It's not like Owlstar hadn't been angry before. But now she was angry with a whole lot of other things, things that weren't beneficial, things that wouldn't help her clan, things that would only break her down. She couldn't. Maybe when she was old and withered and gone and proved successful or useless, but not now. Her clan needed her. And if she wanted to keep them safe, she'd have to pull a few strings.
Owlstar moved in silence, knowledgeable of Berryshine's presence by her scent and the light but noticable brush of her pelt. Words were as heavy as leather on the leaders tongue, frustration burning a hole into her stomach. Claws pricked at the ground as she walked, slowing once the rocky terrain of Riverclan hit her paws.
She allowed her clan to spill through, pausing at the entrance, catching her breath, gathering her thoughts. She knew she had no right to be stressed, if anycat should be, that would be Berryshine. She trusted the she-cat, but she'd been with Cobwebstorm for so long. Ripping the she-cat from her support overnight wasn't anything Owlstar wanted to do. But it needed to be done. No amount of herbs could make up for another exile or lives lost.
Finally, the leader turned her one eyed gaze to Berryshine, hoping the chatter of the clan around her was enough to keep her mews muffled from nosey cats. "... I'm sorry. 'Avin' ta spring this on ya... But it had ta be done. C'mon, we oughta tell Cobwebstorm." she offered the medicine cat a slow blink before trotting off for the medicine den. She wondered if Cobwebstorm had gotten any sleep, if she slept well. She wondered how startled she would've been.
A lump formed in the leaders throat, but she pushed past it. The consequences were known, the damage was known, and she'd made up her mind. As angry as she was, because of course she was angry, livid actually, she had no intention to throw salt into an open wound.
Owlstar slid into the den, striped pelt becoming nearly uniform in shadow, her milky and pupiless eye narrowing as darkness engulfed her. She gave the now former medicine cat a bap on her shoulder. "Aye chap, sleep well?" she allowed for a blanket of silence to fall over the group of cats, her voice calm, edged with all the emotions she tried and failed to restrain. Sympathy, sharp frustration, anger, and fear. She flicked her tail behind her, long matted fur catching on moonlight, before she continued. "I don't 'ave good news."
"Bumblestar was furious, as expected. I knew she was out ya get cha, and if I didn't do anythin' she probably would've marched right inta camp and try ta kill ya as well as anycat she could get 'er claws on. Ya were aware of the consequences, and now they've come." the leader breathed. "Ya never told me 'bout the apprentice." Owlstar pointed out. She knew Bumblestar might've been bluffing to gain an edge, but she doubted the leader was spouting lies then.
"Yer demoted, Cobwebstorm. Keepin' ya in yer position would only serve as a threat ta Riverclan. But, ya won't be livin' a life away from yer passion, Cobs. Daisypaw, a cat Stagheart has brought up ta me, is gonna be takin' on a caretaker role. I figured ya could teach her, n' any other cats who want ta know herbs. Even if ya no longer hold yer previous rank, yer knowledge won't go ta waste and will be used as needed." Owlstar knew better than to waste a nicely trained cat, and she figured that keeping Cobwebstorm closer to her roots, to herbs, would keep her more sane.
Her gaze then flicked over to Berryshine. "Imagine ya 'ave somethin' ta add, squirt?"
Tags:
@squidz // Berryshine
@finley // Cobwebstorm (respond when you can!! I'm in no rush :3)
a very scarred, grey fluffy bengal with a missing back right leg. she has fluffs of white and darker grey fur. purrks ; herbal knowledge tier two, the collector, dreamwalker | formatting creds to wolfie <3 | lesbian/sapphic + demigirl
trigger warning ; this character frequently talks and thinks about past abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. interact with care <3
feather, tansy, eagle, storm. everyone in her life left at some point. sure, sometimes they returned. but after that period, where you mourned and you grieved, you're left with nothing. nothing at all.
she wasn't asleep. the medicine den was too quiet, the camp was too quiet, and cobwebstorm knew full well what was to come when her clan returned. the darkness and the silence pressed in on her as she sat in her nest, having already made her rounds to the queens and the kits and the folks staying behind from the gathering. she'd checked in, made sure everyone was safe and warm and dry, plastering a smile on her face to show her clan that Everything Is Alright! because it was, wasn't it? everyone had moved on from storm. the clan was a perfectly working, oiled machine, and cobwebstorm was a wrench thrown in its gears. because she hadn't moved on.
so she sat, the darkness and silence pushing in on her. heavy, cloying, and oh so tiring. as the clan started trickling back in, it felt like a stone dropped into cobwebstorm's stomach. okay. this was fine. punishment, demotion, exile, whatever it may be, she would take it in stride. she'd do the right thing. keep the clan safe.
as owlstar and berryshine entered her the den, cobwebstorm fluffed her fur up, sat up, brightened her eyes, and smiled softly at the two. it felt strange, really. a little bit like she was an outsider, unwelcome. owlstar began talking, and cobweb pricked an ear to listen.
' ah. sleep. not a luxury i've had much of recently. ' she tensed at the soft cuff on her shoulder, internally cursing her stupid survival senses. ' i'm sure you don't. how bad was it..? ' cobwebstorm sat back patiently, listening, the same placated, perfectly practised calm look on her face. so the expected had happened. bumblestar had publicly put her on blast in front of almost every cat in the forest. the buzzing in her ears loudened, the muffled, far away feeling that she had worked on coming up to overwhelm her. to keep her safe.
yer demoted, cobwebstorm. keepin' ya in yer position would only serve as a threat ta riverclan.
and there it was. the thing she had worked towards for moons and moons, the single thing that had barely held her together throughout all of this, pulled out from under her paws instantly. in one sentence, in a single breath, gone. the only thing she had left to live for besides berry, the only purpose she had, gone. done. and it was all her damn fault. right. okay. recompose yourself, cobwebstorm. you are a danger. you will do nothing but hurt this clan.
' but that won't placate bumblestar, will it? ' her voice rasped in the still quiet of the den, inches away from tears that she held back. ' until i am dead and gone, she won't stop until our entire clan is burned to the starsdamned ground. ' the choice was made then and there. ' it's not worth it keepin' me around anymore. at all. i'll just stay around to train up the next medicine cat apprentice, and then i'll be nothing. "used as needed," as you said. ' cobwebstorm couldn't help the malice that crept into her words, and as she spoke through the thickness in her throat, she found that it stopped the tears from her eyes.
' right. berries.. yeah. anything you have.. to say? '
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
" the moon will sing a song for me
( i loved you like the sun ) "
__________________
eek!! looks like finley is on a hiatus until AUGUST . replies may be slow or not at all
°｡ ⋆ „ this, is my timey-wimey detector . it goes ding when there's stuff . ˎˊ˗
Berryshine walked in silence beside Owlstar, sticking close to her leader as they returned to camp. Her paws had gone nearly numb from the freezing Seastones, but for once, the short-furred cat didn't quite seem to feel it. Her head was spinning in ways that made it feel like the rest of her body was simply floating along, forcing herself to the next point where she'd have to confront her beloved friend and fellow medic on all that was revealed at the tense Gathering. She didn't even notice her whiskers were trembling as Owlstar apologized.
