Heatherfur's Departure [Private]

[Mauve]

@Suspiciousmindz

TAKING PLACE IN THE WINDCLAN LEADERS' DEN AS PAST TENSE-

(Ooh, for dramatic effect I might have Heather confess to having feelings for Blazing [since I assume they'll no longer be able to be love interests] after he blows up on her o.o That might also lead to future drama between the two at Gathering's and such!)

It had been a rather interesting day for Heatherfur. For the first time in moons, she'd woken up after a rather brutal nightmare centering around Cobraspirit. It repainted the horrible accident that had killed him - a hurtling monster, and no matter how fast Heatherfur ran towards the scene, she couldn't seem to stop it. She would only reach his side as the life left his eyes, fading into a dull sightless gaze. All over the agony of what it had felt like to loose him would crash over her life a wave, and then darkness would cascade down, and Heatherfur found herself awake, eyes wide in the warriors' den. Her pawpads were damp, causing the nest that surrounded her to become moist and dampened down. "Oh great StarClan," she breathed as she heaved herself out of her nest and out of the den.

Now, it hadn't left her mind all day, regardless of the patrol she had been on earlier. The fight she'd had with Mintberry moons ago still rattled around in her brain. Perhaps Blazingstar is around for a brief pep talk, she thought as she pushed her way into his den. What was at first darkness slowly lit up as her eyes adjusted, though Heatherfur still had to blink a few times as she stepped in. "Blazingstar?" she called, not noticing the WindClan leader at first. She wasn't sure if he was in his den at the moment, or if he was out with Buttercupbreeze, the new deputy. Nonetheless, she at least had to try. Her heart felt heavy with all the nightmares recently, and she knew the only other person in WindClan who could possibly understand what she was experiencing would be Blazingstar. After all, he was Cobraspirit's apprentice, and was indirectly the reason he'd joined StarClan too soon. Though, the she-cat had forgiven him long ago in regards to that situation. Now, she felt as though their relationship was good - Heatherfur even went as far as to consider the leader a friend of hers.

[SuspiciousMindz]

@Mauve

Blazingstar was resting, just as he normally was nowadays. The stress of making decisions, balancing losing friends recently, and making sure the clan was safe was taking a toll. The orange tabby was exhausted. His appearance gave it away too. He appeared beat down, tired, and the life that normally shone in his hues was gone, replaced with a hollow gaze.

Abruptly, his rest was interrupted. It was an achingly familiar voice of Heatherfur. What could she want? He sat up with a small grunt and looked towards the entrance at the she-cat. She looked just like Sneakersong before the she-cat disappeared... after Cobraspirit's death. Oh, that death... it had held a burden over his head for his life. Someimtes he felt like he loses his mind over it.

Focus. He scolded.

"Yes, Heatherfur?" he replied meeting the she-cats gaze. He let out a small yawn before sitting with a decent posture. She seemed upset about something. Had something else happened? He hoped not. Maybe she just needed to vent about something? While Blazingstar may have a ton on his shoulders already, he didn't mind listening to his friends whenever they needed him. It was the least he could do for them since their presence helped him each day.

[Mauve]

@Suspiciousmindz

As Heatherfur padded further into his den, her pale gaze adjusting to the dim lighting, she could clearly see how much the stress of leading a Clan was getting to him. His eyes were dull, but focused on her, and his fur looked rather unkept, but not too messy. He looked like a cat that had experienced a lot, and she knew that to be true more than any other cat perhaps. After all, she had only just learned not too many moons ago how heavily the death of her father weighed upon him. I hope he knows it wasn't his fault, she thought to herself, guilt prickling up her spine as she let out a soft sigh. She hated to see him like this, as she was quite fond of the orange tom. "I hope I'm not disturbing you too much," she mewed softly, coming to sit before him, letting her haunches rock back into a sitting position as her tail floated onto the ground beside her. Though she was clean and recently groomed, the same lack of light in Blazingstar's gaze was also starting in on hers; the nightmares of Cobraspirit's death and Sneakersong's disappearance were wearing on her.

