Breaking the Habit [P]

[nykyrian]

♔ Aspencry ♔

He/Him | @Rose

It was strange to him how easily his paws led him back to the familiar lands of his home. Even stranger still how he had begun to refer to it as such, even though he hadn't been there in nearly four seasons, or how he had never called it that before leaving. He was nearly 30 moons now, much older than he had been when he had left. He was no longer the kit with the giant weight of his mother's hatred on his back. Nor the apprentice who had turned that weight into a stepping stone, one he had been knocked off of time after time. This wasn't the first time he'd gone missing, as much as that pained him to think about. That absence had been against his will, and when he returned, he was half dead on his feet- starved. Now as he reached the border and sat down, muscles gleamed under his shining coat. Muscles he had built from months of fighting, wandering, and hunting. He was sure the apprehension coming off him in waves could be felt all the way back at camp. That coupled his his surety that someone would be there around the border at this time, made him simply wait in silence for someone to meet him.

Aspencry was back, hopefully.

#107

[Rose]

She/Her | Purrks Overlook

Lostspark was not supposed to be here. Outside of camp. On her own. Not when the rule was still in place. Or… well, technically she should be fine as she was an elite and the cannibal had not been active for a good while now. Either way, she couldn’t help herself, not now, when there was nowhere else to go. Lostspark was distraught. Silverlark’s death, then Rainpaw’s. She’d left the territory. Headed to the old one, before ShadowClan had moved camps. Made for the gravesite. Moonlit Grove. So many of her family were buried here, cats once meant to outlast her, now stuck eternally beneath the soil, or so far above her head in the stars she’d never reach.

[ Shadow Fiend Active ]

It was on her way back to the current ShadowClan territory that her attention shifted from the gloom brewing in her mind to the unfamiliar scent of an outsider. Hackles rising, the Enforcer crossed into her Clan's territory, melding with the shadows as she made a beeline for whoever had encroached upon her mother's lands. Except, as she neared, Lostspark realized that they were just outside the border. Either way, she had an outsider to threaten for coming so near her home, maybe it would take away her constant tension.

[ Shadow Fiend Inactive ]

Safe to say, it was a complete surprise when Lostspark happened across a once-familiar face, so much startled by her former denmate's appearance that she misstepped, her cloak of shadows dissipating as a dry stick crunched under paw. Lostspark could not bring herself to care just yet, though, as she took a disbelieving step closer, the newfound scars on her pelt, the supposed blindness of her eyes, brought to light as she stepped out of the shade, studying the cat that was both oh-so-familiar and a complete stranger at the same time. "Aspencry?"

[ @nykyrian - Aspencry ]

[nykyrian]

♔ Aspencry ♔

He/Him | @Rose

He thought he knew which cat was approaching him. He'd recognize that scent anywhere. So he stayed calm, remaining as pacifistic as he could, even as she made him jump with her misstep. Something he wasn't very good at. It was fitting wasn't it? Having the only cat he could remember from the patrol that brought him home the first time be here to meet him this time.

But as she stepped into the light, he hesitated. This wasn't the cat he'd left. The youngest enforcer, his worst rival, the only cat he'd considered a friend. The only one left from his past. She was different, changed, at the very least physically. It was a blow to chest, worst then any of the scars he had from her. He'd really been gone for that long. How much change would he have to face?

Changes put aside, it was good to see a familiar face. If he was being honest he had missed her, though the chances of him admitting that were slim. He had matured, yes. But expressing feelings would never be his strongsuit. Maybe some things never changed. "Larkfire? What happened to you?"

#108

[Rose]

She/Her | Purrks Overlook

On a regular occasion, Lostspark may have flinched back with surprise at the sound of her former moniker. Now, though, all Aspencry’s voice did was have her stepping forward, nearing, expression turning incredulous. “What happened to me?!” She echoed indignantly, looking up at him and fixing him with an unimpressed scowl. She didn’t care. Or at least, she hadn’t thought she did. A liar in her own right.

