What Have I Done?[P]

[Pitou]

**Cougarivy**

@Toodle

Energy lit through the lithe she-cat as her claws found their mark and the wet stickiness of blood welled into her claw beds. The feeling sent a thrill up her legs. The excitement was short-lived as Goldenstep seemed to simply wilt beneath her, letting her body go with everything. A brief thought reignited her hope that maybe Goldenstep was simply letting Cougarivy let her guard down to attack but it was taking too long, she was losing any sort of potential advantage. Cougarivy pinned Goldenstep to the ground. Having her former mentor pinned beneath her sent another wave of irrepressible excitement through her and she shivered from tail tip to claws. She moved to flex her claws further but then she felt claws rake over her belly weakly. She moved away from the pathetic attack, shifting her back end to the side but aiming a vicious strike across Goldenstep's face as she moved away.

As soon as Cougarivy was off, she turned and noticed Goldenstep rising and making off in the opposite direction. A toxic smile spread over Cougarivy's mouth. She thinks she can run away from me? Cougarivy giggled and looped back around, arcing wide to cut off Goldenstep's escape. She pounced out of the bushes in Goldenstep's path, throwing a strike at Goldenstep's front leg, attempting to off-balance her so she could ram into the queen's flank to throw her down to the ground.

[Toodle]

As Goldenstep’s back paws pushed against Cougarivy, she was shocked by how heavy the small Molly seemed. Regardless, Cougarivy’s weight shifted back with her kicks. She was briefly relieved until claws raked across her face, leaving a welling trail of blood from above one eye down to the bottom of her jaw. Her nose stung, summoning tears to fill in her golden eyes. She pushed through the threatening blindness to flip onto her paws and run for an opening in the underbrush. She wasn’t looking back, focusing all of her energy on the escape. The more steps she took the higher her hopes grew. She wasn’t sure why Cougarivy wasn’t attacking, she was sure Fougarivy could outrun her in her current state, but she wasn’t slowing to question it. Until realization hit her with her former apprentice’s claws. Cougarivy was in her path and piercing claws scored through her foreleg, hooking it out from under her. A force slammed against her side, driving the breath from her. The ground crashed into her before she even realized she was falling. The lack of oxygen made her head spin. She tried desperately to get her paws under her and face Cougarivy. She knew an attack would be coming again soon and the desperation made her sick. She wanted to beg, plead. She couldn’t die here. But everything was blurring and her head was spinning, blackness dotted her vision. She tried to take in deep breaths, just waiting for another attack to land.
@Ravensong

[Pitou]

**Cougarivy**

@Toodle [Sorry for the delay! It's been hectic]

A thrill buzzed through her as Goldenstep's face fell before her very eyes. Cougarivy's claws sliced through her former mentor's foreleg and the she-cat went down heavily. Cougarivy purred, taking her time surging forward and putting herself over the top of Goldenstep. If the she-cat didn't move, she would put a slow measured paw down on her golden throat, slowly cutting off the air moving through her lips. "Oh come on. This was supposed to be a good fight. I'm trying to give you a chance here but you gotta work with me!" Couagrivy giggled. "See, right here. I'm wide open! You cann strike anywhere and it'd hit. Go ahead! Give it a shot!" She slowly let her claws slip from their sheaths and press into the soft skin of Goldenstep's throat to see if she'd move if she hadn't already.

[Toodle]

The next attack had been expected but Goldenstep hadn’t anticipated its slow measuredness. Her former apprentice terrified her in a new way she never knew possible. This cat was going to kill her and slowly. The paw pushed against her windpipe. She felt the air cut off and small pieces of her throat give way under the pressure. Her body struggled for air and then panic gripped her as she felt claws first press into her skin then puncture it. Cougarivy was telling her to fight back but she knew the molly was only looking for a good fight. The more she fought the harder Gougarivy would fight back, but not fighting wasn’t helping either. In her panic as she felt the life ebbing from her body, she threw a sluggish strike for the side of Cougarivy’s head. She just needed to get her breath. She rolled away, frustratingly slower than she would’ve liked. She knew now there was no point in trying to escape, Cougarivy was toying with her. Her throat was sore and rough but she tried to plead, ”Cougarivy, please, I have my kits. I’m not going back to Shadowclan, I just need to get back to my kits.”

