vice versa, vise versus virtue [ p ]

[finley !!]

purrks ; the collector , herbal knowledge t2
15 moons . one lame leg
tags ; @squidz
trigger warnings for this post: none

cobwebpaw nosed into the medicine den, waving her tail to greet berrypaw. ' hey. don't think we've talked much. you probably know i'm cobwebpaw, yeah? ' she stood uncomfortably by the door of the den, hopping paw to paw. she couldn't help the sad emotions that welled up as she looked around the den, swallowing. cobwebpaw bit back negative words and then turned back to berrypaw.

' i was thinking we could be friends, 'nd maybe i could teach you some of the stuff i know. if you're busy, that's all good, but you know. ' she fidgeted, flicking her tail and mustering a smile.

[squidz]

| BERRYPAW |

small & nimble dark brown she-cat with darker flecks and light, leafy-green eyes | the collector

[ riverclan mc apprentice | she-cat | 9 moons | timid, kind, hardworking ]

—

Berrypaw had been attempting to organize some herbs by how they looked — not quite familiar at all yet about their names and uses, but at least she could see. She was muttering incoherent things to herself when Cobwebpaw approached.

Giving a little jump of surprise, Berrypaw glanced over her shoulder at the approaching apprentice. "O-Oh, hi! Sorry, just a second..." She quickly picked up some marigold that had fallen, gritting her teeth over how clumsy she was. Maybe that'd go away someday...

Now fully facing Cobwebpaw, she offered a smile. "Hi! Yes, I've heard your name... I'm Berrypaw, as you... probably know..." Then she paused, silently cursing herself. Of course she knows your name, fish-brain!

Berrypaw did note, however, that Cobwebpaw seemed a bit... sad. She saw the apprentice's eyes travel over the den, something somber and forlorn. It touched Berrypaw, though she didn't quite know how to exactly... ask about it? Would that be too invasive?

In her hesitation, Cobwebpaw had continued speaking anyway — she wanted to be friends? Oh, how lovely! Not many cats at all had ever wanted to be Berrypaw's friend; whether it be from her non-Clanborn roots or her conventional 'weaknesses', or whatever else, she was often alone.

Her smile grew again, eyes glinting at the premise. "F... Friends? With me?" Berrypaw echoed. "That... that would be great! Yeah!" A small bounce entered her step as she shuffled her paws, nervous yet excited. "I'd love to learn! It's all a lot here, and... you really seem to know your stuff!" Besides, she'd strive to learn as much as she could before the war; who knew what kind of injuries would pop up? She felt incredibly unprepared, so... at least this nice cat was offering to help!

[ @sillycreatur ]

[finley !!]

purrks ; the collector , herbal knowledge t2
15 moons . one lame leg
tags ; @squidz - berrypaw :3
trigger warnings for this post: none

cobwebpaw couldn't help a grin that stretched across her face, padding into the den and pointing at the herbs scattered over the floor. ' you need help cleaning those up? we can talk while we sort. ' her tail swished back and forth at berrypaw's silly awkwardness, settling herself down in the spot where she had used to sit and heal cats and staring intently at berrypaw.

the comment about cobwebpaw "knowing her stuff" made her crack a small smile, twitching her ear thankfully. ' it is a lot. i don't know if you know, but.. when we didn't have a medicine cat, or a medicine cat apprentice.. i worked in here. it was my whole life for moons, just.. healing cats.. ' cobwebpaw wistfully looked off into the distance, and a hint of malice crept into her voice. ' then mistyshard came around and was chosen, then she chose you. ' clearing her throat, she plastered a smile back on her face, sensing berrypaw's unease.

' i'm not clanborn. i thought.. being a medicine cat would be my chance to prove myself. a lot of cats wanted me to have the role.. too. ' cobwebpaw blinked back unshed tears. ' heh. ..sorry. '

[squidz]

| BERRYPAW |

small & nimble dark brown she-cat with darker flecks and light, leafy-green eyes | the collector

[ riverclan mc apprentice | she-cat | 9 moons | timid, kind, hardworking ]

—

Berrypaw's ears flattened in embarrassment — turns out she'd spilled a lot more herbs than she thought. "Heh... yeah, that would be helpful! Thanks," she added in a purr as Cobwebpaw helped her sweep up the rest of the leaves. At least this cat didn't seem to be judging her blustering self, which was nice. It made her feel a tad more comfortable despite her nerves on 'meeting' someone new.