“You disappeared!” The accusation was more abrupt, more filled with feeling than she’d like for it to have had. But she couldn’t reign herself in, not when the grief of losing so many others was still fresh in her heart. Lostspark didn’t even bother attempting to seem blind as her eyes did — she didn’t care enough for that right now.

Her amber gaze flitted over Aspencry’s scars instead, that of a trained herbalist. Medicine Cat habits never went away, it wasn’t her fault. Once she’d realized none of the scars were open wounds nor fresh ones, Lostspark focused on the former warrior. He wasn’t a ShadowClanner — had not been for a long, long time. Now she had to remember that. “Why are you here, Aspencry?”

[ @nykyrian - Aspencry ]

[nykyrian]

♔ Aspencry ♔

He/Him | @Rose | WC: 334

Maybe he was wrong, maybe this would be easier if it was someone he didn't know. Someone who didn't care about him, who could separate him from their past. Did Larkfire care? He doubted it, why would she? He had been an ass to her the entire time they'd known each other. But some part of him held hope that she cared enough to hear him out. Maybe in some alternate reality he'd have never left, they could've working things out and been on great terms. It wouldn't feel like there was this giant gap between them. A gap he put there.

Her words stung, but he tried to move past that. He needed to explain himself. "I've been left constantly, all my life. I wanted to see what the fuss was about and leave myself." Maybe joking wasn't the right thing to do right now, but he couldn't help it. "There were some things I had to sort out about myself, some loose ends I had to tie up." Those loose ends came with a consequence, nights spent drenched in sweat and tears as he woke up from some grotesque replay. He couldn't bring himself to repeat them, it was probably best he hadn't.

"I don't know what I was thinking when I left, how I would come back, if I even would. I was never one for thinking of things ahead of time, I guess I'm facing the consequences of that now." Sometimes he wished he would've started off better, not been who he was as a child. Grown up sooner, avoiding the long list of mistakes he made. "I've matured. And it's probably the best I did it away from the clan. I don't know what would've happened if I stayed. But I probably would've been kicked out on my ass if I hadn't. " Him sneaking out no matter the consequence, breaking countless rules his whole life... Definitely not the image he would've liked to maintain.

"I am sorry though for leaving. And I know I'm no longer your clanmate, you have no reason to care about me. I wouldn't hold it against you if you executed me on the spot." It would be a fitting death he presumed. Killed by the one who he was jealous of the most, the one who had been his rival since the beginning. He'd welcome it with open arms if he had to. "You are the only living connection I have to this clan, even though the thread that binds us is frayed at best. I came back because I care. Because all my life I have belonged solely to shadowclan. Despite my actions my loyalty lies here, and I am finally in the place where I can be a suitable member of the clan, where I can actually deserve my place."

No matter what he had given his all, every battle, skirmish, every task, every patrol. He tried he'd always tried to do what was best. He worked himself to the bone and he would have had it no other way. He wanted to be the best, he still did, though no longer in the conceited self-righteous way he used to. He was willing to work for it.

#108

[Rose]

She/Her | Purrks Overlook

“You’re looking to rejoin.” It was what Lostspark had ended up with from his words. She didn’t want to mull over the rest of his speech. No, because her thoughts and feelings were already a mess, a tangled jumble she didn’t want to question or pick through right now.

The scarred grey Enforcer leveled him with a look. “If you plan to disappear again, this conversation would have been a waste of time for both of us.” For a moment, she held his green gaze, searching for any sign that he’d back out now. He didn’t disappoint though - apparently he was no coward. So she dropped her stony facade, the corner of her mouth tipping upward in a fanged grin. Another facade? She herself knew not anymore. “As tempting as the offer to send you to the stars is…” Lostspark diverted her attention to the sky. “I don’t needlessly injure Clanmates. ‘Sides, if I was still Medicine Cat I’d murder someone for doing something so stupid.”

Lostspark glanced at Aspencry sidelong. “You have a lot to catch up on.” And she, needed to figure out how to take him to her mother without getting skinned alive.

[ @nykyrian: - Aspencry ]