Save Yourself

[Ziera]

// @Rockfall | put here instead of in VA in case you wanted to have Bumble react to wrap all this up - no obligations though <3

---
A heart like yours is rare to find
Oh darling, save yourself;
you should be safe with someone else

---

Night transformed into a hostile environment since his brother’s death, unrecognizable from the place Stormtalon once sought comfort or indulged his silly curiosity about the stars. Nightmares greeted him with routine accuracy (if he managed to sleep at all.) Unlike Storm hoped, there was no such thing as building tolerance to this; knowing what was coming failed to make the horror shows easier to watch, didn’t result in thicker skin.

Nothing about the situation bent the knee to logic or practicality. He knew his little brother was dead. It didn't matter. At times Stormtalon still jolted awake to shredded moss, Bright's name lodged in his throat like a stone making it impossible to breathe—(pitiful.) Mostly he sat in stiff silence till the images faded or morning arrived, bringing with it sunlight to coax the tension out of him muscle by knotted muscle.

If anyone noticed they didn’t say anything. This suited Stormtalon fine. For his part he refused to acknowledge it whatsoever, at least not to others. Why the hell should he? This was a personal spat. A private dispute between Storm and his spiraling head that no one deserved to spectate. Waves of grief, the—other stuff, like his embarrassing lack of control in his own domain were just a temporary glitch in the system. (He needed them to be.)

Once in a while, his dreams veered off from the usual program—perhaps to avoid dull repetition—whether that meant projecting the faces of his missing apprentices (Bluepaw, Frostpaw, Streampaw, Mistpaw), unremarkable scenarios or simple, colorless static. Just something different. Tonight the substitute was…strange. Unexpected.

---

First thing Stormtalon noticed was a lack of aching between his shoulders. His body was relaxed, curled up in a half ball, discomfort suspiciously absent. Was Sweetsong’s gift…gone? No. But it healed. He stirred, noting the spongy moss that cushioned his ribs and paws. Emerald eyes blinked open too fast. They suffered a head on collision with direct sunlight and promptly squeezed shut again; it took a moment to adjust, but then…

Oh. Storm found himself in an empty warrior’s den. Familiar scents and sounds bolstered the authenticity of it all to an impressive degree. The den layout was the same and..not, nests dotting the ground with some extras while others he knew of were missing. Even the one Stormtalon occupied was different than his own. Silkier. Bigger—unreasonably so, he mused, right up until the tabby noticed something alarming.

A figure lay next to him.

Stars – was that...?

The distressed expression on Stormtalon's face might have been comical to an onlooker. His stomach lurched the way it did when he caught himself just before falling, every sensor dialed up on high alert because this was...confusing. Storm registered a paw draped over his side holding him close, effectively stirring a powerful urge inside to abort abort abort . He barely managed not to jerk away from the tom whose body arched around his.

Why? Because the heat that enveloped Storm at every point of contact was welcoming. Intimacy derived from casual physical affection was a foreign concept, which accounted for his uneasiness, but still…not unpleasant. That admission riddled him with more confusion; Stormtalon had no clue how to interpret it. Error.

Just breathe a second, idiot. Storm tried to loosen up as much as he could despite peculiar circumstances. This was just a dream after all. Whatever kind it was, the ones starring his brother were worse, so no complaints.

Angling toward the tom he avoided since Firefly Cove, Storm preoccupied himself with the sight of him—Bumblestep—and little by little the tabby relaxed. Made sense he’d be a cuddler. Bumble didn’t enjoy being cold. He looked so peaceful as his soft, slow exhales tickled Stormtalon’s fur, and for no discernable reason the tom decided not to wake him. Even if in retrospect the hesitance was ridiculous.

Several questions gnawed at him like hungry fish, the loudest of all being: did this setup come from his own mind? And if so, where? Storm's thoughts travelled through labyrinths and mazes all day long, granted. But he didn't recall venturing here. He didn’t see Bumblestep this way. Suppose that nests didn’t automatically imply romance as a component, but it was likely, which provoked more uncertain questions. Stormtalon hadn't really considered that he might, although it aligned, that this was…

“…mmm…Storm?”

Sound vibrated against his pelt, startling the charcoal tom. Bumblestep…right. Without a better plan in mind, Stormtalon chose not to answer. Would a cinderblock tongue have worked anyway? Perhaps if Bumble was tired enough, he’d buy the silence—or not. The next thing he felt was a smile. “I know you’re awake.”

Hell. Storm fumbled for words like a twoleg in the dark. Picking silence again was a mistake, triggered Bumble's concern enough for him to prop up on two white paws. Storm regretted the loss of contact as cold seeped into his silver black fur. “Are you okay?”

Was he really going to entertain such a poor attempt at fiction? Fine. Stormtalon turned over onto all four paws and chose a corner of the wide-brimmed nest to peer at Bumble from, embers of suspicion alight in his eyes. A furrow in his brow. His thoughts flowed more freely when Bumblestep wasn’t touching him.

“I don’t understand," Storm mewed. "What are you doing here?” Blunt as ever. Honest.

Fascinating how realistic Bumblestep’s reaction seemed. He blinked in surprise as if he’d been stung, only to recover with a laugh, the decorative kind meant to fill silences. ...Stars. It was spot on; his patterned fur, golden eyes with the kindness inside, even that earthy scent of moss. Hats off to his subconscious. Storm took his time with the details, somehow aware he wouldn’t have an opportunity to look this close again.

Large paws kneaded the bedding. “What am I doing here?” Bumble repeated with a hint of incredulity, oblivious he didn’t exist outside Stormtalon’s mind. “You mean…in our nest? Sleeping, I hope.”

Our?

