RiverClan Territory

[Purely_K2]

Originally Posted by bubble[error].

[ Spottedclaw | Female | Status: Healthy ]

[ at the very least friends ]

The calico's orange eyes scan the water as Fogmask ducks out of sight. She patrols around her mud fort, keeping watch while paddling around the water. "Come out, come out, wherever you are..."

Fogmask moved against the steady current, slowly, methodically, not stirring up any more mud than he had to. He crept toward Spottedclaw. Then, as he came up to her, he lunged out his paw at (what he hoped was) her leg, and pulled it in an attempt to knock her off balance.

[OOC: Absolutely!]

[bubble[error].]

Originally Posted by Purely_K2

Fogmask moved against the steady current, slowly, methodically, not stirring up any more mud than he had to. He crept toward Spottedclaw. Then, as he came up to her, he lunged out his paw at (what he hoped was) her leg, and pulled it in an attempt to knock her off balance.

[OOC: Absolutely!]

[ Spottedclaw | Female | Status: Surpised ]

[ part of me thinks Spottedclaw is a boring and simple name ]

Spottedclaw gasps as she feels her leg grabbed. She yowled and attempted to make a leap in the direction of your "fort".

[Rowan]

Originally Posted by Dolomedes

Seabreeze
#TheUnfalling
@Rowan

The former lionheart wouldn’t lie, he was greatly surprised when Sunflowerflare actually agreed to talkin things out with him rather than keeping it to herself. Not for any bad reasons, the blue-grey feline could only assume that what was going to be shared was deeply personal and while Seabreeze has found himself around the tripod more lately, he wouldn’t blame her for telling him to bug off. Perhaps she just really needed someone to offer an ear. It was sadly a fact of the clans that mental health was brushed over more often than not, espeically with how frequent losing the cats you care about happens.

Maybe that should be something he brings to attention in apprentice lessons, it could certainly help if they made it explicitly clear to the youth that as a clan they were the most stable thing you were going to get, even in Riverclan, while the clan inside is rocky it isn’t going anywhere if the cats that truly care for it have anything to say. On top of his head, Starrypaw, Aspenpaw, Rosemarypaw, Rabbitpaw, even cats like Beanpaw, Duckpaw, and countless more could probably benefit- well would’ve benefitted in the cases of his late and missing apprentices.

Oh wait- His blue eyes shifted to Sunflowerflare’s muzzle as she started to speak, it made him feel bad for getting so spacy, but she gave him a great idea and he was sure she would be happy to have helped him reach such a conclusion. Seabreeze found himself agreeing on countless points as the amputee spoke about her past and what was keeping her awake on this instance, down to the loss of a sister, and playing pretend for a clan that didn’t ever seem to really understand. He didn’t say anything for a long time, looking away from Sunflowerflare and keeping a consistant walking pace.

“I can’t say my case is the same, and I don’t want to, because it isn’t. I just want to say that I understand in some ways.” Everyone who has been around him for a fraction of a second knew what was his ‘problem.’ Unreliable, depressed, never trying enough to just be better, everyone loses so many, more and the same as him and they just kept going like nothing ever happened. “When I was 5 moons old, my father died, in a scuffle with Thunderclan along the border. I consider it as the omen that it was, everything fell apart after that. My mom, my sister, the fighting, being a husk of myself… dealing with everyone being so.. okay with their loss while I felt like I was floored every other moon.”

The tom took a moment to sigh, “I told Stormstar once, that I always told myself that my issue was because of Cloverpaw, losing my sister, my only family left. I was always too scared to talk to anyone other than her, anxiety framed my mind and blinded me to the clan. But now I think my… depression, was something that’s always been there.” Get to the point, you always did like to lecture, didn’t you Seabreeze. His eyes shifted as he thought about his sister, the one that was supposedly out there and alive lurking among the outsiders after being revived when such a feat shouldn’t be possible with the starcave and the fractured connection.

“Cats expect you to be okay. No matter what. There’s been this long standing tradition of pushing through, and we happen to be part of the cats that go against the river, we get the rapids. You can’t ignore it, or you’ll drown.” He would’ve. Several times it was mere coincidence that Seabreeze still stood here today when so many cats instead of him should. “If I could change just one thing, I would change that thought. That the only way of dealing with things is to push through or pretend until the facade breaks.” That was enough, dreamer. Perhaps Cloverpaw always wanted to be something more within the ranks of Riverclan, providing physical stability, but the shared trauma passed down from generation to generation as each kit was born or brought in was a lurking poison that would only lunge like a snake when it thought it was fully forgotten.

“And for one, don’t.” Seabreeze stopped then, staring straight at Sunflowerflare, “I’ve rambled uselessly a lot, but if you remember one thing from tonight: Don’t try to be a cat that’s gone. The you from before, you’ll only drive yourself mad trying to find it because that cat is dead and gone. I find that addressing what happened and accepting it as another experience into shaping you into someone knew, no matter how horrible that experience is, is one of the only ways to keep living in the presence and looking to the future.”

SunflowerFlare blinked slowly at SeaBreeze’s words, the silence between them finally stretching into something a little more… still. Not awkward. Not heavy. Just real. She let out a soft breath, one that almost sounded like a laugh but lacked the energy to be one. “You’re real annoying sometimes, you know that?” she murmured, but her voice lacked any real bite. “Sayin’ things that actually make sense. Saying stuff I needed to hear. tsk…”

Her eye met his again, sharper this time, but not cold. “You get it. Not all of it, but enough. That’s more than I’ve had in a-…forever.” She didn’t move for a while, standing in that spot as if thinking through every single word he said. Her claws flexed against the earth, and for once, she didn’t try to hide it. “I spent a long time thinking I had to figure it all out by myself. That if I wasn’ strong enough to claw my way back into being who I used to be, I didn’t deserve to be here.” Her voice cracked a little on the last part, and she grimaced. She hated when her voice did that. “And I know that’s not fair. I know it’s not right. But it’s hard when everyone’s waiting on you to be ‘better’ or go back to how you used to be when…well…when ya don’t know what the hell ‘used to be’ is.”

She drew in a breath, shaking her head with a sharp, humorless chuckle. “RiverClan’s good at a lot of things. Swimming, fighting, pretending like nothing’s wrong until it is. I was good at that too. Faking it. I thought if I just acted like I was okay, eventually I’d forget the parts that weren’t. Like forgetting would somehow make me whole again, when forgetting is the whole issue.”

She flicked a small pebble with her tail off the path, watching it disappear into the darkness that surrounded them. “But it didn’t. It doesn’t. I still wake up feeling like a stranger in my own pelt. And every time someone says ‘you’re strong’ or ‘you’re so brave,’ all I hear is ‘you better not mess this up.’ Like I’ve got this invisible weight on my shoulders, and if I ever admit that I’m struggling, it’ll all come crashing down.”

Her throat tightened, but she didn’t let the emotion show. Not fully. “You telling me not to chase after that old version of me... I didn’t realize how bad I needed to hear that. ‘Cause that version of me? She died with my sister. And I’ve been dragging her ghost around ever since like it was some sacred duty.”

Stars- why was she tell in him all this? She never had an issue with Rampling until now. What if he didn’t want to hear all this mess? What if he told her what he did just to shut her up? “You’ve got a way of talking that makes things feel a little less impossible,” she said quietly, thoughts racing through her mind. “It’s weird. Kinda unsettling. But I guess I don’t hate it.”

But she was smiling. Just barely. And not the sarcastic, self-deprecating smirk she always threw up like a shield. This one was tired, worn-in, and real. “Thanks,” she said at last. It was quiet, but it was there. And it meant everything.