Perhaps it was recent events, raising his children where he'd never expected it in a twoleg house not riverclan, but Nathaniel had been melancholy of late. It was a complex emotion for him, he'd spent so long suffering in and for riverclan but he'd loved it dearly, been willing to and had done everything for the clan. That act had almost killed him, mind body and soul.
But he missed it, he missed the cats he'd loved he missed the clan life he missed the territory something awful. Did they think of him? What he'd done for them both good and bad? It was impossible to tell, but perhaps it was that desperation that caused tonights mishap that dragged the once Snakeheart and Minkpaw together.
You see, when you had a little shard of the starcave that facilitated dreamwalking and slept with it under your bedding and thought real hard about the haven springs, it was almost like you could slip right into the dreams of a cat dreaming of that location.
Not that Nathaniel noticed, the russet tom instead slipping right into the warm waters to curl in the spot he always used to, riverclan cat in movement looks and actions for at least that night.
Perhaps it was recent events, raising his children where he'd never expected it in a twoleg house not riverclan, but Nathaniel had been melancholy of late. It was a complex emotion for him, he'd spent so long suffering in and for riverclan but he'd loved it dearly, been willing to and had done everything for the clan. That act had almost killed him, mind body and soul.
But he missed it, he missed the cats he'd loved he missed the clan life he missed the territory something awful. Did they think of him? What he'd done for them both good and bad? It was impossible to tell, but perhaps it was that desperation that caused tonights mishap that dragged the once Snakeheart and Minkpaw together.
You see, when you had a little shard of the starcave that facilitated dreamwalking and slept with it under your bedding and thought real hard about the haven springs, it was almost like you could slip right into the dreams of a cat dreaming of that location.
Not that Nathaniel noticed, the russet tom instead slipping right into the warm waters to curl in the spot he always used to, riverclan cat in movement looks and actions for at least that night.
->> minkpaw [she/they, rc apprentice, 12moons] <<-
a dark blueish grey bengal-patterned she cat with silver eyes
almost a common occurrence as if late, minkpaw awoke in unfamiliar surroundings, thick fog clinging to the edges of her vision with familiarity she glanced around, it was neither the sprawling meadows of her own dreams nor the dark rock of mossfreckles mind that had proved more welcome than expected. apart from the unfamiliarity of their surroundings they didnt immediatly feel threatened so..it couldnt hurt to find out who had sought her out? right?
"hello? anyone here?" she called out after lifting herself off the ground, few patches of grass stood out against the mostly dry dirt and pebbles around her and the faint roaring of water was audible through the blanket of fogg.
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"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
Hmmm, nope never a calm happy night of rest, not for Nathaniel. If it wasnt nightmares of his past it was something so the tom didnt bother to leave the warm water of the haven springs, relaxing even if it was a dream, and instead called whoever this is over. "If youre a friend, yes there is someone here. However if not then you best see youself out, Im not keen to ruin my peaceful night hosting trouble." Still scenting the air and coming up with the familiar fishy smell of a riverclan cat the tom both relaxed further and tensed a bit.
A riverclan cat might be less inclined to commit a physical attack against the ex-medicine cat but the potential words of vitriol could rend a far deeper wound against the tom.
Still, he didnt leave, remaining in the springs as he watched the molly emerge. An apprentice or young warrior, who could probably recognize the riverclan location they were in even if it was made dreamlike by the circumstances, also probably able to recognize the riverclan like movements Nathaniel had in his swimming and very movement, even as his scent spoke more of a kittypet.
Nathaniel, for his part merely observed her in turn before cocking his head and greeting her with a "Hello. Lovely night for a dream is it not? Might I ask what your name and purpose for being here is? Cats tend not to end up in my mind without ample reason, even if they dont realize it yet." He didnt often use the gilded tongue that had shredded thunderclan so brutally years ago but here he did in a desperate bid to determine if he should cut the dream short or continue. Nathaniel just needed to keep his cards close for now, for his own safety if nothing else and determine the molly's purpose for being here because even through caution and time he couldnt help the urge he held to help if it was needed.
So he stayed and asked, rather then running from every chance of encounters with his old clan as he had before.
Hmmm, nope never a calm happy night of rest, not for Nathaniel. If it wasnt nightmares of his past it was something so the tom didnt bother to leave the warm water of the haven springs, relaxing even if it was a dream, and instead called whoever this is over. "If youre a friend, yes there is someone here. However if not then you best see youself out, Im not keen to ruin my peaceful night hosting trouble." Still scenting the air and coming up with the familiar fishy smell of a riverclan cat the tom both relaxed further and tensed a bit.