It had to be done...
That was a statement she wanted so desperately disagree with, to beg her leader for a chance to let Cob explain — and yet she couldn't be mad about it at all. No... she couldn't. The shocked stares of her Clanmates and the intrigued looks from the other Clans were burned like a hole into her mind almost as much as Bumblestar's scorching glare. The scent of the furious leader was lodged in her pink nose, making her vividly remember how it had smelled when ThunderClan's scent was mixed with RiverClan's and blood, so much blood — the terrifying mixture she'd memorized all those moons ago when she was a kit; the day she had first seen warfare and violence. Death. ThunderClan had raided their camp for some sins that the medicine cat still didn't know (she didn't ask, she avoided memories of that day).
Would they launch another attack just like that? Or even one like the raid that'd driven RiverClan out of their home, all because of this? All because of Cobwebstorm!? Stars, there had to be another explanation, but... hope could only last for so long. Berryshine could only be naive for so long. And she could only keep it together for so long.
Keep it together. Breathe. The medic could only manage a tight nod at her leader to show she'd heard, head down with eyes fixed on the ground. And she followed in silence.
The worst part was that she knew Owlstar was right. Was that why Berryshine felt this strange, suffocating heat in her chest? The way her twitchy paws itched to do... something? Because there was this pit of frustration, wanting things to be different when they so impossibly couldn't? And that it stemmed from her very own best friend, who'd done these things without telling her or her leader, something that was now so monumental that it meant having to lose her?
This was... confusing. She was angry, yet conflicted; desperate, yet resigned. There was no changing the leader's mind, and in her confusion of the moment, Berryshine wasn't sure she would try to even if she were in a better space. What could she, or anyone else, say to Cob's interferences? Ones that now had ThunderClan breathing down their neck again when the brutal exile was still painfully recent in every cat's memory?
At first, the small brown molly had sort of hovered behind Owlstar when the leader had gone to prod Cobwebstorm. Almost like she didn't want to be part of this terrible conversation, only a helpless spectator — perhaps if she could hide, couldn't speak, then she wouldn't have to partake in something that she knew would inevitably crush her dearest friend.
Yet as she peered out from behind Owlstar's flank, almost like a scared kit peering out from behind their mother, Berryshine saw a... smile, on Cobwebstorm's face. One that she had seen before; something pained, where her eyes screamed words that her clenched maw never released. Maybe something only Berry could pick up on from knowing her so well. And it wrenched her heart at the mere sight.
Berryshine visibly winced as Owlstar said the words: demoted. It was harsh to the ears, and the medicine cat flattened them in response, as if she could block it out. And the sight of Cob's face as the words sunk in... Berryshine almost couldn't take it. She was a mess of confusing emotions that made her more wary to do or say anything, but she slowly crept out to stand more appropriately as a high rank should — by her leader, yet angled towards Cobwebstorm. Like the position alone could indicate her internal battle between what she knew had to be done versus the intrinsic need to comfort her friend.
Stars, Cob's voice... a voice that was on the verge of tears. It was enough to make Berryshine's frustrated anger freeze, turning into something even more complex. Even more muddled. Her head... it was whirling too fast. Breathe. Inhaling deeply and shakily, dark brown she-cat rolled her shoulders, trying to focus. Her own eyes were shiny... dangit, not now. Not now.
But then Cob's last words sent a chill down her spine. Bumblestar's revenge not being sated, not being enough unless the molly was dead... it made her freeze up as well, her tightening throat stopping the frustrated tears. Swallowing hard, the familiar fear that had clenched her chest returned, and she could only shoot her friend a helpless, pleading look as two sets of eyes turned to her. Berryshine briefly closed her own, blocking them out for a long moment before straightening up. Breathe. Okay... okayokay.
"I..." Stars. Her voice already broke. The medicine cat cleared her throat, forcing her eyes open and to flick between Owlstar and Cobwebstorm's, even though they wanted to look at the ground and melt into it. "I-I don't know, Cob. I hope i-it's enough. I want it to be, because stars above, this isn't a-anything we wanted. But..." The she-cat swallowed again, and an unfamiliar blend of bitterness and frustration was revealed in her soft-spoken tone, something bitter on her tongue. "W-What you did—or w-whatever happened, I don't know, I didn't know any of this—was enough to make her... angry. Stars, she looked so angry..." What was she trying to say? Focus, Berry! The medic had to make herself look away from Cob's familiar, piercing blue eyes just to think straight. This was all so sudden... and far, far too much.
"But..." Her tone softened a bit again, hesitant and unsure, yet convicted. "But... d-don't talk like that, Cob. I-I won't lie, this is a lot, a-and I'm... upset, but... o-of course you're worth keeping! H-How could you say that, a-as if this mistake means you're nothing?" She shook her head, flashing Owlstar a look as if asking for her reassurance. "W-We'll figure something out. J-Just... let you lay low... and by StarClan, no more dreamwalking." As much as she wanted to, Berryshine couldn't hide the raw mix of disappointment and frustration in her face, yet pleading shone through in her eyes.
a very scarred, grey fluffy bengal with a missing back right leg. she has fluffs of white and darker grey fur. purrks ; herbal knowledge tier two, the collector, dreamwalker | formatting creds to wolfie <3 | lesbian/sapphic + demigirl
trigger warning ; this character frequently talks and thinks about past abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. interact with care <3
feather, tansy, eagle, storm. everyone in her life left at some point. sure, sometimes they returned. but after that period, where you mourned and you grieved, you're left with nothing. nothing at all.
she wasn't asleep. the medicine den was too quiet, the camp was too quiet, and cobwebstorm knew full well what was to come when her clan returned. the darkness and the silence pressed in on her as she sat in her nest, having already made her rounds to the queens and the kits and the folks staying behind from the gathering. she'd checked in, made sure everyone was safe and warm and dry, plastering a smile on her face to show her clan that Everything Is Alright! because it was, wasn't it? everyone had moved on from storm. the clan was a perfectly working, oiled machine, and cobwebstorm was a wrench thrown in its gears. because she hadn't moved on.
so she sat, the darkness and silence pushing in on her. heavy, cloying, and oh so tiring. as the clan started trickling back in, it felt like a stone dropped into cobwebstorm's stomach. okay. this was fine. punishment, demotion, exile, whatever it may be, she would take it in stride. she'd do the right thing. keep the clan safe.
as owlstar and berryshine entered her the den, cobwebstorm fluffed her fur up, sat up, brightened her eyes, and smiled softly at the two. it felt strange, really. a little bit like she was an outsider, unwelcome. owlstar began talking, and cobweb pricked an ear to listen.