@Ravensong

[Pitou]

**Cougarivy**

@Toodle [PP approved if you’d like to land some attacks in their scuffle]

The paw pushing through the air was slow but quick enough for Cougarivy’s instincts to take over, moving her body backward, off Goldenstep’s throat and out of range of the pathetic attack. She growled at herself. She wanted a good fight, the least she could do would be to let this former warrior get one good hit in her. She wanted to feel this battle, otherwise what really was the point? She rolled her eyes and watched Goldenstep’s attempts to move out of range. She took arcing steps to keep herself in position to follow Goldenstep but gave the she-cat a few heartbeats to regather herself. As she began to speak, though, Cougarivy rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to hear pleading and begging, it was unbecoming of a former warrior and a whole lot less fun than a real fight.

She giggled, “Your kits? You mean Elmshadow’s kits? That you stole away from him? The kits that keep his mind split between them and me?” Her blue eyes locked sparkling on the golden she-cat, a poisonous smile edging her lips, “Let ‘em die.” Her face fell, thoughtfully, and she piped, “Or maybe, maybe they’ll give me a better fight. I might just go after them when I’m done here. Be rid of all of my headaches for good. See if you taught your kits any better than you did yourself.” Cougarivy quickly locked her weight back into her hind legs then sprang forward, a devious grin lightening her face. The threat on her kits would hopefully liven up Goldenstep’s fight, otherwise, who knew, maybe she’d be bored enough to make good on the promise. Her outstretched front paws aimed for the injured she-cat, moving towards her shoulders and throat to roll her over, slashing in an attempt to lay whatever superficial strikes she could, hoping for the other she-cat to retaliate.

[Toodle]

Goldenstep’s heart dropped. She was trying to appeal to the heart of a heartless cat. She wanted to cry, hopelessness settling heavily in her stomach. Her legs wobbled unsteadily, the blood was staining her golden pelt. Her patch job she’d done after the fox fight was as good as useless, useless strands of cobweb clung to her staining pelt. Her eyes flew open as Cougarivy’s relentless attack continued. She tried to brace herself for the impact, knowing she didn’t have the strength to get out of the way quick enough, but Cougarivy’s momentum pushed Goldenstep over easily. She clawed desperately, hardly feeling the claws scoring her own pelt. She didn’t know how much she had left in her but she had to leave her former apprentice with enough to think against going after her kits. But in the midst of it all a lump lodged in Goldenstep’s throat. Ashpaw, Burningkit, and Sorrelkit were still in Shadowclan and Sunsetpaw was going back, would Cougarivy take out her revenge on them as well? She felt sick, her claws tearing Cougarivy’s shoulder only worsened the nausea. She didn’t want to fight but her claws worked desperately trying to preserve her own life, at least whatever little time she had left.

Goldenstep wasn’t sure if Cougarivy initiated it or it was pure luck, but the two split apart as their tumble slowed. Goldenstep’s body hit the ground limply. Her mind spun but her body felt numb, slashed and battered, cold. She pulled a weak paw under her chest and tried to push against the ground but her leg shook and gave out, sending her back down into the ground. Forgive me.

All of her life choices spun through her mind. How had she ended up here? She’d had such a wonderful kithood, idolizing Lilyleap, loving Gingercry dearly, cherishing Loonfeather. All she’d ever wanted was a family of her own. She remembered the first time she’d seen Elmshadow. He was so stoic, strong, self-assured, loyal. He was respectable. Who better to have a respectable family with than a strong and loyal warrior like Elmshadow? Was that where everything had gone wrong? At the very first glance? Or could her and Elmshadow have made it? Could she have done something differently? Oh Elmshadow, Despite it all, the one cat she wanted to see now more than any was Elmshadow. She wanted him to assure her, even if they were all honey-coated lies. He wanted him to tell her he’d always loved her, Cougarivy had been nothing, she wanted his presence, his comfort. She let the tears fall then.
@Ravensong [all PP approved, you can give the fatal blow]

[Pitou]

**Sunsetpaw**

Worry and fear swirled within the golden age-cat as she slipped through the camp entrance. Her mindless run through the forest had slowed as she reached the familiar camp and she became painfully aware that she would likely be chased off without a chance for explanation if she was caught. A lump of painful hoping lodged in her throat. Peering around the entrance and into the comfort of the Shadowclan clearing, she held her breath. She didn’t see any cats until she saw her father lingering by the medicine cat’s den. Her head cocked but her breath rushed out of her. Glancing around cautiously, she stalked into the camp and hurried over to Elmshadow. She kept her head down as she approached him, unsure how he’d react.

