how do i say goodbye?

[taillow]

BRAVEBIRD
she/her | windclan fury

About a moon or so had passed since her kits had come into the world, and things were changing for Bravebird.

The first was her view towards them. Once nothing more than warm, squishy hairballs that would go on to become great additions to the Clan, the lilac lynx-point now saw them as more. Watching them tumble around the nursery together, already so full of live as their little legs carried them as quickly as they could in various games of tag or moss-ball... She even found herself constantly worrying over their health and well-being, seeing every little trip or tumble as a potential injury. The Fury wondered if this was what the queens talked about - the love that came from having kits.

Pure love. Unconditional love. The only love that could, perhaps, rival the love to one's Clan...

The second was her place in the Clan. A mother... it was a title that Bravebird never thought she would have. A mate and kits and all of that had never been appealing to the spitfire, and it had always been something she turned her nose up at. Why would perfectly strong warriors ever choose to do this? The Fury wouldn't have had an answer just a few moons ago, but now the new mother wouldn't trade it for the world. She adored every moment of it, from cooing her kits to refereeing kit games to even the sights and sounds of the once unbearable nursery.

The third... Well, the third was Hawkfur. A friend - perhaps her closest friend behind Crowtooth and Fallownose. A cat she hadn't had many interactions with before that fateful day our on the moorlands when she had spotted him looking miserable over his apprentice. He had been so sulky then, and she had been determined to make him feel better. It was a day that had blossomed more than just a conversation between mentors though - it was the start of their friendship - a bond that was unlike any Bravebird had ever built or found in WindClan.

...And if she were being honest with herself, it had developed into more. She wasn't entirely sure when or how, but when she looked at Hawkfur now, so full of pride over being a father and radiating what a true WindClanner should be... Bravebird found that she had unconditionally and irrevocably fallen in love with him.

He was here in the nursery with her now. Their perfect life, surrounded by their kits and the Clan. The gentle comfort of the peaceful greenleaf they'd been having ever since those vile fish had been driven from the forest. Bravebird smiled softly, watching as Crowkit, Gracklekit, and Egretkit all tumbled together on the nursery floor in front of-

A sudden cough wracked her body, this one worse than the ones that had come before it. The utopia she had in her mind faded away to reveal reality; a sick Bravebird in her nest while her kits played a little ways away. Hawkfur was here, despite her attempts to get him to leave incase whatever she had was contagious. So far, no herb had been found to treat it - to no fault of Lightningstorm (which the Fury had gone out of her way to remind the medicine cat of each chance she got... likely out of guilt for what had been her last words to Original Memory Lightningstorm).

...It was different this time. The lethargy had been getting worse despite her attempts to hide it, and nausea was a constant. Bravebird couldn't remember the last time she had eaten anything. Her energy was at a near flatline these days, and she hadn't much seen the outside of the nursery in what felt like moons. The ever-persistent pounding in her head was worse today, and all the Fury wanted to do was sleep.

She knew. She had felt death's claws once before, and these talons had the same curvature, the same painful sting. It made her throat tigthen with emotion as tears misted her eyes. The edges of her vision were getting blurry, and each breath felt like it took more and more energy. "Hawkfur..." Bravebird rasped, her voice trailing off as she drew in another shaky breath. "I... don't think... there is much..." Another shaky cough as a wave of nausea rolled over her. She leaned back against him, silently cursing herself that she had been putting off confessing her feelings for him.

Perhaps... now was the time. Before asking him to go get her mother, as well as everyone else.

"I have... something I want to tell you..." She had to get this out before those invisible claws clenched any tighter. Turning herself so that she was facing him more, Bravebird smiled. "...Remember that day... when I came across you... out in the.... moorlands?" A breathless laugh. "You looked like... a lump on... a log," she continued in between breaths, her blue eyes never leaving his face. "And now... look at you... I sure shaped you up... quite well..." The tease was lighthearted as she blinked at him. Stars, she wished he had done this sooner.

"When I asked... you to have these kits... I never thought-" Bravebird broke off as another bout of coughs shook her. She ducked her head, instinctively moving closer towards Hawkfur as if it was his scent that would calm her down. Which... it did. As she regained her breath she lifted her head once more and offered a small half-smile. "...I never thought... you, and this- our... little family... would become so much more... than just a duty to... WindClan..." Because they were; because he was. More, that is. "...I thought that... being a warrior... was the greatest thing... I'd ever do in my life... until I had... our kits." This was it. Bravebird took a moment, feeling her strength waivering. "...You have... changed my life, Hawkfur... and have shown me that... there is more to life... than just being a warrior. Thank you... for loving me... and for allowing me... to love you in return."