' ah. sleep. not a luxury i've had much of recently. ' she tensed at the soft cuff on her shoulder, internally cursing her stupid survival senses. ' i'm sure you don't. how bad was it..? ' cobwebstorm sat back patiently, listening, the same placated, perfectly practised calm look on her face. so the expected had happened. bumblestar had publicly put her on blast in front of almost every cat in the forest. the buzzing in her ears loudened, the muffled, far away feeling that she had worked on coming up to overwhelm her. to keep her safe.
yer demoted, cobwebstorm. keepin' ya in yer position would only serve as a threat ta riverclan.
and there it was. the thing she had worked towards for moons and moons, the single thing that had barely held her together throughout all of this, pulled out from under her paws instantly. in one sentence, in a single breath, gone. the only thing she had left to live for besides berry, the only purpose she had, gone. done. and it was all her damn fault. right. okay. recompose yourself, cobwebstorm. you are a danger. you will do nothing but hurt this clan.
' but that won't placate bumblestar, will it? ' her voice rasped in the still quiet of the den, inches away from tears that she held back. ' until i am dead and gone, she won't stop until our entire clan is burned to the starsdamned ground. ' the choice was made then and there. ' it's not worth it keepin' me around anymore. at all. i'll just stay around to train up the next medicine cat apprentice, and then i'll be nothing. "used as needed," as you said. ' cobwebstorm couldn't help the malice that crept into her words, and as she spoke through the thickness in her throat, she found that it stopped the tears from her eyes.
' right. berries.. yeah. anything you have.. to say? '
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
" the moon will sing a song for me
( i loved you like the sun ) "
Quote:
Originally Posted by squidz
| BERRYSHINE |
small & nimble dark brown she-cat with darker flecks and light, leafy-green eyes | the collector | dreamwalker |
Berryshine walked in silence beside Owlstar, sticking close to her leader as they returned to camp. Her paws had gone nearly numb from the freezing Seastones, but for once, the short-furred cat didn't quite seem to feel it. Her head was spinning in ways that made it feel like the rest of her body was simply floating along, forcing herself to the next point where she'd have to confront her beloved friend and fellow medic on all that was revealed at the tense Gathering. She didn't even notice her whiskers were trembling as Owlstar apologized.
It had to be done...
That was a statement she wanted so desperately disagree with, to beg her leader for a chance to let Cob explain — and yet she couldn't be mad about it at all. No... she couldn't. The shocked stares of her Clanmates and the intrigued looks from the other Clans were burned like a hole into her mind almost as much as Bumblestar's scorching glare. The scent of the furious leader was lodged in her pink nose, making her vividly remember how it had smelled when ThunderClan's scent was mixed with RiverClan's and blood, so much blood — the terrifying mixture she'd memorized all those moons ago when she was a kit; the day she had first seen warfare and violence. Death. ThunderClan had raided their camp for some sins that the medicine cat still didn't know (she didn't ask, she avoided memories of that day).
Would they launch another attack just like that? Or even one like the raid that'd driven RiverClan out of their home, all because of this? All because of Cobwebstorm!? Stars, there had to be another explanation, but... hope could only last for so long. Berryshine could only be naive for so long. And she could only keep it together for so long.
Keep it together. Breathe. The medic could only manage a tight nod at her leader to show she'd heard, head down with eyes fixed on the ground. And she followed in silence.
The worst part was that she knew Owlstar was right. Was that why Berryshine felt this strange, suffocating heat in her chest? The way her twitchy paws itched to do... something? Because there was this pit of frustration, wanting things to be different when they so impossibly couldn't? And that it stemmed from her very own best friend, who'd done these things without telling her or her leader, something that was now so monumental that it meant having to lose her?
This was... confusing. She was angry, yet conflicted; desperate, yet resigned. There was no changing the leader's mind, and in her confusion of the moment, Berryshine wasn't sure she would try to even if she were in a better space. What could she, or anyone else, say to Cob's interferences? Ones that now had ThunderClan breathing down their neck again when the brutal exile was still painfully recent in every cat's memory?
At first, the small brown molly had sort of hovered behind Owlstar when the leader had gone to prod Cobwebstorm. Almost like she didn't want to be part of this terrible conversation, only a helpless spectator — perhaps if she could hide, couldn't speak, then she wouldn't have to partake in something that she knew would inevitably crush her dearest friend.
Yet as she peered out from behind Owlstar's flank, almost like a scared kit peering out from behind their mother, Berryshine saw a... smile, on Cobwebstorm's face. One that she had seen before; something pained, where her eyes screamed words that her clenched maw never released. Maybe something only Berry could pick up on from knowing her so well. And it wrenched her heart at the mere sight.
Berryshine visibly winced as Owlstar said the words: demoted. It was harsh to the ears, and the medicine cat flattened them in response, as if she could block it out. And the sight of Cob's face as the words sunk in... Berryshine almost couldn't take it. She was a mess of confusing emotions that made her more wary to do or say anything, but she slowly crept out to stand more appropriately as a high rank should — by her leader, yet angled towards Cobwebstorm. Like the position alone could indicate her internal battle between what she knew had to be done versus the intrinsic need to comfort her friend.
Stars, Cob's voice... a voice that was on the verge of tears. It was enough to make Berryshine's frustrated anger freeze, turning into something even more complex. Even more muddled. Her head... it was whirling too fast. Breathe. Inhaling deeply and shakily, dark brown she-cat rolled her shoulders, trying to focus. Her own eyes were shiny... dangit, not now. Not now.
But then Cob's last words sent a chill down her spine. Bumblestar's revenge not being sated, not being enough unless the molly was dead... it made her freeze up as well, her tightening throat stopping the frustrated tears. Swallowing hard, the familiar fear that had clenched her chest returned, and she could only shoot her friend a helpless, pleading look as two sets of eyes turned to her. Berryshine briefly closed her own, blocking them out for a long moment before straightening up. Breathe. Okay... okayokay.
"I..." Stars. Her voice already broke. The medicine cat cleared her throat, forcing her eyes open and to flick between Owlstar and Cobwebstorm's, even though they wanted to look at the ground and melt into it. "I-I don't know, Cob. I hope i-it's enough. I want it to be, because stars above, this isn't a-anything we wanted. But..." The she-cat swallowed again, and an unfamiliar blend of bitterness and frustration was revealed in her soft-spoken tone, something bitter on her tongue. "W-What you did—or w-whatever happened, I don't know, I didn't know any of this—was enough to make her... angry. Stars, she looked so angry..." What was she trying to say? Focus, Berry! The medic had to make herself look away from Cob's familiar, piercing blue eyes just to think straight. This was all so sudden... and far, far too much.
"But..." Her tone softened a bit again, hesitant and unsure, yet convicted. "But... d-don't talk like that, Cob. I-I won't lie, this is a lot, a-and I'm... upset, but... o-of course you're worth keeping! H-How could you say that, a-as if this mistake means you're nothing?" She shook her head, flashing Owlstar a look as if asking for her reassurance. "W-We'll figure something out. J-Just... let you lay low... and by StarClan, no more dreamwalking." As much as she wanted to, Berryshine couldn't hide the raw mix of disappointment and frustration in her face, yet pleading shone through in her eyes.
