RiverClan Floodstone

[poppy]

cw for sickness, self deprecating + heavy thoughts

She already knew this was a bad idea. A coward would have fled back to the depths of the den, and Bird was okay with being a coward. But then Dusklion showed up and the former put-together, regal leader felt her chest clench. ”’m sorry.” She croaked out, pale face growing flushed with shame as she lowered her head to hide it. God she was pathetic. Useless. A failure. A disappointment. She had wanted to make her fathers proud, she had wanted to make everyone proud. She had wanted to take care of everyone. But Bird forgot to take care of herself. And now she couldn’t do any of those things.

Riverwhisper was the first to make his way over to her, and the way he was quick to touch and groom and rock her would have made the ragdoll immensely uncomfortable and childish if she wasn’t almost too sick and to form words to snap at him. Plus, he was being kind. Tugging herself away from any rocking- for the sole purpose of not wanting to seem like a baby, she turned her head from the fish, nausea rearing its ugly head as she struggled to keep her gag reflex from activating, her upset stomach turning. ”Thanks…. Will…. Will try later.” She mumbled, forcing a smile (more of a grimace).

When he mentioned the Clan needing her, she shrugged her bony shoulders, unwilling to spoil Fading’s announcement. Not anymore. She thought miserably, eyes panning to the deputy atop the Floodstone. The Wavestone. Dusk had suggested that. Bird had wanted to name it. She had wanted to do so many things. But it was fine.

Her name being called interrupted her thoughts, and she turned her head to catch Adderpaw approaching. More grooming. Bird was briefly offended- she had tried to groom herself this morning. But that wasn’t enough, she looked like a rat. But it was fine.

She longed for Kes, and hollow oceanic eyes searched the crowd for her mate, but she couldn’t find her. Maybe that was good,. Bird wasn’t pretty anymore. She wasn’t happy anymore. She was barely even nice anymore, it felt like. She wasn’t strong or tough. She knew Kes loved her and she loved Kes but the screams of the doubtful demons clawing at the borders of her mind cursed her and howled that her mate would leave her. And that she would be right to. The nausea got worse and Bird couldn’t even formulate a response to Adderpaw, her chest tightening.

The guilt, the nausea, the burning, ugly hatred towards herself grew into something akin to being ripped to pieces as Rainpaw approached her, speaking (although all she heard was mumbling through the haze, like he was coming from underground.. Or maybe she was the one underground) and then fleeing and coming back, smelling of vomit (Bird swallowed bile, and hoped her fur and the shadows cast by an overhanging cloud hide the ghostly pale-green she turned at the scent) and wobbled. A shaky blue tabby paw reached to try and catch her apprentice as he passed out, whether it was successful or not she felt her shoulders slump with guilt. She was hurting him. She was hurting everyone. If she died she’d be breaking a promise but if she lived she’d just be making everything worse. And she couldn’t even take a step back and try to avoid them (she had discovered that hatred was much better than making cats upset at the mere sight of her) because then she’d be abandoning them- Like mom did. I know why she left now.

But she knew the best thing to do. ”’m sorry Rain.” She rasped out, taking a step back as Mistyshard and other cats came rushing to his side. Fading away like the ghostly shell she felt like. Stepping back so they could help him. She felt like the mother of RiverClan sometimes, but then on days like these, she felt like the killer of RiverClan. Perhaps she should have stayed in the early grave she was sent to. Maybe early wasn’t right. The grave she was supposed to stay in. The flowers that were supposed to be blooming over her childhood body in that remote clearing so far away now wilted in cruel, unkind soil.

She’d let them help him. Perhaps he’d grow closer to one of them. They’d be a much better mother and mentor than she had. There was still time for him to find a mother who could be there for him without needing someone to be there for her. She had never learned how to be a mother that stayed, or a mentor that taught. She’d hurt without him, but he’d hurt less without her. And that was all that mattered to her.

Bird nodded to Cobwebpaw, feeling very much like a disobedient kit who had forgotten to groom her fur or go to be on time. How was it that she, the cat who was supposed to hold everything together, forgot to hold herself together?