Stormtalon opened his mouth to respond but didn’t get far before thundering pawsteps stole his attention. Eyes widening, the warrior looked just in time to see a bundle of fur racing toward them, one who exhibited all the grace of a hungover baby bird. Recognition struck like a firm swipe to the jaw. Her fur was more white than black, but those big yellow eyes were unmistakable. It was Storm’s turn to appear stung.

“Brightkit!” (her father?) managed to shout, face going from concerned to beaming as she launched at him like a cannonball. Storm flinched. How long would that name be salt in an open wound?

Neither of his companions noticed. Instead, a huge grin spread over Bright’s tiny face when Bumblestep pretended to falter under her fearsome, miniature power. Chin thrust in the air, Brightkit tossed a triumphant look at Storm, perched on Bumble’s abdomen like a cake topper.

“I got him!” Her tone implied the expectation of swift and sincere congratulations. Stormtalon didn’t say a word. Despite the warmth of their display, watching them rammed shards of ice into his chest.

All at once it was too much. Why the hell was he here? Failure—shame—where were his usual comrades? Why did he even bother with this vivid mental projection?

Dream. That’s what this was and what it would always be. As real as it all felt, one fatal flaw shattered the illusion: Bumble didn’t look him like that anymore. Brightpaw died and hours later, Kestrel led Stormtalon to Smallpines like a wolf on a leash; ever since then Bumblestep couldn’t glance at him without looking sad. Pained, as if he associated Storm with everything wrong in the world.

Evidently this Bumblestep was his subconscious’ poor attempt at redemption. Whether or not Storm ever figured out why he constructed it, the odd peace, the safety he felt in that nest was counterfeit. (This relieved him. If it had been real, Stormtalon doubted he'd know what to do.)

“Hey.” Oh. Storm’s green gaze snapped into focus. Judging by twin expressions he guessed it wasn’t the first time they tried to get his attention, but neither Bumble nor Bright looked surprised by his checking out. As if already accustomed to his antics.

Shaking his head, the movement unnoticeable at first but then growing more animated, Storm resolved to escape from what he deemed a new side of hell. “This isn’t real,” he murmured, though it was pointless. Fictitious projections had no bearing on reality.

On cue, Bumble’s eyes darkened. He rolled onto his paws, leaned down to lick a tuft of Brightkit’s fur and flashed a comforting smile. “Go pester your brother a while, okay? I'll be there in a minute.”

Brightkit gaped at the audacity to send her away. “But Tumblekit is boring! Can I go see Iris?”

“Just because he’s quiet doesn’t make him boring,” the black and white tom chided, albeit with a huff of amusement. He nudged Brightkit with a pink nose. “Go on..please.”

She slung her head back and wailed (it was not an overreaction, thank you very much): “Fineeeeee!”

Her sulky retreat uprooted more memories and Storm clung to them, a desperate ploy to avoid freefall. “You ran.” When Kestrelstar’s abandonment was announced. “I thought about going after you but I didn’t. Plumstorm -"

“Stop it!” The out of character outburst surprised him. Bumblestep looked at Storm like he was a stranger, brows cinched high on his forehead. He drew in a steadying breath—tried for a more stable tone. “I mean…stop ruining this for yourself. I forgave you, remember? It’s fine.”

Bumble stepped closer; Stormtalon stepped back.

Consciousness tugged at him from somewhere beyond this warrior’s den, and he snagged one last glance at Bumble’s broken expression before it was finally over.

---

Stormtalon woke in his own nest. He stared at the den wall for some time, shaken by the strange future now crumbling like ash in his mind. The last of phantom sensations tingled over his skin.

He battled the weight of several realizations. Was…no, that couldn’t have been how Bumblestep felt about him. Or was it? Once upon a time, before the tempests, the tom said: “I hope you know how important you are to me.” Was it presumptuous to extrapolate meaning from that simple confession? Those sweet smiles?

Huh. So he really was a complete idiot. Not that it mattered anymore, as whatever Bumble felt (if anything at all, Storm still wasn’t 100% convinced) long since burned out. Gone. All that remained were the jagged pieces that might have built something, strewn about to mark the architect’s loss of inspiration.

Whether Stormtalon would’ve..reciprocated was uncertain and pointless to work out. Even so (irrationally he’d admit), the tabby couldn’t shake the feeling of loss, that something valuable slipped from his paws. Sleep avoided Storm and Storm avoided sleep the rest of the night. This time, a mutual understanding.

---

“Bumblestep.”

A day or two passed since the dream. Stormtalon was…hesitant to show vulnerability now, especially to a tom who preferred a version of him he couldn’t be (or never was). But he swallowed all that down. They may not have been…that, but on account of their former friendship, Bumble deserved more from him than silence. Storm still hated owing anyone.

“I’m sorry.” Bumblestep tried to help Storm and he supplied trouble in return. Not only did Bumble carry Tumbletail’s bloody body in mind, but now Brightpaw’s too, and that was his responsibility. Perhaps he should be sorry for asking Bumble’s advice in the first place most of all. Stormtalon met the other tom’s eyes with an unwavering, careful gaze as he continued. “I won’t blame anyone else or make excuses for my actions, and ‘sorry’ isn’t enough.” He failed to mask the tremble in his exhale. Took extra time ensuring the next sentence wouldn’t waver too. Goodbye. He offered a final half smile. “Take care of yourself.”

Resolve; it wasn’t perfect but closure never was. Stormtalon’s attention was free to shift, blessedly unhindered by the once loose end he left behind in the clearing. Iriskit. Mistypaw. Morningpaw. Sunpaw. Snakeheart. He swore to give everything he had left to keep his clan above water. Storm never thought of the dream again.