The tabby listened to Cobwebstorm's words, her own expression slowly souring, not from malice, but rather concern. "Even if Bumblestar ain't satisfied, this should at least give us some leeway er time ta prepare if she goes haywire. But I'd rather a blow dulled by a shield than ta just be hit head on." she elaborated. "Ya know I won't let er lay a claw on ya." she said fiercely. "None of us will. Ya 'ave use outside of yer position. Yer capable within yer own right, Cobwebstorm." she'd expected the hint of malice from the former medicine cat, the frustration, the hate, and Owlstar didn't want to belittle that. Bottling up those emotions merely made them worse, so she didn't snip her words at Cobwebstorm.
Her head turned as she listened to Berryshine, striped tail tapping anxiously on the floor. She caught her gaze and nodded, following up her statement with one of her own. "She's right. I know sometime's ya cain't help it though, which is why I was hopin' Berryshine could moderate ya. I know it'll be odd, but it's necessary. Any more heat from Thunderclan will wipe us out." She breathed in deeply, the air around her growing thick. She began to wonder what Stormstar may be thinking about the situation, if Owlstar had handled it correctly. She wondered if when she got to Starclan, she'd be welcomed by the former leader or get immediately cussed out.
"I also have a question fer the two of ya. Tonally inconsistent, I know, but... Chervil n' chickweed are needed. N' I was wonderin' which one of ya knew those herbs or if we 'ave 'em, cuz ya know I know nothin'." her gaze softened as it found its way back to Cobwebstorm. "If ya'd rather sit out on this one, I understand. It's a lot ta process. But we've gotcha."
a very scarred, grey fluffy bengal with a missing back right leg. she has fluffs of white and darker grey fur. purrks ; herbal knowledge tier two, the collector, dreamwalker | formatting creds to wolfie <3 | lesbian/sapphic + demigirl
trigger warning ; this character frequently talks and thinks about past abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. interact with care <3
└> . . . @squidz ; @Marigoldwhisper ; will finish this rp and then go officially on my break <3
the pain in berries' expression broke cobwebstorm, just a little bit.
she couldn’t look at her. not directly. not when she heard the way berryshine's voice shook, not when she saw the way her paws fidgeted like she was barely holding herself together. stars above, cob couldn’t look at her because if she did, she might crumble completely. but she listened. her best friend's words should have been comforting. should have soothed the ache in her chest.
cobwebstorm let out a soft, breathy laugh—the kind that barely masked the way her voice wavered, the way her throat burned. it wasn’t amusement. it wasn’t even bitterness. just… exhaustion. just defeat.
' berries..- ' she murmured, her tail curling instinctively, as if she could somehow grasp onto something, anything, to ground herself. her eyes, dull and stormy, flickered toward her friend for just a second before dropping away. stars. she was the worst. for making berries feel like this, for making her two only friends have to deal with her like this.
don’t talk like that, cob.
but how could she not?
how could she not when everything berries said—every plea, every shaky breath—only reminded her of the fact that she had failed her? That she had failed all of them? she wanted to believe her. stars above, she wanted to. but hope had been a luxury she lost moons ago, when storms had died, when eagles had run, when everything had started to crumble.
' i never wanted to hurt you. or anyone. or riverclan at all. i thought i could help- i- ' cobwebstorm's voice was quiet, rough, shaky and barely there. ' i wanted to hurt you, least of all. ' the ex-medic finally forced her head up to look at berryshine, and oh, it hurt. the disappointment. the frustration. the raw, open wound of betrayal, thinly veiled by desperate hope. she'd had hope, once. she swallowed hard, her throat tight. ' but it's too late, now. you know it is. '
she managed a shaky smile, something fragile, something wrong.
her head ached, a weird, dull, pulsing reminder of everything she had lost. i’m not worth keeping. the thought overwhelmed her brain, growing more prevalent with every breath. it didn’t matter that she had once known how to heal wounds, how to calm cats down from fear and pain and awful emotions. it didn’t matter that she had memorized the scent of deathberry just as well as she had the scent of lavender. because damn what use was a medicine cat who had failed the very ones she swore to protect?
i am a bad, bad cat. for failing. for letting things spiral so far out of control. for making berryshine—her berries—look at her like she was something worth grieving over. cobwebstorm sucked in a breath, ribs tightening painfully and throat closing up. she knew chervil, knew how to find it, knew the way its scent clung to the white.. stuff that coated the ground. that was good. she was useful.
the thought that berry would replace her, with someone else, better and kinder and softer- lodged in her throat like a thorn, sharp and aching. stars, it hurt. it wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.
this was good. yeah. they’d go out and look for whatever herbs owls needed, and when they got close to a border, cobweb would simply slip away. no harm, no foul. she’d leave riverclan quieter than she had entered it. she only hoped berries wouldn’t hold on too tightly, wouldn’t chase after a cat who didn’t deserve it. wouldn't waste her unending, lovely kindness on someone who had already decided she wasn't worth saving.
but, after all, she was doing the only thing that would keep riverclan safe. she was a danger, a liability.
..right?
' let's go. '
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
" the moon will sing a song for me
( i loved you like the sun ) "
__________________
eek!! looks like finley is on a hiatus until AUGUST . replies may be slow or not at all
°｡ ⋆ „ this, is my timey-wimey detector . it goes ding when there's stuff . ˎˊ˗
Berryshine had been nodding vehemently to Owlstar's words, at first encouraged — no, they wouldn't let Bumblestar get near Cobwebstorm. Not that Berry could fight for anything, but she knew even she would be compelled to unsheathe her claws if need be for the sake of her friend. She'd been frozen, unable to help Cobs once, during that horrific moment in the raid that'd exiled their Clan... not again.
But then Cobwebstorm spoke again, and her heart sank. That exhausted laugh that was the sound of resignation, defeat... just simply being tired. It ached her heart, and Berryshine hesitated before reaching out her tail to try and twine with Cob's curled one, if she'd let her. As much as she warred with this strange feeling of anger, frustration, and disappointment... it was all overwhelmed by her need to make this right, to comfort her friend, to not let her spiral like Berryshine could tell she was. That look in her eye...
"...No. It's n-not too late," the ever-optimistic medic meowed firmly, despite her voice wavering in emotion. "I-It's not. We'll figure it out, a-and... worst comes to worst, w-we defend what's ours, like Owlstar said. Don't... d-don't think like that, Cob."
Berryshine saw that shaky smile, something that was wrong and almost off-putting despite its attempt to grimly accept the situation. It was like she was already looking into the eyes of a defeated cat, someone who was braced for the inevitable without lifting a paw to try and stop it. How could she just accept that? Sure, this was a whole mess and a half, and due punishment was the right course of action... but not at the cost of the light she saw dimming in those brilliant blue eyes.