Not important for much longer. She felt herself thinking as Cobwebpaw spoke, dipping her head as she leaned on the den entrance frame as a support, very much wishing it was Kes. She felt a smaller cat come and lean next to her, looking down to see Eaglepaw. She welcomed the smaller cat, the gentle support and the comforting silence, feeling something in her chest ease slightly, like she was carrying a mountain but a pebble slipped off her shoulders.

Then Fadingsun spoke, and words melted together but she got the gist. Dipping her head, she nodded to gratefully and respectfully acknowledge him. Until more cats began to speak, and she felt herself stiffen.

Dusk was just going along with the crowd. Now that Bird wasn’t leader anymore, now that Bird didn’t have the power to give Dusk what she wanted, the other cat tossed her aside. Hurt flared in the ragdoll’s eyes, but she quickly realized she was too tired- and pissed- to care. Dusk hadn’t said a thing. Hadn’t voiced any concerns. And now that Bird wasn’t someone important or powerful anymore, it seemed like her friend’s true feelings showed. Just like they did to him. Wormbite and Beansprout’s betrayal wasn’t forgotten, and Bird had had a feeling that if she ever stepped down, she’d lose some friends. They’d turn on her.

She just had never expected it to be Dusk. And that hurt. Birdsnow felt like a fool, she had trusted and promoted that cat. She had been vulnerable in front of her. And if she had made Dusk deputy, would Bird be dragged out to the outskirts right now? God, she felt so stupid. Lightheaded and breathless, the leader took a moment to gather enough strength to speak, feeling her head clear briefly. She raised her voice just loud enough for Dusklion to hear her, her voice only holding confusion with a thin underline of newly bloomed distrust. ”Dusklion, if you truly… thought so….. poorly of me… you had plenty of time to speak before all this. You…. you had every opportunity to be proactive…. with any problems or concerns… you had with me…. But instead you seemed to… to be fine, didn’t say a thing, until… until just now. Until someone… calls for my exile and…. and I have no way to defend myself.” The insinuation was clear, and the sickly molly did her best to hide it. Hide the betrayal and surprise from spreading across her hollow face. She had to be wrong. Surely not Dusklion was now agreeing with the cat demanding her exile. Now way in hell.

Perhaps promoting her to Head Lionheart was a terrible mistake. Just minutes ago, Dusk had kindly spoken to her and now? Now this was a different cat. Bird swiftly noticed that Dusk tended to only support the popular opinions, and had switched tunes as fast as she had seen it in seasons. And she had expected better from the cat, as a warrior. As a Head Lionheart.

As her friend.

But she wasn’t going to play the victim here. And honestly? She wasn’t even going to spare a second of thought to Redmire’s incessant chattering. If Fadingsun wanted her gone, she’d leave. It would come as a surprise, but considering how many cats had just suddenly changed tune on her, it wouldn’t be a total jaw-dropper. And Redmire wasn’t someone who she cared about, barely someone she even noticed around the Clan anyways. She hadn’t seen this cat hardly at all, and judging from how she was so quick to start drama right after the new leader said not to, it wasn’t a cat who’s respected she cared about.

But Fadingsun was running a meeting here. And she wasn’t about to become what she had tried so hard to dispose of. It didn’t matter if he noticed his sister’s inconsistency- although she hoped he took note of it. It didn’t matter. Because she did. And she felt her heart crack a bit from the shock of the turn, but she would get over it. She had gotten over worse.

Redmire snarling about Bird doing nothing wasn’t lost on the ragdoll, but she ignored it completely. She hadn’t done much recently except starve and rot in her den, trying to strengthen herself. To prevent a situation like this. To stay in the comfort of ignorance where everyone only supported her when they could earn political gain from it. But Redmire was clearly a fool if she had forgotten everything Birdsnow had done during her days as deputy, and early days as leader.

Left alone with one consistent lionheart, no deputy, no medicine cats, very little support, and dealing with what mental struggles she fought with was hard. And she couldn’t blame these cats for not understanding having all that weight on their shoulders, because how could they know? They couldn’t know how physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting it was to have everything on her. Healing cats during the battle, leaving her own wounds unchecked, taking care of apprentices, piecing together a lionheart team, fighting those awful rogues. And trying not to lose herself and kill herself over it.

