A Little Light After the Storm [P]

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #1 January 7th, 2025, 09:05 PM

"So the worthless, empty husk of a thief has some fangs to bear after all?"

Lightningstorm's shoulder ached where the cursed, half burnt, half rotted shadow that seemed to mirror the worst aspects of herself that she never even knew she had struck her as she fell asleep, evidently having recovered herself from their final encounter. The medicine cat had never wanted to strike back at this version of herself that was so full of hatred, afraid of what would happen if she landed a blow. Larkthroat had been clear when she had given her message. The recovery of her memories might not be a path she would want to walk on. That her happiness might be on the line. And so she had stayed toeing the line. Terrified of confronting her past. Wondering if it would be perhaps wiser to lose it forever.

"I'd rather be an empty husk of a thief than be consumed by whatever darkness has rotted you to the core," she spat back, hackles raised as she ignored the blood running down her shoulder.

It was instantly clear that her past self, that duality that had been separated from her that fateful day she had opened her eyes to find herself amongst strangers, did not agree. A hiss of unhinged fury escaped her as she unsheathed her claws, anger sizzling inside Lightningstorm as well. How dare this cat, this... this curse... use claws and teeth against anyone? Had she not taken the medicine cat's oath? Had it not been her who had chosen this path? How could violence be her first option? What could have possibly happened to this cat to have made her... this?!

"Shut up! You have no say in this after you usurped what was rightfully mine! You have made me weak! Have turned into nothing but a sniveling coward tending every one of those worthless rats! They don't deserve it! None of them do! And then you picked a bloody apprentice? No one is worthy of the knowledge he gave me! WindClan should have collapsed under the weight of its own worthless actions, but instead you vie for their survival? Where the damn hell do your loyalties lie?!"

Lightningstorm wasn't sure how it happened. One moment, the apparition was coming at her at full force. But for once, she didn't want to run. Didn't care for peace. Because this... this thing was badmouthing her apprentice. Her clan. Her friends. Yes, she was lonely. It was true that she had barely a cat to call a friend. It was difficult to get close to anyone when all everyone saw you as was the cat to keep them alive during their worst moments and that was that. She had coaxed Rabbitpaw to keep his friendships. To keep his ties... if only because she did not want him to feel the same disconnect from everyone that she did, but that was not only on them... that was on her too. She was so busy, so tired... so focused on her job, she rarely let anyone in. A fear of having cats get too close constantly keeping her in check. And now she had in idea of why.

The lithe calico didn't notice her claws unsheathe as she struck upwards, the look of shock on the specter's face making it clear she had not expected the medicine cat's retaliation either. Blood spurted from her throat as she landed her own blow, a life threatening gash landing on the Abyssinian mix's own neck, only narrowly avoiding that life filled artery. Horror filled her as she realized that she had struck another. Yes, it was herself. It had been in self defense... but never would she have thought of wounding anyone the way this cat now lay gasping for its life, bitter tears running down its cheeks as it glared spitefully at her. Fearfully. For present and past had struck each other down, and in their battle had ensured neither had a future... or had they?

A hollow, weakened laugh escaped Lightningstorm. There was every potential she would survive this injury... but it was just as likely she would not. She didn't know if cats could kill others in their dreams, but she had woken up injured by this creature before, hadn't she? No... Not a creature. What she had told Crowtooth before had been right. She hadn't been hurt by anyone else. It had been her. Just... her all along.

"It's really bloody impressive, innit? How stupid fear and anger can make me?"

The dying cat before her narrowed her eyes at the medic's words before spitting weakly at her, tail lashing behind her in limited, faded movements as she spoke. "We are not the same. Don't you dare compare yourself to me!"

"Stars almighty, I knew I was stubborn but I didn't realize I was dense as well?" Lightningstorm growled, the effort forcing a cough out of her. "Like it or not, love, we are the same. I don't know the details... but something happened, didn't it? Something StarClan couldn't control? It messed up whatever it was that had me... unhappy? Whatever it was that you... No, that I wanted to run away from. Damn it, that I still want to run away from. Because no offense, ace, but there's no way a single cat alive can take one look at you and want to be you. But...

