before they make me run. [p]

[silver.]

tansy
she/her // 16 moons // outsider

---

A dream? She didn't think anyone would really miss her after she ran off but she guesses that she stands corrected in this moment. She pauses in her work as Adder speaks, chocolate hues focusing on the stick now pressed up against the apprentice's leg, before swallowing hard and continuing to wind the cobweb around it to keep it snugly in place.

"Wish there were more cats like you, Adderpaw. 'm sure yer just about the only one that cares at all about where I've been, or that 'm even alive."

After all she had gone two moons now without anyone successfully coming across her. It wasn't even like she was hiding from Riverclan-- or any of the clans for that matter. It just seemed as though, to her, that no one cared enough to look. But judging by the apprentice's words maybe she had unintentionally made herself too difficult to find. Typical stupid Tansy. Again the other's voice draws her from her work. She was just about finished anyway but things seem to get more serious. And she's not really sure how she feels about it. The Adderpaw she knew was rarely this serious so... Just what was she about to ask?

Surely she was going to ask her to go back home with her, right?

"Uh, yeah, sure. What's up?" That's it. Keep it smooth, Tansy.

adderpaw | @Fish

[Fish]

Adderpaw
Determined ⋆ Loyal ⋆ Lawful Good ⋆ She/Her ⋆ Beefed Up T3
“One day I’ll be the greatest warrior of all the clans!”
@silver.

A soft smile came to her face when she received the compliment. It was nice in a sense but also a tinge of sadness came to her. There were cats she knew that cared for Tansy but they didn't have the same fire that she possessed herself. They all were too willing to bend at difficulty and to give up. That did not seem like quite the right thing to say. Gosh why were words so difficult to use? "I could name a few cats that missed you but... None as much as myself." She murmured the last bit.

Right. Time to get serious about this.

She looked Tansy dead straight into the eyes and softly placed one paw on Tansy's. Her ears burned as she did this, yet she mostly wanted to do this action to ground both of them in the moment. Adder did this mostly for herself as she often found her mind wandering away from herself. This time it was not allowed to do that.

"Tansy I am so glad that I found you, there are no words known to cats that express this greatly enough." Adderpaw confessed. This was light work compared to the battle yet to come. Learning how to apologize was so hard to do, learning to confess such big feelings, to do so great interpersonal interactions, these were all great battles that no one taught her how to do. This was a battle she was in alone.

Then seeing the chocolate hues of the molly's eyes, the soft and comforting smell of herbs that came from her... It all reminded her this wasn't a battle she was in alone. Despite it all, she could do it all.

"Tansy, I really adore you."

A soft breath, a gentle sigh.

"More than any other cat I've met before. The day you left felt like the day the world was supposed to end. Yet it didn't. I knew from that I had to find you, to keep searching. To one day.."

A glance to the left. A battle to find courage yet again. Look in her eyes.

"Tell you that I had such strong feelings for you... And.."

We are almost done, keep this pace. Breathe.

"If you don't feel the same.. That's alright. I could just never rest easy never having said this. To never allow my feelings a time to be free."

Is this dance over yet?

"Thank you for lending me your ear."

Adder bowed to the molly.

[silver.]

tansy
she/her // 16 moons // outsider

---

"Really? Ya could?"

For some reason it came as a shock to her. Of course she's so interested in the first part that she doesn't catch the second. After she had left the way she did she had figured that everyone in all of Riverclan wanted her dead. And she wouldn't blame them. It was a mistake. A moment of weakness. And things like that would wind her up dead. It's surprising that it hasn't already. Part of her wondered if cats looked for her out of concern or out of wanting to punish her for her deeds.

And then Adder rests her paw on her own tiny little dainty one. Paws that had seen too much in her short time alive. How they used to ache in the medicine den. How they used to throb from her standing for hours on end, working for hours on end--

Wait, what did she just say?

'I really adore you'.

What did that mean? The words swim in her head for only a few moments before the other molly continues to spill her heart out onto the ground before her and once again her eyes are blown as wide as saucers. Was this... A love confession? Was Adderpaw telling her that she loved her right now? How could anyone possibly love a pathetic, spineless, cowardly girl such as her? This had to be some kind of mistake. Some kind of joke. There was no way love was possible for a mistake like her.

Blinking a few times as Adderpaw bows her head, the torbie is at a lost for words. A loss for most anything, actually. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to respond? This had never happened to her before. Ears burning, she can't bring herself to make eye contact with the expectant apprentice before her, but she doesn't pull her paw away, either.

Did someone like her really deserve love?

"I, uh... Ah, uhm... Thanks for letting me know. D-Don't really understand why but I, uh... Sure, any time. I've always been good at listenin'."

The question was... How does she feel? And was that answer good enough? Ugh, she was so awkward!

adderpaw | @Fish
( IM A SILLY WHO FORGOT TO MENTION VJEBFJDJ )

[Fish]

Adderpaw
Determined ⋆ Loyal ⋆ Lawful Good ⋆ She/Her ⋆ Beefed Up T3
“One day I’ll be the greatest warrior of all the clans!”
@silver.


