the science behind fear [P]

[Omari]

Drizzlecloud
Thunderclan
She/her

When someone has deep-rooted fears, no matter how much they may understand that from a logical standpoint there is nothing to be afraid of, they still feel that way nonetheless… Which is why Drizzlecloud was facing her current dilemma. Drizzlecloud knew Sparrowpelt. He was patient and willing to learn–he had always taken the time to understand her and communicate with her effectively. Logically, why would he change now? Why would he turn his back now, after all that they had been through?

Maybe because it would be more difficult this time around. Maybe because it would be easier to just drop it and leave… But he wouldn't do that to her. Drizzlecloud knew that, but somehow, deep within her chest, she still felt otherwise. No matter what she thought and what she felt, it was time to clear the air. She had been playing her game of avoidance for a little while now–her wounds had healed, leaving fresh scars in her wake. All had healed but her hearing… Which she would tell him today.

Poking her head out from her den, she peered out into the clearing, spotting the familiar fur of her mate amongst a few others whom she did not bother to name at the moment. Quietly, she left her den and padded over to him, although a tad bit hesitant with her pawsteps.

“...Sparrowpelt?” She called softly once she was within earshot. “I… Wanted to ask you if you'd like to go for a walk with me. I'd like to talk to you, if you have the time.”

[ @SuspiciousMindz ]

[SuspiciousMindz]

[Sparrowpelt]
ThunderClan Warrior
Beefed Up T3 | Just A Scratch

Did I move too fast? Did I say something wrong? Was I hovering too much?

Paranoia was wrecking his world right now. The intrusive thoughts that fried his brain, the constant looking over his shoulder, and the longing to find his anchor for this sea of misfortune. He hadn't seen her since the fight, since the day he had to return to his warrior duties. It'd been so long. He didn't want to pester Springlight by asking to see his mate everyday. He didn't want to get in the way.

This was my fault. I should go find her. I should fix this. I should fix my wrong doings.

Again and again, these thoughts entered and exited his brain. The only moment of silence he got was when that soft voice tickled the fur in his ears. They'd twitch in her direction. His chest would tighten up. Finally, his gaze would turn to look at her: his anchor.

"Drizzle?" Her name was so familiar as it passed his lips. A soothing word for his heart. Sparrowpelt didn't fight it as his paws drew him nearer to her. The first thing he did was nuzzle her cheek, letting a single tear slide down his own. He'd make sure to shake his head so she didn't see it, of course.

Taking a step back, he gestured towards the camp entrance, a silent agreement to the walk. "Anything for you," he'd chirp, still unaware of the disability.

@Omari

[Omari]

Drizzlecloud
Thunderclan
She/her

Drizzlecloud wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she had been expecting from him, but she felt some relief blooming in her chest at how quick he was to close the space between them. A purr rumbled in her throat as he nuzzled her cheek, and she lifted her muzzle to return the favor. “Hello, my love.” She greeted softly.

Seeing him gesture to the camp’s entrance, she took that as an agreement to go with her. So, she brushed past him to lead the way, her tail carefully trailing overhis back, and up to his shoulder. “Off we go then, shall we?” She’d wait until they were at least out of camp to speak her apologies and her explanations… Drizzlecloud wouldn’t want any of her clanmates to see her getting emotional, after all.

[ @SuspiciousMindz ]

[SuspiciousMindz]

[Sparrowpelt]
ThunderClan Warrior
Beefed Up T3 | Just A Scratch

Sparrowpelt would chirp his agreement and follow the she-cat towards the camp entrance and out into the territory. The new-leaf sun was already warming the forest and the bushes and trees were beginning to bloom again. It not only provided more shelter from prying eyes and ears, but the scenery was wonderful to look at. The tom had seen many seasons go by, but new-leaf had to be his favorite to experience.

"So, what's on your mind?" Sparrowpelt would ask without looking in her direction. He didn't know she wouldn't be able to hear his question unless she was watching his lips. He wouldn't know the reasoning for the silence that may draw between them as he awaited an answer from her. Although, if that silence drew out too long, he'd start to have doubts and panic again.

@Omari

[Omari]

Drizzlecloud
Thunderclan
She/her

The new-leaf season was a welcome one, of course. With the warmer weather came the blooming of fresh herbs, which she and Springlight–as well as the other medicine cats in the other clans–would come to appreciate. Even with the nice change in atmosphere, she felt anxiety creeping up her back. It had been getting pretty bad recently, but she had done her best to ignore it. The last time it had gotten this bad was… When Springlight had been attacked by that Shadowclan warrior. A good while ago now.

With a shake of her head, Drizzlecloud let out a sigh. She hadn’t heard Sparrowpelt’s question, so a long silence had followed it, without so much as a sign of recognition from the molly. Unintentional, of course, but something she would apologize for when she found out it had happened.

“I’ve been avoiding you lately.” She blurted out–so unceremoniously that it made her cringe, in fact. She just wasn’t quite sure how else to go about having this conversation without just.. Diving head first into it. “I… want to apologize for my behavior. You didn’t do anything wrong, Sparrowpelt, I want you to know that. I’ve just been scared–really, really scared.”

The blue-grey tabby paused in her footsteps, turning to face him completely, offering up herself, completely and entirely in her vulnerability. “You see.. My thought process is, ah, I’ve always been difficult. Difficult to communicate with, to understand.. I developed slower than most kits and apprentices due to having a general lack of understanding. A lack of others who wanted to take the time to communicate, and so, I’m… I’m more used to avoiding others and isolating myself in favor of actually solving issues. It’s what others have done to me in the past, so I’ve come to adopt that habit, too.”

Another hesitant pause. She stared at her best friend, her mate, a frown etched deeply into her features. “I have been afraid of you disappearing on me and avoiding me rather than putting in the effort to adapt with me to the new changes I’m facing, so I did it first.”

“During the battle, when… When I got attacked I–... I lost–I…” This was harder than she thought. “I can’t hear anything, Sparrowpelt. I can’t.. I’ve lost the rest of my hearing.”

[ @SuspiciousMindz ]