Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani
The pinned ears were longer lasting this time and more obvious. Perhaps it wasnt as threatening as a normal cats ears but Mudhound was never going to be an intimidating cat despite their size. Maybe that wasnt the important thing though when the clear disappointment in Bumblestar was glinting deep in Mudhounds eyes.
What had happened to her? What had happened to rob this cat of its beating heart. Where was the basic compassion anycat should have to another living hurting being, much less the compassion a leader should have for their clanmate. Because the kits, those that still lived Rainkit and Skykit were Bumblestars clan and her responsibility now too. They were not missing cats abandoning their home they were stolen taken and failed by the clan. Didnt that mean it was owed to them for the clan that had a duty to protect them and failed to at least try to do right by them? Did Bumblestar realize that in the pursuit of the greater good, her justification for this, she was setting herself up for the death and pain of the individual who made up that greater? You cannot have a whole without a part and to sacrifice the part for the whole would eventually leave you with nothing.
This felt like a fundamental thing Mudhound was realizing about their sister something they had to know if she knew. She'd still love Bumble-sis even if this was an intentional part of her that crawled up the warriors spine, the maine coon mix wasnt sure they were capable of anything else, but to love they'd need to know. The good and the bad. Love despite the bad.
They hoped they didnt need to, that felt like it'd feel like how they ripped apart in the past, just in the soul not the leg.
"I know that word I think. 'Condone' Doesnt it mean to be ok with a bad action? How is saving or at least bringing closure to a horrible loss bad? Why would you have to 'condone' what is a good action? Is it because you feel the clan might fall without even three of its warriors?
Sister the clan is recovering fine under you, we have new high ranks who are learning, we have a new camp, we have ever growing confidence in you that will come with time and good actions. Isnt that re-stabilizing already? And dont tell me that's down to just three or four warriors because if a clan falls in under a week due to the loss of even two its not going to survive anyway and wouldnt it be better then to figure out what to do once it does?"
They werent at war, they shouldnt be, the gathering was coming up and what little conflict that was to be found could be settled. Little border squabbles happened as often as it rained and how often was it that rains turned into an actual flood. Bumblestar was capable of making peace for the clan as she was making the clan strong again, Mudhound knew she was. Those were two sides of the needed coin regardless of their faith in their sister so even the idea of her not being capable of that simple thing was.... Bad. Storms on the horizon brought by paws and not just a twist of fate.
"Bumble-sis arent they thunderclan? I know there was a promise to bring them home and make them one of us like they should've always been. Doesnt that mean something? Anything? Even if they werent our sisters doesnt the lives and stories of innocent kits mean something even if it is only two cats looking for under a week."
Quieter now a blameless honestly aching to know question, Mudhound trying to understand.
"Can you really live with not trying at all... Because I can live with failure as final as it can be but not even trying to do something is different, isnt it."
(So sorry this took so long I am drowning irl rn this is still happening. tried to keep this as muddy as possible in their weird emotionally smart way but still feel off kilter about this ah well)
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The blatant disappointment in Mudhound's eyes was enough to make Bumblestar's fur bristle. No, Mudhound didn't
get to be disappointed in her. Mudhound hadn't gone through what she had endured, they hadn't seen the state of chaos this Clan had been in, hadn't witnessed the decisions Bumblestar had had to make. They didn't
get to be disappointed in her for this! Thorny words sprung to her jaws but she swallowed them down, and forced the spark of anger in her eyes to fizzle out as well. Bristling shoulders and claws stuck once more into the bark beneath them were the only two signs that she was ticked.
There was the urge to swat Mudhound over the head, as horrific as that was to her, as her sibling started off with hurling a definition at her. She swallowed that down, too.
"Cats vanished during the collapse too," she stated flatly,
"but you don't see me sendin' out search parties for everyone who didn't make it to the new camp. Or even every cat who simply up and goes missing or is stolen or whatever the hell happens on a random day. I don't- ThunderClan doesn't have the resources to spare. If I tried every single time, I'd run this Clan ragged. 'N unfortunately that goes for kits, too."
She glanced away again, unhooking her claws once more.
"It sucks. I get it. But I've got an entire Clan to focus on now, 'n that means I can't send cats after every kit snatched from a queen who was wanderin' around in places they shouldn't have been." Yeah, it felt a little cruel to say that about her sister, but Houndspirit had died
three times in Bumblestar's lifetime, and she witnessed more cats who were even closer to her murdered by badgers or by crumbling earth or by other Clans enough that the process of greiving had started to become obsolete to her. She was tired of it, simply put. And she didn't need to have her cats chasing after the wishes or the spawn of the dead.
"It's still no. And I mean what I said; you start this patrol anyways, knowing full well I told you not to, and you 'n whoever else you drag along with you is gonna have to answer to me."