No — if Cobwebstorm was going to think this incident suddenly made her worthless, as if she wasn't one of the most wonderful cats she'd ever had the privilege of knowing, Berryshine was going to make sure she heard otherwise.
"Cob—" The small brown molly began to say quietly, but then Owlstar spoke about the herbs. Her focus was temporarily moved to the leader; chervil? Chickweed? Hm... two herbs that Berryshine didn't know. She'd probably seen them, of course, but never pinpointed their names or uses. But a glance at Cobwebstorm showed that the fellow herbalist knew about at least one of them. Frowning, Berry decided she would just have to speak more to her later, once this was done. Rising to her paws, she stuck as close as Cob would let her, nodding for the two she-cats to head out.
She couldn't keep her green gaze from drifting to Cobwebstorm the entire way, unsettled by that distant look in her best friend's eyes. For the life of her, Berryshine couldn't shake the eerie feeling that dire consequences couldn't be avoided no matter what they did — and that there were still more to come. Perhaps sooner than she'd thought.
a very scarred, grey fluffy bengal with a missing back right leg. she has fluffs of white and darker grey fur. purrks ; herbal knowledge tier two, the collector, dreamwalker | formatting creds to wolfie <3 | lesbian/sapphic + demigirl
trigger warning ; this character frequently talks and thinks about past abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. interact with care <3
└> . . . @squidz ; @Marigoldwhisper ; will finish this rp and then go officially on my break <3
the pain in berries' expression broke cobwebstorm, just a little bit.
she couldn’t look at her. not directly. not when she heard the way berryshine's voice shook, not when she saw the way her paws fidgeted like she was barely holding herself together. stars above, cob couldn’t look at her because if she did, she might crumble completely. but she listened. her best friend's words should have been comforting. should have soothed the ache in her chest.
cobwebstorm let out a soft, breathy laugh—the kind that barely masked the way her voice wavered, the way her throat burned. it wasn’t amusement. it wasn’t even bitterness. just… exhaustion. just defeat.
' berries..- ' she murmured, her tail curling instinctively, as if she could somehow grasp onto something, anything, to ground herself. her eyes, dull and stormy, flickered toward her friend for just a second before dropping away. stars. she was the worst. for making berries feel like this, for making her two only friends have to deal with her like this.
don’t talk like that, cob.
but how could she not?
how could she not when everything berries said—every plea, every shaky breath—only reminded her of the fact that she had failed her? That she had failed all of them? she wanted to believe her. stars above, she wanted to. but hope had been a luxury she lost moons ago, when storms had died, when eagles had run, when everything had started to crumble.
' i never wanted to hurt you. or anyone. or riverclan at all. i thought i could help- i- ' cobwebstorm's voice was quiet, rough, shaky and barely there. ' i wanted to hurt you, least of all. ' the ex-medic finally forced her head up to look at berryshine, and oh, it hurt. the disappointment. the frustration. the raw, open wound of betrayal, thinly veiled by desperate hope. she'd had hope, once. she swallowed hard, her throat tight. ' but it's too late, now. you know it is. '
she managed a shaky smile, something fragile, something wrong.
her head ached, a weird, dull, pulsing reminder of everything she had lost. i’m not worth keeping. the thought overwhelmed her brain, growing more prevalent with every breath. it didn’t matter that she had once known how to heal wounds, how to calm cats down from fear and pain and awful emotions. it didn’t matter that she had memorized the scent of deathberry just as well as she had the scent of lavender. because damn what use was a medicine cat who had failed the very ones she swore to protect?
i am a bad, bad cat. for failing. for letting things spiral so far out of control. for making berryshine—her berries—look at her like she was something worth grieving over. cobwebstorm sucked in a breath, ribs tightening painfully and throat closing up. she knew chervil, knew how to find it, knew the way its scent clung to the white.. stuff that coated the ground. that was good. she was useful.
the thought that berry would replace her, with someone else, better and kinder and softer- lodged in her throat like a thorn, sharp and aching. stars, it hurt. it wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.
this was good. yeah. they’d go out and look for whatever herbs owls needed, and when they got close to a border, cobweb would simply slip away. no harm, no foul. she’d leave riverclan quieter than she had entered it. she only hoped berries wouldn’t hold on too tightly, wouldn’t chase after a cat who didn’t deserve it. wouldn't waste her unending, lovely kindness on someone who had already decided she wasn't worth saving.
but, after all, she was doing the only thing that would keep riverclan safe. she was a danger, a liability.
..right?
' let's go. '
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
" the moon will sing a song for me
( i loved you like the sun ) "
Quote:
Originally Posted by squidz
| BERRYSHINE |
small & nimble dark brown she-cat with darker flecks and light, leafy-green eyes | the collector | dreamwalker |
Berryshine had been nodding vehemently to Owlstar's words, at first encouraged — no, they wouldn't let Bumblestar get near Cobwebstorm. Not that Berry could fight for anything, but she knew even she would be compelled to unsheathe her claws if need be for the sake of her friend. She'd been frozen, unable to help Cobs once, during that horrific moment in the raid that'd exiled their Clan... not again.
But then Cobwebstorm spoke again, and her heart sank. That exhausted laugh that was the sound of resignation, defeat... just simply being tired. It ached her heart, and Berryshine hesitated before reaching out her tail to try and twine with Cob's curled one, if she'd let her. As much as she warred with this strange feeling of anger, frustration, and disappointment... it was all overwhelmed by her need to make this right, to comfort her friend, to not let her spiral like Berryshine could tell she was. That look in her eye...
"...No. It's n-not too late," the ever-optimistic medic meowed firmly, despite her voice wavering in emotion. "I-It's not. We'll figure it out, a-and... worst comes to worst, w-we defend what's ours, like Owlstar said. Don't... d-don't think like that, Cob."
Berryshine saw that shaky smile, something that was wrong and almost off-putting despite its attempt to grimly accept the situation. It was like she was already looking into the eyes of a defeated cat, someone who was braced for the inevitable without lifting a paw to try and stop it. How could she just accept that? Sure, this was a whole mess and a half, and due punishment was the right course of action... but not at the cost of the light she saw dimming in those brilliant blue eyes.
No — if Cobwebstorm was going to think this incident suddenly made her worthless, as if she wasn't one of the most wonderful cats she'd ever had the privilege of knowing, Berryshine was going to make sure she heard otherwise.
"Cob—" The small brown molly began to say quietly, but then Owlstar spoke about the herbs. Her focus was temporarily moved to the leader; chervil? Chickweed? Hm... two herbs that Berryshine didn't know. She'd probably seen them, of course, but never pinpointed their names or uses. But a glance at Cobwebstorm showed that the fellow herbalist knew about at least one of them. Frowning, Berry decided she would just have to speak more to her later, once this was done. Rising to her paws, she stuck as close as Cob would let her, nodding for the two she-cats to head out.
