Bumblestar's usual daily residence had lately become the area beside the camp's entrance. It was undisturbed aside from the cats who came and went, a good view of her Clan's goings-on, and a quick way out if she decided the forest beyond the camp's walls needed her attention.
When she saw Spiderthroat out of the corner of her eye, she didn't think much of it. He didn't need the extra attention, and she certainly wasn't his kit-sitter. His movement did make her turn her head in his direction, though, and when she glanced down at the flower he revealed and heard the words he spoke, she felt the world stop.
He had never said where Asterdance's grave had ended up. Sometimes she had considered pleading with him, begging him to show her friend's final resting place, even though she knew he had been closer to them and getting between that bond was something she'd never wanted to do.
Still didn't want. But now Spiderthroat was offering freely - moons later, maybe, but it was an offer still.
Bumblestar stared down at the flower, silent for a long moment. She could barely remember their face. Their eyes, had they been green or were they amber? Was she just imagining the black marks underneath, or had those been real?
If Larkstar had been faster, just done what Bumblestar had wanted, she wouldn't have to think so hard about it. They would still be here, alive, real enough that she could just walk up and look if she started having her doubts. A harsh surge of emotions made her claws sink into the dirt. It was always RiverClan, lurking behind nearly every grief-ridden memory. She should have burned that camp to the ground at the first sign of the poison and left all of them to smolder amongst the ashes. Perhaps once they were driven out, she could torch it. She could figure out how to tame fire and set the whole damned place ablaze, watch the smoke blot out the sky as RiverClan's final roots to the other three Clans blackened and died with them. Maybe they would find some other hole in the ground to rot away in, from their insides out.
Her stomach curled. How could she think like that, with their memory right in front of her? It felt like she was tarnishing their name a second time - had she not already done so by using their death to her advantage, revealing it at the Gathering in front of all four Clans instead of first to her own, just so she could have an excuse to incite further hatred toward the cats across the river? Their name and their memory had been through enough.
Bumblestar pushed the thought aside for now. She lifted her gaze back to Spiderthroat, voice cracking as she managed,
“Please.”
Just once, she wanted to see it. Wanted to apologize for not doing more to prevent the inevitable.
[ @
Starfall ]
My heart's on Mars, Kinda hard to see [Private]