But it's part of me, innit? Just as much as I'll be a part of you, no matter what the damn hell you were trying to accomplish here..."

Lightningstorm sighed. Tired. Exhausted, really. From all the running. The fighting. The avoiding. There was only one course of action. There had always been just the one. She was just too much of an idiot to see it until now.

"You are weak and dying. Without you, our past is gone. Let it go, Lightningstorm," she mewed, lapis hues meeting the identical ones that glared so intently at her even as she struggled to hang on, her words meant for herself just as much as for her other self. "Just... let it go. It's time to move on to the future, innit? It takes both who you were and who you are... doesn't it? To become who you are meant to be?"

Gingerly, she raised her paw, offering her white mitted toes as a peace offering, claws sheathed as she stared down at her barely clinging memories. At the pain she knew she was about to relive if she agreed to it. But if she knew anything about herself... she would. Because what kind of cat would she be, if she denied anyone - even herself - knowledge of any sort? There was a moment's hesitation, doubt making her past waver... but slowly. Surely. Her paw raised as well, who she was meeting who she is in a blinding light that forced her to shut her eyes, only to open them to that familiar, underground darkness, body uninjured but with her heart aching... mind racing as old betrayals cut her anew, slowly building up to who she would be.

@SuspiciousMindz [Littlepaw]

**SuspiciousMindz** · #2 January 7th, 2025, 10:04 PM

[Littlepaw]
WindClan Apprentice
No Purrks

Even with the snow, the small apprentice didn't hold back on her tunneller skills. She did what Dustbunny showed her when she and Blazingkit were younger. She was scooping and piling the snow like she would with dirt. She just kept burying herself and scooting through short tunnels of snow she was creating. That was, until a pile of soft leaves caught her attention as she finally found the ground.

Dig, dig, dig.
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

A few butt-wiggles later and Littlepaw was able to scoop the leaves. Her blue eyes would settle curiously on a set of wings that were preserved on the ground. Those leaves kept the delicate wings safe from the snow that would've dampened them. She'd give them a curious sniff, the wings tickling her pink nose, forcing a soft sneeze to escape her. The wings fluttered softly back to the ground and Littlepaw would allow a smile to cross her lips. Softly, she picked them up between her incisors and shuffled backwards.

First, her rear-end appeared from the snowbanks; then her scrambling body, legs, and head. Still, she held the wings carefully, nearly going cross-eyed to ensure they were still safe. Now, who would she give these to? She'd pause, looking around the camp. FireMa would've loved these, but Littlepaw hadn't seen her around lately. Honestly, she was getting a bit worried about the orange feline. She was always around for her when any of her siblings needed her, and even when other ma wasn't around.

Oh.
MedicineMa.

Her gaze drifted to the den that her MedicineMa resided in. Over the last moon or so, Littlepaw had come to the understanding that her MedicineMa didn't treat her like a daughter. It often appeared the feline didn't know what she was talking about or looked at her funny initially. The dilute calico was growing and started to connect the dots. Should... should she stop calling Lightningstorm that? FireMa always told them that was their other parent, so Littlepaw always went with it. Maybe FireMa was lying to them? Maybe both her parents were slowly leaving her? First it was MedicineMa when they were itty bitty, and now it was FireMa with her lack of activity around the clan and missing big events. She'd brought prey back! Gotten her apprentice name! Got to explore the territory! But alas, neither were around to congratulate her. It was starting to feel as though the family was breaking, leaving her behind. The only felines she could run back to were Windpaw and MedicineMa. Her sister and her mother?

MedicineMa.

Maybe... maybe she'd pay the calico a visit. It'd been a while since their last interaction. The opossums, right? That's what Mr. Crow called them at least. Yeah. Okay, she could bring MedicineMa the wings! She broke her little trance, shaking her head lightly and starting to prance towards the medicine cat den. Hopefully Medici- erm, Lightningstorm? was awake and she could visit. How often did she get visitors that weren't sick? Littlepaw would never know, not unless her Ma chatted with her sometime.

Prance, prance, prance.
Leap! Bound, skip.

SLIIIIIIIIDE.