Then came the comment about Cobwebpaw working in the medicine den for moons while they'd been without a medicine cat. How interesting! Berrypaw felt all the more intrigued, nodding intently with what Cobwebpaw was saying. She was definitely in good paws, then, if this cat wanted to help her! She had experience, too, and...

But Berrypaw's interested smile started to fade when she heard the tail end of Cobwebpaw's explanation.

'...and then she chose you.'

There was bitterness in her voice. Pain. Malice.

There was a heartbeat of quiet before Cobwebpaw cleared her throat, enough for Berrypaw's heart to sink to her paws. Oh... oh. Realization dawned on the young apprentice. Had she stolen this position from someone who deserved it? She had known before accepting that there were other cats more capable than her, but to speaking to one directly, seeing the grief in her eyes... Berrypaw's chest clenched. She started to open her mouth to say something, anything in response, but Cobwebpaw went first. Oh... she wasn't Clanborn? Tried to prove herself?

She's like me...

"I'm... I'm not Clanborn either," Berrypaw admitted meekly, slowly raising up her ducked head. The words were still hard to say, but hey, this cat was in the same position as her... they certainly had that in common. And she could tell by the pain in Cobwebpaw's eyes that all of this compounded had destroyed a part of her, something that Berrypaw was partially responsible for. Being part of someone's hurt like that... it shook Berry up, remorse tightening her throat.

"I also thought that maybe... maybe I could be useful here instead," Berrypaw went on, averting her eyes. "I wasn't good at being a warrior... couldn't see myself ever getting my full name. When Mistyshard told me, I saw this as a chance to start over, where I didn't have to hurt others to feel worthwhile, but help them instead! And... someone finally believed in me, that I could do it. That I could help, and become a true RiverClan cat..."

Berrypaw shook her head to clear her thoughts before reaching out her tail, gently touching Cobwebpaw's shoulder — gently, praying to not impose with the gesture. "I-I didn't mean to babble on, but what I'm trying to say is... we're alike in that way," she mewed, her voice quieter and more wobbly as she became more unsure of her words. Would Cobwebpaw believe her? Or would they see this as some sort of ruse? "And... you don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry," she added softly, genuine regret glinting in her green eyes. "Having something you worked and hoped for taken from you... it must be hard... and I'm sorry that I'm the one in that spot..."

She didn't know much of what else to say, as much as she wanted to. She just hoped Cobwebpaw could see the genuine remorse in her face, her eyes — Berrypaw could feel it all over. Stars, was this how it felt to hurt someone? Even unintentionally? She couldn't blame Cobwebpaw for feeling bitter, nor taking it out on Berrypaw if she wanted. In fact, she'd understand.

The apprentice lowered her head again, waiting for some sort of biting words, anything else Cobwebpaw might want to let off their chest. She'd take it. As much as Berrypaw was beginning to love her new position here, her fears of accepting the title slowly ebbing away, she felt another stab of doubt. Should she really be here when it was causing problems like this? Being the root of someone's suffering?

[ @sillycreatur - currently crying for cob rn ]

[finley !!]

purrks ; the collector , herbal knowledge t2
15 moons . one lame leg
tags ; @squidz - berrypaw <3
trigger warnings for this post: none

cobwebpaw exhaled, watching the realization dawn on berrypaw's face. she swallowed back a sob, shrugging. ' i-it's really no big deal. ' it was, in fact, a very big deal to cobweb, but would she admit that? to anyone, ever, at all? absolutely never. not even to dusklion, who she basically considered a sister at this point. with a sigh, she opened her mouth to apologize and change the subject to something more nice, until- i'm not clanborn either.

