[Pending] Foggymask

[jay]

FOGGYMASK
HE/HIM | PURRKS: MIND READER | DEMIROMANTIC | 36 MOONS IN LIFE

Ok. He knew damn well why he had to go back, and he would fight tooth and claw to do so. He had to get back to his son. He had to.

"I know I'm not any different from the other cats who want to go back. 'I'll be the best warrior ever' this and 'I'll be super loyal' that. I'm not going to spend my time whining about my mistakes, saying I'll do better. I'll tell you straight what I did wrong. I know that I shouldn't have gone to the border, let alone started a conversation with a RiverClan cat. I could plead and beg that I was going to kill her afterwards, blah blah blah. Yeah, sure, I'd taken a liking to her, but that wouldn't get in the way of my loyalty. Normally, I would have sent her off with warning not to come back here and a couple scratches. But I was desperate for someone. I lost my best friend, I lost my mentor, my mom. My father isn't even worth dirt. I haven't had anyone in my life since I was a kit.

I know what I did wrong, and I know how much it cost me. It cost me my goddamn life. I chose death over shame, being shunned from ShadowClan. If I came back, it would be nice to go back to ShadowClan, but I don't want to go back for them. I want to go back for my son. He has nobody left. I'm gone, his mother's gone, his sister's gone, his best friend gone. He needs someone in his life to support him when things go wrong. You might say that I can just give him support through dreams, and sure, I could, but he needs more than a dream. He needs someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on. I know firsthand how painful it is to be alone. I don't want my son to grow up like I did. He needs to be different. He can't be alone."

There. He spewed out his guts, his deepest regrets, his deepest secrets and pains. He'd covered everything he needed to, gave answers to questions that hadn't been asked. And if they somehow came up with something else, then damn. He'd say it all again, he'd do it better than anyone before him.

@/Wardens

[Minku]

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Barkblaze
Ancient Windclan Medicine Cat. He/Him
No purrks

[ @otter ]
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The former medicine cat stepped out, looking at the cat that got himself executed in life, eyes narrowing. Even if he did admit his mistakes, it was one he should've known would cost him from the start "Losing the cats around you is no excuse. How many other cats do you have in your clan? But instead you chose a fish” destroying his already worsened reputation. "death was your choice, and you accepted it. Even if you had your son to worry about. Even if you know your death would hurt him” if he can't handle the shame and rather had death, there was no promises he won't do the same as soon as he's put in a similar position again. Another life wasted. Barkblaze knew Dawnstar would never accept him back into her clan if he tried to join. He doubts any clan would accept him "how do even you plan on getting back to your son? How do you plan on being there for him when the chances of meeting him again are slim?" The amount of cats that suffered from their parent's actions is not easy to count. But there won't be any use sending back a cat that wouldn't be able to fulfill their promise

[Rani]

Dustpoppy | Female + She/Her | Dark Forest

Dark tan cat with black points and light blue eyes.

Perhaps it was the grovelling, perhaps it was the lack of a real plan but Dustpoppy was not impressed by this bid in the slightest. Foggymask had ambition once and the might and cruelty to fuel it, even if not being able to judge the desires of his betters stopped that in its tacks once, that wasnt the end for him. He could still ascend to enforcer as he desired, with time growth and effort. But he went soft and stupid and died with nary a whisper instead of the roar that couldve made him interesting. And now he regretted it.



How not surprising and dreadfully droll.


"The stiff rabbit has a point for once." Barkblaze was always one of the more uppity starclan wardens, it got on Dustpoppys nerves "Where is your son? If he's in shadowclan your lack of desire to return for them is moot. You'll still require Dawnstars and shadowclans approval to be there for your son. Approval you wont get, even if you do get ours."
Dustpoppy would not be bringing back a cat just for him to die promptly to Dawnstars claws with nothing done. The leader wouldnt just bring him back into his clan should he return, even if the return came with implicit 'approval' from the stars.



"Further, Barkblaze has outlined you.... weakness of which I also see. Does your son really need you for his growth? Why not one of many many better cats, what makes you special to his journey beyond blood?" Blood meant nothing unless spilled. Cats of weak bloodlines became leaders and even leaders bloodlines turned out to be nothing often. What was so special about Foggymasks input on his sons life that it required him to be sent back when others werent.

@jay @Minku

[jay]

FOGGYMASK
HE/HIM | PURRKS: MIND READER | DEMIROMANTIC | 36 MOONS IN LIFE

Maybe he should have thought that part through a bit more. "Well, given the chance, I will try to rejoin ShadowClan. If not, I'll live my life as a loner. I'll wait at the border every night for my son, if he'll come to the border. I'll visit him in his dreams and tell him." he said, narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Yes, death was my choice. I didn't want to live with the shame. But after realizing how much I miss the living world, I want- no, have to go back. he said, confidence slowly creeping into his voice as he began to think he was more convincing. "I didn't know his mother had told him that I was his father. Silentpaw and Shadepaw were accidents. I was going to try and keep it a secret, because it would hurt him if he knew and I died." he confessed. "Should've made sure Clovepool kept her mouth shut..." he muttered.


Dustpoppy was next. "Yes, he needs me for his growth! As I said before, I know firsthand what it's like to be alone. He's alone. He has nobody left. If I go back, then he'll have somebody." he said coolly, smooth and collected. He peered at Dustpoppy's face, reading the lines and attempting to put together what she was thinking. "You think I could have done better, risen up to be one of ShadowClan's greatest warriors, don't you? I can still do that! If Dawnstar will let me back, provided you let me back first, I can rebuild my reputation! I can be better, I swear." Foggymask insisted. Lashing his tail in frustration, he had to take some deep breaths so he didn't get overwhelmed and angry. "Me being related to him makes it more important, yes, but it doesn't make much of difference besides that. I need to guide him, be by his side. A mentor can only do so much, some things need to be taught by family. Love, responsibility... The list goes on forever."

He sighed. "Look, I've been watching him. I can see how distraught he is about my death. Look at him yourself, if you want to see. I saw how he reacted to my death. Greif can rip away moons of someone's life, especially when they're young. If he keeps grieving over me, he could miss out on his youth. It happened to me, I don't want him to carry that same burden."

@Rani - @Minku - @/Warden 3 (sorry if this... stopped making sense at one point lol, I'm tired)