She couldn't keep her green gaze from drifting to Cobwebstorm the entire way, unsettled by that distant look in her best friend's eyes. For the life of her, Berryshine couldn't shake the eerie feeling that dire consequences couldn't be avoided no matter what they did — and that there were still more to come. Perhaps sooner than she'd thought.
The tension in the air was palpable. It was terrible, practically seeing Cobwebstorm slowly but surely wither away like the life got sucked out of her. Small short laughs that sounded more like hiccups if anything, avoidant gazes, nervous shuffling. Owlstar just stared, blinking slowly. She wasn't sure what else to do. She'd said her part, know Berryshine and Cobwebstorm were left to pick up loose threads.
Owlstar had almost forgotten to blink, one eyed gaze wide and sightless, her ears buzzing. She almost wanted to excuse herself, because she could feel tears rimming her eyes. But why was she crying? Cobwebstorm and Berryshine had yet to cry, so what courtesy did she have to do so? And it wasn't like Cobwebstorm was leaving. Worse just came to worst, but she was still here, still materialized in front of her, still safe behind Riverclan walls and not beaten into a bloody pulp from the other end of crimson claws, claws she'd pull out one by one. One. By. One.
She gave her ears a flick as the air trembled around her with new movement. Cobwebstorm had agreed, and Owlstar wasn't one to object to it. She figured at least one of them knew the herbs, as Owlstar didn't know anything. But she thought it was odd, somewhat, that no protest came from the disoriented bengal, especially considering the circumstances. Numb. Something Owlstar wasn't in a position to fix, if she ever could. Some problems time could only heal, but she'd rather them not fester into something terrible.
The tabby immediately lifted her paws and trailed behind Berryshine. If she had to guess, it was likely either Seagrass Fields or general territory, but she could never be sure. Owlstar never really paid much attention to herbs, and now it was coming to bite her.
Owlstar placed the tip of her tail to Cobwebstorm's flank before she slowed her pace and fell back to the rear of the group. Again, she didn't know where she was going, but the herbalists, former or not, definitely did.
a very scarred, grey fluffy bengal with a missing back right leg. she has fluffs of white and darker grey fur. purrks ; herbal knowledge tier two, the collector, dreamwalker | formatting creds to wolfie <3 | lesbian/sapphic + demigirl
trigger warning ; this character frequently talks and thinks about past abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. interact with care <3
└> . . . @Marigoldwhisper ; @squidz
pp perms granted for berry to notice cob slipping away
cobwebstorm breathed heavily, letting out a soft, humorless chuckle. everything really hurt. her sides hurt from the cries she'd been holding in, her eyes hurt from keeping them open and not letting tears fall, her leg hurt (weirdly, the phantom pain she'd been dealing with hadn't been too bad as of late) and overall, her heart hurt. with the plans she'd been holding. with the knowledge that she's the reason all of this is happening. cobweb fixed her eyes on some point in the distance as they began to walk, paws heavy on the ground.
berryshine's words, so desperate to pull her back from the edge, sounded like they were coming from underwater. muffled. distant, like the feeling of your head being dunked under a freezing river with claws digging into your skull. she wanted to believe her best friend, wanted to cling to the optimism that had always burned so brightly in berryshine's fierce eyes. but it was so, so hard. berries' protests fall on deaf ears. the fight had drained out of her. this was it.
the ex-medic, ever so gently, ever so slowly and softly, twined her tail around berryshine's, in some sort of attempt to recreate what they had. before. she didn't know why owlstar's quiet grief made her feel worse. if the leader had.. spat at her paws and called her a disgrace, it would probably hurt less than whatever this is. this.. disappointment, this barely contained fury on cobwebstorm's behalf? it made her want to shrink into herself, to be even smaller than she already felt. and that was small.
despite it all, she didn’t protest when they continued to move. what the hell else could she do? she she have been better. but. she hadn’t. and now, what was she? not a medicine cat, not a guide, not anything. just an empty shell of who she used to be, dragging herself along because there was nowhere else to go. just like her father had spat at her seconds before he died to her claws. you will never be anything, ever again. this was all she had now—following orders, being useful in whatever small ways were left to her before she disappeared. she kept her head down, paws moving automatically, but owls' tail against her flank caught her by surprise. cobwebstorm nearly flinched. not because she didn’t want it, but because she did. because she was afraid of how much she did. because it sent a fissure through the numbness she had been trying so hard to maintain, even since storms' death. because it reminded her that, despite everything, they were still here. still reaching for her, even as she pulled away. cobwebstorm blinked slowly, glancing back at owls, at berry, at the way they stayed close despite everything.
despite her.
cobwebstorm didn’t belong here anymore, she realised with a sharp inhale. she had lost everything that made her useful -- everything that gave her purpose. even, starsdamnit all, worse than that, she was a liability. a stain on riverclan's honor-- and if she stayed, she would only make things worse. owls was already burdened enough. her clan was still trying to recover. the last thing they needed now was her, dragging them down, bringing more ruin upon them. if she disappeared now, maybe they would have a chance. maybe they would be able to rebuild without the weight of her mistakes hanging over them.
'course, berries and owls would never let her go. cobwebstorm didn’t know how to tell them that their stupid goddamn unwavering faith in her and love for her was hurting her the most.
she had to go.
and she had to do it now, before they had the chance to stop her. her pace slowed slightly, paws shifting uneasily against the ground. she opened her mouth to speak, tail pointing towards the chervil on the ground. ' there. chervil. ' she spoke roughly, not meeting any of their eyes. cobweb inhaled sharply, taking a step back. then another. then one more, turning quickly to disappear into the brush.
' cobs? '
berries' soft voice, a quiet question, froze her in her tracks. ' i'm just. going this way, i see more chervil. i'll be back in a second. ' a lie. a cover-up, so berryshine and owl wouldn't stop her. wouldn't make this harder than it had to be.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
" the moon will sing a song for me
( i loved you like the sun ) "
__________________
eek!! looks like finley is on a hiatus until AUGUST . replies may be slow or not at all
°｡ ⋆ „ this, is my timey-wimey detector . it goes ding when there's stuff . ˎˊ˗
Similarly to Cobwebstorm, seeing Owlstar getting a bit choked up and misty made her own sadness feel all the thicker in her tightened throat. But with the promise in her mind that she'd talk more to Cob after they retrieved these herbs, helped her friend process and mourn this... then... then they could move on from it. The demotion left a gaping hole that Berryshine wasn't sure how to fill—who else could be at her side as completely and wholly as her best friend?—but she knew she'd just have to... keep going on. Like she had been.
And one thing she wanted to emphasize for a fact was that this didn't change how much she cared for Cob. Even if there were frustrations, disappointments, anger... it would only be temporary when it came to how she saw the gray-and-white she-cat. It wouldn't taint the image of the wonderful cat Berry knew her to be. Not forever.
So that's what kept her calm enough to walk beside Cobs, grateful that her fellow feline let their tails twine. It was a comforting feeling of warmth and security, at least in her mind, and chased away the bitter chill of the frigid air around them. No cat said a word as they walked, the silence and tension so thick that it was suffocating.