' you are?! ' the question slipped out before she could stop it, and cobwebpaw gasped and clasped a paw to her mouth. ' oh starclan- sorry, i just.. you seem so.. normal here. ..like riverclan is always where you've meant to be. ' she exhaled and nearly cried again, voice shaking. she let berrypaw softly rest her tail on shoulder, and cobwebpaw nearly sunk into her touch.

shakily, cobwebpaw exhaled, looking over at berrypaw, who had hung her head. ' i'm- i'm sorry- for laying this on you- i jus- i worked so, so h-hard, a-an- ' she broke off, letting sobs she had held deeply inside for moons out. with an extra ragged cry, she sunk to her paws and buried her head in them. everything hurt. inside and out. her leg was all screwed up- she hadn't been paying attention to keeping it or herself healthy or taken care of, instead forsaking that for stand-in medicine cat duties.

cobwebpaw's leg ached, and her heart ached, and now she was sobbing sitting next to someone that she barely knew- someone she held misplaced and terrible, awful resentment towards. it wasn't berrypaw's fault, goddamnit, but part of her, an angry, angry part, wanted to hate her. but she couldn't hate someone so clearly kind and remorseful over something she hadn't played any part in.

she coughed on sobs, attempting to wipe at her cheek-fur and failing miserably. despite herself, cobwebpaw laughed at her awful try. ' starclan. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry for putting all this on you. starclan- i'm awful. i'm terrible. ' she whimpered pitifully, coughing and laughing and sobbing and grieving at the same time. her heart hurt for minkpaw. for the life she had dedicated herself to, for the life mink had dedicated herself to, and then left over.

[squidz]

| BERRYPAW |

small & nimble dark brown she-cat with darker flecks and light, leafy-green eyes | the collector

[ riverclan mc apprentice | she-cat | 9 moons | timid, kind, hardworking ]

—

'...like riverclan is where you were always meant to be.'

Those words touched Berrypaw, causing a soft glow of something warm in her chest — she looked like she was meant to be here? That... was a blessing. She'd always thought she stuck out like a sore paw, someone weak and incapable without Clan blood running through their body. She was smaller and weaker than most Clan cats, not having the luxury of their ancestry. But at least to someone else, she looked like she should be here. It almost made her happy... had Cobwebpaw not been crying in front of her, plus her own guilt.

It was a strange guilt. Berrypaw had necessarily done something herself, yet she was in the position to cause hurt. Being chosen had done this. Yet it wasn't her fault... but it was? It was confusing. Berry's young brain struggled to fully comprehend it, so she was just relieved that Cobwebpaw seemed to feel better at her feeble touch, comfort somehow going beyond her words into a silent gesture.

Berrypaw's green gaze slowly slid over Cobwebpaw as the apprentice sunk to the floor, noticing the one lame leg that stuck out. It didn't look... healthy, if Berrypaw could put it that way. She was still inexperienced, but in her brief time in the medicine den and with prior life experience, she could tell that the leg had not been properly taken care of. Anyone could, if they'd cared enough to look. The apprentice frowned, wondering just how long this — and perhaps other unspoken issues — had been eating at Cobwebpaw, and her heart ached more.

Berrypaw struggled to find words for several moments, the heartbeats of silence tightening her throat. Cobwebpaw had apologized — despair evident in her every move, every word. Before she could speak, Berrypaw gingerly got up, moving so that she slightly brushed Cobwebpaw's flank — a common sign of comfort and camaraderie, praying that it came across that way.

"...You're not terrible," Berrypaw finally mewed, her voice soft and warm, yet slightly trembly. "I-I know I don't really know you, but... from what I've heard and seen, you seem like a great cat, with a big heart. Feeling and caring a lot...? That doesn't seem awful to me. Really, the opposite. If you'd ask me, some cats don't feel those kinds of things enough."

She hesitated, glancing at the floor as Cobwebpaw cried, wanting desperately to help but not knowing how. That was her job, right? Helping and healing the Clan?

But how could you even begin to help a hurting heart..? No herbs could touch that, she mused somberly. She was beginning to understand that more now.

Berrypaw then looked back to Cobwebpaw, offering a sad half-smile. "If it was wrong to feel things like that, then I think we'd all be doomed. You've worked so hard... I know others have seen it and appreciate it so much; they've got to! And, well..." She glanced at Cobwebpaw's leg once more before returning her bright eyes to the fellow apprentice, her voice slightly raised in an attempt to sound encouraging. "...You can't go punishing yourself for things out of your control. Feelings or otherwise..."

So much for her to say — she felt like punishing herself with the guilt that flowed from her. But seeing Cobwebpaw's self-neglect, self-loathing over the situation was enough to show Berrypaw what that would be like... and part of her knew it wasn't right, enough to try to make Cobwebpaw see that.

[ @sillycreatur ]