finality [p]

[dino.]

...He didn't feel good.

To be fair, Elkpaw hadn't felt good for a while.

But this was worse. Not exactly physically worse, though that was happening too - his limbs felt unsteady, his stomach in violent knots - but rather there was a lingering sense of something in his gut and hanging around his head. The past... hour? Two? They'd been less than great. It'd started out great, hopeful, and then very quickly had taken a nosedive.

That lingering sense... he knew, somehow, that he wasn't going to make it.

The last several minutes had been spent silently crying, his nose buried between his paws as he pretended to be asleep instead of realizing that what was upcoming would be his final moments. Mourning, perhaps, though not himself; mourning Mama as he had since her disappearance, Papa with his heavy absence, Brindlepaw's hateful exterior, Swanpaw's pure soul.

Lostspark's warmth, despite the guarded borders between them.

Redhawk's everything.





...Redhawk.



Elkpaw didn't want to burden her, not with everything she had already been forced to shoulder. He also didn't want to die alone. He didn't want to die in a cold nest, walled in by unfeeling branches, staring at the soil that would later consume him, as whatever this was consumed him first from the inside out with no remorse. He wanted to die nestled in the nursery with Mama and Papa and his siblings, but they were either gone or so distant it felt as if they were.

Call him selfish. And maybe he was, for exposing her to this as cruelly as he was. He just needed something.

His legs nearly buckled as he wiped his dripping nose with a forepaw and stood. The haze around his head had begun to seep into his ears, clouding his thoughts. What was he doing again? Right, Redhawk. Find Redhawk. Her nest wasn't far, she'd been in here, too...



A blink, and he had all but collapsed against her side as if he'd phased across the den in an instant. Elkpaw watched his paws shake for a moment before he managing to open too-heavy jaws and whisper a soft, shaky, "I love you."

[ @taillow ]

[taillow]

Redhawk - ThunderClan Hornet

Lately, things had moved slow for the hornet. She hadn't been an explementary warrior and certainly wasn't fit for the hornet rank anymore. All of this moping about had started to make her actually sick, nausea and headaches a near constant now. Patrols, checking on things, straightening out cats, training - stars, she hadn't even shown Brindlepaw the territory yet! Or gotten very far with Elkpaw... it was as if everyone had moved on and yet Redhawk was still stuck at that meeting - the one where Crowp - where Thrushkit - had spat such vile words towards her. Where the cat she had really, truly thought would do the right thing... didn't.

Every cat around her told her that it wasn't her fault, and she would nod and agree - but she didn't believe them. Not then, not now, and likely not ever. It was her fault. She could've been more welcoming, more accepting, spent more time with Cro - Thrushkit. She could've shown him the true beauty of ThunderClan ever since Bumblestar had assumed leadership. It could've been his home, and now all she could picture was him out there, cold and lonely and staring.

And it tore her up inside.

Lost in her own thoughts, Redhawk didn't notice the uneven steps that came towards her until he was at her side collapsing into her nest. A squeak of surprise left her as she turned and - oh stars. Oh. He was awful. Another wave of guilt struck her as she sniffed and curled around her apprentice, ignoring the awful thoughts that yowled in her head about how this, too, was her fault. "Y-You should be assss-ssleep, m-mister," she tried to chuckle light-heartedly, but her voice shook and a tremor passed through her.

...Oh. Tears stung her eyes as she heard his soft murmur, and immediately the russet warrior drew her tongue between his ears in comforting licks. "I l-love you t-t-too, Elkpaw," she purred back. "D-Don't worry. S-S-Soon we'll both b-be out of here a-and onto t-training - I sss-still need to sss-show you my favorite c-climbing sss-spot, okay?"

[ @dino. LOOK WHAT I FINALLY DID ;w; oh my god im so sorry for how late this is ]