Analogous limbs [p]

***Rani*** · #1 June 26th, 2024, 12:08 AM

The meeting carried on behind Mudhound as the tripod kinda limped into the medicine den with their usual awkward gait. In a way they did feel bad leaving their new apprentice Silverpaw behind but they'd done their greeting and the hornet had made promises to return for a proper training session after the meeting (and so this conversation) and he hadnt seemed too upset.... Not as upset as Wolfpaw at least.

Though from what Mudhound had heard of the toms life so far by his own words he was more then due a fit, especially at his age. All that pain for such a small body, it was no doubt overwhelming.

The quiet of the medicine cats den would feel downright soothing by comparison, so the hornet dared not disturb the peace bar their pawsteps and soft breaths. They let that hang, let Wolfpaw get used to their presence as the tripod settled into the bedding with an "Oof." still slightly injured from the battle and rustled around, an arm length from the apprentice before speaking.

"I remember the moments of loosing my leg in horrible detail yanno. The sharp pain and horrible shock of the blow, the feeling of this being wrong and worse then any injury Id have before or after. That this was different in the worst way.

I remember waking up after and finding a piece of myself missing, literally and figuratively, and wailing.

Its funny but not, I was already an adult then but I recall feeling disjointed and shaky and throwing such tantrums for ages after at anything at all like I was a kitten and then I felt ashamed afterwards each time. I shouldnt have been ashamed really, my whole world had changed but I suppose I know how hard every little thing can feel for you right now. And youre not dealing with 'little' things, even."
A moment for that to sink in, for Wolfpaw to think before the maine coon leaned over to press a single gentle paw into his shoulder for comfort, purring deeply and soothingly.

"No one is or should judge you for your emotions. You can let them out here with me, I promise. You've been through a lot and Im so so sorry because you didnt deserve that at all but if you'd like to talk about it Im right here."

@Bean

***Beaan*** · #2 June 26th, 2024, 10:17 AM

- Wolfpaw -
- He/Him - 6 Moons - ThunderClan Apprentice -
- A large dark brown tabby tom with green eyes and a missing hind leg -

TW: Self-hate, Slight Anxiety/Panic attack

Wolfpaw shakily left the meeting behind, tears streaming down his face as he shakily limped into the medicine den, falling over right as he was about to get in his nest. "Why did I do that?" he whimpered, curling up into a ball. He was sure to get in trouble now - What if Bumblestar exiled him?? He couldn't leave ThunderClan! All because of a Stupid Stupid STUPID FIT HE THREW. He didn’t want any of this. He wanted this to be normal - just getting a new mentor and becoming a warrior. But instead he was missing a limb, threw a fit at a meeting of all places, and now he could get exiled because of his stupid stupid stupid actions.

Wolfpaw lifted his head up to face whoever was coming in the den, quickly lowering it. Oh no. Had Bumblestar come to exile him?? "I-I'm s-" he stopped, not wanting to say any more incase Bumblestar could use it to exile him. The unknown cat didn't move for a moment as their scent was soon recognized to be Mudhound. Were they here to scold him?? Small whimpers escaped from the tiny apprentice's maw as the other tripod made their way over. Surprisingly, they laid down and started talking. He didn’t look at Mudhound for a few moments, afraid that they were sent there so Wolfpaw could get a scolding. To the young apprentice’s surprise, the warrior started talking about how they remembered loosing their leg.

"That this was different in the worst way."

Wait... was Mudhound trying to comfort him? The young tom didn't care what may come for him, but he perked his head up to listen, his green eyes still teared up. The part that Wolfpaw was most surprised about was when the warrior said they also threw fits. So it wasn't just him? But... Why shouldn't he feel ashamed? He yelled at his leader of all cats! He's probably gonna get exiled for it too!! The tabby flinched as Mudhound reached out a paw to his shoulder, and part of the apprentice felt comforted by that. Mudhound was letting Wolfpaw be upset, but why? Sure he had lost both his limb and his family but that was no excuse to throw a fit!

As soon as the older cat stopped talking, the young apprentice scooted closer to lay his head on Mudhound's shoulder, his body shaking as he started to speak.