Her head started to swim with dizziness as a weak cough left her. There was more she wanted to say - there always would be, wouldn't there? - but Bravebird didn't want to leave without saying goodbye this time. There were those she didn't get the chance to say goodbye to - Wolffang stuck out in her mind, for one. She knew the cats around her would know it was coming. It wasn't as simple as something that could easily been healed by a herb or two.

She was... dying. It was truly happening.

"Can you... go get Dapplebreeze... Crowtooth and Firestorm,... and.... Twilightstar?"

[ Hawkfur - @Mica ]
[ Crowtooth - @Rani ] [ Dapplebreeze (and Lightningstorm if you'd like!) ] [ Firestorm - @Dark ] [ Twilightstar - @Moonraven ]
[ okay so for this, brave was confirmed to have an untreatable illness/infection that has slowly gotten worse. so IC while her death might still be a shock, it would've been something that was discussed that lightningstorm wouldn't know how much time she'd have left, ok'd by alch ]

[Mica]

Hawkfur
WindClan Fury
he/him | 52 moons
[Russet tabby with tuxedo markings and sky blue eyes]
Purrks: Flock Together T3, Beefed Up T1, Radiohead [INACTIVE]
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ The Hanged Man ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
· · ────────────── · ·
[Bravebird - @taillow ] [Dapplebreeze/Lightningstorm - @Alchemist Kitsune ] [Crowtooth - @Rani ] [Firestorm - @Dark ] [Twilightstar - @Moonraven ]
· · ────────────── · ·
"Daisy... you fight and return, only to learn that you have lost her..."

It should have been a moon of joy. And it was, really. Hawkfur had never been happier than when he was with his kits, teaching them his favorite races, how to play mossball, watching them crowd Bravebird and call her "mama". But an undercurrent of sadness had taken hold, and was swiftly carrying the new family towards the inevitable.

It had started with a cough, fatigue. Pain in her abdomen, nausea. Hawkfur had wanted to believe that it was nothing but post-kitting stress and healing, but as fevers rolled in and the coughs got worse, the true nature of the beast that held the family in its maw revealed itself.

Lightningstorm's sympathetic face haunted Hawkfur's dreams. The soft, tentative way she spoke, as though he was a trapped animal she did not want to spook. And stars, he felt like one. "There is no cure. Not that I know of."

Hawkfur had never left Bravebird's side, since. Even though his big form was taking up too much space in the nursery, and he was neglecting his duties as a Fury, those things could piss off for all he cared. He was going to spend as much time with the mother of his children as he could, before that chance was ripped from him forever. The Clan would remain. Twilightstar would remain. Bravebird...

Would not.

"Daisy... my waiting is through. If you bring her to me... I'll be indebted to you."

Every single night, Hawkfur prayed to StarClan. He begged, he pleaded, he offered anything for Bravebird to be healed and to live on with her sons and daughter. One night, after Bravebird had fallen asleep and Hawkfur knew Crowtooth was keeping an eye on her, the Fury had traveled out to the highest hill on the moor and screamed himself hoarse at the stars. He had cursed them, begged them, offered himself in her stead. "NO KIT SHOULD GROW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHER!" He had howled. "NOT LIKE I DID! PLEASE!"

But every time, he was met with only silence.

"I've come so far, for her. The finest caviar for her..."

So Hawkfur spent the last moon of his time with Bravebird making sure she enjoyed it. He brought her her favorite prey, he put on silly shows with the kits (which mostly consisted of the kits trying to take him down while he groaned dramatically on the ground), and he held her through long nights of shivering and convulsing from pain.

Those weren't even the worst nights. The worst nights were when nothing happened at all. When Bravebird was feeling alright, the pain having subsided for a short spell. Those nights he spent awake, watching every rise and fall of her chest, matching his own breaths to hers and reminding himself that she was alive. She would make it to the morning. He wasn't out of time yet.

It was agony, seeing her healthy again. It was just a sick reminder of everything that would be taken away from her the next morning when she woke up suffering, her carefully constructed facade crumbling under the pain. It made him so angry. So hateful. Hateful to StarClan for putting her through this; hateful to himself for being so stars damned useless. The only thing keeping him from approaching his father was the knowledge that Bravebird would never forgive him for it. But wouldn't that be alright? She could hate him for the rest of their lives, as long as she was there to raise their kits. No, Hawkfur didn't want that. He was selfish and pathetic and wanted Bravebird to love him until she took her last breath.

"Everything I own, every party thrown, all the nights alone, for her...!"

It had been a quiet day. Clouds left the moors sapped of their color, and a cool breeze skirted the camp. It was nice and warm in the nursery, and Crowkit, Egretkit and Gracklekit played together happily. Hawkfur laid behind Bravebird, gently rasping his tongue over her ears and letting his rumbling purr fill the quiet. While he wanted to pretend it was a happy, content purr, he knew it was just a self-soothing thing. Bravebird had woken up with difficulty today, and seemed to be declining rapidly. Bravebird pulled away, a rattling breath wracking her body. She turned to face him, and Hawkfur felt his blood turn to ice.

