──★ And you know I don't mean to hurt you... ★── {SeaFrost... "the book"}

[Epiales]

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: N/A|moons: 17| riverclan warrior|
"dulce bellum inexpertis" ~ War is sweet to those who have never fought.
"Factus sum sicut homo sine adjutorio, inter mortuuos liber." ~ I have become like a person without help, living among the dead.
[herbs currently known: Poppy flowers, Marigold]

Frost continued walking, he, earlier, had dug up the crows and brought them back to camp. Neither of them had said a word, and Frost was working on his memory, and then a few memories popped up. Bloody ones. Ones he wished he hadn't thought of now. Sea looked distraught when Frost told him he couldn't remember what happened to his sister. She died? When? His brain worked again, trying to remember what moon it was when it was, and how it ended. Frost was there... but... how couldn't he remember? He should go apologize to the other warrior, shouldn't he? His vision blurred again, red and black seeped through his vision, creating a small tunnel of what he could see as he tried to push back until he was in the warrior den, or alone. His breath was heavy, trying hard to keep quiet as a weight began to pile on him. He needed to leave, now. The red slowly covered his vision as he made his way back to the warrior den and sat down. He laid his head down as his head ached and his vision slowly faded.

His brain was muck. The black slosh enveloped wherever he was. Red seemed to fill the areas that had even a sliver of light. His head slowly stopped aching as he looked around. He was in the clearing, everyone looked... younger. He looked at his paws, smaller than normal. Then looked around again. Sea was there. I should apologize, Frost thought, trying to take a step towards the other Tom, but his body wouldn't move. Events slowly unfolded in front of him. A frantic Seabreeze and a not moving... cloverpaw. This couldn't've been too long ago, right? His head ached again, hurting more and more until he was thrown out of the inky blackness and back into his nest. His breath slowed again, he felt dizzy and lightheaded. Finally, the Tom laid his head down on his paws as he tried to fall asleep. Tossing and turning slightly before his eyes closed he let the darkness close around him once again.

{TIMESKIP [morning]}

Frost walked around camp, looking for... something. He wasn't sure. Just walking around. Maybe it was food? No, he wasn't hungry. Maybe he needs to go rest? No, he had just slept. He fiddled with his paws a bit, looking around. He looked... lost. But he wasn't. Just unsure. Until he saw Sea, but Sea didn't look at him. In fact, Sea seemed to be ignoring him. What had he done? He thought back to the other night, everything went well, at least Frost thought. Well... perhaps something at the end, not an argument though. Or a disagreement. Just... a misunderstanding, right? Sea wouldn't hate him... right...? Everything slowed at that thought. No, of course not. Frost would walk up to Sea right now and talk to him. Which he did, not realizing. And he found his way in front of Sea. "Uhm... Hi... ah... did you... get uh... good.. sleep?" Frost asked awkwardly. His paws felt the earth underneath him. He still wasn't sure why he did that, perhaps to make sure he wasn't falling. But why would he? the ground was solid, it would hold him up. Unless he blacked out, then the world never seemed to hold him. He then seemed to be falling, and falling... a never-ending black hole that just eats him up--

(short response just to get this in :3 wasn't sure what else to add and have to wait for Sea to say something anyways!)

@Dolomedes

[Dolomedes]

 

Originally Posted by Epiales

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: N/A|moons: 17| riverclan warrior|
"dulce bellum inexpertis" ~ War is sweet to those who have never fought.
"Factus sum sicut homo sine adjutorio, inter mortuuos liber." ~ I have become like a person without help, living among the dead.
[herbs currently known: Poppy flowers, Marigold]

Frost continued walking, he, earlier, had dug up the crows and brought them back to camp. Neither of them had said a word, and Frost was working on his memory, and then a few memories popped up. Bloody ones. Ones he wished he hadn't thought of now. Sea looked distraught when Frost told him he couldn't remember what happened to his sister. She died? When? His brain worked again, trying to remember what moon it was when it was, and how it ended. Frost was there... but... how couldn't he remember? He should go apologize to the other warrior, shouldn't he? His vision blurred again, red and black seeped through his vision, creating a small tunnel of what he could see as he tried to push back until he was in the warrior den, or alone. His breath was heavy, trying hard to keep quiet as a weight began to pile on him. He needed to leave, now. The red slowly covered his vision as he made his way back to the warrior den and sat down. He laid his head down as his head ached and his vision slowly faded.

His brain was muck. The black slosh enveloped wherever he was. Red seemed to fill the areas that had even a sliver of light. His head slowly stopped aching as he looked around. He was in the clearing, everyone looked... younger. He looked at his paws, smaller than normal. Then looked around again. Sea was there. I should apologize, Frost thought, trying to take a step towards the other Tom, but his body wouldn't move. Events slowly unfolded in front of him. A frantic Seabreeze and a not moving... cloverpaw. This couldn't've been too long ago, right? His head ached again, hurting more and more until he was thrown out of the inky blackness and back into his nest. His breath slowed again, he felt dizzy and lightheaded. Finally, the Tom laid his head down on his paws as he tried to fall asleep. Tossing and turning slightly before his eyes closed he let the darkness close around him once again.