Words supporting her and words calling for her exile echoed in the outskirts of her mind, and she nodded gratefully to what few encouraging cats she could find, but mostly she just sat. Sat and waited for Fadingsun to give any verdict. She wasn’t willing to disrespect his commands for an orderly meeting, after he had clearly laid down what expectations he had for the Clan.

Trying not to listen as her heart broke, or as her breath rattled in her chest, or as she leaned probably a little too heavily on the den wall for support. She had done what she felt was the best choice. She would speak up, explain, apologize, but what good would that do? Besides making Fadingsun’s job harder? Sinking down, glancing down at Eaglepaw with a small, comforted, rattling hum of a purr that died in her throat, she sighed softly.

Trying to catch the two new Lionheart’s eyes, she tried to send them a small nod and very faint, weak smile of congratulations. They deserved it. (if she lived past this sickness she would have to thank Owltalon) And then she turned her head to Marigoldleap, nodding her pounding head. ”Thank you.” She croaked out, sending a grateful, weak smile in the direction of the other molly.

Maybe death wouldn’t be so terrible, after all. Whether she was sent to the highest of StarClan or the deepest depths of hell, at least she’d be at peace.

( @taillow @dino. @Mica @Breaking Dawn @sillycreatur @Dolomedes @Marigoldwhisper @Madelaine )

[Sklee]

Amberwing's head tilted. Of course. Another new leader. Honestly, she'd have a better chance of stability as a rogue. But she was as loyal as she could be, so that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. Instead, she padded anxiously, cheering for the new Lionhearts.

[taillow]

Dusklion - RiverClan Head Lionheart
She/her | 27 moons | Go with the Flow, Beefed Up T3, Rapid Recovery, Shadow Fiend

With Redmire and Owltalon handled, the head Lionheart turned around. She wasn't expecting anymore outbursts, but still kept her ears perked for anymore squabbles. Dusklion was ready to drag cats out by their tails if they kept trying to interrupt the meeting. She turned her gaze back towards her brother as she waited for it to continue.

But then a voice spoke up, and low and behold... Dusklion turned to look at her, eyes widening in surprise. When had she called for her exile? Did Birds really not understand her frustration? Of being essentially left alone to handle things like cats trespassing, missing cats just walking back into camp, left by herself to handle those things while Birds had stuck herself in her den? She had only come once to her aid - and that was when Fades had been brought into camp. And even then, she hadn't offered herself for the patrol. Dusk hadn't realized how angry she was at that until they had all gotten back to camp and Birds had been nowhere to be found.

"I never once called for your exile," came the bitten reply, Dusklion both shocked and confused as to why Birds was saying that. "Do I think that your leadership has been lackin', 'n that your presence in this Clan has dwindled? Yeah, I do. Where were you when it was me 'n Mists confrontin' the missin' cats who just showed back up in camp? Where were you when I caught an apprentice over on ThunderClan's territory tryin' to hunt for them? Because I brought both of those situations to you first, Birds, 'n you were nowhere to be found. 'N they didn't happen when you were sick - they happened before Fades was injured - 'N if I recall correctly you were perfectly healthy enough to come out of your den for that." Now came the anger, because truly Dusk had not expected this. Was Birds so self-centered that she refused to see how much she had failed the Clan? It had been nearly two moons of inactivity from her, and when she had joined her in the clearing when Fades had been brought in, she had been in a perfectly healthy condition then. That left a moon and a half, at least, unaccounted for.

But she didn't want to start a squabble. "How am I suppose to bring concerns when you're nowhere to be found to bring them to?" That was the last piece she'd say before she turned her gaze back. She had offered the kind words to Birds now because of her current condition. But that condition was recent, and didn't explain the lack of presence in the Clan since the last meeting.

"I supported you because I thought you could do better than... any of our other leaders so far. But you didn't." And that's what hurt the most. Dusklion had been running her paws ragged trying to keep this Clan afloat in the absence of both Birdsnow and Fades. And now the leader was trying to... what? Make it seem like she'd been around to bring concerns to? Dusklion just scoffed and shook her head. For now she was done. There was nothing left to say as she glanced back up at Fades.