Elmshadow turned towards movement approaching him. For a heartbeat his heart soared as his mind allowed him to believe it was Goldenstep returning until he turned and he recognized his daughter. The brief moment of disappointment delayed his realization that his daughter was back…and she was injured. He narrowed his eyes as he looked around camp, trying to piece together what was going on. ”Where’s your mother? What happened? Have you talked to Dawnstar?”

Sunsetpaw shook her head, feeling the pressure of time passing and worrying over where Goldenstep was and how she was fairing. ”No, no, Goldenstep. In trouble. Fox. It ambushed us,” she panted.

Elmshadow’s stomach dropped, his emerald eyes widening slightly, his tone growing stern and brisk, ”Where?” He was aware of his daughter’s injuries but with Goldenstep in imminent threat Sunsetpaw’s injuries would have to be put on hold. Whether he could treat her or not before figuring out whether she’d be accepted back into Shadowclan or not was a concern for later as well. He focused on getting to his mate.

Sunsetpaw sucked in a breath, the puncture wounds in her leg and shoulders growing more painful and stiff as the adrenaline was wearing off but she set her resolve; she needed to get Elmshadow back to Goldenstep. She turned and hurried back out of camp with one more quick glance around camp. Elmshadow followed behind as the two ran through the forest; the dark tom was growing frustrated with their pace. He knew Sunsetpaw was going as quickly as she could but her injuries were hindering her but Elmshadow knew time was working against them.

**Cougarivy**

@Toodle

The roll was tapering out and Cougarivy realized she’d mildly misjudged the roll, not having accounted for how easily the golden she-cat would go down, and it wasn’t aiming to be a clean layout so the two she-cats broke apart, Cougarivy landing on her paws a fox length from where Goldenstep collapsed into the ground. The mottled little she-cat straightened as Goldenstep’s body lay limp. She took a slow step, her blue eyes studying for signs of life until her former mentor twitched, attempting to rise, failing and falling back to the ground. Cougarivy took slow steps, bringing her confidently up to the dying she-cat. She reached a paw around, wedging her paw under Goldenstep’s neck to roll her over to face her. Cougarivy looked down curiously, studying the older former warrior’s face. Tears glistened on her cheeks, sending a feeling of exasperation through Cougarivy, her blue eyes rolling exaggeratedly. Oh, so dramatic.

Cougarivy peered down at Goldenstep’s face, taking in the desperation and hopelessness, her eyes switching down to the dying she-cat’s throat. She licked her lips as she flicked a claw out. An urge was making its way down her spine and down through her toes. Toying with the she-cat was getting her nowhere and she was nearly dying as it was, too weak even to stand, but the bloodlust was overtaking her. Her mind could thinking of nothing else but the feel of the life’s blood flowing out around her claws. She refused to let Goldenstep die on her own, it needed to be her. Without meeting Goldenstep’s eyes again, Cougarivy slowly dug a single claw into one side of Goldenstep’s throat. Slowly, measuredly, cherishing the feeling of the blood progressing from a bubbling trickle to an irrepressible gush, Cougarivy’s claw tracked deeply across the other she-cat’s throat, her blue eyes watching the progress of her claw intently, studying the flow of the blood. Her smile was widening crazily, like a kit playing with their first live prey, a giddiness tingling through her pelt, rising in her throat as she watched the life fade from the former Shadowclan warrior.

[Toodle]

Goldenstep was distantly aware of Cougarivy’s domineering presence looming over her. This was it. She knew it was over. Her mind could think of no other saving graces. Goldenstep had abandoned Shadowclan, there was no rescue coming, not for her. She was on her own and this was the end. A knot welled up in her throat, the pain radiating through her body was slowly easing into eternal numbness. It was the cold now that struck her. She shivered in both fear and chill as she felt the claw pierce the skin of her throat. She didn’t flinch though, didn’t move, she accepted her fate numbly. Her only last regret was Sunsetpaw and the family she was abandoning in the forest. She prayed they’d be ok but it was beyond her control now.

