carmen |
April 2nd, 2024 07:38 PM |
remembrance
cw: implied illness/medical stuff, dreams/minor hallucinations
peter pan
ragged breaths. searing lights.
pain.
breathe. in, out.
come on, man, breathe. you can’t give up now. they need you, you can’t stop.
it was too much. too much, everything was too much. the lights were blinding, fake and white, ever so slightly off. blood rushed in his ears, he couldn’t move his legs, splayed across the hard floor. everything was spinning, he couldn’t focus long enough to think of anything. there was something he needed to do, somewhere he needed to be. what was he forgetting? it was important, he was certain of it. blurry forms passed by him, not cats, twolegs maybe? it smelled wrong, sterile and white, burning his nose. he needed something. what did he need?
he couldn’t remember much: snippets of conversations, flashes of fur. briarpaw. the name hit him like a truck, and he didn’t know why. faces, how did he know them. who were they. he was panting now, large heaves as forms rushed past him, unfamiliar noises reaching his ears. disoriented. afraid. everything was wrong, everything was different. he wasn’t used to this, nope. nope, nope, nope.
‘i understand. i'll announce this to the clan.. soon’ the last thing he could remember, indecipherable, but there none the less. come on, man, think. who was that? who was he? his head hurt, stars, why did it hurt so much. eyes fluttering shut, all the grey tom could do was futily attempt to grab hold of his conciousness. it was slipping away, everything was slipping away, further into the crevasse that had opened up within his mind. he could see it now, a deep cut jutting across his subconcious. he was falling in. the sounds fading away as he lost his grip and tumbled into the abyss.
the sun was shining. bright and clear, over fields of heather and dandelion. his paws were wet, the rushing water of a creek flowing around them. stepping back, he shook his paws clean before looking around. he had to say it was beautiful, a lovely day. yep, yep. laughter disrupted the birdcalls and he turned, coming face to face with an orange molly. briar. that was the name again, the one he could almost remember. she smiled at him before turning and running away, fading into the wind as he chased after her. she didn’t come back. “wait!” his voice was raw, ragged and torn, disrupting the perfect harmony of the glorious world around him.
he stood, staring at the spot where she had been just before. spinning around, he noticed another cat, slipping into a hole in the ground. running after them, he tumbled down into the tunnels after them, familiar scent of a friend flooding his nose. why was it familiar? who was he following? how did he know they were a friend. “hello?” his voice echoed through the caverns, bouncing around him, thundering through the walls. the cat before him turned around, green eyes glinting in the dim light. the ceiling collapsed.
“help me!” he could hear footsteps as calico paws passed him by, unable to do anything but cry out in pain as they left. his head hurt. stars, his head hurt. it was all wrong, this wasn’t supposed to happen.
then it was gone.
all of it, releasing as if it was never there. he opened his eyes, blinking to adjust to the night, half moon glaring down at them. them. there was someone else here, another shape beside him. a brown cat, glimmery, almost as if she was reflecting the stars. she had helped him. he could feel it in his heart. she had helped him and he could trust her. “fawnlight?” he sat up, taking a step forwards. she looked back at him, a small smile displayed across her face. his grinned and bounded towards her, glee spreading across his face. it was okay, he had found fawnlight. he had found fawnlight. everything was going to be okay.
his paw slipped. he stumbled to the side, trying to stop himself from falling. there was nothing there. the world was collapsing, unfolding around him until all that was left was the molly in front of him. fawnlight. he locked eyes with her, mouth falling open as she shook her head. “what do you mean?” and then she was gone too.
he was in the abyss again, tumbling, spiralling, dizzy. nothing was right, nothing was wrong. the world was upside down. it was in limbo. limbo. he was in limbo. purgatory. the space between. falling or flying, falling or flying. wherever could he be.
the world flashed white.
his eyes flew open.
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