A riverclan cat might be less inclined to commit a physical attack against the ex-medicine cat but the potential words of vitriol could rend a far deeper wound against the tom.
Still, he didnt leave, remaining in the springs as he watched the molly emerge. An apprentice or young warrior, who could probably recognize the riverclan location they were in even if it was made dreamlike by the circumstances, also probably able to recognize the riverclan like movements Nathaniel had in his swimming and very movement, even as his scent spoke more of a kittypet.
Nathaniel, for his part merely observed her in turn before cocking his head and greeting her with a "Hello. Lovely night for a dream is it not? Might I ask what your name and purpose for being here is? Cats tend not to end up in my mind without ample reason, even if they dont realize it yet." He didnt often use the gilded tongue that had shredded thunderclan so brutally years ago but here he did in a desperate bid to determine if he should cut the dream short or continue. Nathaniel just needed to keep his cards close for now, for his own safety if nothing else and determine the molly's purpose for being here because even through caution and time he couldnt help the urge he held to help if it was needed.
So he stayed and asked, rather then running from every chance of encounters with his old clan as he had before.
minkpaw stilled momentarily, this was either an ellaborate scheme to make her relax to them attack when she least expected it, or the tom was actually not looking for trouble. either way, she approached further, ever present fog making way for starry water and a unfamiliar long fanged tom. "im not looking for trouble" she simply stated, silver eye resting upon the tom, immerged in a starry replica of what she had learned to call haven springs. the water swallowed most of his scent but the momevents and the fact that he had actively chosen to be inside the water made her suspect him a riverclanner. but how could that be possible? she had never seen this feline around camp and he didnt appear as transluscent as some of the starclan cats she had met.
"'m minkpaw n im not exactly sure what lead me to you tonight" she stated, skipping over the comment about what was essentially the weather to focus on thinking about potential reasons for her to be here. he had a point in saying cats normally didnt end up in his mind for no reason, and minkpaw knew that starclan must have their paw in this whole business in one way or another. like they had lead her to mossfreckle in times of desperation, and how blazingstar had taken to her when she was helpless and lost. "but im sure starclan has lead me to your mind for a reason.."
she concluded, swallowing a question regarding the tom, his name, whether he was alive or not, his clan et cetera et cetera.
(low effort but mobile is weird)
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"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
A part of Nathaniel told him to run, now. Even if this was a barely above apprentice and he was an older adult he’d never had fighting training and judging from scars she had, and she was avoiding the questions.
Intentional or not, it wasn’t good so if he didn’t get something soon the healer would be cutting this short. For one last moment, to judge if he could make a clear getaway or if there was actual reason to stay he lingered though, watching Minkpaw closely.
At the very least she didn’t recognize him and that gave him wiggle room.
Nathaniel huffed quietly, long fangs flashing, at the last comment. “Starclan… Now Ive not heard word of starclan for a long time…. And I suppose it’s been even longer since starclan has had a use for me. Now days they tend to leave me alone in my retirement.” Not that he’d really allowed them to interact with him even if they wanted him. Snakeheart had not believed in their existence with a ferocity that’d cut him off completely from their reach but for a single cat who’d snuck through by convincing him she was an imaginary friend. Even after he’d been forced to see they existed he’d hated them and still did for all they’d done. Altering his unintentional barrier to keep him cut off from them had been simple and effective, so no starclan hadn’t sent him more than likely Nathaniel had accidentally sent himself.
Let Minkpaw believe whatever she wanted however.
“I suppose if that is what’s happening I can make a guess at what is occurring however…. Sit, Ive never been one to harm a clanmate, and introduce yourself. How are Riverclans medicine cats struggling today?”
Worst the tom would do is run, hurting her was never in the cards and maybe it was his own guilt but if his shot in the dark was right he could actually help, as long as he wasn’t kept in the dark.
( low effort cuz im like 99% sure i wrote a reply for this already
@Rani)
minkpaws 'brows' furrowed in confusion, what could he mean by that? starclan was supposed to watch over all cats- he couldnt be a darkforest believer? or..just. evil? no, no he said retirement, so minkpaw was left with the only plausible option that he was a former leader, or medicine cat, and perhaps starclan had stopped talking to him much..or, as blazingstar had mentioned, starclan had just been uninvolved in general.
she didnt question it aloud, rather keeping the questions to herself until a later point.
at his word she itched a bit closer and sat, a clanmate that would make sense of him swimming for sure, "well..riverclan medicine cats arent really struggling because there is noone to struggle" she grimaced, "tansypaw has been gone for moons now"
telling him this much was foolish and she knew it, but wasnt she already known for foolishness, revealing 'clan secrets' to mossfreckle, and now telling this outsider that they didnt have a medicine cat as well. but, not unlike with mossfreckle, minkpaw was quite honestly desperate to a point of no return, unknown illnesses seemingly lurking in the deeper waters and practically everywhere at this point, putting her more and more on edge as the days pass. "but we're managing, i know enough to treat most of them" she threw in after a moment of silence, a pitiful attempt at making it sound like riverclan was actually doing fine. she might be a fool but- well, maybe there wasnt a 'but' maybe she was genuinely just a fool.
