They Say You Die Twice

[Abyssopelagic]

[ Small note, this was supposed to happen before the mink battle and should be treated as such, thank you so much for your patience with me ]

It took longer for Shockholly to get around to speaking to her kin than she would have liked. For all his past flaws, Wolffang was a good warrior, a responsible and dedicated tom, and had made a great deal of progress in regards to his past prejudices.
She only wished she'd lived long enough to see them for herself, though she's not sure that she'd have given him the chance to explain himself or apologize if she was still alive.
It was Featherwhisker's fault, truly. She'd gotten her poisoned talons and hateful words into both Moorpaw's head as well as Wolffang's at such an early age.
But being kittens didn't take away the hurt and trauma their bullying and silence had caused them growing up. It didn't change the past or make anything that happened to her acceptable, but it made it easier for Shockholly to come to terms with, to forgive and accept the changes Wolffang had undergone.

But that wasn't the only reason she was pulling her nephew into a dream, and she'd have to put their pasts behind them for now. Maybe one day, they'd get to resolve the twisting tumults that had made up their strange, broken little family, but unless Wolffang brought it up, she would not.
She hoped he didn't.
She's not sure she'd be able to patch the walls she'd built around herself if they were to allow a breach for even a moment, and she did not want to sour their new relationship before it had even begun.
She sighed. Being anxious over what was, and what could be would get her nowhere, and put what was important one hold.
Shockholly sighed once more, trying to steel herself. Trying to stop thinking about it.
If she could just pretend it was someone else, she would be fined, and dandy, and they could get through this and....
And they were doing it again.
Stalling.
This would hardly get easier, whether they jumped in or they waited, it would be just as hard for them all the same. Nothing was going to make the emotions go away or make the past something other than it was.

They were fine. They were okay now. They'd let themself on a walk, to rid these emotions. They could do it now.
Instead of expecting to not have to deal with it, they decided they needed to be blunt with Wolffang about their past before they did anything about training.
Otherwise they'd be asking for a world of pain to hope he wouldn't ask, and for him to inevitably do so.
Dammit, why was family so complicated??
Focus, they reminded themself.
Shockholly closed their eyes, and made themself go through the steps that Coldamber had taught them about dream weaving. They went through each step slowly, making sure they got it right.
It was far from the first time, but this one was just.... They needed the ritual, the distraction from who they were contacting.
And then, opened their eyes, and nearly balked to be seeing their nephew in person for the first time in years.
They couldn't get over just.... How large he was.
And he looked so much like Dimtail.
The brother that acted as a father when their own had all but abandoned Shockholly when Moorpaw died. It made their heart squeeze painfully at the thought.
They sat in silence for so long, too long, trying to think of anything to say.
What could they say?
What did you say to kin you never had a good relationship with, after not seeing them for years? After not taking the chance to talk when they'd previously died?
They ducked their head, feeling so foolish at that moment. They'd prepared themself for this, and here they were being childish, acting scared, as if they hadn't just praised him for the growth he'd made.
But they couldn't help it.
They couldn't help the memories that were burned into their mind when they saw him, that still shaped who they were even in death. It was going to take getting used to, but they needed to make that effort for Wolffang. He didn't deserve their hate.
They made themself stand up straight again, to look their nephew in the eye, and to speak to him.
"Were you always larger than me?"


[ @TheNyanCatMinecart ]

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

~ WOLFFANG OF WINDCLAN ~

AMAB | HE/HIM | BEEFED UP TIER 1

Large, muscular, dappled gray tom with amber eyes and light cream-gray fluff covering the front of his neck and chest.

When Wolffang blinked open his eyes, he felt a brief jab of confusion. He'd just slipped into a peaceful slumber. Was this another nightmare about how he'd died and all the cats he'd failed? He... he hadn't had those in a while. But he felt oddly present, and besides, he realized with a jolt, this was StarClan territory. Tall, lush green grass swayed around him, forming a broad sweep of moorland more beautiful than any that could come in the natural world. Splashes of color marked the spots where flowers had sprouted. It smelled of a greenleaf night. Though pleasantly warm, a cool breeze ruffled his thick fur, and the air was heavy with prey-scent. Strange, how the home of the dead was filled with such life. Yet their signs were everywhere - the ghostly shift of the grass, the stars sparkling everywhere he looked.

Wonder mixed with a twinge of alarm. Am I dead? But Wolffang had no reason to be. StarClan had said he was to live for a long while yet. Besides, he'd only fallen asleep, and he had no health issues.

