shaking claws, just so someone else doesn’t have to feel that kind of pain.”

“You think I’m gentle because I flinch easy and don’t talk loud, but gentleness isn’t the same as weakness. I’ve bled too much for that lie. I’ve buried too much.”

“I used to think I was broken. That I had to fix myself before I could ever help anyone. But maybe healing doesn’t mean being whole. Maybe it just means refusing to let the wounds rot.”

“I want to be the cat someone else can lean on when it all falls apart. I want to be the voice that says, You’re going to survive this, even if I’m not sure I will.”

“I couldn’t save my sisters. I couldn’t stop the outsider. I couldn’t stop my paws from shaking, or the dreams from turning into claws in my throat, or making a selfish wish. But maybe…maybe I can stop the next cat from feeling that kind of helpless. Maybe I can be the reason someone makes it through.”

“I’ll never be the strongest in the Clan. Or the loudest. Or the bravest. But if I can sit beside someone while they hurt—if I can make them feel even a little less alone—then maybe that’s enough.”

“Maybe that’s what healing really is.”
“Choosing to stay soft, even when the world’s been cruel.”

[Rowan]

Good luck everyone!