Littlepaw came to a sliding halt on her butt as she drifted straight past the den entrance. Small fits of laughter escaped her as her claws finally caught traction on the snow and ice to stop the sliding. Then, she'd turn and skip back towards the entrance.

At first, it was dark. Her eyes couldn't see anything in the darkness. However, she was hearing murmuring and scuffling. Her ears honed on the noises. They sounded distressed and abnormal. Her brows furrowed with slight worry, maybe it was a good thing she'd come visit. A careful pawstep blocked the shining sunlight from the entrance, nothing but a silhouette for Lightningstorm to see. "MedicineMa?" The nickname rolled off her tongue without the second thoughts she was having before.

More scuffling and then silence. Her pupils dilated further, both to focus and to try to see in the darkness. Her eyes were slowly adjusting, finally seeing a figure outlined in the den. The silence was deafening after what she'd just heard. "MedicineMa?" A little louder this time, a more urgent call around the moth wings that she still held gently in her mouth. Another soft pawstep inside which made her more visible to Lightningstorm and the she-cat to her. "MedicineMa? Are you okay? I brought you a gift, it's some wings I found." Another step, "I hope you like it... I hope I'm not intruding..."

Then, her eyes settled more clearly on her. She looked disheveled, like something big happened. Littlepaw was spooked by this, her claws sinking into the ground a little and her jaw locking momentarily as she tried to find the words. She wasn't sure how to go about this. How should she be reacting? "MedicineMa?"

@Alchemist Kitsune - Lightningstorm

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #3 January 22nd, 2025, 11:32 AM

The blood roaring in her ears was almost deafening, and the medicine cat had to stop herself from uttering the strangled cry that lingered in her throat as memories drifted over her, long forgotten hatreds and bitterness threatening to consume her. Stars, it suddenly made so much sense. Why Larkthroat had warned her about the dangers of getting her memories back. It had never been a question of finding herself, but of losing herself all over again. It was maddening, almost. To struggle against that which had been instinct for so long. To refuse to fall back into habits that had done nothing but hurt her in her earlier moons.

Her storming emotions had made her blind to most things around her, the muffled voice close by ignored at first not out of malice, but out of a lack of notice. It was hard to pay attention to anything when everything was threatening to spill away from her once more. And yet the small voice gave her something to focus on, and with a frown, she struggled to raise herself, unaware of how out of sorts she looked, with her short, usually well groomed pelt sticking out in all directions. The final residues of the battle she'd just suffered. Lightningstorm's nose twitched as lapis hues landed on the young calico that stared at her with so much concern it was almost painful to her heart. There was another storm of emotions at the sight of her. The young apprentice that looked so much like her there could be no question as to their relation.

The hatred she had felt the day her memories had left her clawed its way around her, and yet a maternal anger threatened murder towards it with such fury that it couldn't help but retreat, the message clear. Having her memories back did not mean reverting to her old, misguided notions. She was better than that now. To jump back to old habits was to ignore facts. To pretend she had learned nothing in her time spent free of the burdens that had haunted her since her days in the nursery. She had no intention of having her future become nothing more than a prison of things passed while her own life spiraled out of control. Taking a deep breath, she let go, gaze softening as she gave the frightened paw a half apologetic, half comforting look.

"Sorry about that, little bug," she mewed, her voice trembling slightly with effort as she made an effort to control her frayed nerves. "Looks like I'd been lost in a bit of a long dream there. Thank StarClan I have such a thoughtful daughter to find me when I need a paw."

Daughter. It was the first time she had referred to Littlepaw as such, and yet... it felt... right. Stars, was this what she had been missing all along? The reason she felt such overprotective urges whenever around the young kit in earlier moons? And to think... she had almost left when Bravebird had yelled at her. When she had blamed her for Firestorm's death. A small smile lifted the corner of her lips at this thought. Maybe... just maybe... it hadn't been so bad to have lost herself. If only for a little while.

@SuspiciousMindz [Littlepaw]

**SuspiciousMindz** · #4 February 2nd, 2025, 02:09 PM

[Littlepaw]
WindClan Apprentice Tunneler
No Purrks

Did her heart just stop? Are her lungs broken?