And then... chervil. Berry's ears perked up at the sight; she'd seen this herb before, but never knew its name or purpose. She bent down to give it a sniff, impressed at how intact it was from its shelter amidst the leaf-bare frosts.
"Mm... interesting. D-Do you know what it's used for—" Berryshine had been muttering quietly, almost to herself, assuming her best friend was still right beside her. But it was only then that she realized a certain warmth had left her side, a gap that was infinitely more noticeable the moment she felt cold air where Cobs had been. Raising her head, the medicine cat only just managed to catch the tip of her friend's tail through the brush.
"...Cobs?"
Immediately, a trickle of dread began to pool into her stomach. Her heart already felt like it knew the answer to her next question. Berryshine had dropped the plucked chervil beside Owlstar, taking one, two steps towards Cobwebstorm's fleeing form.
"W-What... w-where..." She swallowed hard, feeling her heart start to race against her chest. Why did she get the sense that Cobwebstorm wasn't going to turn back around? Panic starting to flare inside of her as if her senses were going off — she was lying about finding more chervil. But Cobs didn't lie to Berryshine — why would she think that?
But she didn't tell you about the dream. No, why did that matter? That didn't make her a liar. She'd just been scared and unsure... not knowing the consequences... Cobwebstorm wasn't a liar. Not to Berryshine.
Yet there was an eerie sixth sense of it, a gut instinct, and Berryshine found her paws moving before she really knew what she was going to do. There was a time where Berry wouldn't have questioned the excuse; but in their current state of mind, both she-cats knew how fragile the other must be at the moment. They were no fools. "C-Cobs, wait—"
The herbalist froze, seeing the stance of her friend; the tension and gait... not the look of a cat merely searching for more herbs. But a pose of an endangered animal looking to flee.
She was leaving. The words screamed in her head, but Berryshine wouldn't—couldn't—believe it at first. No, she wouldn't... why would she do that? There's no way she'd just... surely she'd just been going to find some solitude, to clear her mind. Yes, that'd make sense; Berry had plenty of times where she'd silently slip away from a crowd, seeking her own company and the quiet sounds of the forest. After all Cobwebstorm had just been told, it wouldn't have been shocking that she needed a moment to breathe.
But if that was the case, then... why did she just lie?
There was no reason to lie. Berryshine would've understood if Cobwebstorm simply needed space. Unless...
Green eyes were wide as she confronted her friend who'd tried to slip away, a look of confusion in her leafy-greens. Berryshine's voice was a low murmur, tight and wary.
"...W-Where are you going?" She whispered hoarsely, though her instincts knew the answer far before her faithful mind ever could conjure the thought.
Similarly to Cobwebstorm, seeing Owlstar getting a bit choked up and misty made her own sadness feel all the thicker in her tightened throat. But with the promise in her mind that she'd talk more to Cob after they retrieved these herbs, helped her friend process and mourn this... then... then they could move on from it. The demotion left a gaping hole that Berryshine wasn't sure how to fill—who else could be at her side as completely and wholly as her best friend?—but she knew she'd just have to... keep going on. Like she had been.
And one thing she wanted to emphasize for a fact was that this didn't change how much she cared for Cob. Even if there were frustrations, disappointments, anger... it would only be temporary when it came to how she saw the gray-and-white she-cat. It wouldn't taint the image of the wonderful cat Berry knew her to be. Not forever.
So that's what kept her calm enough to walk beside Cobs, grateful that her fellow feline let their tails twine. It was a comforting feeling of warmth and security, at least in her mind, and chased away the bitter chill of the frigid air around them. No cat said a word as they walked, the silence and tension so thick that it was suffocating.
And then... chervil. Berry's ears perked up at the sight; she'd seen this herb before, but never knew its name or purpose. She bent down to give it a sniff, impressed at how intact it was from its shelter amidst the leaf-bare frosts.
"Mm... interesting. D-Do you know what it's used for—" Berryshine had been muttering quietly, almost to herself, assuming her best friend was still right beside her. But it was only then that she realized a certain warmth had left her side, a gap that was infinitely more noticeable the moment she felt cold air where Cobs had been. Raising her head, the medicine cat only just managed to catch the tip of her friend's tail through the brush.
"...Cobs?"
Immediately, a trickle of dread began to pool into her stomach. Her heart already felt like it knew the answer to her next question. Berryshine had dropped the plucked chervil beside Owlstar, taking one, two steps towards Cobwebstorm's fleeing form.
"W-What... w-where..." She swallowed hard, feeling her heart start to race against her chest. Why did she get the sense that Cobwebstorm wasn't going to turn back around? Panic starting to flare inside of her as if her senses were going off — she was lying about finding more chervil. But Cobs didn't lie to Berryshine — why would she think that?
But she didn't tell you about the dream. No, why did that matter? That didn't make her a liar. She'd just been scared and unsure... not knowing the consequences... Cobwebstorm wasn't a liar. Not to Berryshine.
Yet there was an eerie sixth sense of it, a gut instinct, and Berryshine found her paws moving before she really knew what she was going to do. There was a time where Berry wouldn't have questioned the excuse; but in their current state of mind, both she-cats knew how fragile the other must be at the moment. They were no fools. "C-Cobs, wait—"
The herbalist froze, seeing the stance of her friend; the tension and gait... not the look of a cat merely searching for more herbs. But a pose of an endangered animal looking to flee.
She was leaving. The words screamed in her head, but Berryshine wouldn't—couldn't—believe it at first. No, she wouldn't... why would she do that? There's no way she'd just... surely she'd just been going to find some solitude, to clear her mind. Yes, that'd make sense; Berry had plenty of times where she'd silently slip away from a crowd, seeking her own company and the quiet sounds of the forest. After all Cobwebstorm had just been told, it wouldn't have been shocking that she needed a moment to breathe.
But if that was the case, then... why did she just lie?
There was no reason to lie. Berryshine would've understood if Cobwebstorm simply needed space. Unless...
Green eyes were wide as she confronted her friend who'd tried to slip away, a look of confusion in her leafy-greens. Berryshine's voice was a low murmur, tight and wary.