"I-I was so stupid! I shouldn't have yelled at Bumblestar! I-I.. I miss my siblings and my mama and my leg and I just... What did I do to deserve this!!?? I just wanted to be the great warrior I promised mama I could be but Instead I lost my damn leg! And nobody even cared! I just wanted to get home when that Starsdamned tree fell on me and caused my leg to be removed. It hurt so much, I just wanted to scream and curl up into a ball and never feel pain again. It hurt so much, Mudhound. B-But that was no ex-excuse. All they cared about was dumb ol Silverpaw and how the older cat lost their leg a-and got you as a mentor, while I was assigned to a warrior who hasn't felt a f-fraction of m-my pain. I just want it to stop. I can't walk. I can't run. Heck, I could barley walk or run when I became an apprentice at 4 damn moons! And nobody even bothered to look for me when i was missing. It shows just how little everyone cares about me. W-What did I do wrong???? I-I-I just wanted to be happy!! B-But now I'm a monster!" he wailed, wiping away his tears.

"I-I should h-have sucked it up and deal with it l-like everything else, but now I-I might get exiled b-because o-of my stupid stupid stupid leg! Why cant I be normal like everyone else??? Now I'll probably never be a warrior, I can barely do anything. Even stupid things like walking or sitting. I-I just wanted mama to be p-proud. N-now she's gone and all because I'm a monster.

"I-I miss her. I miss her so much. I-I just-" he stopped, wheezing in air as he sobbed, it was stupid. Nobody even cared about him, and what if Mudhound just wanted to use him? He couldn't trust anyone anymore. Wolfpaw let out a hiss of pain as he shifted his remaining hind leg, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see his missing leg. He wanted to believe that none of this was real - that this was all just some sick nightmare that went on forever. "It hurts to look at it. I don't want any of this to feel real, and I-" he paused, moving his stub. He could have sworn that he felt his leg. "Even my mind is against me, making me think my leg is back. But it's not. It never will be a-and i'll be a monster forever. I just want mama! What happened to mama?? D-Does she not l-love me a-anymore?? I-I" he stopped. He needed to stop talking. "S-Sorry. I-I just wish none of this was real," he whimpered at last after a moment of silence, closing his eyes, not wanting to see the anger and upset Mudhound that he expected. He didn't know what could happen at this point. He just wanted it to be over.

[ @Rani - Muddy the sweetie ]

***Rani*** · #3 July 2nd, 2024, 10:56 PM

Sometimes clanlife really hurt Mudhounds heart. It wasnt like injuries and death couldnt happen anywhere, but it seemed to just happen more and more devastatingly in the clans sometimes.

Greater highs and lows in a clan they supposed.

At Wolfpaw not snapping at the gentle paw of support and even resting his head on the main coons shoulder Mudhound shuffled over to bodily wrap themselves around the apprentice, purring low and comforting as they rasped a tongue over his head and let him get it all out. It seemed like there was a lot he needed to say besides, a sorrow and pain that'd been building in Wolfpaw for awhile that just needed a release.

It was only after he'd gotten all that out that the older tripod spoke, trying to sooth a hurt heart.
"Youre not stupid kiddo and I seriously doubt Bumblestar is mad at you at all, I should know as her sibling. Maybe a bit frustrated at not just you but also missing your plight with everything going on in the clan" With the battle and whatever was going on with Drizzlecloud (though the hornet didnt know that just outside said medicine cat was being demoted) "but she isnt gonna level a punishment and Im betting you're gonna end up with me soon. I can even go and sit on her until she agrees if she doesnt do it fast enough and Im real heavy.

There'll be no exile or none of that kiddo, grief and pain and loss makes us all a bit crazy and Bumblestar and the good cats of this clan understands that."
Hopefully the knowledge that he wouldnt be punished or looked down on (at least by any good cat of the clan) eased something in Wolfpaws heart as the hornet moved to address the other things on the pile of anguish.

"Im so sorry you've gone through all of that Wolfpaw, and at your age I cant imagine how it must feel. This kind of loss, of feeling alone in your clan with no family left. Its such a hard situation and even full grown warriors collapse under this sometimes so I just want you to know you are so so strong for continuing to fight and still try. I know your Mama would be proud of you for that and would want you to keep trying to be happy in any way.

You arent a monster Wolfpaw and this is in no way your fault but it is very normal to feel like it may be I promise. Its normal to feel like its youre lost and its all too much and no one gets it. But I promise you there are cats who do, I do at least a little bit no longer having my Mama and my leg, and Im here for you now."
Because Mudhound would be. Knowing everything Wolfpaw had been through now they regretted every moment they hadnt spent not helping him and just being there for him when he felt like he had no one. Well you had a big fluffy friend now and many could attest that there was no escaping from their loving care.

Wolfpaw was tucked right up against Mudhounds fluffy belly and the maine coon rumbled a soft promise against against the apprentices head.
"We'll figure out a way to make it a little bit better, a little less hurty in the heart and the leg, together from now on. Ok? For now just cry as much as you need to, say whatever you need to say, ask anything, now is about whatever you need kiddo."

@Bean