[Rejected] Ashpaw

[RavensCall]

In their presence, any cat would feel small.

Keen eyes gaze at you, judging you for your worth. You know you are not the first cat to come here - nor will you be the last. But you've come with a mission, and all you have to do is sell yourself.

"What makes you stand out from the rest of the cats who want another chance?"

Ashpaw gazed upon the Covenant, and hesitantly responded, "I- nothing..." she mewed, "I don't even know why I'm here. But- if you want, I'll tell you about my life. Maybe that will suffice. My name is Ashpaw. I was found by a WindClan patrol when I was born in a burning Twoleg nest. My mother and littermates- if any- were nowhere to be found. The reason my name is Ashpaw, despite me being a white cat, is for three reasons-- the leader of that patrol was Ashclaw- my mentor, and father figure; I had been born in fire and ashes; and I was found covered in soot. They cleaned my fur, and found I was not grey, but white. A kind cat named Fireflame took me in and raised me alongside her other kits. During my kithood, I actually met Ashclaw and assumed he was my father. Nothing else notable about my life happened until my apprenticeship. I had been given to Ashclaw as a mentor. My first gathering- I was in huge trouble. I was so excited, I ran past my clan, and risked myself getting shredded up by ShadowClanners. Twilightstar was furious." The fluffy albino sighed and continued her story. "A few moons later, Fireflame ends up getting murdered by rogues. Then I found out Fireflymeadow, Ashclaw's actual mate died. And that's when I first saw the family drama between Ashclaw and his kits- especially Milkpaw. He was... terrifying. Me and one of my clanmates, Briarpaw were playing near the RiverClan border, and then she fell through the ice. Three cats came to help. A loner with swimming experience, but he couldn't save her. Fallownose, WindClan's deputy, couldn't save Briarpaw. Not even a RiverClan cat could save her. For that, I blame myself. Not just for Briarpaw's death, for Fireflame's, and for the fact Milkpaw hated Ashclaw. If Ashclaw wasn't my mentor, then he would've been closer to his kits. Then the guardians were announced a moon or two later. Ashclaw being one of them. I was so happy for him." Ashpaw stopped, and let out a sigh.

 

"Filled with blame, grief, and self hatred, I threw myself off of the Swooping Cliffs, hoping my suffering would end, and I'd be forgiven by those who were hurt because of me."

She sighed and waited for the StarClanners to speak. "You guys are definitely not letting someone who only has a sob story and who hates herself back into the living world, are you?"

[samm]

Dewkit met Ashpaw's speech with an icy cold silence. She took a moment to think, to recall the events of this cat's life and lay them out in order. And when the mental task was finished, her blue eyes gained a sharp clarity. The kit blinked slowly, though it was an act of frigid indifference and not trust. "If it's your fault those cats suffered-" Dewkit leaned forward a smidge. "-why go back? And if you can't answer that..." The dead cat trailed off, leaving the rest to infer. She knew Ashpaw could figure it out; anyone could. Dewkit saw no reason for this cat to go back, but she'd save it for after the other dead ones talked.

It could be because of how Ashpaw'd framed her life. Why should she go back, when it seemed the deaths of cats was her fault, when she'd endangered lives, young ones at that? It made no sense to Dewkit. The little kit, littler than Ashpaw, couldn't help but feel that the apprentice should just stay among the dead. Surely other cats could use this chance to go back, especially when Ashpaw herself didn't know why she wanted to return to the grounds of the living.

And then that raises the question: why was Ashpaw here? No, seriously. She seemed so undetermined to go back. Dewkit felt a bit curious, but also mildly annoyed. The lack of conviction was rather unpersuasive. It made Dewkit want to raise her non-existent cat eyebrows. Perhaps it had to do with the last thing Ashpaw mentioned: forgiveness? But Dewkit wasn't one to really speculate. The cat before her should be able to explain on her own if she wanted to live again, in Dewkit's opinion.

@marshall @dino. @Octavia!

[marshy]

➵ pebblepool .*.｡*ﾟ
// ➵ @valery @dino. @Octavia!

what pebblepool was hearing was a whole lot of backstory and not enough future. pity, maybe ashpaw could've had some sort of case with it. "so dear, you're telling me you threw yourself off a cliff, and expect us to trust you with life again? quite bold i must say!" pebblepool's voice boomed throughout this existence. "tell me this, why are you here? to be completely honest, you don't seem to have much going for you darling! flare has always intrigued me and whilst your story has it, you do not. what spark do you plan to bring back to the clans?" death doesn't count, is what pebblepool wanted to say, but she kept her maw shut. dewkit did not look amused, as always. this would certainly be fun!

[RavensCall]

 

Ashpaw sighed. "The truth is," she meowed, "I- I want a second chance. I never got to finish my training, which is my own fault. I'm not throwing myself off a cliff again." She shook her head, and began to plead her case. "I- I don't know what I'd offer that nobody else could. All I've done is... just sit and watch. I wish I could have done more. I don't want to be dead. Nobody does. If I got a second chance... I'd tell everyone that I was sorry, and that- that I didn't mean to hurt them. It's ok if you say no. Its not like it matters anyway.."

[dino.]

[ @valery @marshall @Octavia! ]

Lichenflood was unimpressed with this apprentice, to say the least. The tom boredly drew his tongue over his starless pelt as Ashpaw spoke, and waited until the others were finished before lifting his head as well. Green eyes flickered over the apprenitce in front of him. "Everyone wants a second chance," he rumbled. "You're welcome to say those things to whoever you like through dreams. I see no reason to trust you with another life if you could not even handle your first."

[samm]

There was nothing, absolutely nothing convincing coming out of Ashpaw's mouth. She wanted to go back for the reasons everyone else did. Letting her live again was breaking principle, for if she went back, then everyone like her had to go back. And then who'd be dead? Nobody. Ashpaw would just have to get used to how it felt to be dead, stuck to watch as everyone alive continued to make horrifically stupid decisions. Dewkit found no qualms in saying her next bit; after all, Ashpaw had said it was okay to say no. In fact, she didn't even care about whether or not she lived, so honestly, they should all wrap this up! Dewkit kept her expression stony as she said, "Everyone here agrees. You shouldn't live again." Well, Pebblepool hadn't made her opinion clear, but Dewkit was pretty confident that nobody here disagreed with her words. Yes, it was a shame that some young cat died, for sure, but...this particular dead cat wasn't the kind of cat that got sent back to the land of the living.

@marshall @dino. @Octavia!

[RavensCall]

Ashpaw sighed. "You're right," she meowed, before heading back."
@marshall @valery @dino.