"No," he croaked, trying to muster a rousing smile. "Don't say that. I'm sure--" he was interupted by Bravebird speaking again. The day they met? Oh, he remembered. He had been so worried over Locustpaw then. He had no friends in the clan, and was content to be a hermit for the rest of his preferably short life. But then came this lilac-and-cream point, sticking her nose in his business and giving him sound advice. Agreeing to a race that ended with him owing her three rabbit tails. Three rabbit tails which were currently grappled in the paws of each of their kits. He chuckled weakly as she prodded him, shrugging. "Oh, you whipped me into shape alright." It was something he would be forever grateful for.

He listened intently as she spoke, even as his throat throbbed with building sorrow, knowing this speech was one meant for the end. Please, he begged. Please, not yet.

Even though her words obviously took effort to say, Bravebird pushed through each one with the strength of ten warriors. Each word had Hawkfur's heart melting more and more, both in love and sorrow. But it was the last few lines that had tears finally breaking through his composure. "I am honored you allowed me to go on this journey with you." He whispered.

"Daisy! She slipped through my hands, no one understands how she has changed me!"

The confession shattered him. She loved him. She really, really loved him. Hawkfur wept, leaning down to bury his nose in her shoulder. "I love you, Bravebird. I have loved you since you raced past me on the moors for the first time, since that first snow of Leafbare, since you showed me how to be alive again." He pulled back, meeting her gaze with the desperation of someone who needed to get his thoughts out and was running out of time. "You saved my life over and over again, Bravebird. Nothing I could ever do would repay you enough." He paused, not trusting his voice to continue. Sucking in a breath, he tried again. "I was going to spend the rest of our lives making it up to you."

Hawkfur reached down, pressing his muzzle against Bravebird's, the world fading away so it was only them. When her request reached his ears, Hawkfur nodded but stayed put. He only left once he could count on his legs to hold him, grief sucking his paws into the ground and threatening to drown him. "Of course." And Hawkfur slipped out of the nursery.

"Daisy! I need one more chance, if you bring her to me... I will know at a glance."

Finding everyone was easy. Hawkfur hardly remembered going place to place, seeing each face and relaying the news. All he could hear was Bravebird's words. "Thank you for allowing me to love you in return."

Firestorm. She was the easiest to find, on the other side of the nursery with her kits. He had a feeling she had been watching anxiously. Where it all started, didn't it? She got to come back for her kits. "Firestorm," Hawkfur looked haunted. It was clear what he meant. It was time. "Thank you for allowing me to love you in return."

"Dapplebreeze." Hawkfur croaked, face to face with the mother of his mate. His mate. "Bravebird uh, wants everyone to gather." His broken gaze met hers. "It's..." he sucked in a breath, looking a little unstable before he steeled himself. "I have to get the others." "Thank you for allowing me to love you in return."


Crowtooth. Hawkfur took one look at his brother and the message was passed between them. "She wants to see everyone." He murmured, barely lucid enough to see the agony cross his friend's face before the skunk-striped tom was making a beeline for the nursery. "Thank you for allowing me to love you in return."

And that left the last cat to fetch. "Twilightstar?" Hawkfur called, suddenly at the entrance to her den. He didn't remember getting up there. "Bravebird asked for you. She thinks..." a hitched breath. "She thinks it's time." Once Twilightstar came out, Hawkfur would trudge to the nursery, each step heavier than the last. If he stayed out of the den forever, could he put off the inevitable? Would StarClan wait to kill the love of his life until he was there, watching? Did they even care that much?

He could tell Dapplebreeze, Crowtooth, and Firestorm were already in the den. The other queens and their kits had vacated the nursery to give the group space. Shouldering into the den, Hawkfur swallowed past the scent of sick. He wasted no time picking his way to Bravebird, laying down pressed against her back with his tail twined with hers.

[Rani]

Crowtooth
Windclan Tunneler/Fury | He/him | 50 Moons

Power Card: Cold Gust

How did one fight an enemy with no form? How did you protect someone from a pain and burden you couldnt shoulder for them? How could Crowtooth be so useless in so critical a fight?


Night after night after night after things had gone sour after birth. And yet nothing had ever changed. There was no miraculous turn around this time, no herb to fix things despite how Crowtooth had gently begged, proposing wild desperate ideas until Lightningstorm had ushered him away.
No matter how many nights he'd prayed to starclan silently beside Hawkblaze. Though of course starclan wouldnt answer a cat with a darkened power like his, so maybe his presence had hurt his friend in the end. He'd just been sure Blazingstar at least wouldve been kind enough to help he'd tried anyways, but had met silence but for a voice one night that reminded him of Coldamber, solemnly whispering that there were injustices even starclan couldnt fix.

