regret [p]

[BEAR.]

.. holds more pain than burying the dead.

There was no glory where they stood. Only the damp kiss of the wind over the water, spraying a thin cloud of mist against them. Firefly Cove hadn't changed significantly over the course of years, so the beach they graced would be familiar to her. Hawkstar didn't want to meet her on strange ground.. he wanted to meet her where the river and the trees truly met, where blood stained the sands red for generations. A place where no compromise could be met in life, but perhaps in death he could make a difference.

He carried with him an air of calmness, passive in his approach as he took a seat along the shoreline. Unlike cats who acted bigger than they were, he was acutely aware of his place... Truth be told, he was hesitant about even doing this. But he felt a RiverClan perspective might be important, away from the deception Magpiewisp spewed. "Bumblestar.." Her name felt alien on his tongue, unreal as he observed the present-day leader. How she held herself, the confidence she oozed in every movement. What could he even offer a cat that surpassed his success in every way? "It's time you received your fifth life, if you're interested."

"Hah!" Hawkstar shouldn't have been surprised to see him, but... His heart sank. Brokenstar was closer to the treeline, a near shadow among the meadow. "Careful there, kid. His almighty wisdom led to the Clans losing themselves, 'n you just got ThunderClan back in stride. Take anything he says with a grain of salt."

Hawkstar sighed. "I am not going to argue with you, Brokenstar. I recognize my failures and shortcomings and have paid for it tenth fold... have you?"

A rumbly growl. "Moping in your own self-pity is hardly a price, but leave it to a fish to think their inaction is worthy of acknowledgement." Brokenstar snapped his tail, but instead of joining them he continued his way into the woods. "Don't waste her time, boy."

"I don't want to waste her time, but your intrusion isn't helping!" For a change, Hawkstar’s fur ruffled - upset with this derailment. He knew all this, already. He wasn't going to deny the truth or prolong a losing argument. He had accepted his faults, watched his Clan suffer for his mistakes, had seen them rise again and fall and struggle to maintain stability. And he was tired.

Hawkstar hoped when the time came, he could speak to one of RiverClan’s new leaders. Fadingstar or the little lion... Give them a break from the hell they were enduring. But their star had yet reached the sky, so here he was. A lone figure in the face of an ageless wrath and an icon.

"The choice is yours, Bumblestar. All I offer is a life and the wisdom that itself brings, I'm not going to pretend I have much more to give." He dipped his head to her, awaiting her decision.

[ @dino. ]

[dino.]

Another one of these dreams. This time it wasn't the lake that greeted Bumblestar, but instead some place far more familiar. She opened her eyes to see the meadow and the cliffside, the path down to the sand where waves lapped against the shore.

The only new addition was this cat she didn't know. Her eyes slid to him when he spoke, flickering over his form. Usually when someone pulled her into one of these, it was for that exact reason - to deliver her a life. It was unusual for that delivery to be interrupted.

Maybe that was for the best. Apparently this one hadn't been paying very much attention, and it wasn't hard to see that he was lacking in what she needed, in any case. His shrill protests that came after Brokenstar's words were more than enough to make that ring true. (She didn't even have to look over her shoulder to see the other leader; his voice was telltale enough.)

"I've no interest in taking lives from someone who seems somehow more lackluster than dirt." The only reason she had gotten one from Shiningskies of all cats was because it had been forced on her. At least Shiningskies had had the guts. This cat didn't even have that. A sneer curled her upper lip. "Can't even keep track of where I'm at with these lives, can you? Get the hell outta my dream before I shred you into stardust."

[ @BEAR. ]

[Rani]

Well that was a show!

A familiar grizzled blue-grey tom sat in a nearby tree, face crinkling as he grinned down at starclans newest installment of their oldest soap opera, faintly proud of the once small(er) apprentice he'd helped free from her collar so long ago. Little scrap sure had grown and grown strong if she was now able to put Hawkstar in his place so well.

Though she probably had experience with all the fish she'd stomped of late and he chuckled, finally making himself known to the other cats in the celestial dream.

"I have to say, each time I see you two lovebirds squabbling its more amusing then the last time. You'd think that by now you'dve realized your break up means a civil conversation isnt ever gonna happen but no.

You either still have feelings (which is just pitiful on both side of the equation) or you have a thing for the fighting side of it which in that case, start keeping it in private rather then doing this constantly in from of others. We might not mind the drama side of it, personally you two are the best entertainment Ive had my whole death, but if its a Thing have some common decency."