"I just... I wanted someone to talk to about Cobraspirit..." she began, but her voice faded off towards the end and she forced her eyes to remain locked with her leaders. She didn't know why she was here; Blazingstar must've had other pressing issues. But she felt after some of their talks that they had grown to be good friends. A part of her even liked the noble and courageous leader - though she wouldn't probably ever admit it. After all, she was just Heatherfur - just another warrior. Her shoulders fell back as she felt a bit of life leave her, and her gaze was averted towards the ground. "I miss him, Blazingstar. And I miss Sneakersong too. And Mintberry, ever since she left to join ThunderClan, she won't even look at me the same anymore," the light brown tabby babbled on, shaking her small head as she spoke. "I guess I just feel kind of lost at the moment, you know?" The warrior lifted her gaze once more, a hint of sadness glimmering in their green depths as she looked across to the WindClan leader.

[SuspiciousMindz]

@Mauve

The names almost made him flinch. It definitely put a shock through him that jolted him to be more awake and focused on Heatherfur. Why was she wanting to talk about them now? Mintberry? That she-cat hated him and the sour reminder that someone disapproved of his leadership upset him. His golden hues scanned Heatherfur, his tail beginning to twitch with thought. "Everyone misses people, but we can't change what happened. Mintberry left WindClan and that's her loss. I can't go beg her to come back. I can't go beg her to forgive me because both you and I know she won't do that. It sucks, but forget about her," he spoke. The last part of it came out a little more harsh than he intended, but it was too late to take it back. His gaze dropped to his paws. He couldn't keep staring at her. He destroyed her family. This was his fault. Was this her way of punishing him? Maybe she came to talk about this because she actually didn't forgive him? She just wanted to make him relive the pain he was learning to live with! The thoughts made his fur prickle, but he kept himself together. He was thinking nonsense, he just needed to calm down and listen...

[Mauve]

@Suspiciousmindz

Heatherfur was taken aback by the tone that Blazingstar used. She hadn't expected it from the leader, a cat who always seemed poised and who she had spoke to about this before. She had sought him out before once she'd come to forgive him for Cobraspirit's death. After all, he didn't deserve to be hated for something that had been beyond his control. It wasn't Blazingstar that had sent that monster there to kill her father. It wasn't Blazingstar who'd had the intent of leading him out onto the Thunderpath. Once that realization had sunk in for her, Heatherfur had simply let it go, and forgave him. Now though, she was confused. Had he not believed her? "I-I know," she mewed, her ears lowering back just a bit. "I just wish there was something we could do. Maybe if Mintberry saw how much it's been affecting you..." Heatherfur began, but trailed off. She knew her sister well enough to know that once her mind was set, there was no changing it. Not even StarClan themselves could compel her to forgive her former leader if she didn't want to. A sigh left the light furred she-cat's lips, and she reached forward with her tail, laying the tip of it gently onto one of the WindClan leader's paws. "I know my father was proud of you. That not even he blames you for his death. And Sneakersong?" Heatherfur paused, attempting to swallow the lump that rose in her throat whenever she spoke of her mother, who was still missing all these moons later. "She didn't disappear because of you. I don't know where she is, but it wasn't because of you."

[SuspiciousMindz]

@Mauve

"It wasn't because of you"
"Not even he blames you for his death"

Blazingstar inhaled sharply, his fur prickled more. He hadn't even noticed the light touch of her tail on his paw before his eyes raised up to meet Heatherfur's gaze. There was a different type of emotion in them now. How dare she speak for a feline who was dead. It wasn't Cobraspirit saying and as much as she may look like Sneakersong, it wasn't Sneakersong telling him it wasn't his fault. She couldn't speak for either feline. He would never know how they truly feel -- despite Cobraspirit forgiving during his nine lives ceremony -- and neither would Heatherfur. "You can't tell me how you assume they feel. For all either of us know, they do blame me. For all I know, you still blame me, even if it's partial!" he suddenly exclaimed. His gaze watered a little as he rose to his paws, his tail lashing behind him. "No matter what you tell me Sneak--" he had to catch himself there "--Heatherfur... it will always be my fault for your family getting destroyed. Mintberry would still be here. Sneakersong would still be here. Co-Cobrapsirit would still be here. Frogea- Frogspirit would still be here! Frogspirits kits might even still be around. Poor Patchkit died a horrible death without a father and you want to know why? Frogspirit couldn't come back to WindClan because he couldn't face me again!" the words left his mouth so rapidly, he didn't give himself time to think things through. The first tear hit the nest beneath him, followed by a few more as everything Blazingstar felt came out. "Why are you still here!? You have nothing left here! Maybe friends, but friends aren't the same as family! Maybe that's why Mintberry hates you too. Maybe it's because she's right and it is all my fault! Why do you remind me of the awful thing I did..." he blurted out. His tone had changed dramatically. It was like he was actually mad at Heatherfur for being in the clan. For being a dreaded reminder every day. Everything was unintentional. The words he spoke now, he would regret later, but something in him snapped and he couldn't stop himself.