He hadnt wanted to think on those words, wanting to chock them up to just a nightmare, but hearing the call he'd been dreading for so many days now made it ring true.

And so the world

f
e
l
l
A P A R T


There was nothing, nothing to fix this. No herbs or prey hand delivered or energetic little bundles of life watched to give respite and recovery. No prayer to delay the inevitable slow crawl of fate. No brave battle to defeat a murderous foe. Nothing.

Against death, all were rendered helpless as a babe, and felt it. Crowtooth certainly did.


First notified and closest to the nursery, having haunting it as he was like some strange early funeral clown desperately trying to get increasingly resigned souls to smile, and yet now he couldnt go in. For a time he just.... stood, knowing entering would solidify that this truely was the end and finding himself helpless, he couldnt.

If he walked in, that'd be it..... But if he didnt he knew he'd never see her again, not really, nevertheless. ......Crowtooth wasnt a coward, but stars he wished he was right now.

---

Bravebird was...... Golden, somehow despite it all. Even as her form had wasted away and coughs rattled her frame she shined with the love she held right now. In some ways it made no sense, in others all the sense in the world, Bravebird in her golden sunset of her life.

It was beautiful in the awe inspiring way, the one you felt in your bones and soul, but it was also terrible. After all, nothing gold could stay.
With the knowledge of a cat who'd died before it was clear this was days end. Bravebird wasnt coming back from death this time. Not again.




It was that that shook the tom from a moments vigil at the entrance to her side, Crowtooth wiggling his flank under her head as a pillow more gently then he'd ever done anything before and murmuring "There, should help the breathin' a mite. I know it can be hard when yer lungs are like that...."

After that thought he found himself choked for words, swallowing several times before he shoved himself to say what he needed to before he couldnt anymore, knowing he'd never forgive himself for wasting time right now. "I-.... Im gonna miss you somethin' awful ya know. Aint gonna go a day without knowin' somethin' important is missin' from the moor 'cuz ya had ta burn twice as bright half as long. I-" What could he say in this situation, what words of comfort or final expressions of love would be enough right now. Nothing could amount to tell Bravebird just what she'd meant to everyone and just how hollow the world was going to be now.


It needed to be said though, so despite the horrible wracking pain in his chest and throat, the build of tears in his eyes and the distant sound of cats gathering in Crowtooth murmured, muzzle soft against her head as he tried to remember his best friends scent for when there'd be nothing left to remind him anymore.
"Dont ya worry about the little ones, Im gonna be here, right by Hawkfur makin' sure they never go alone or unloved a day in their life. We'll steer 'em right, make sure they know how proud o' 'em you are. Ill make sure Hawkfur keeps his head on too so- so ya dont go frettin' ya hear?

Yer not goin' nowhere, not really. Every paw step I take, every good I do will be wit' ya right by my side helpin' me keep steady an' strong fer windclan. Just- just knowin' yer critiquin' my battle stance an' such from starclan instead o' here."

She wouldnt truely be gone or actionless in starclan, a fate the tom knew she wouldnt be able to stand, Bravebird would, for as long as Crowtooth lived, still be doing her utmost for windclan, as she always did. This, he swore.

---

Natures first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
The leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.


---
@Mica @taillow @Alchemist Kitsune @Dark @Moonraven

[Alchemist Kitsune]

| Dapplebreeze |
70 Moons - WindClan Fury Lieutenant
Agatha Kitty - Active | Silver Tongue - Active | Beefed Up [Tier 3] - Inactive

---

Inevitable. That was the word Lightningstorm had just used, the calico's sharp features oddly soft and soothing as she attempted to deliver the news of what she was so sure of at this point in time to the lieutenant. The medicine cat had been trying, and despite Dapplebreeze knowing full well what was coming - she'd lived through this once, and Silverpelt above... she was going to be living through it again - she couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, the lithe she-cat had found some miraculous cure. It was unfair of her to judge the herbalist for being incapable to cure the incurable. The previous medicine cat had been unable to halt the spread of this illness. It was more than likely that despite her best efforts and inventiveness she simply couldn't do anything. Bravebird's death was preordained, her second life very much borrowed time.

Taking in a breath, the former queen held back the sorrow shaking through her body. Oh stars... First it had been Wolffang, returned after having been killed by a coyote only to fall victim to the same ruthless death once more. And soon her dearest. Could it be possible that these cats come back from the dead were destined to die in a similar fashion not long after their return? Icey dread coursed through the patched warrior's veins at this notion, her eyes shut close as she felt the herbalist's dainty paw placed comfortingly at her shoulder.

"No, please. Don't fret, my dear. I am quite alright. I just... You'd think it gets easier," she mewed, her voice an attempt at a light and humorous way of seeing the situation failed, cracks showing as the normally composed warrior's voice trembled.