"...W-Where are you going?" She whispered hoarsely, though her instincts knew the answer far before her faithful mind ever could conjure the thought.
a very scarred, grey fluffy bengal with a missing back right leg. she has fluffs of white and darker grey fur. purrks ; herbal knowledge tier two, the collector, dreamwalker | formatting creds to wolfie <3 | lesbian/sapphic + demigirl
trigger warning ; this character frequently talks and thinks about past abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. interact with care <3
└> . . . @Marigoldwhisper ; @squidz
pp perms granted for berry to notice cob slipping away
cobwebstorm breathed heavily, letting out a soft, humorless chuckle. everything really hurt. her sides hurt from the cries she'd been holding in, her eyes hurt from keeping them open and not letting tears fall, her leg hurt (weirdly, the phantom pain she'd been dealing with hadn't been too bad as of late) and overall, her heart hurt. with the plans she'd been holding. with the knowledge that she's the reason all of this is happening. cobweb fixed her eyes on some point in the distance as they began to walk, paws heavy on the ground.
berryshine's words, so desperate to pull her back from the edge, sounded like they were coming from underwater. muffled. distant, like the feeling of your head being dunked under a freezing river with claws digging into your skull. she wanted to believe her best friend, wanted to cling to the optimism that had always burned so brightly in berryshine's fierce eyes. but it was so, so hard. berries' protests fall on deaf ears. the fight had drained out of her. this was it.
the ex-medic, ever so gently, ever so slowly and softly, twined her tail around berryshine's, in some sort of attempt to recreate what they had. before. she didn't know why owlstar's quiet grief made her feel worse. if the leader had.. spat at her paws and called her a disgrace, it would probably hurt less than whatever this is. this.. disappointment, this barely contained fury on cobwebstorm's behalf? it made her want to shrink into herself, to be even smaller than she already felt. and that was small.
despite it all, she didn’t protest when they continued to move. what the hell else could she do? she she have been better. but. she hadn’t. and now, what was she? not a medicine cat, not a guide, not anything. just an empty shell of who she used to be, dragging herself along because there was nowhere else to go. just like her father had spat at her seconds before he died to her claws. you will never be anything, ever again. this was all she had now—following orders, being useful in whatever small ways were left to her before she disappeared. she kept her head down, paws moving automatically, but owls' tail against her flank caught her by surprise. cobwebstorm nearly flinched. not because she didn’t want it, but because she did. because she was afraid of how much she did. because it sent a fissure through the numbness she had been trying so hard to maintain, even since storms' death. because it reminded her that, despite everything, they were still here. still reaching for her, even as she pulled away. cobwebstorm blinked slowly, glancing back at owls, at berry, at the way they stayed close despite everything.
despite her.
cobwebstorm didn’t belong here anymore, she realised with a sharp inhale. she had lost everything that made her useful -- everything that gave her purpose. even, starsdamnit all, worse than that, she was a liability. a stain on riverclan's honor-- and if she stayed, she would only make things worse. owls was already burdened enough. her clan was still trying to recover. the last thing they needed now was her, dragging them down, bringing more ruin upon them. if she disappeared now, maybe they would have a chance. maybe they would be able to rebuild without the weight of her mistakes hanging over them.
'course, berries and owls would never let her go. cobwebstorm didn’t know how to tell them that their stupid goddamn unwavering faith in her and love for her was hurting her the most.
she had to go.
and she had to do it now, before they had the chance to stop her. her pace slowed slightly, paws shifting uneasily against the ground. she opened her mouth to speak, tail pointing towards the chervil on the ground. ' there. chervil. ' she spoke roughly, not meeting any of their eyes. cobweb inhaled sharply, taking a step back. then another. then one more, turning quickly to disappear into the brush.
' cobs? '
berries' soft voice, a quiet question, froze her in her tracks. ' i'm just. going this way, i see more chervil. i'll be back in a second. ' a lie. a cover-up, so berryshine and owl wouldn't stop her. wouldn't make this harder than it had to be.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
" the moon will sing a song for me
( i loved you like the sun ) "
`~Owlstar
She, Her\Leader\49 moons\Riverclan
"My pulse is clear, rushing through my ears."
The tabby traveled forward in dull silence, her ears carrying a buzz that wasn't there before.
She continued at the back of the group, pushing her paws to a brisk and nicely cut pace, for once in her life wishing she were a mind reader, or some kind of prophet. She knew the cons outweighed any pros, somecats conscience often trailed far beyond what they actually said, whether intentional or not. Intruding on that constantly and willingly would drive Owlstar insane.
She wasn't in control of everything, but there were times when she wanted to be. Or, at least when she was loosing grip on something she felt she could've prevented if some sort of sign was given, if the stars had any pity on her. They were all knowing for Starclan's sake, throw her a bone, just one bone. Tell her disaster before it happened, inform her of what could destroy her clan in a mere breath of words. Owlstar didn't need to be pulled by her pelt all the time. She wanted to sink her teeth into flesh. She didn't want her clan to survive by playing lap dog, no, she wanted them to live.
The situation weighed on her like the exhaustion in her one eyed gaze. Owlstar felt emotions brew inside her, gripping at flesh like hungry claws.
Stop.
Anger didn't solve anything. Anger at anycat. If anything, it merely blinded. Its what made Fadingstar so vulnerable. He refused to aid the other clans, refused to show them any compassion. Pride had to be swallowed, lest they choke on it. Brown paws slowed as did the rest of the group, her eyes settling onto a silver and brown pelt. Their appearance grounded her. Right, right. Herbs. Owlstar still had a deal to hold up, and two cats to comfort. It was her job anyways. Not only that, but they deserved the release, they deserved to cry, she'd just watch over them with her clouded gaze and mull over her decisions. They'd work it out. They always did. She refused to leave anycat behind.
"There. Chervil."
Her eyes lifted and focused onto the herb. She committed it's shape to foggy memory, wrinkling her pink nose. She gave Cobwebstorm a sympathetic yet encouraging nod, not noticing her silver pelt slipping away from her hindered vision.
She hadn't even noticed Berryshine and Cobwebstorm slip away, figuring they were finding herbs. Owlstar didn't mind that, it would be faster if they split up anyways. She picked up the chervil Berryshine had dropped at her paws.
[+1 chervil]
The leader wandered further, but she kept the familiar scent of her friends within her mind, as well as the smell of the herb, musky and odd smelling like all the rest. The smell had gotten stronger, and the leader paused. Chervil. Now... If only Starclan gave her some fortune.
[owlstar rolled an 18! slightly damaged...]
[+1 chervil]
Well... Not too shabby. But, the brown tabby knew she could do better. Large calloused paws carried her over, long tail trailing behind her. She nearly stepped on the herb before she noticed it.
[owlstar rolled a 13! completely intact!]
[+1 chervil]
Now chickweed. Owlstar trailed back to where she was previously, hoping to regroup with Berryshine and Cobwebstorm to talk about chickweed. But... They were gone. Furred ears perked in alarm, swerving around. Their scent was somewhat faded, Cobwebfern's even more than Berryshine's. The leader paused, her heart seizing in her chest. She'd been scared before. Its clear the emotion would never leave her, no matter how much she wanted to chase it away.
Her first thought was coyotes, her first panicked thought. She knew she couldn't smell the mutts, but her mind immediately lurched to it, wondering if the two medics had suddenly been taken down just like Stormstar, leaving Owlstar completely defenseless.
Oh, get outta yer head. Owlstar scolded herself, cursing under her breath. She was sure there was a better reason. She was just paranoid.
"we ain't angry at you love" [p]
(respond when you can!! I'm in no rush :3)
Re: "we ain't angry at you love" [p]
]
Berryshine is RiverClan's medicine cat! 
]
surely this will only end well ]