herondive hollow border tour

[taillow]

REDHAWK
she/they | thunderclan hornet | 32 moons

After they had been cleared to exit the medicine den, Redhawk had led Crowpaw out of camp and towards the border. She kept quiet for the most part, figuring that her apprentice didn't much care for talking. Part of her wondered if the only reason he tolerated her was to get his training done. As much as it pained the hornet, she would oblige.

Reaching the tree bridge that separated ThunderClan's territory from the rest of the border, Redhawk hopped onto it and sunk her claws in. "Careful," she called back to her apprentice as she crossed the bridge, leaping down onto the other side. The scent markers here weren't super strong but hadn't completely disappeared either. "Welcome t-to Herondive Hollow." ...Stars, she was really trying to muster up the energy to finish this tour, but it felt forced as she glanced over her shoulder at Crowpaw. "W-With the sss-sinkhole, our d-direct access t-to the border got c-cut off. When we need t-to cross t-to mark the b-b-border," stars, her stutter had gotten worse what with the self-doubt that was creeping back up, "we c-cross by t-that tree." She pointed with her tail towards the fallen log, then back towards the border silently.

[ Crowpaw - @SpiritedWarrior ]
[ since this takes place prior to her injury, i'm putting it in a private thread! ]

[SpiritedWarrior]

Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception, Agatha Kitty, and Hulk SMASH
@taillow

Finally... one step closer to become a warrior. And one step closer to leaving ThunderClan. Crowpaw was happy entertaining that thought. It was a dream of his, and with pure luck, he is managing to get closer for his dream to become a reality. The poultice on his wounds felt weird and cold, but he never planned on an infection being the way he dies. If I'm going to die it'll be when I'm an elder with a mate by my side. StarClan's not going to waver my mind on that one. Granted that was probably not possible, but one could only hope that's how it turns out.

Redhawk, poor Redhawk, was someone he'd hate to leave behind. She has helped him, and so far... held up her end of the deal with his apprenticeship. I'd miss her. Heeding the warning given, Crowpaw took great care to cross the log onto the border between ThunderClan and ShadowClan. "The sinkhole ruined a lot of things then." Not just Thrushstar's relationship with me or Bluekit. One of the two times he nearly died... trying to save a family member's life. With Bluekit, he succeeded, but of course with his luck his sister didn't stick around very long.

 

He looked at the trees across the border, and imagined them caving in. Being swallowed by the ground. Crowpaw couldn't help but remember what he felt when he jumped across the deadly chasm. How it felt to have his sister knocked out of his jaws. How it felt to walk comfortably for... probably half a moon. I could've died that day. I could have been one of those bodies down there. My little sister could have been one of those bodies. How it felt... to yell at his father. Get disowned. Get his family torn apart by the ancestors.

"H- hey. I'm really sorry about... back there. I was rude and... I didn't need to be. It's just... I've been under a lot of stress lately." Crowpaw quickly hurried over to Redhawk's side and let his paw draw lines here and there in the dirt. When have I not? "It's not every day you find out your best friend's sister is dead and did horrific things when alive and has... no problem killing me whenever she feels the need to."

"My best friend, by the way? RiverClanner. I haven't been in any of the... fights that may have happened. But I heard about them. And I apologize if it seems like I've betrayed ThunderClan by having connections with a RiverClanner, but I haven't felt like ThunderClan had my back either. Not in a... not in a long time. Not since kithood. I have RiverClan blood running through me and as much as I hate to admit it considering I was born and raised in ThunderClan... they've felt like my real family." It was a fact hard to admit, especially to one of ThunderClan's elite warriors. I've just realized. I've been trained by two Hornets. Well, ain't that just something?

"You promised we could talk after the visit with the medicine cats, so... we're talking. Poisonberry is my best friend's maniac of a sister. And I was told to protect her and the only way to do that was to train under her guidance in the Dark Forest. Looking back- I was incredibly stupid for falling through that hole. It's not a hole I'd ever want to fall in. I just- I believed it... because I had lost everyone I have ever cared about. Thrushstar, Quailfur, Fallowkit, Quietpaw, Lavenderpaw, Bluekit, Bluetkit, Archkit, Cinderpaw, Pebblepaw, Foxflurry, the list goes on. I don't want to lose Sweetsong either. I was desperate. I went to attack that Dark Forest warrior the first time I met Sweetsong. I- I'd die for her. She's the only one who ever really cared for me. The only one who ever even cared to help me. Everyone else... either made the problem worse or chose to ignore it. My grandfather- he died. I didn't even get to say goodbye because Pondwhisker was born and lived in RiverClan. I was off... struggling with myself. Struggling with the idea that ThunderClan ever cared about me. I know they didn't and they still don't. Over and over and over again my trust in this Clan has been broken. Shattered in pieces that are impossible to put back together. So you could only imagine... how naive I am. How idiotic I could be if my mind or body got the chance."