Another scent cut through the air like water cuts through the land, gradual yet unstoppably powerful. It was heavy with many aromas. Stone. Water. Night wind. The musks and tangs of all four seasons. But, underneath it all, Wolffang recognized who it belonged to. His muscular shoulders rippled with tension. Slowly, his head turned.

She was just as he remembered. Tall, but still smaller than him, and covered in a jet-black coat pierced by intense orange eyes. She had a lanky frame common among WindClan cats. Shockholly.

The dreaming warrior turned in time to hear their remark. An attempt at being playful, but the tense, serious mood hung over them both like a dark cloud despite the clear night skies surrounding them. Wolffang bowed his head low. He hadn't granted his kin the respect they'd deserved in life. It was time to grant it now and atone. There's a reason I have the honor of being pulled into a dream.

"Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?" he remarked. A brief flicker of guilt ran through him - not the same crushing emotion that had almost broken him entirely, but the current of one who has done wrong in the world and has accepted it, but is still atoning. "I'm honored to see you. I never granted you the apology you deserved in life, so I want to give it to you in death. I am sorry for everything I did, Shockholly. I know sorry isn't enough, but what I did - what Featherwhisker did, too - was wrong. I hope you understand that I no longer follow those beliefs, even if you don't forgive me."

He fell silent, awaiting their response.

@Abyssopelagic (I hope this is okay! Motivation was low, but I wanted to get something out.)

[Abyssopelagic]

Shockholly faltered when Wolffang spoke. Those large, batty ears turned to him, as she gave him her full attention.
She'd forgiven him even before he'd asked to be. But she didn't interrupt him.
She let him speak, let him unload seasons worth of regrets, left exposed and raw at her paws like some hideous, macabre offering.
But rather than batting it away, than spurning her kin, she stepped forward. Her legs felt shaky as a newborn fawn as she approached. (Heatherwhisker, heart forever broken)
Carefully, she bumped her head to the side of his. A show of affection, a sign she would also leave herself open. A weakness, to be so close and unguarded around someone who'd once been so hateful.
But he had changed. And she'd accepted this some time ago.
And she would not let her hurt get in the way of connecting with the only family she had left that mattered. (Duskmoth, lost before he could find himself)

Even as Shockholly pulled back from their brief touch, it had left her shaking, left her feeling small under the weight of every sin this family had committed. (Lilyantler, ever doting, ever absent)
The grieving mother, the doting father, the evil sister-in-law, the niece, the nephew, the sister..... Her.
Every last one of them had played their part to shatter this family. And shatter it did.
Slowly, piece by gentle piece.
They all disappeared.
And now, only two pawns were left on the board: one dead, one alive.
A reflection of the lives they'd lived. (Heathernose, she always deserved better)
Shockholly was still convinced she'd been born dead, half formed and deeply wrong. She didn't feel whole, even now.
Even faced with an apology, and the proof that her kin has changed.

Stardust litters the air as Shockholly exhales deeply, and for a moment she watches the specks slowly drift downwards.
"I know you have. I've watched you grow, and struggle over the seasons. I'm proud of the cat you've become. I'm proud that you chose to find who you are outside of your mother's hate."
Bright orange eyes hold darker amber eyes in a stare. (Dimtail, always the strong one)
"I forgive you." A whisper, almost like the many prayers she uttered in her youth.
In truth, she'd forgiven him a long time ago. Somewhere in her heart she knew, but has never given voice.
Until today.
"I just wish everyone was still around to see how you've grown."
(Moorpaw, bright and beautiful and gone)

.

Shockholly sits delicately, long tail wrapping over moor-beaten paws.
"Come sit with me. We've more to discuss."
There was no gentle way to move onto why she'd really stopped by. She already felt brittle and frayed from allowing her emotions to run wild for as long as she had.
"Matters of the Clan. I know of the recent battle with the minks. WindClan's struggles are not over. Keep your eyes to the sky, for wings of decay will come to pick apart the remains of the carnage."
Her ears flattened against her skull.
"But keeping watch does little for a Clan unprepared. You will need to drive them off when they come. I came to teach you how to hunt and how to kill large birds.
Vultures, buzzards, hawks, and eagles. All will readily flock to an easy meal, and WindClan is littered with the remains of the mink's terror."
Crowtooth was already teaching en masse, but she wanted to make sure her kin would be prepared. He had so much left to live for.
She wanted him to live the life he deserved.



/Not late, not late, sooooo not late like at all\
[ @TheNyanCatMinecart ]