Oh stars. She had probably just made things worse, huh?

[ Birdsnow - @poppy ]

[dino.]

So far, Redmire's brand new hitlist consisted of:

1. Owltalon, for being idiotic and aggravating and making Redmire wonder how the other feline even secured the Lionheart role in the first place
2. Fallenwish, for having a completely unwarranted attitude that made Redmire want to shred her muzzle for
3. Cobwebpaw, because the look they gave her was also totally unwarranted and now Redmire was flexing her claws in the dirt to keep from snapping
4. Eaglepaw, but only a quarter of the way, because that was a literal child and there was no way Redmire would be caught feuding with a toddler
5. Birdsnow, for reasons that should already be perfectly obvious to everyone else but somehow went over the entire Clan's head aside from literally one cat. Time to purge everybody and start over completely, apparently.

Her ears flattened at Dusklion's reprimand, and with a quiet sniff she sat back down, kneading at the dirt. She was half-tempted to throw the head Lionheart up there with the others, but Dusklion was just about the only cat currently worth respecting right now and Redmire couldn't subject her to that level of lowness, even if she'd never know about it. She merely met Dusklion's glare with a borderline-apologetic look before curling her tail over her paws and scowling up at Fadingsun.

Her ears turned in Dusklion's direction as the Lionheart addressed who Redmire now considered nothing more than an outsider permitted visitation, and she curled her lip, muttering "Excuses," under her breath.

[ i lied and am making one more post mostly bc red isn't really saying anything directly to anyone this time - pings are for character mentions @Marigoldwhisper @taillow @sillycreatur @hades. @Mica ]

[Madelaine]

___...*| Marigoldleap |*...__
[ She/Her - Riverclan Warrior -
Purrks: The Collector and Go with the flow ]

She dipped her head to the former leader before hearing Redmire. She didn't have anything to say. She wasn't on anybody's side cause both sounded equally as true. She had to admit that Birdsnow really hadn't done anything all that great besides taking care of that pest Birchpaw. At the same time Birdsnow could have turned on her clanmates and just straight up left like all of the other coward leaders had done, but she had stayed and faced it. She was owning up to her mistakes a bit. Marigoldleap sat down to wait for Fadingsun to say something more.

[ last post from me until fading continues ]

[forest]

|tags: @poppy|

Riverwhisper's ears drooped a little, but it was barely visible. He turned up as Fadingsun announced that Birdsnow had stepped down and that he was to be leader. His words only meant more now.

"Birdsnow, even with Fadingsun's announcement, that still doesn't mean you're not important. Remember what I said about the warrior code? It rings more true for you now than ever." Riverwhisper saw Birdsnow flinch away from his gentle rocking and grooming and he obediently stopped. But when he saw Bird flinch away from the fish- "Birdsnow. Please eat something. It's not good for you. Maybe a mouse, or a vole? Something less heavy?" he asked.

Am I being too much, or am I doing what I should? he fretted in his mind. "Will you at least go see Marigoldleap? I'm worried for you, Birdsnow." he murmured softly.

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|tags; @dino.; @starry (for misty mention) @sol. (for kes mention)|

Redmire. Riverwhisper growled. This she-cat had always hated Birdsnow- in her opinion Bird had done nothing for RiverClan- but she'd taken it way too far. River strode furiously over to Red, and stopped in front of her, tail lashing and ears pinned, his lips drawn back in a snarl.

"How dare you talk about Birdsnow like that! She only didn't finish her apprenticeship because she died. And StarClan gave her the chance to live life again! Would you say the same about Mistyshard? Or Kestrelskies? I guarantee that if you died right now, you wouldn't be sent to StarClan for disrespecting our (former) leader! You say we need to cleanse RiverClan of the things dragging it down? Let's start by removing you instead!"

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*Due to my emetophobia

[tags; @Breaking Dawn, @sillycreatur, @alec]

Oh lord. Rainpaw. You'd think Birdsnow had dropped dead at his paws with his reaction! Riverwhisper flinched as Rainpaw spat out [REDACTED*]. Great. Now he was sick. Birdsnow's apprentice was making a scene that was getting more attention than Fading's announcement. "Come on. Let's get him to the medicine den before he wakes up and starts yowling again." Stars above, RiverClan was a mess.