Hawkfur's by now familiar voice called her name, and mismatched ears perked up as the molly's gaze shifted from the young healer to her grandkit's father. The tom had always been soft. Perhaps not as fierce or as determined as she would have liked. But there was no denying his loyalty. His bravery, even when faced with impossible odds. His dedication to the clan. Her daughter's choice had been silently approved by Dapplebreeze, and yet in that moment, she wished he hadn't come to her at all. Not because of who he was. Truly, if anyone would have come get her with the look on their face that he currently wore, she wouldn't have been happy to see them. Because all it took was one look at his eyes for her to know. It was time.

The ground seemed to shift underneath her feet for a moment, and she could feel the patched medicine cat's flank against hers, worried voice asking if she was alright. If she wished for her to come along. But it was all meaningless. Lightningstorm could do nothing for her darling bird, and she was scared that in the throes of despair someone might say something... foul to the young herbalist. Stars above knew she had been victim to uncalled for accusations in the past. She still stood by the clan, obviously, but there would be little for her to do aside of handle verbal abuse. Watch her patient's life slither away, uncaring of how hard she'd tried to keep it tethered to this mortal realm of theirs. No. This would be a moment of mourning. It was their burden to bare for the day, not hers. Not anymore, in any case.

"No. I can make it on my own. Thank you, my dear. If you'll excuse me."

Dipping her head at the oriental mix respectfully, Dapplebreeze turned, blood roaring in her ears as she took the first faltering step towards the nursery. A sharp intake of breath followed it, the beginnings of tears bubbling in her chest. Momentarily, she hesitated, azure hues darting across the clearing, unconsciously searching for the dark, stern glare of the furies' commander. Wishing she had the stability of that stare to ground her if only for a moment. But like the first time she had lost her daughter... like the second time she had lost her... this was not on anyone else to control but herself. Closing her eyes, she took a few painful, deep breaths, gulping them down as she regained her composure. She had to be strong. She might not have been there for Bravebird the first time she died. Had lost her the second time she'd disappeared from her life. But now? Now she was going to do her duty as a clanmate. No. As a mother. And be the sturdy wall her daughter could lean on. It was the least she could do for her darling bird. Especially if it was to be the last act she had to give for her.

Silently she entered the nursery. The den had been one she'd become familiar with. Her daughter had... gotten away with one last act of kindness before her departure. One last act of bravery that not even she had been able to manage. Snowybreeze knew. Of their connection. Of how they were family. So of course, the molly had become quite enamoured with grandkits and great-grandkits alike. If only the silent tom had been able to have more time with his aunt... If only her kits could have had more time with their mother.

Crowtooth was already inside. Besides her daughter. And any illusion of hope instantly shattered. Oh stars above, it really didn't get any easier, did it? Another gasp as she gathered her strength. As she forced down feelings that she had no right to wallow in just yet. It was a mother's job to be there for her kits. To reassure them and tell them it would be alright. She could hardly do that as a sniffling, wet mess.

Sidestepping around Crowtooth, giving the fury a dip of her head in silent greeting, she sat besides her daughter, offering a loving lick on her forehead. She soon met eyes that were so much like her own, and a soft, comforting smile adorned her face, a struggle to keep even yet somehow her stubborn pride made it work. Hawkfur had been right. Her darling looked... weak. She was not long for this world. When you lived as many moons as Dapplebreeze had, it didn't take a healer's eye to know when a clanmate was staring death in the face. At least this time she wouldn't be alone. Forgotten in some corner of the moors as she suffered in solitude. She would be surrounded by family. By friends. By cats who loved her until the very end.

"My little bird," she mewed delicately.

The voice of a queen speaking to her darling newborn for the first time. Biting down the words her heart screamed out with punishing anguish. Please. No. Not again. No mother should outlive her darling kit three times over. StarClan please... take me in her stead.

---

@Moonraven [Twilightstar] | @reiya [Bravebird] | @Mica [Hawkfur] | @Rani [Crowtooth]

[Moonraven]

The one-eyed molly twisted her head to peer at the tom at the entrance. The leader's ears flattened firmly against her head and her claws nestled so deeply into the wood that pain blistered in the tips of her toes, former concerns gone to the wind. After Hawkfur left, she sat there for a long time trying to make sense of his words.

It's a struggle to grasp and process her thoughts. It took a while for her to realize that she hadn't heard Hawkfur's paw steps retreat. He's waiting. She doesn't put much thought into leaving her den, she lands lightly on her paws and trails behind the warrior to the nursery. It wasn't until they reached the nursery entrance and the stench of sickness hit her that it dawned on her that it was time to say goodbye.

