¤— Coldamber : Death, Upright : she/her
Purrks- World Weaver : WindClan Ancestor —¤
It had been quite some moons ago when she last saw Rhiannon, when she discovered her son was still alive and well, and when she sent the aforementioned she-cat off with a shard of the moonstone, encased in amber she'd created.
It was meant to be a personal, direct link to herself and Snakeheart. And yet, try as she might, she could not seem to get through to him. Wherever he was, it was too far away for her to follow.
She wondered if the sweet molly she had spoken to was alright, if she'd made it home safely. But if so, why was it so hard for her to connect to him?
There were so many questions and possibilities that swirled in her head like a raging storm and at the center sat perhaps the most painful possibility of all. That he simply did not wish to speak to her.
It wasn't impossible.
She's not sure she would blame him, either.
After many failed attempts to reach him, she turned her attention to those closer who needed her. She busied herself with the business of the Medicine Cats, taught them, guided them. Anything to keep her from obsessively trying to reach out to someone who did not answer back.
Her attempts to contact him became fewer as she entrenched herself in the lives of the Medicine Cats. And as healer after healer was failed by their predecessor.
And Tansypaw came after Stonepaw came after Fawnpaw came after Snakeheart....
When would RiverClan learn? When would they stop failing their youth?
When would it all stop?
Children should not have such weights put upon them, and yet it happened time after time. And she had to teach each one anew when the healer before them perished without warning.
But it extended beyond just RiverClan. All of them fell into the same trappings of failure.
And it always came back to her to fix their problems.
She was not angry with the Medicine Cats, no. But rather than system that made this cycle possible, and perpetuated it.
She was tired of worrying after the Medicine Cats. Tired of them being maimed and killed as revenge for the transgressions of warriors and leaders and deputies, and the healers being expected to put up with it, and continue healing as if it should be a normal risk they are to expect.
She was beyond tired.
Beyond exhausted.
It was marrow deep, and made what was left of her own soul quake.
She ... She just wanted something to go right for her.
She wanted ....
She didn't know anymore.
Realizing that she needed to get out of her head, she approached the little pool of water she always used to interact with the living, and pressed her nose to the surface. She focused on the way the water rippled around where she made contact, and gently lapped at the skin it could reach.
When the ripples stopped, she closed her eyes, and let her thoughts wander.
Wander between the faces and names of those she'd loved, and those she'd taught. She found herself returning to one in particular.
Breathing deep, she schooled her thoughts, let her focus hone in, reaching out to where StarClan's presence wasn't felt, reached for that personal tie.
And she tried their connection one more time.
//Some way overdue Coldamber and Snakeheart reunion\\
[ @
Rani ]