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"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
'Tansypaw' that was the name of yet another apprentice and the sigh that came from the tom as he relaxed back into the water. Of course it was, Riverclan could never learn from their mistakes and kept repeating them.
From what it looked like that trend would only repeat with this apprentice here, only that from what he could tell she was going towards this fate voluntarily though the tom was certain she did not know the cost it entailed. He'd offer that education before the other then, and if she still wanted to learn despite that then Snakeheart would become to her what Cricketpaw was too him.
"Oh Tansypaw was it? Poor dear, I thought it was Stonepaw however? Or Fawnpaw or whoever in the very long line of children pushed too young and too unprepared into a role that has a heavy cost."
The toms tone was bitter even if his face was free of judgement, and it was clear he was all too familiar with this cycle.
Nathaniel fixed a sharp serious gaze on Minkpaw, making it clear not taking his questions seriously and lying would not end well for her. "And you seem to wish to join this cycle by joining their ranks? Youre learning and helping all on your own when you have the chance to live a normal life, blissfully unburdened by any of it.
Dear your aspirations are noble and kind, but could very well ruin use as they have every cat in that rank before you."
Time for a brutal reality check, one that should Minkpaw withstand she'd gain his respect and help with. "Medicine cats are the only one of the clan who kill innocent loyal clanmates, did you know? No matter how good you are one day you'll find a case, a suffering clanmate who is doomed and you cannot help no matter how much you try. You'll be forced to either let them slowly suffer to death through agony or end their life yourself as a mercy. Either way their death will be on your paws.
Leaders get the grace that the clanmates they kill are traitors and dangers to the clan, should you pursue this path you will not and it will haunt you."
A sad cast to the toms eyes as he looked away, thinking on his own time in the rank as his words were mournful. "As if its not enough you'll be apart from the clan, separated in even a way the leaders are not. You'll sleep apart, work apart, live apart in a way they do not and they cannot understand the burdens you are under. You'll work all day all the time and it'll almost always been under bad circumstances as apart from kitting no one ever comes to you happy and hale. Your work will be dire, and endless, and frantic, and awful, and always too as even a minor mistake can mean a clanmates death that is your fault. You'll wish to be kind at times but find that nothing gets done if you are, that things will slack and cats wont listen to you and when they dont cats die so you will be forced to be harsh and firm. No one will thank you for that."
Nathaniels lip curled as his tail flicked harshly, residual ire built as he finished, ear flicking to Minkpaw pointedly as he hissed "And through it all, through the endless suffering while you are struggling to keep your and your clans heads afloat children will come. They are young and hopeful and bright eyed and you'll look at them and realize you are not a child like them, even if they are the same age as you. Youve been jaded and seen life how they cannot and they will covet the position you hold and you'll no matter how much you try hate them because they are naive to reality like how you wish you could be again.
Just like how you are right now."
The ire in him eased to an old sad cast the tom had held for a long time now, too worn and resigned to how the cycle repeated to maintain anger anymore. This was his one and only warning to her, and while he wished to spare everyone from this fate the ex medicine cat knew too well how life worked and this wish was impossible. If this did not scare her off of this idealistic dream then nothing would, and he could only try and make sure she was ready just in case instead.
"This is what pursuing healing might get you. But if you still wish to persist.... Well I can promise you that however much you think you know, however much you are 'managing' you are not in truth. But that if you wish to continue to heal without thanks I can teach you to do so effectively.
No matter how much I hate the idea of this same thing happening to yet another young cat I love riverclan too much to let it struggle as you clearly are without the knowledge.
minkpaw shook her head, "i dont remember stonepaw or fawnpaw, but i think tansypaw started around 6 moons ago, thats pretty much the amount of knowledge i have about riverclan medicine cats." the apprentice answered truthfully, leaving the fact that she barely remembered anything despite being around for longer than 6 moons hanging between them as a implication only. his tone made her wonder how much he had observed, how much more he must know about riverclans past and how he was so intimately familiar with former medicine cats.
minkpaw swallowed, his sharp gaze and serious tone carrying a statement that settled heavy in her stomach, could very well ruin you as they have every cat in that rank before you, minkpaw hadnt known tansypaw for a long time but the could very well feel the stress radiating off of her, pushing through exhaustion to cater to other cats needs, and knew his words rung true.