Grief had become flesh and blood, gained consciousness, and gave birth to reality in the pupil darkened by sadness. She moves tentatively, eyeing those already surrounding the dying she-cat. Bravebird's closest loved ones. It hurt so badly, but the WindClan leader was honored to be among them. It was rare she got to say goodbye to them.

This felt like a cruel joke played by the stars. Why do they keep giving her them back only to take them away again so suddenly? Each life lost hangs over her, she feels them in her skin, and she hears them calling, and the ones who live, their voices too. Their pain, their guilt, and their loss infect her. She fought tooth and claw not to let it eat at her. She felt like she had done well, She's pushed through it season after season, but these last few seasons have broken something in her that she'd never get back. All those negative emotions she stuffed down into that box have broken free. It was one too many goodbyes full and it's all unraveled. She thought they had more time.

Words eluded her, how to say goodbye without falling to the ground and begging her not to leave her too. All her lives Twilightstar's been alone, she chose it. A hyme to still the voice of the others. So what right did Twilightstar have to cry and scream about being lonely? Or feel abandoned. They didn't choose to fall life was simply cruel and unforgiving.

She'd give Bravbird the stars and moon to stay a bit longer. Not just for the leader. Bravebird's always been a passionate, driven, force of nature. No matter how far she went or where they could always count on her to come home. Twilightstar watched her and others defy death itself to return to her and WindClan. Life was always more vibrant and full with Bravebird around, and Wolfang, and Fallownose, and Cowtuft...

Please don't go.

How do you make the hurt disappear when you cannot shove it down inside? Time didn't heal these wounds just left them festering and seeping in pain until all she wanted to do was claw her heart out. She remembers all these names she carries in her heart. Was that all she could do for them? Live on even though every day felt a little more suffocating.

Love is pain. Truer words have never been spoken. She couldn't stop caring she loved these cats more than words could describe. Yet it was never enough, Bravebird still had to go just like everyone else. It took a bit for Twilightstar to muster up anything resembling a goodbye.

"Thank you for everything." So few words filled with unmeasurable gratitude and affection. It wasn't enough but it was all she could right now. Twilightstar had to let her go. It's time.

@Alchemist Kitsune [Dapplebreeze] | @reiya [Bravebird] | @Mica [Hawkfur] | @Rani [Crowtooth] | @Dark [Firestorm]

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
___________

Firestorm had known that something was wrong with Bravebird. The other queen, the one she had claimed as her living, breathing mother, had a cough that simply wouldn’t go away. The Fury was lethargic, far more tired than she was used to seeing. Birdie was sick.

Very sick.

There was nothing that could be done for her, Firestorm knew this, but that didn’t stop her from trying to find a solution. That didn’t stop her from holding out hope that her (former?) mate would be able to do something… anything to heal her.

During the last moon since the birth of her siblings (nieces and nephews? Cousins? She wasn’t sure), Bravebird’s health declined steadily. The orange tabby watched one of the cats she loved, yes, loved, begin to waste away. It was hard. She did what she could to make the other queen comfortable, to cheer her up when she could, but honestly, she found it hard to balance her precarious own mental health with that of others. The nightly crying that had started after she came back to life and Lightningstorm lost her memories had stopped. Or, well, now it was more intermittent. Despite this, she was still shaken by what she saw happening unfold before her very eyes. Had it been like this when she was giving birth to her kits? Watching a normally energetic cat slowly lose their light? Had the others felt this same gut-wrenching feeling as they watched her grow weaker and weaker and weaker until she lived no more?

It hurt.

So very much.

There was little she could do. Hawkfur, as the father of the grey and white cat’s kits (and mate to her understanding), was doing his best to spend as much time with Bravebird as possible. A side effect of this though, meant that the time she spent with her adopted mother (she adopted Bravebird, not the other way around) was quite limited despite them sharing a den. She didn’t want to intrude… She felt like she shouldn’t intrude, and as such spent most of the time she wasn’t watching her own kits, looking at the couple from afar.

Today though, Firestorm could sense that something was wrong. That was one thing she had always been good at (actually that’s a lie, but don’t tell her that) – telling when there was something big going on. Hawkfur was back today, but the way he and Birdie talked… it scared her. Their hushed tones, the coughs, the looks on their faces, all of it… It was as if everything would fall apart in any moment. It was as if…

Bravebird was dying.

The young queen desperately wanted to dismiss it as a misconception or an unfounded worry, but when Hawkfur left the nursery and approached her from where she watched in silence with that haunted look on his face, she knew it to be true. She didn’t want to believe it – couldn’t believe it! Birdie was not dying! … Right?

It was for this reason that the orange-furred tabby remained rooted into place. Even when Hawkfur went off to find the others, even when they walked past and into the nursery, she wouldn’t move. Seeing is believing, and she knew that if she actually saw it, up close and personal, then she would have no choice but to accept that Bravebird was leaving. For good.

