the root of tears {private}

[Arie]

-- @Fallen One --

It was back... and she didn't like it. She didn't want it back. Sagefeather could remain in the back of her mind, gone, out of her thoughts for as far as Doepaw would have liked. But it seemed it was not the case and the usual grumpy molly was now stuck dealing with the anxiety that the visit had brought. Her first bought of anxiety in Shadowclan... what a great start. The shaking was horrible and she needed to get out... to escape it. But she couldn't. Slowly lifting her head she looked around without looking. She wanted something that could distract her, that could help her keep the shaking at bay. Be strong. She needed to be strong. Weakness was not accepted here, this... horrid nightmare would just be a hindrance for her to deal with. Would sight have helped with distracting her? She didn't know. It would probably just terrify her even more than she already felt... and it was horrible. Frostpaw was gone, out training and for once Doepaw felt relieved that her... friend wasn't there to watch her slowly fall apart. It wasn't as bad as it had previously been, having started it off feeling quite settled but it was typical.... that Sagefeather would come back to haunt her just as she was doing well. Just as she was starting to improve, starting to get better... Sagefeather would visit. Her mother was not someone Doepaw was any particular fan of, as was quite visible through the shaking. She just hoped... that no one was around to witness it. The only major anxiety attack another cat had witnessed had been with Flintspirit after her crash from the tree back in Thunderclan... and even that had been horrible. Taking in a deep breath another shudder went through her smaller body and the old apprentice wanted to snap at herself, pulled herself out of it. But she couldn't.

[MEAT ANGELS]

Originally Posted by Arie

-- @Fallen One --

It was back... and she didn't like it. She didn't want it back. Sagefeather could remain in the back of her mind, gone, out of her thoughts for as far as Doepaw would have liked. But it seemed it was not the case and the usual grumpy molly was now stuck dealing with the anxiety that the visit had brought. Her first bought of anxiety in Shadowclan... what a great start. The shaking was horrible and she needed to get out... to escape it. But she couldn't. Slowly lifting her head she looked around without looking. She wanted something that could distract her, that could help her keep the shaking at bay. Be strong. She needed to be strong. Weakness was not accepted here, this... horrid nightmare would just be a hindrance for her to deal with. Would sight have helped with distracting her? She didn't know. It would probably just terrify her even more than she already felt... and it was horrible. Frostpaw was gone, out training and for once Doepaw felt relieved that her... friend wasn't there to watch her slowly fall apart. It wasn't as bad as it had previously been, having started it off feeling quite settled but it was typical.... that Sagefeather would come back to haunt her just as she was doing well. Just as she was starting to improve, starting to get better... Sagefeather would visit. Her mother was not someone Doepaw was any particular fan of, as was quite visible through the shaking. She just hoped... that no one was around to witness it. The only major anxiety attack another cat had witnessed had been with Flintspirit after her crash from the tree back in Thunderclan... and even that had been horrible. Taking in a deep breath another shudder went through her smaller body and the old apprentice wanted to snap at herself, pulled herself out of it. But she couldn't.

Magpiepaw-
Was falling.
Down into fiery depths, as cats voices echoed from the shadows about him. Him being a disappointment, him being a loser, him being.... well, you get the point. Slowly, the darkness was breaking, and Magpiepaw almost thought Starclan had come to take him.
Until his eyes fluttered open and Magpiepaw saw cracks of dawn breaking into the green leaves of the Shadowclan apprentices Den. He let out a gasp of air, and leaned over, retching. Nothing came out, thank goodness. He hadn’t eaten for a while, anyway. After all, how could anyone eat or do ANYTHING when they were plagued by nightmares, night after night, for 2 moons? He had only begun to feel ill half of one ago. Sighing, he brought himself to his senses, and turned his attention to an older She-Cat on the other side of the den. Doepaw, was it? She had transferred from Thunderclan... Odd.... Magpiepaw could feel a shiver of anticipation run down his spine, and slowly began to stand up. Maybe he should... talk to her? The skinny Tom wobbled over to Doepaw, ears pinned. “hi-“
Oh no... was she having nightmares too? The troubled and fearful expression was too much for him. She looked close to tears. “.... you have them too?”

[Arie]

-- @Fallen One --

Looking up at the sound of retching and then the soft voice that was... clear, Doepaw slowly blinked her blind unseeing eyes. She could still feel the shaking, the horrible hell that Sagefeather had once again put her through. Sagefeather could rot in the deepest pits of the dark forest but it seemed she was intent on coming to haunt, to make her unstable. To make her feel disconnected. And she really was no fan of it, as was clear by her shaking, and the tears that had begun forming in the corners of her eyes. She could not let Sagefeather beat her, she couldn't let the memory, the nightmare, win over the reality. The true things. Yet when the voice inquired if she too had nightmares she slowly sat up a bit in her nest, movement stiff and unstable. "Yes... I have them... too." She knew very well what this cat was talking about. The feeling of being haunted, not left to rest. Of memories awakening and appearing real... and always staying there and leaving an impact on you. And she was afraid of it. Sagefeather could not, would not, become part of her daily day. It was just... not going to happen. Directing her blind gaze towards the other cat though she took in a deep breath, trying to stem the shudders for now. She was strong, she had to be strong. And being strong did not include tearing up after a nightmare, despite how horrid it had been. "I am... Doepaw." A short introduction as she shuffled further in the nest, maybe the other apprentice wanted some comfort? wanted to talk? She didn't know but the chance was there.