The claw sliced jaggedly across her throat and the knot in her throat gave way to bubbling drowning. Her eyelids slowly closed as darkness ringed her vision. She let another tear slide free as death was consuming her. She wasn’t ready to leave her family but finally she allowed herself to accept that she was happy to see Lilyleap once again.

@Ravensong
( @Zesha @littlelove so you know what’s going on )

[Pitou]

**Cougarivy**

@Toodle

Warmth spread like a fire through the small she-cat's body. Her mind was entranced by the red blood flowing from the golden she-cat's throat. She licked her lips, bringing her bloodied paws up to her face and licked them slowly. Goldenstep had fallen still, death glazing over her eyes, but Cougarivy lingered, relishing the feeling that filled her. She played back the whole encounter in her mind. She'd been so hopeful for her former mentor to give her a good fight, one she could feel good about, maybe even bring back some new scars from. There'd been little luck in realizing that hope but she was letting the reality slowly sink in that Goldenstep was gone. The she-cat who'dstood in her way all these moons was gone. Elmshadow was hers, officially and completely. A giggle bubbled from her throat, growing in intensity and mirth. The thrill of it all was almost more than Cougarivy could comprehend.

A crashing, crackling sound cut through her joy and cut her laugh off instantly. She turned her head toward the sound, cocking her head. The sound was coming closer, surely cats. Did they hear anything or did Goldenstep send out for help? Cougarivy turned quickly and stalked away through the underbrush. Part of her wanted to stick around to see who was crashing haphazardly through the forest like that and what they'd do when and if they came across Goldenstep but she decided against it. She'd likely start to be missed anyway back at camp if she stayed out too much longer and she couldn't risk being caught. She looped out around the source of the sounds barreling through the forest before finally cutting back and skirting quickly through the forest back to camp.

**Elmshadow & Sunsetpaw**

Sunsetpaw broke through into the small crushed and bloodied clearing first. Her eyes searched desperately around the clearing, first for any signs of the fox then for her mother. She gasped just as Elmshadow pulled himself out of a bush behind his daughter, his green eyes finding the reason for her shock instantly. His heart dropped sickeningly. He pushed past Sunsetpaw and hurried to his mate's side. The blood marred her lovely, striking golden pelt, leaving her nearly unrecognizable. His mind spun and everything he knew as a medicine cat now seemed to rush out of his mind. He had to do something, anything, he had to save her. He swallowed roughly.

Elmshadow turned quickly and ran for a bush. Carelessly tearing through branches, he searched desperately for cobwebs. The branches and twigs tore at his pelt, leaving grey tufts throughout. The first cobwebs he found had been trampled and marred in his mad scramble through the bush. He unsheathed his claws and swiped at a nearby branch, splintering it on impact in his display of uncharacteristic explosive frustration. He then turned and dove into another bush, finding another bundle that he wound up quickly, not caring about the neatness, and rushed back to the still she-cat. He desperately began pressing cobwebs over her pelt but nothing moved and he was jarred by how cold she felt. His heart constricted and darkness tunneled his vision. Every thought fled from his mind and a deep ache settled into his stomach. He tried to take a deep breath but a weight felt as though it were pressing on him from all sides. He blinked forcibly, staring dumbfounded down at the mangled she-cat, once so pretty, once his beloved mate, the mother of his kits. He slowly lowered himself down beside her and let his eyes close. The cold coming off her body was chilling him deeper than any leafbare could.

Sunsetpaw couldn't move. Her paws sunk into the dirt, staking her to the ground where she first saw her mother. She watched Elmshadow's crazed dash about the clearing in a daze, nothing comprehending appropriately. Until Elmshadow stopped. Her eyes settled on her father then, as he stared down at her dead mother for long passing heartbeats. She saw everything in a new light through Elmshadow's deflated body language. She'd never seen love in her father before but now she saw it plain as the forest around her. The love he showed too late, Goldenstep was gone.

Sunsetpaw stepped gingerly to her parents as Elmshadow lowered himself down beside Goldenstep. The ground felt painful beneath her paws, every step sending a jolt of pain up through her legs, deeper than the physical wounds inflicted by the fox. She stopped on the opposite side of Goldenstep from Elmshadow, looking down at her mother, her heart aching like she'd never felt before. She leaned over her mother's body and let her tears fall, mingling with the blood in her golden pelt, and let the feelings of desperation, hopelessness, regret, and heartbreak threaten to drown her completely.