[Mauve]

@Suspiciousmindz

Each world that flew from Blazingstar's mouth was even more unexpected than the last. They whipped at Heatherfur like thorns flung from an unknown enemy, the claws of their jagged edges scraping at her long fur. Instantly, she rose to her paws, taking a step backwards unintentionally as her ears went back, whipping her tail back with her. "Why am I still here?" she stammered, her pale green eyes stretching wide with the confusion that she felt in waves crashing down on her, shocked that Blazingstar's mood seemed to change right before her very eyes. He had a point. None of her family was here anymore. The one littermate she had been closest with left a long time ago, and joined ThunderClan. Her mother was gone. Father, dead. Frogspirit was nowhere to be found - gone without a trace like Sneakersong. Maybe she was wrong to still be here... Was WindClan really a home anymore with no one left to make it so? "WindClan is my home. It's where I was raised," she gasped, tears stinging at the bottom of her eyes. They were more out of confusion than sadness, though the memories that Heatherfur usually kept bottled up of her parents were now threatening to spill over. First the relentless nightmares, and now this reaction from the cat she respected the most. "I-I know I can't speak for Cobraspirit, but Blazingstar-" she took her chances and moved forward again, this time a bit closer. She wanted nothing more than to comfort the leader, even despite the cruel words he hurtled her way. She was strong, she could stay and make him believe. Couldn't she? She paused, lifting a paw and placing it so it was touching Blazingstar's own. "...Blazingstar, I don't blame you."

[SuspiciousMindz]

@Mauve

The water that came from Blazingstar's golden hues didn't cease as Heatherfur responded to him. His body was visibly tense, even under his fluffed up fur. He was rigid to the point he was shaking even. His golden gaze never strayed from her green hues as the emotions seemed to drain from his eyes until there was nothing but a blank space there. He had no more words. He didn't know how to express how he was feeling. He didn't know what to say to her now. So when Heatherfur told him she didn't blame him, there was nothing Blazingstar could say back. He simply felt his legs buckle beneath him as his frame hit the nest below him limply. A numb feeling took over his body. All he could do was shake his head in response.

"I- I don't know if I believe you" was all he was able to muster out.

[Mauve]

@Suspiciousmindz

He still didn't believe her? Heatherfur felt as though she had tried every which way to get the tom to focus on what the truth really was. There was nothing either of them could do to change the past. Cobraspirit was gone. Sneakersong and Mintberry were lost in the wind. All she felt she had most times was Blazingstar. Was she beginning to lose him too? It was something she just couldn't bear. So when he collapsed, shock filled her normally soft green hues. "Blazingstar, you have to," she murmured, her voice breaking slightly at the end. She kept her paw on his, afraid to move it in case he up and vanished before her eyes. The cats closest in her life seemed to do that, and Heatherfur wasn't about to lose Blazingstar too. She wondered if he'd really meant it - was she a constant reminder of what he'd done as an apprentice? The last thing she wanted was to hurt Blazingstar, or make him feel as though she was somehow punishing him, when in fact it was quite the opposite. He had to believe her. He just had to. He was the only one keeping her here in WindClan most days.

[SuspiciousMindz]

@Mauve

"I don't have to do anything," he responded. Oh, yes, the most cliche response ever, but that's the only thing he could think of. Another tear fell from his cheek, landing on Heatherfur's paw. "I want to believe these things, but how can I when everyone else seems to still blame me..." he inquired helplessly. "I can't bring myself to, I can't," he spoke sadly, his gaze finally lowering to his paws. This was when he noticed Heatherfur's paw on his. For some reason this calmed him down a little. He simply shifted his paw beneath hers a little so she knew that he had noticed.


[these are short sorry x.x]