mom, am I still young? [p]

[furrensic]

CW: dissociation

SQUIRRELPAW
she/her. 12 moons. small russet molly with brown markings and yellow eyes.
[ chill of death ]

can I dream for a few months more?

the walk back to camp is silent, save for the light ringing in squirrelpaw's ears that effectively tune out any of her clanmate's voices. the process of getting her wounds treated is something she doesn't pay much mind to, it seems to pass in a second. in her mind, at least. fuzzy. her mind is fuzzy, and as she staggers to the apprentice's den, she's greeted with the few sleeping forms of her fellow apprentices. it seems most stayed awake due to the anticipation. there's no doubt a pawful of them wanted to go to the war.

her brows furrow. why didn't one of them go in her place? why did she have to go? there's better options. midnightpaw's strong and also a guard – not to mention the warriors. hell, goopywhisker would've been a better choice than her. at first, she'd thought she was chosen because it meant dawnstar saw ..something (whatever that something is, squirrelpaw doesn't know), in her but.. she doesn't. understand. her wounds ache, she's exhausted in more than one way, she's sure she can still taste the heavy metallic liquid in her mouth despite having drinking water, grooming the parts of her fur that wasn't covered in blood.

her paws shake, and she slowly backs out of the hollowed tree stump. sitting down, she looks around the dark clearing, barely illuminated by the scarce moonlight that filters through the canopy above. it feels..impossibly hard to focus, like all her clanmates that she could once pick out distinctly, are blurring together. she shakes her head. who is she looking for again..?? mistlewhisker, yes..mistlewhisker. where is she?, squirrelpaw wonders, gaze sweeping over the clearing.

[ @Mica ]