[kittycatburmise]

Irisfrost

Fadingsun had called a meeting, and Irisfrost already knew what was about to hsppen. Birdsnow had either died, gone missing or stepped down. She padded over to the Floodstone, looking up at the deputy. Fadingsun would be a good leader. He was smart, practical and most importantly, active.

Before Fadingsun had the chance to announce his new leadership, her eyes were drawn to where Birdsnow stood, looking deathly sick. So she was stepping down. Her apprentice- Rainpaw, she was pretty sure he was called- bolted out of camp. What was he doing? Then Rainpaw was back before collapsing on the ground. Mistyshard and Cobwebpaw were quick to rush to him and from what she could tell, he seemed to be alright.

Eyes back on Fadingsun, Irisfrost watched as he spoke. She agreed with him; there was not enough respect in this clan. Warriors lazed around and disrespected their superiors.

She was slightly disappointed she didn't get the role of Lionheart, but this was Irisfrost's first post so it's not like that could've happened. Still, she nodded in approval of the choices. Everything seemed to be going well so far.

Until Redmire had to shout out her opinion. When could cats learn to hold their tongue? Of course, other cats started yelling too. Irisfrost's tail lashed in irritation. When she got an apprentice, she would train them to be better than this. Now even Dusklion was talking, calling out for Birdsnow's exile.

Turing to Owltalon and Seabreeze, Irisfrost gave them both a quick dip of the head. "Congratulations," she told them.

[ @dino. - Redmire mention @Marigoldwhisper @Dolomedes ]

[starry]

Mistyshard couldn't believe the disrespect some were treating Birdsnow with. Fadingsun's instructions should have been clear enough... as much as she had been excited for Birdy's leadership she was glad her friend had done what her body needed and not strained herself further. As much as she'd like to be there for Birdsnow right now Rainpaw was in danger and she had to do something. Out of one ear, she was able to hear that Springburst had been demoted and Seabreeze and Owltalon were now lionhearts. That was good, they were active and deserved it. Anyways... back to Rainpaw. Something bad smelling... she could do that. She watched for a brief moment how Cobwebpaw used the chervil - chewing the roots up and feeding the poultice to Rainpaw.

"Right.. okay."
With that she bolted off into the herb storage once again, one amber eye darting around the many plants. She couldn't find anything that was particularly bad smelling. However, horsetail's clean, sharp scent was pretty distinct from the others and she felt like it immediately brought her to senses. Maybe that would help Rainpaw as well? It was the best she had to offer. One sprig of horsetail was hanging in her maw as she bounded back over to the floodstone.
"This is the only thing I could find that had a pretty distinct sharp scent... it's not necessarily a bad smell but it was clean and strong enough to sorta bring me back to my senses and clear my head as well."

[ @sillycreatur @Breaking Dawn ]

[Goopysharkboi]

Appleberry gave a gentle nod. He respected Birdsnow's decision, and was understanding that Fadingsun(at least, he thought that was his name. His age is finally catching up to him) would be taking over. He did have one question though. "Just a quick question: are you going to make patrols more frequent and if so can I lead one?" He meowed politely, being very eager to help out where possible. His rather scraggy exterior always hid his true ability and strength.

[alec]

( im a bit late to the party cuz timezones but oh well. if anyone needs to opt out because of emetophobia itd be no problem, ill be 100% comfortable and ready to continue so noone needs to rp stuff they dont want to/cant @forest @starry @sillycreatur @Breaking Dawn )

minkpaw hurried over to the other cats gathered around rainpaw, paying no attention to whatever fighting was going on at the moment but rather get to the cats scurrying to get rainpaw some herbs and get him back up.
"trying to get him awake can wait a moment, we should get them out of the crowd first, no use getting them up just to panic again" she threw into the discussion, basing her own course of action purely on educated guesses based on her own experience and past, "dont force anything down his throat he just threw up what if he chokes?" her voice took a sharp edge as she contained it to a lower volume to not cause even more of a scene.