stuck inside a desert haze [P]

**Luna16** · #1 October 21st, 2024, 10:49 PM

It's been...a very long quarter moon so far. It was almost time for Strawberrypaw to check in Bumblestar to see if she had done enough to earn her name back, and she was honestly terrified. Unable to get comfortable in her nest, the pale ginger tabby she-cat continuously rose to her paws, circled in her nest, and attempted to settle. The cold night air caused her to fluff her pelt out. She wasn't sure if it was just the loneliness eating at her mind, but she felt...colder in her nest than usual. Well, I'm also sleeping in the apprentice's den now... The last time she had been in the apprentice's den, it had been with Finbranch and her brother... Her mind began to once again replay Silverpaw's betrayal in her mind while the hollowness of her brother's absence ate away at her belly.

Releasing a heavy, frustrated sigh, Strawberrypaw rose to her paws and carefully slipped out of the apprentice's den. It was just...too much right now. She padded over to the camp entrance, sitting down behind it and staring out into the territory beyond. Was Sunny okay? Why hadn't he come home yet? Strawberryf-paw had never felt so utterly alone before...she had always been able to count on her brother's presence. And as long as they were together, it didn't matter what she faced. Now she felt like somecat had swiped off her whiskers and blinded her in the same stroke. She didn't know how to navigate her world anymore. She had always tried to keep so optimistic...and it was easier to do when she was active. Busy. Distracted. Anymore, she had begun to see her demotion as a blessing. Without it, she'd no doubt be going crazy trying to find her brother. At least this way, she was more or less stuck in camp and forced to keep herself busy in a productive way for her clan.

All she could do right now, was trust that her brother was working on coming home. And that he was safe. StarClan please...please bring him home. She prayed silently, blinking her amber eyes at the night sky. In the cold, it felt like the night stars were so much clearer in Silverpelt. A shudder shook her body and she fluffed out her fur again. She was freezing, and missed her nest, but somehow the cold here felt...less cold than the isolation of her warm nest.

[ @Spooky_Dreamz - Honeypetal]

**Honey_Dreamz!** · #2 October 24th, 2024, 06:20 AM

╔═════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═════╗
A battle-scarred light orange cat with brown tabby stripes and blue eyes.
♪ Honeypetal ♪
She/he/they • ThunderClan • Warrior • 25 moons
❝ This is all my fault. Everyone I love is disappearing and I'm next, I'd deserve that too. ❞
╚═════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═════╝

"Strawberryf–...paw?"

Honeypetal tilted his head slightly, remembering her demotion. Demotion...demotion like Vinepaw. One that was followed by exile. StarClan knows I'll be damned if Strawberry is exiled for even just a few days.

"What in StarClan did you even do to get demoted, anyway? You, of all cats."

@Luna16

**Luna16** · #3 October 24th, 2024, 05:20 PM

Strawberrypaw started with she heard a voice behind her, turning her head sharply. She relaxed immediately when she saw it was Honeypetal, relief evident in her gaze. She missed her friend. She had been so lost in thought, she hadn't even heard Honeypetal's pawsteps approaching. Strawberrypaw instantly tried to brighten her expression, not wanting to worry her friend. Honeypetal's presence was a reminder that she wasn't as alone as she felt, and she didn't want them to leave because she was a downer.

Strawberrypaw blinked in surprise at the question though, was it really that surprising? This was the third cat to ask her this now. Memories of Silverpaw's outburst flashed through her mind and she had to force her fur to lay flat, but she was able to let out a short nervous laugh with some effort. "Ah...well...honestly I broke the buddy system rule." She meowed. "I had taken prey to the sick camp. I wanted...I wanted to check on a friend. But I went by myself." She continued, feeling something well up inside her, threatening to spill over. The pale ginger tabby shuffled her paws, trying to control it.

"You heard about Silverpaw right? He i-...was my...friend." The words were coming out. They were equal parts forced and outside of her control. She could feel the pent up feelings threatening to tumble from her mouth, and even though she knew Honeypetal was safe, it was something she wanted to control. She didn't...she didn't like talking about this. She didn't want to talk to about it. But it seemed to have a mind of it's own. "I went to see him that same day. I was...there to see him." She paused, her gaze showing the pain she suffered that day. "But he just...exploded. He said terrible things to Bumblestar...he threatened her. He said...he said that no cat other than Larkswoop cared about him."

The words were gushing out like a flood now, and there was nothing Strawberrypaw could do to stop it. Her emotions were overwhelming, she crouched just to balance herself better so they didn't knock her over. "But...but I cared about him. How could he say that? Betray us..." She closed her eyes tightly for a moment before looking up at Honeypetal again, doing what she could to force the despair and hurt from her eyes. "I think...I think Bumblestar was extra upset that day because of it. So when I was there too...well I'm just relieved she didn't banish me from the clan too." There...she had finished recounting the horrors from that day. And now...she felt lighter somehow. Except for her guilt. She blinked at Honeypetal apologetically. "I'm sorry, Honeypetal. I didn't mean to unload on you like that..."

What was happening to her? She was supposed to be the bright, happy, optimistic one. Sunny was the grumpy-guss who always complained to everycat. Sunny.... Was he safe? Was Silverpaw safe? Where were they now? Were they... She couldn't even bare to finish the thought. A chill swept through Strawberryfur's body, and it had nothing to do with the cold weather. She hadn't even realized it until now, now that she had finished saying the words that she had been keeping buried, but her fur had bushed out with her distress. Shame threatened to wash over her, but she pushed it back. She shouldn't feel shame for expressing her feelings to a friend. Right?

**Honey_Dreamz!** · #4 Yesterday, 05:26 PM

╔═════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═════╗
A battle-scarred light orange cat with brown tabby stripes and blue eyes.
♪ Honeypetal ♪
She/he/they • ThunderClan • Warrior • 25 moons
❝ This is all my fault. Everyone I love is disappearing and I'm next, I'd deserve that too. ❞
╚═════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═════╝

Saying that Honeypetal was shocked would be an understatement. Strawberrypse was usually the happy bubbly one, but she'd gone through all this and then had to unload it on her. "That's..." Honeypetal tried to say something, but she didn't know how to describe the whole situation.

"Silverpaw doesn't sound like a very good friend to me, first of all. I'm sorry, that's just...who would lash out at Bumblestar? And then...then...you? Honeypetal honestly felt more shocked that Silverpaw said that kind of thing around one of the most caring cats ever, Strawberrypaw, than the fact that he had lashed out at Bumblestar, although both things did surprise him.

"You're the most caring and kind cat I know, and yet he had the audacity to say that crap? I..." Anger rose inside them. They could tell their expression, their gaze, was hardening and showing more fury. Somehow less than they felt.

Honeypetal didn't really care that Strawberrypaw broke the buddy rule to say hello to a friend. Perhaps she was too biased to care. Or maybe she was too mad at this Silverpaw to care.

@Luna16