"I got snappy with Sweetsong once, when RiverClan didn't show to the Gathering because she had promised me that we could see each other. Annnnnd.... I got snappy with you because I don't know you well enough to trust you. And as much as it hurts to admit that- it's true. I don't trust a single cat in ThunderClan. My life? I don't trust anyone here to save it. I could slip up- completely on accident- and get myself murdered by the damn leader of the Clan I grew up in. But that's not all. I'm stressed about dying and being stuck in the Dark Forest completely cut off from the one cat that helped me. I'm stressed about doing or saying something stupid that triggers Bumblestar to the point I end up dead at her feet with my blood on her paws. I'm stressed about keeping Sweetsong out of the fight I'm dealing with against Poisonberry. And I'm stressed about- about... about if I die- if I end up getting killed... where I'll go. I failed to save my sister's life. I lost my entire family. I watched them disappear one at a time. My sister died in my paws. My mother died right in front me. My father disowned me and my innocent little sister because of the wall I have created between me and my family! Bluekit disappeared a moon after she was born and Sootfur, my starfather, disappeared, too, right after my adopted sister! I have every right to take revenge for everyone I've lost but I don't because- because I don't want to become... evil. I don't want to be in the Dark Forest because that place is full of murderers and maniacs. I don't know if I can be with Quietpaw in StarClan because StarClan has taken everyone from me. I don't remember the last time I was fond of our ancestors there." Jeez... what am I doing? Whatever it is, it just... feels right. I have to do it, so that... Redhawk isn't as surprised when I leave ThunderClan for good. She's been so nice to me, I have to somehow prepare her for my departure.

"You felt uncomfortable after I snapped at you and you have every right to know why, well- there you have it. There's your explanation! ThunderClan may have been my home... but it was never the family I needed. It was never the family I felt comfortable with. My mentors- your predecessors- all promised me that I'd make it to my warrior ceremony. The day they were assigned to me they made that promise. Sootfur? I hate him. He was the reason my sister died that day. The reason I ended up looking like this with the... scars and horrid vision. If it weren't for him... my sister would alive and happy! Alive and with me! Alive a-and... healthy! And guess what? All of them are gone. My first mentor? He ignored my pleas for help. He brushed it off... just like everyone else. Littleton, they... trained me once. Sootfur, h-he... well, he probably did something right, because... he had talked me into staying while he and my adopted sister and another warrior killed the fox that killed my sister. And just when I think I could get my father out of my life for good- by trying to get everyone to force him out of the Clan... just when I thought I'd be understood... Bumblestar came in to leadership and look what ThunderClan turned into. We are a less insane version of ShadowClan. I told Sparrowstar that my father would wreck ThunderClan. She didn't listen... and the day we had to evacuate the old camp because of that sinkhole? I nearly died that day. My innocent little one-moon old sister nearly died. Because he did not care enough to help me or her out himself. He never EVER said he loved me. My mother didn't either. Quietpaw couldn't, but I knew she did because of what she did. I didn't trust him with my life nor did I trust my mother... the only thing I love my mother for... is giving life to me and my sisters. My brothers died right after they were born."

"After Quietpaw died... no one except one cat cared about me. Cinderpaw, the medicine cat apprentice. Cinderpaw hugged me when I had those constant nightmares about the day my sister was ripped to shreds by a fox in front of me. My father nor mother cared to even see how I was holding up. They went off and got Quailfur pregnant. Not even thinking about how it would affect me. I was never hugged by them... I was never told I was loved by them... My mother called me a name and told my sisters to never turn out like me when I had snuck out of the nursery once... to watch a meeting. I watched it with my father. I went to be with the one cat I looked up to as a kit. That was the... last time my parents... and I and real relationship. It all went downhill from there."

"So yeah! I didn't trust you to keep your promise. And now you know why. It has nothing to do with you but rather- rather my past. You... are the third cat in my entire life to care enough about- about listening to me. The third. Only one of them was ThunderClan. And I'm.... what? 22 moons old now? Yeah... doesn't say much for ThunderClan now, does it? Says more about RiverClan. How they look out for each other. Out here in the forest it's every cat for themselves. ThunderClan isn't a Clan anymore as much as you all think it is. I'm sorry for... going on this sort of rant, but we had to talk. I-if I end up... dead because I chose to protect the one cat that's ever cared about me, I want at least one cat in ThunderClan to know my story. I trust you, Redhawk. I'm a jerk sometimes, but... at least you won't wonder why. Thank you for finishing my training. You've done more for me than any other mentor I've had."