mind flashing back to the time she lived outside of riverclan, slow suffering, frail body sucking in shallow breaths, she tried to imagine taking their lives, shortening the suffering but also leaving with blood on her paws and the heavy pressure of thinking maybe, just maybe they couldve gotten better. she knew they were died, she knew she couldnt help, but looking back she didnt know if she couldve killed them. and even now, moons later, in a completely different environment, dead parents and barely any friends she wasnt sure if she could do it without beating herself up over taking another live. another live, another young soul that couldve done so much, cut short by her paw. she still felt the blood sticking to her skin, aching shoulders and blinded eye, all the pain condensed into heavy chocking sobs when she woke up from another dream, dirty and weight down with guilt.
but deep down, deep down she knew she could do it, free a clanmate from suffering. she couldnt detach enough to let the apprentices blood be washed from her pelt but a suffering clanmate would be different- wouldnt they?
his words, filled with hurt and the bitter knowledge of the truth, admittedly hit her hard, endless pain and suffering, separation, thankless work, but someone had to do it, someone had to be there for their clanmates in their most vulnerable moments. and if this is what it took, then so be it.
"i dont think i ever had a choice, it wouldve been foolish to watch my clanmates suffer and not do whatever i can to help." she spoke, voice steady and sure, "and i want to continue helping, no matter what it takes."
A narrow eye gazed over Minkpaw and honestly, Nathaniel had his doubts. Maybe it was his own jadedness to what'd been happening in riverclan for so long but he really doubted this child would be able to hang through. She was naive in a way, this reality check had shaken her that was clear and life would shake her harder.
But she still wished to help.
Nathaniel sighed, caving to that as his battered soul could relate to being unable to stand by even if it meant putting yourself into a role you did not suit. Minkpaw would be taught even if it was knowledge that she'd use to destroy herself as long as she did it for riverclan.
"I suppose I cant argue that kid. Id be a hypocrite if I did."
Snakeheart eased himself out of the water, stepping out of the comfortable escape of Nathaniel into the skin of the medicine cat he once was. "First lesson, painkillers, because while you'll never be able to save everyone you can always ease their suffering.
The two most common forms are poppy seeds and dandelions."
The tom padded through the dreamscape, snagging both flowers as he showed Minkpaw where they were usually found in sunny meadows. "Now poppy petals are useless but the bulb at the base of the bloom holds gold for a healer. Let it dry for a bit and shake it and look at what falls out, poppyseeds." The healer shook the bulb and as he said a cascade of many seeds fell, more then usually came from most sources. "There can be a great many seeds in there and if you put in the work you can learn to catch a lot of them so you need to collect less. These seeds are then eaten to treat pain, shock, and send a cat to sleep/make them woozy and easier to manage. A large cat will take three poppyseeds to fall asleep, a normal warrior or apprentice will take two, and you should never give a kitten more then one. However if you wish for the cat to feel pain relief but not sleep half that amount (though I am aware its impossible to half such a small seed just round down to a single seed), though bear in mind that may mean not all their pain is taken."
He moved on, picking up the weed that held many uses and chewed it before applying it to a paw as an example.
"Now dandelion you use as a salve. Chew it and apply it to a wound and it takes pain so I usually chewed it with marigold, especially if the wound was minor. Its less effective then poppyseeds and tends to not help the pain of deep injuries but can be easier to find (as it grows everywhere) and also helps sore joints like elders often get."
He was only going to teach those two tonight, wishing to see Minkpaws dedication to learing and trying these methods as well as her will to come back of her own volition first paw, but he did sit back for a moment, making sure she absorbed the knowledge.
->> minkpaw <<-
[ she/they | outsider | 13moons ]
a dark blueish grey and white she cat with silver eyes
relief of having 'passed' this test or whatever else he had used to determine if she was worthy of teaching, washed over her, another cat she had convinced of her drive to help, another cat willing to reveal their knowledge to a complete stranger. sure, it had been a bit more of a compliment to hear it from mossfreckle because he was still actively involved in clan stuff and could get seriously in trouble if anyone found out, but this gave her ego a tiny boost nonetheless. minkpaw took the information in, a lot of this wasnt exactly new to her but the mention of dosage of poppy seeds when putting a patient to sleep was new, she had only ever heard of using them to ease pain, never to up the dosage and put a patient to sleep.
dandelion as a painkiller was another one she had vaguely heard about but was glad nathaniel went over again. more minor wounds, chewed with marigold, joint pain. "what would be the best way to dry poppies?"
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"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
Future and past [p]