Adderpaw flicked her ear unsure what to say or do now. She felt awkward that was for sure even though she promised herself to not feel anything after doing this. "You really don't give yourself enough credit." Adderpaw said softly before she looked to her injured leg. She wondered how long that this would take to heal hoping that it wouldn't impede her progress to becoming a warrior.

"Are you going to stay out here?" Adderpaw said finally breaking a long silence. The apprentice gave a glance around the area. There was no counting how many dangers could possibly be lurking around here at any moment. Sure Riverclan territory could be dangerous itself but with so many cats around it made it a lot safer than here. "I could always come out to visit you if you don't want to return.." She hid the pain in her voice when saying that.

[silver.]

tansy
she/her // 16 moons // outsider

---

When had she ever given herself an ounce of credit? Even when she had been suffering through her work in the med den she never let herself rest. Never told herself she was doing a good enough job. Because for everyone else in Riverclan what she was doing was never enough. And maybe that affected her more than she would have liked to have admit. Then Adderpaw asks about her coming back and her expression falls even further into despair. They wouldn't want her back. Wouldn't accept her back. If anything she's sure there would be a group of cats wanting her dead or exiled for the stupid thing she had done.

"I... I don't think that's possible, Adderpaw." She whispers, gaze finally falling to settle on her paws. "Doubt the clan would want me back. An' even if I did come back what good would I be? My duty was as a healer an' I doubt I'd be given the chance to fix it all... 'm surprised warriors didn't track me down an' kill me sooner."

Oh but she could hope, right? Hope to go back home and apologize and take up the mantle of medicine cat once more to continue trying desperately to make Gingerfrost proud of her. To make her mother proud of her. Stars dammit, why wasn't anyone proud of her?! How much harder would she have to work? Tears welling in the corners of her eyes, she wills them away as best she can so she can continue to argue the thought. Who was she arguing against, though? Adder or herself?

"I wouldn't want ya to get in trouble by comin' out here... Maybe it would be better if ya forgot me. I'm sorry that... That ya feel that way and 'm tellin' ya to try and forget but I think it'd be best for ya, yeah?"

adderpaw | @Fish

[Fish]

Adderpaw
Determined ⋆ Loyal ⋆ Lawful Good ⋆ She/Her ⋆ Beefed Up T3
“One day I’ll be the greatest warrior of all the clans!”
@silver.

A soft sigh escaped from Adderpaw when she heard this. Of course Tansy wasn't going to say yes—What exactly did she expect? She did leave from this clan because of... It.

"Tansy.." Adderpaw said softly before shaking her head. This was the time for the best words she could form together. If she messed this up, Tansy may never return to Riverclan and shine her own little light on it. A deep breath, a long exhale.

"Listen, many cats did try to find you. Many were upset that you were missing but.. Well they did not have something that I had when looking for you. The Adderpaw amount of determination. Everyone else gives up to easily but they do miss you."

"A few names do come to mind. Cobwebpaw, Minkpaw and Birdsnow. They all cared for you deeply and they do miss you very much. I'm not sure how else to prove it either than to bring you back home." She said before looking around the outskirts. This wasn't a proper place for a Riverclan cat.

"And to hell with all those troublemaker cats. If I could I would steal all their tongues so they can't say all the stupid things. Unfortunately I can not but as I promised they day you left and will forever do, I'll protect you from any cat that tries to bring any harm to you." Adderpaw stopped there not sure what more to add from there. This was a promise that she would keep till she couldn't anymore but wasn't sure how to convince Tansy of that. In honestly, she didn't want to have to prove it with anything more than words. Actions.. Oh she would do it but to see Tansy be hurt by something like that.. Maybe the clan would calm down and not have so many fleabrained cats in it for the rest of time. That was a sweet dream Adderpaw would love to come real.

[silver.]

tansy
she/her // 16 moons // outsider

---

The words should be a comfort to her. Knowing that there were still cats back in Riverclan that cared about her. That cats did go looking for her after she had run away and didn't look back. But it's not enough. Even Adderpaw's devotion isn't enough to bring her back right now because the fear of rejection still lingers bitterly on her tongue. Even though it means more than anything. Means the very world to her. Avoiding her gaze, however, the young healer rather would stare at her paws as to hide from the disappointment that she assumes has taken it's place on the apprentice's face.

"I know ya would. I know." She says, voice nary above a whisper. "But maybe it's better this way. Me stayin' out here. I belong out here... I don't think I ever belonged in Riverclan."

Once an outsider, always an outsider. After she speaks she chances a glance to the other's face, her ears once again laying flat with the hot burning shame she feels. Shame for running away. Shame for continuing to run away like the coward she is.

"Thanks. For everything. You're a good cat. And you're gonna make a good warrior. Sorry for ever makin' ya feel like you wouldn't."

adderpaw | @Fish