Some time passed as the others walked past her and into the nursery, and she found herself crying. She didn’t want to say goodbye, not again. For someone who had died and came back, she had thought she was slowly becoming desensitized to loss and heartbreak, but this? This was something entirely different. It was like losing her mother, her birth mother all over again. She had been so young then – hardly three or four moons old. For the longest she had been unable to remember her mother’s face, not before the dream in which her grandfather took her to see the former queen. It was… hard. Remembering that though, made her realize that she couldn’t just idle about outside fo the nursery and paw at the ground pathetically. She had to see Bravebird again. She wouldn’t allow herself to forget her face.

Crestfallen, she began the walk to the den’s entrance, hesitating for a moment before making her way inside. There they were. Hawkfur, Dapplebreeze, Crowtooth, and Twilightstar, all gathered around Bravebird. Was she too late? Had Birdie already left to join their ancestors in StarClan? She… She was having second thoughts. Did she really have a right to be here? To bear witness to Bravebird’s final moments?

The edges of her vision grew dark as it tunneled directly to the scene before her. As if she were walking in water, every small paw step forward felt like it took an eternity to land. It felt as though things were moving in slow motion.

”B-Birdie?” She called when she drew closer, voice coming out as little more than a squeak. ”M-mom?” Her voice cracked as she forced herself to speak louder.

After what felt like forever, she was standing with the others, pale green orbs filled with tears as she beheld the frail form of one of her biggest idols. She didn’t want to, but she forced her gaze to travel to the Fury’s face so that she could lock it into her memory. So that she wouldn’t forget.

”Please don’t go…” She whispered softly, tentatively reaching out to touch her paw to the other queen before stopping just short ”Can’t… can’t you stay…?” She asked. It was a silly, pointless question, but she couldn’t help herself. If she could find any way to keep her adopted mother from leaving her behind as she had once done her – regardless of how brief.

[ @Alchemist Kitsune @taillow @Moonraven @Mica @Rani YALL IM SO VERY SORRY -- cutting this a bit short because I didn't want to ramble too much LOL]

[taillow]

"bye bye, birdie. . ."

When she was younger, Bravebird had envisioned her last moments as a WindClan cat being the leader at the helm after Twilightstar's reign, locked fiercely in battle with eyes ablaze in Clan pride. She would fall with her claws still outstretched, yearning for the blood of any enemy who dared to oppose them. She would shed the moral coil she wore and the stars above would welcome her as a true warrior, one who's dedication and loyalty would be spoken as legend for many, many moons to come. It would be wrapped in glory and sacrifice, in pride and sorrow. In a bittersweet moment where cats would mourn her but speak of the ferocity she showed in her final moments.

...It was not this. It was not weak, dying in a nest, having not seen the light of battle for some time.

Disappointment was an understatement.

With Hawkfur out to fetch the cats she had requested, there was a painful realization that there would be some she would never get to say goodbye to. Fernrise. Peachfrost. Wolffang. Cats who'd had an impact on her that would never know how much she missed them. How much they had shaped her. (...how sorry she was that she wasn't there for any of their final moments). "...I hope I get to see you all in the stars..." Fernrise and Wolffang would be there - how could they not be? - but Peachfrost... Her sisters absence had left a hole in her heart ever since she had come back to learn of her exile. But there was a small part of her that knew she was dead. The former medicine cat's loyalty was rival to her own; nothing could keep her from WindClan but death. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there... for any of you..."

With her kits distracted by their game, she was free to have a moment to compose herself. Her heart thumped heavily in her chest, the moments seeming to stretch out longer and longer. Stars, it felt like bark was scraping her throat with each breath she took in, coughs wracking her body here and there.

One by one they came. Crowtooth... her mother... Twilightstar... even Firestorm. As Hawkfur rejoined them and slipped behind her, the frail queen turned and touched her nose to his cheek. "Thank you..." she murmured breathlessly, stifling another cough as she turned to look at the faces of the most important cats to her. Lightningstorm wasn't here, and for some reason it made her heart ache. She regretted her last words to the medicine cat, had seen her face when she had helped deliver her kits. "...Can one of you... tell Lightningstorm... that I'm sorry...?" Another wheezing breath drawn in - hopefully one of them would know why she was apologizing to the medicine cat. It wasn't because of this, no.

Crowtooth squeezed in at her side, angling himself to support her. It didn't help her breathing much, but she didn't have the heart to tell him. As he spoke, Bravebird tried to not focus on the way her heart was breaking - no, shattering into a million little pieces. Tears stung at her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "You know... when my brother died... I felt like a part of me... was buried with him..." It was a struggle to talk and her eyes fluttered momentarily as she paused. She could feel her strength waning but a soft growl and grit of her teeth had her refocusing. "...but it didn't take me long... to realize that even though... he was gone... I still had a brother..."