The world around her seemed to stop and the dilute calico froze to her spot. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. She wasn't sure how to respond to that one word. A word she'd never heard MedicineMa say... and with that much affection behind it. Daughter. Well, her heart was still beating, she could feel it hammering in her chest now. The beats felt so loud that she was almost positive the other could hear them. She could feel it pulsing in her ears even as they stood erect, pointed directly at the medicine cat. She really heard that, right? Yeah...

Only when Littlepaw grew uneasy on her paws and started to sway, did she take a breath inward. She needed to ground herself. The corners of her eyes stung. For why? There was an emotion running so deep that she couldn't quite grasp it or understand it. The stinging turned to tears and she could feel her cheeks grow damp as involuntary tears raced down them. Still, she stood frozen to the ground as she stared her Ma down with newfound affection. Her breathing picked up, becoming shallower in response to the sobs that seemed to overtake her body.

Before Lightningstorm could react to that, Littlepaw shot forward, racing to the she-cats side and shoving her head into her shoulder. The sobs continued, mixing with affectionate purrs and dampening Lightningstorm's shoulder if she allowed it. Despite this, her head was craned enough that the moth wings were safe. They weren't pressed into the she-cats fur, they were still being held gently in the apprentice's mouth. Up until Littlepaw spoke again, in which they drifted to the ground at the medicine cat's paws.

How long had she waited for this moment?
It was worth it.
Littlepaw melted into the nest with her Ma, as long as the she-cat allowed.

"I wa- was startin' ta think FireMa was lyin'," she'd eventually muster out, avoiding Lightningstorm's gaze. Still hiding her face into her fur if she was able. Still taking in the scent of her MedicineMa, finally accepting the familiar and comforting smell. "I- I- waited so long 'n tried... I tried to bond with ya, MedicineMa," Finally, she'd look up to face the other, her face fur wet and whiskers askew. An amusing, but pathetic sight for anyone to behold.

"I waited so long..."

@Alchemist Kitsune - MedicineMa

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #5 March 8th, 2025, 11:42 AM

It was an odd feeling. To be embraced with such abandon. When had the last time she had felt this level of unrestrained, unhidden level of affection been? Her memory was still reeling, the pain of every betrayal, every back turned, every failure she'd ever made stabbing at her heart. Ignorance had been bliss, but it had also been a misinformed lie. For a moment she felt the absolute cowardice of what her other self - no, what she herself - had done. How she had hidden from the reality of life, wanting to face it no longer... abandoning her own young the same way her mother had abandoned her when she had no longer fit the mold of that perfect family she had envisioned. But she was no Gingerheart, and she could admit to her faults... even with the knowledge that they hadn't all been hers. She couldn't fully claim the supernatural power that had afflicted her so when not even the stars had been certain what it was or how to fix it.

Now was not the time for such thoughts, however. Not while she had a crying kit - for no matter how old she was, Lightningstorm knew she would never be able to fully acknowledge her as anything other than her kit anymore - in her paws. Instead, she tried her best to embrace her back, ignoring the tremble in her limbs as she tried to sort out and push back the memories that still bombarded and stormed in her mind... not forever, just for a little while. For when she had the time to dedicate to herself. Stars knew when that would be... but one thing was for certain. It wouldn't be now.

"It's alright, love. I don't think anyone can blame ya for doubtin'. Firestorm is full of so much hot air sometimes I'm surprised she doesn't float away with the lightest breeze," she mewed, her voice soft even as she jested, the pain not fully gone from it.

It wasn't the time for joking. She knew this. Understood it well. But with old memories came old habits as well. And having been so scorned, battered, and devoid of love as she had been, Lightningstorm knew only how to tease in affection. Only Cowtuft had been candid and open with his love for her, and even he she had never fully dared to show how she truly felt. A fact she regretted now. That she wished to change... but such things didn't just come because one willed them. Not in the blink of an eye, in any case. It took small pawsteps. So she would count the ones she was taking now as she patted Littlepaw's head with her own, delicate paw as a victory of sorts.

@SuspiciousMindz [Littlepaw]