"The Way the Cookie Crumbles." [P]

**Panda1440** · #1 May 28th, 2021, 05:20 PM

She wanted to see him. Just his face, his brown and white fur. Maybe even hear his kind voice,, ? Would it be kind anymore though.. what if he blames me??? co- could I have done anything?! Driftsong had visited her when she died, almost immediately if Iciclepaw remembered correctly. It doesn't matter. He will eventually... hopefully. And now RiverClan was blaming them! Grey pelt was a mess as the she-cat laid down on her moss bed.

[ @Papaya]

**dino.** · #2 May 28th, 2021, 06:31 PM

// @Panda1440

>Buckstar<

It had taken a hot second to figure out how to visit dreams - certainly much longer than he'd hoped, that was for sure - but in the end he'd gotten it, and he couldn't be more excited than at this very moment. There were cats he wanted to speak to, loved ones he longed to see again, and now he could.

Iciclepaw was the first to come to mind. Stars, she must have been heartbroken. It hurt just to imagine that.

He'd stood there amongst the shining undergrowth with his eyes closed for several moments, and when he opened them again, he found that he was no longer hidden amongst StarClan's undergrowth, but instead stood inside ThunderClan's apprentices' den. A soft chuckle of surprised relief left him as he spun in a slow circle, taking in the woven roof and mossy nests laid out along the floor. All were empty but one, occupied by a small gray she-cat.

And suddenly his excitement was gone, replaced by anxiety and a sense of dread. What if she, like Rainywhisker, blamed him for what had happened? What if she thought all of those deaths were his fault? What if she hated him now?

His heart pounding in his chest, he reached out to gently prod the she-cat's sleeping form. "Iciclepaw?" he whispered. "Can- can you hear me?"

**Panda1440** · #3 May 29th, 2021, 10:44 AM

The feeling of paws on her fur was mild annoyance, though the apprentice assumed it was just Sunhowl waking her up for morning. But now, she was still tired- and quite overall exhausted. "Just a bit longer,, please!"

Wait. That voice- .. I'm imagining things, I must be- ... It was his voice, his sweet voice. N- no,, Just check though!!. Eyes opened abruptly now, wanting to get the outcome over with. Tears, it would just be tears- maybe a spark of anger at her own mind though. No,, it wasn't possible. He was there. Smaller though, much smaller- yet.. scarless.

"Da- Dad?!" [ @Papaya]

**dino.** · #4 May 31st, 2021, 06:56 PM

// @Panda1440

>Buckstar<

He would have laughed had he not been so anxious, and instead backed up a step, his tail curling uncertainly around his flank. Hearing that - still being called 'dad' made him hopeful, but even dads could turn bad at some point. Did she think that was what had happened?

"Hey, Iciclepaw," he said softly. "Sorry to wake you up. I just- I wanted to see you again. I hope that's okay."

**Panda1440** · #5 June 1st, 2021, 07:37 AM

"Stars!! Of course, it's okay- I just- ,,,.. missed you so darn much..." Iciclepaw looked down at her paws, then back at the tom. "You aren't- ,,, mad at me are you?" Part of the young she-cat didn't want to find out the answer in case it was what her worries put forth. But, she knew that it would be hard to live without knowing- he doesn't seem mad.., though it's said now-,,, Back at the ground grey eyes glanced at, thoughts hurting her own head.

[ @Papaya - sorry if this reply made no sense lol]

**dino.** · #6 June 1st, 2021, 10:25 AM

// @Panda1440

>Buckstar<

He couldn't help but gape at her for a few seconds before remembering to close his mouth. With a shake of his head and a trembling laugh he asked, "Why would I be mad at you! Stars, I thought it would have been the other way around! I just- you know what, come here." He moved forward again to pull her into a tight hug, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

**Panda1440** · #7 June 6th, 2021, 06:00 PM

The hug was just what Iciclepaw had been truly looking for all this time (or at least part of it). Buckstar's paws around her body (although they were equally sized now practically) felt like sunshine in physical form on a winter day. Warm, cozy- loving. "I love you so much Dad,," She was so darn glad he wasn't mad, evening feeling a little guilt for thinking such things.

[ @Papaya]

**dino.** · #8 June 8th, 2021, 07:20 PM

// @Panda1440

>Buckstar<

He nearly crumpled in relief when she didn't pull away, and he felt the corners of his mouth upturn in a wide grin. "I love you too," he managed to rasp out. "More than I can convey with words. And I'm so sorry I had to leave you. But, Stars, I'm so proud of you." He disentangled himself from her, eyes shining as if he was about to cry. The edges of the den seemed to fade, curling up and rising and then dissipating like smoke. He tugged his gaze from them, determined in this moment to put all of his focus on to Iciclepaw. "I don't know how much longer I'm able to keep this up. But I'm so glad I get to see you again. Are you doing all right?"

**Panda1440** · #9 June 9th, 2021, 11:31 AM

He's proud of me- A smile tugged at her face as well, happiness settling in. He loves me too. The thoughts of denial briefly crossed her mind,.. though quickly went away.

She stayed in the hug as long as her body allowed her to but it seemed,, that this dream visiting thing was taking up quite a lot of his energy. Was she even dreaming?! Who knew. It felt so darn real- maybe it was since all Iciclepaw wanted was for it to be existint.

"I- I'm okay I guess. War with RiverClan is getting closer by the minute still- and,, I don't know. It's just s- so- " Emotions poured through her mind, waterfalls, falling trees, rolling boulders. She was looking at the ground- it was difficult to explain. "I'm not sure." Why can't I even manage to explain something I've thought about for almost a moon now?! "Thank you for coming-"

[ @Papaya]

**dino.** · #10 June 11th, 2021, 12:14 PM

// @Panda1440

>Buckstar<

Eventually he pulled away, stepping back a few pawsteps so that he could look at her clearly again. "Hey, hey, shh." He brought one paw up gently beneath her chin, a hopefully comforting gesture. "I know. Trust me, I know it's stressful and it's scary, but it's going to be all right in the long run, I promise. Nothing like this lasts forever. And you're doing amazing. I'm so, so proud of you."

He lowered his paw. The edges of the dream were curling and vanishing even now. Was it faster this time? It was difficult to tell. "I have to go now," he murmured softly, "but I swear by every star in the sky, I will find a way back to you. Death can't hold me forever. I love you, with all of my heart. Will you tell Eveningstar that I said hello?"

He smiled at her, ever so briefly but oh-so filled with love, and then the dream collapsed in a puff of smoke.