A weak smile towards Crowtooth. "These kits... are going to have... the best uncle... in the entire forest. Loyal... and dedicated... and someone to teach them... how to burn bright... in this Clan..." She let out a soft sigh, then in true Bravebird fashion a smirk traveled up her face and she exchanged a glance with Twilightstar before looking back at Crowtooth. It had been her dream, but now that she couldn't fulfill it... "If Twilightstar doesn't... make you her next deputy... make sure she didn't... somehow catch my sickness..." A ligth-hearted jest, of course, and Bravebird tossed a genuine smile towards the leader she admired so much to make sure she knew she was only kidding around. "Fallownose... was irreplaceable... and I can't imagine... a better cat to carry on... his legacy... Well, except me..." She chuckled.

Speaking of the leader, Bravebird turned her gaze to the lilac she-cat once more. Stars, she couldn't recall a time when anyone had come above Twilightstar in terms of admiration (aside from her mother, of course). Even as a kit her earliest memories had been of the long-standing leader, a beacon of strength and resilience for the Clan to look to. At her apprentice ceremony she had vowed to one day follow in her paw steps, wanting to badly to serve as her deputy. It didn't feel that important anymore, at least not right now. Because right now, unlike last time, she had a chance to make sure the leader knew just how much she had impacted the Fury's life.

"Ever since I was... a little kit and... my mom told me about the Clan ranks... I dreamed of being... your deputy." She hadn't once ever said it to Twilightstar, instead preferring for her actions to speak for themselves. "You are the reason... I put WindClan above... all else. Nothing... is more important than a warrior's duty... to protect and serve.. their Clan." The beginnings of a smile as the first tear that had formed while she was speaking to Crowtooth fell. "Following you... as a warrior... I wouldn't trade it... for the world."

Another cough interrupted her and she ducked her head down as it rattled her thin frame. Her eyes squeezed shut as it ended with a shaky breath that eventually turned into a laugh. "I gotta say... this sickness is tougher... than even that battle... at the Sky Glade with... Dawnstar was..." Looking up with amusement in her gaze, her humorous smirk turned into a more genuine smile. "Don't ever forget... out of all the leaders... in the past, here now, and in the future... you outshine them all..."

Next was - oh. Looking past the cats who had come in so far Bravebird caught sight of Firestorm. The paw extended towards her and the quiet words - that nickname that cracked a grin onto the Fury's face. Despite the way it shook she extended her own forepaw and let it bump against the ginger she-cat's own, keeping her eyes on her adopted daughters. "I'm sorry, kid..." Her thoughts drifted to Fernrise... Swallowing thickly, the Fury mustered up a strong smile. "But hey... you're strong... and brave... just remember that.... and you'll be one... of the greatest warriors... WindClan has ever seen..." Stretching her neck out she tried to boop her nose against her adoptive daughter's paw, hoping to catch her gaze again.

...It was time.

This was a goodbye she didn't want to do. None of them felt good, but this one... it had her feeling small like a kit once more. Shifting her gaze to Dapplebreeze, the Fury did her best to muster up a strong smile. She could feel her whiskers quivering though, eyes becoming more wet, and almost immediately Bravebird moved to bury her face into her mother's fur. She had been strong for so long... "Mom..." It came out as a weak and desperate croak, so unlike the exuding confidence that often came out. "...I don't... wanna go yet..." The quiet admission spoken into cream fur so much like her own. She didn't want to leave... her whole world was here. Hawkfur. Her kits. Her brother. Her daughter. Her idol.

For awhile she stayed like that, head tucked against her mom, eyes shut for a bit. It took a moment before she could pull away and look at her. "...I wouldn't... dare to dream about... being anyone else's daughter..." The beginnings of a soft, tear-eyed smile. "I'm who I am today... because of you... I hope that I... made you proud." A soft sigh of relief left her as Bravebird's smile grew a bit. Stars, her chest really hurt... "I'll be sure... to track down Whisperbreeze..." More whisker quivering, and then... "...I love you, Mom."

Her energy was fading now and Bravebird knew it was coming soon. She was practically using Hawkfur, Crowtooth, and Dapplebreeze to support herself now, unable to keep herself up that much. Her breathing was ragged but she still wore a smile, and her eyes still glittered with happiness. "Being a WindClan warrior... has been the greatest honor... I could've ever had." Her eyes glanced at each of them in turn, wanting to memorize their faces.

"I hope... you all know that-"

.

. .

. . .

...When had her head come to rest on Crowtooth's flank? Things were blurry now, and with a shudder of her flank and a flutter of her eyes, Bravebird exhaled her last breath as her body stilled.

[ @Mica @Alchemist Kitsune @Rani @Moonraven @Dark appreciate you all very very much ]