In hindsight Dawnstars actions just felt cruel, even if she hadnt meant them to be. She'd taken Bleedingpaw, an unnamed unwanted kitten at the time, away from a cruel family and given him to a mother he'd not had with the cat who'd birthed him. Dawnstar had promised a family, and for a time he'd had one, as dysfunctional as it'd been. Bleedingpaw had a mother, a perfect one in his eyes, and even some siblings who liked him when he'd hoped for tolerance at best. To an external view perhaps the fractured divorced family had been poor, Bleedingpaw didnt even get a father from the deal, but to him it'd been perfect.
Only slowly, steadily it was being ripped away with siblings lost before their proper time, Darkfall becoming a shadow of himself despite having a chance to be a father more then a husband, and Lostspark's heart ever breaking for her diminishing family. Was the mollys death now the final nail in the coffin that Bleedingpaws gifted home was truly gone? Or perhaps was there more to come as even those who were left departed. Maybe even it was gone from the beginning and the naive and hopeful little thing just didnt notice he'd found family in a rotting corpse and was just now coming to terms.
He didnt know, but Bleedingpaw was fairly certain that he wouldnt be able to take it, even if someone gave him a step by step guide for his grief.
Not that they would, Shadowclan was kinder then most would expect in many ways but in this one, ice cold.
So he just... languished, the skinny apprentice laying limp in a corner of the camp, unwilling to rouse for training when usually he'd be first to wake for it. His fur, a source of pride for its beauty and the only real part of the body he ever felt proud of, untouched by his 'freakishness' as it was, was dirty and ungroomed. Bleedingpaw wasnt doing much of anything really, just didnt have the willpower for it.
Empty eyes, heart, and light the 'sunshine tom' was no more, dead with his mother.
In hindsight Dawnstars actions just felt cruel, even if she hadnt meant them to be. She'd taken Bleedingpaw, an unnamed unwanted kitten at the time, away from a cruel family and given him to a mother he'd not had with the cat who'd birthed him. Dawnstar had promised a family, and for a time he'd had one, as dysfunctional as it'd been. Bleedingpaw had a mother, a perfect one in his eyes, and even some siblings who liked him when he'd hoped for tolerance at best. To an external view perhaps the fractured divorced family had been poor, Bleedingpaw didnt even get a father from the deal, but to him it'd been perfect.
Only slowly, steadily it was being ripped away with siblings lost before their proper time, Darkfall becoming a shadow of himself despite having a chance to be a father more then a husband, and Lostspark's heart ever breaking for her diminishing family. Was the mollys death now the final nail in the coffin that Bleedingpaws gifted home was truly gone? Or perhaps was there more to come as even those who were left departed. Maybe even it was gone from the beginning and the naive and hopeful little thing just didnt notice he'd found family in a rotting corpse and was just now coming to terms.
He didnt know, but Bleedingpaw was fairly certain that he wouldnt be able to take it, even if someone gave him a step by step guide for his grief.
Not that they would, Shadowclan was kinder then most would expect in many ways but in this one, ice cold.
So he just... languished, the skinny apprentice laying limp in a corner of the camp, unwilling to rouse for training when usually he'd be first to wake for it. His fur, a source of pride for its beauty and the only real part of the body he ever felt proud of, untouched by his 'freakishness' as it was, was dirty and ungroomed. Bleedingpaw wasnt doing much of anything really, just didnt have the willpower for it.
Empty eyes, heart, and light the 'sunshine tom' was no more, dead with his mother.
had rookfire not been so awfully busy these past moons, he was sure bleedingpaw wouldve caught his eye. not simply because of his name, which rook couldnt help but frown at the mention of, how did any cat this young deserve a name so cruel? but also because the faint coppery heaviness of blood appeared to cling to the apprentice wherever he went, surely drawing attention here and there. it felt cruel, to take such an interest in a cat that was simply trying his best, but perhaps this very curiosity had ultimately driven him to holding the position he now did.
or perhaps his sudden heightened interest in the apprentice had nothing to do with his condition or the unusual scent hovering close by. perhaps it was a plain and simple as grief driving him closer to the cats his former mentor had kept close in her living days. cinderpaw had been on his mind from time to time since her reassignment. his very first apprentice. but where rookfire wouldve ignored the golden apprentice, laying limp and alone at the edge of camp, for personal ease, there was something tugging him in his direction now. like his head might leap out through his ribcage and make its way towards the young tom on its own if rook wouldnt comply.
he would like to pretend it was his sense for duty that ultimately put energy in every step towards him but even rookfire couldnt hide behind the image he tried hard to uphold to this degree. long since having had to come to terms with actually feeling things, unspecified, twisted and confusing, but emotions towards others none the less, he simply shoved the concern down, rationalising to himself as the voice at the back of his head whispered snarky remarks. "hey there" he opened after quietly clearing his throat, taking a seat a good tail length and a half away from the apprentice, striped tail wrapped around his body to neatly lay atop white tipped forepaws. "what do you say, we go take a walk n see if we can find some herbs?"
For a medicine cat the sluggish nature of Bleedingpaw's reaction time was probably an immediate red flag. Empty blue eyes had obviously seen Rookfire approach, locking onto his movement as soon as the tom got close enough to Bleedingpaw, and the apprentice hearing was unobstructed. However, despite all that he'd taken a few more moments then one should take to comprehend the words spoken, emotions in his eyes making it clear it wasnt some stubborn attempt to ignore Rookfires presence. No upon examining the simple truth was that Bleedingpaw's mind had taken such a hit of late that his actual reaction speed had dropped akin to a cat sick.
He wasnt beyond reaction at least, a small mercy given cats lost in their mind to the point of not responding at all seldom could be drawn back without heavy effort. And, eventually, the bengal blinked to more awareness, murmuring a soft "Yes sir." as he drew himself to his paws.
Well, kinda drew himself to his paws. No longer laying prone his ever present condition made itself known, a wobble sending him flopping as he tried to rise, second attempt quickly following and finding more success. Usually he had the strength to sort of resist the more gentle involuntary rockings, but he wasnt at his best evidently right now so this would have to be a leisurely patrol if Rookfire really wanted him.
Actually why did Rookfire want him? Pity? A hope that Bleedingpaw knew some herbs from Lostspark? Hopefully the former, Lostspark had promised to teach more herbs but hadnt gotten to in the end, so Bleedingpaw knew little. The golden bengal could tolerate pity, even as it stung.
As if he could discern which case it was the little tom looked up at Rookfire, wide blue eyes ever betraying his emotions, head bobbling around involuntarily as he waited expectantly. The sooner they started the sooner whatever this was could end and Bleedingpaw could hide from the world again.
Echos of my mother