Done giving his (always unsolicited) two cents Ridgeclaw stood from the branch and lept down with a grace that contradicted his decrepit and grizzled appearance.


"Git going lovebird, maybe try and coach the new wave of fish on how to get their act together, Bumblestar here has given her verdict on your life and I doubt she's gonna need it given Ive got a much more..... Palatable one to offer her instead.

Shoo fish, go stink up someone elses dream now, and maybe next time mind who may be watching your agreements with your mate there."
Because Ridgeclaw would continue to be listening, be it for his own entertainment or for another reason.



The old warrior sat and waited until Hawkstar complied, tail thumping and no fear in his eyes, until something loosened in him at his absence. When it was just thunderclan Ridgeclaw would turn to Bumblestar, a crooked grin on his muzzle as he spoke.
"Hey there whippersnapper, recognize me? Fair enough if you dont, I died a fair bit ago and have been silent after that, but I have been watching you for a fair bit now."


@BEAR. @dino.

[dino.]

What an idiot. Bumblestar flicked an ear as a response was forgone, but this time a voice that sounded incredibly familiar yet she couldn't quite place filtered from up above. She spun in place, claws out (because she knew she could be hurt in a dream, it had happened with Brokenstar once already), only to see that the level of defensiveness wasn't at all necessary.

A quiet breath left her. "Course I recognize you." Her surprise was more than clear. "Just never expected to see you again, is all. What, you here as a replacement for that sorry excuse of a salamander or somethin'?"

[ @Rani ]

[BEAR.]

This was to be expected, Hawkstar knew. Still, her words struck him deeply - when had she gotten her fifth life, then? How could he have missed that?

It was true, dirt held more use than he did. Hawkstar would never deny that - he warred with himself for eons over his placement in the world, his failures. His regrets. Choices he made that he once thought were right, proven time and time again to be wrong.

In all honesty, if not for Ridgeclaw he would have silently departed, accepting Bumblestar's stance with no pushback. But the squirrel was ignorant at best, and woefully stupid at worst. "If.. you truly listened, then you would know there is more to this than just a break up. For someone who pretends to pay attention you're surely short of hearing."

Killing kits, giving a life to a cat Brokenstar sought to protect. Punishing his son by erasing him.. Turning him into a fish, of all things. This all meant more, but it was clear to Hawkstar Ridgeclaw cared nought for the truth. His tail whipped, and he departed.

[ @Rani mostly for u ]

[Rani]

Why did Hawkstar assume Ridgeclaw didnt know? That he didnt know about the kittens Hawkstar had killed for the 'greater good'? Ridgeclaw had overheard that argument too, next to starclans camp as it was and had been sickened at the accusations the ex riverclan leader hadnt even tried to deny. Hawkstar had no room to preach peace or harsh measures or appear as some wizened figure to guide the younger generations as had they existed under his reign they'd hate him more then Brokenstar did.



Ridgeclaws belittling was not ignorance, but mockery of what Hawkstar took seriously that the elder would continue to disrespect. His values and attempts dragged to the level of a lovers spat, and that a more direct jab at the failure of every relationship Hawkstar had ever had.


The elder said nothing though to this effect to the retreating figure, not needing to justify himself to the rotting remains of a fish.




"Not many did whippersnapper, not even me given how my memory was near the end. Then my pride got the best of me and..... Well I made some unwise decisions that took me out of the eyes of those I shouldve been helping back in the forest."
No apology could make up for that and he knew it, bearing Cinderskys displeasure with the weight of one that knew his responsibility for it. Maybe one day she'd speak to him again, decide to forgive (though not forgot he was sure) but until then he could at least start to do what he shouldve when he first passed long ago.


"I do have a life for you actually brat, some respect youngun might be nice but I suppose I know better then to expect it. Wont hold the life above your head until I get that though, this is kind of an apology anyways."

At that admission the grizzled tom shifted uncomfortably, not really good at this or happy he was doing it but powering through nevertheless. "I misjudged you when you started leading. The good leaders Ive seen in my life didnt act like you and in the beginning when I couldnt see the results of your methods I judged them. Thats on me, expecting a good leader of this new time who was acting to right a longterm wrong would be the same as the old greats so Id like to try and make it up to you, even if I mainly just judged in the stars in silence.

If you'd allow me that is, if not I can try and find you an alternative though I can promise less."


@dino.