For the Ladies ;)

[Exis]

Foxblaze simply needed some time to get back to herself. She felt… lost without her. Foxblaze left her to go back to the clan… but now? All she wanted was to go back. She needed to figure out how she wanted to live the life she’d been given anew. And for that she needed just a bit of time away, to live for a moment outside of the clans. But now she wasn’t sure she even wanted to go back.

And so she left the territory. She had made it to the clans and it just felt empty. She was sure to cross out of the territories before she finally took a stop to catch a fish for herself to eat. It was honestly far too large for her and she found herself greatful to starclan for her gift. She pulled it away into a bush to begin eating it.

@wren

[wren]

This is what she hated. Knowing that after those moons she was alone, and perhaps the most frustrating part was that she had been so ok alone for so long. Independence was her walls, built high and wide to keep the world from peeking in on her and messing things up. If she was the only one, she was the only one to blame for failure, the only one to blame if anything went wrong. In that case there was never any shame to it, instead she’d pick herself back up and move on to something completely different as if it hadn’t even happened in the first place.

Now, there was a big hole in the wall. One that let in a draft, a cold and bitter draft. It had been a while since Foxblaze had went on her own way, and she hated to admit it, but that hurt. Two months of being practically inseparable and all for what? Pain? Loneliness? What was there to gain except for this feeling of loss and confusion.

She’d grown to resent Fox just a little bit. Hate her just enough that made her irresistible and elusive. She hated her so much that she loved her. She hated… No. She loved her so much she hated that she left. The dilute calico often sat looking westward for the borders of the clans, invisible walls that held Foxblaze. What was so captivating about it?

She moved her way down a small embankment. There was always a lingering hope that fox would just be there, waiting for her, and on the other paw? She wouldn’t have wanted to see her at all. What could she say? What would she even be able to muster up? Margo shook her head from the hope before being struck by… that.. smell? Fox. No? Had it been so long she’d forgot to it? No.. that was in mistakable. She maneuvered her way back up the embankment and across in the direction of the scent until there.. fiery orange fur illuminated only by the moon.

“What are you doing here?”

@Exis

[Exis]

Foxblaze had almost just made it to the bushes when she heard it. Heard her. The one who she’d needed this entire time… and she froze. She didn’t know what to do. For the first time in so long she was afraid. Afraid of her feelings, of the other she-cat’s reaction, of what happened next for them both. She didn’t know what to do honestly, she wanted… she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to spring into her arms or cry. Neither seemed like the right option at the moment and she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. She’s been looking for her right? This is what she’s wanted? And yet now she just wanted to vanish into the earth. Instead she finally turned to face her. Her love, her everything.

”Oh… I was looking for you I suppose…” her voice cracked with anxiety as she spoke. Everything she felt was only slightly veiled at this point as it was adorning her face. She couldn’t help but look at her in awe, like she’d hung the stars in the sky herself. Foxblaze herself didn’t know why she was so infatuated with her. It was like she hadn’t breathed since she left and now she was finally taking in air again. Like her world had crumbled and now it was once again put back together. The calico had such a hold on her it was unreal. It was like nothing she had ever known before. She’d never felt this way for anyone ever and now… here she was, padding back to her like a lost kit.

Foxblaze, who had been leaning forward a bit, felt herself stumble and it brought her back to reality. She quickly shook her head, an attempts at shaking the thoughts she’d been engrossed in from her head. She couldn’t though, not if she tried. Instead she simply found herself looking around for a moment before her eyes landed on the fish she’d caught. It was big enough for the both of them to have a solid meal and she hadn’t been about to eat it all anyhow.

“Do you want some?” she asked motioning to the fish. She wasn’t sure how this would go but she figured everything went better with food and she needed this to go well. She needed her so desperately at this point, although she’d never admit to it. She couldn’t. Because the calico didn’t feel that way about her. She was almost sure that any feelings she may have had for her were gone and she hated it. She hated that she could have had something with her and she blew it over a clan that wouldn’t have noticed if she’d come back or not. They probably didn’t even notice her absence now. She wished she could have convinced the calico to come with her or she had just stayed behind because what she did was ruin everything instead.

It was all her fault she was alone now. She could only hope to mend everything a little.

@wren

[wren]

Those words, those simple and yet so drastically profound words. Nobody looked for her, because nobody needed her, and yet here fox was barely managing the words out. Every single hair on her body seemed to prickle up, the walls building themselves in disorganized haste as stones clattered anxiously to conceal a very fragile heart. “No.” her voice was simple, slightly wavering, but strong in the only way she knew how to make it. To force the words out, to push the bird out of the cage when you knew it was too afraid to fly. “You cannot come back here and tell me that. It’s far-“ she swallowed “far too late for that isn’t it? Isn’t it Fox?” at this her voice seemed to dip into desperation, the composure crumbling.

Truth be told. It might’ve been a lie. There was likely “no such thing” as far too late. Not with her it couldn’t. Nothing could be too late… and yet? There was this defence she needed to build. She left. She chose to leave. Why did it hurt? But why didn’t it hurt enough? She swallowed again and a brief flicker of contemplative thought crossed her face, composure filling her eyes once more.

Foxblaze stumbling forward only prompted Margo to follow her movements with lethargic interest. Small movements, small simple clumsy moments that she so loved made her feel so afraid. Down there was the exact thing she loved and wanted and in every way fox was just the same fox she loved moments ago, hours ago, days ago, and in the same way she wasn’t at all. What fox would’ve left? Margo’s eyes seemed to unfocus and the only thing that changed was her expression. Muzzle tensing up in a nervous way, wracked with inconclusion.

“Please. Let’s not play this game. I can’t play this silly game with you Fox. You can’t come back here and pretend that you aren’t even here anymore.” she nodded towards the fish she had caught and another disgusted look crossed her facial features; and a small tear. “You can’t possibly sit next to me and pretend that we can share a meal like old chumps could you? L- look at me fox? Look at me. You can’t.. you can’t tell me you could pretend this all didn’t happen.”

@Exis