{TIMESKIP [morning]}

Frost walked around camp, looking for... something. He wasn't sure. Just walking around. Maybe it was food? No, he wasn't hungry. Maybe he needs to go rest? No, he had just slept. He fiddled with his paws a bit, looking around. He looked... lost. But he wasn't. Just unsure. Until he saw Sea, but Sea didn't look at him. In fact, Sea seemed to be ignoring him. What had he done? He thought back to the other night, everything went well, at least Frost thought. Well... perhaps something at the end, not an argument though. Or a disagreement. Just... a misunderstanding, right? Sea wouldn't hate him... right...? Everything slowed at that thought. No, of course not. Frost would walk up to Sea right now and talk to him. Which he did, not realizing. And he found his way in front of Sea. "Uhm... Hi... ah... did you... get uh... good.. sleep?" Frost asked awkwardly. His paws felt the earth underneath him. He still wasn't sure why he did that, perhaps to make sure he wasn't falling. But why would he? the ground was solid, it would hold him up. Unless he blacked out, then the world never seemed to hold him. He then seemed to be falling, and falling... a never-ending black hole that just eats him up--

(short response just to get this in :3 wasn't sure what else to add and have to wait for Sea to say something anyways!)

@Dolomedes

Seabreeze
He/him | Riverclan Warrior | Moons: 16 | Purrks: Go with the Flow | The Collector | Ultimate Predator |
“Ocean waters rising above your neck
You feel the glass start to crack.”

Seabreeze had been having a rough morning, and night for that matter, since his encounter with Frostmelt. To be honest, he almost wished that the walk never happened and the only reason why he was not wishing that it didn’t happen was because of the prey that the pair of warriors brought back in at the end of it. It’s only been around 8 moons since Cloverpaw’s death. Surely the clan hasn’t moved on so much that they don’t remember her. Or maybe they did. He didn’t care anymore, he never really did, but having the fact that she was forgotten already thrown in his face when he wasn’t expecting it like that really messed with him. The warrior sighed and stretched in his nest in the warrior’s den before he got up with a yawn that sent tears springing to the corners of his eyes. Time to get breakfast and find some chores to keep him busy from thinking about Cloverpaw and Frostmelt. He didn’t want to even see the other warrior right now. He didn’t need to be making himself more upset by thinking about him.

The sandy grey-blue warrior left the den and squinted his eyes against the sun that was rising in the perfect spot to kill his eyes the moment he left. What luck. Trying to not let everything annoy him even though it just felt like one of those days, Seabreeze made his way over to the prey pile and took one of the mice from the pile and found himself a spot with a sunny patch to eat as the morning’s cold was still trying to be lifted by the sun. Maybe another border patrol or herb patrol. He should check in with Marigoldleap or one of the apprentices how the stores have been looking. With loners testing their borders at every second and the lingering sense of war with Thunderclan, the herb stores needed to be kept up with. Maybe he should ask Dusklion if she would be up for a spar, or Mistyshard, he needs to get better at fighting. Maybe he should check in with Fadingsun, see how he is feeling after his attack. Luckily, he got better though he certainly has scars to show for it and it sent anxiety prickling through Seabreeze every time he saw the deputy. Worry was biting at him but the deputy was strong and Seabreeze trusted the other feline to know his limits.

It was very unwelcomed when the source of his strife to come up to him like their fight yesterday didn’t happen. Was it a fight? Seabreeze wasn’t sure, he has never really been social enough to be in a fight like that before so he wasn’t sure if their conflict counted. Seabreeze’s blue eyes trailed across Frostmelt and rather than responding, Seabreeze in an admittedly petty act, just purposely bit into the mouse in front of him and turned his head away. If Frostmelt was going to try and pretend that what he said didn’t obviously hurt Seabreeze then Seabreeze will pretend that he didn’t hear Frostmelt. Not until he heard an apology or at least something that wasn’t pretending that it never happened. Frostmelt brought out a lot in Seabreeze that he hasn’t had in a long while and that included some of the lesser things that really only his sister would know about. Including his pettiness when it came to disagreements, or at least disagreements where Seabreeze wasn’t at fault or didn’t think he was at fault. There was a time when he and his sister were apprentices where Cloverpaw had eaten the fish that he saved for himself and she knew it. The tom made sure that he was bitter when during their fishing lesson he made a point of staring at her whenever she made a catch. She apologized and got him a new one and the thing was patched up with Cloverpaw teasing him about grudges. In the end, Seabreeze would’ve been over it by the next day but it was still one of the last times he acted like this.

The warrior wanted to look to Frostmelt but refrained as he wanted to see what the other warrior would do in his reaction of Seabreeze’s actions.

[Epiales]

 

Originally Posted by Dolomedes

 

Seabreeze
He/him | Riverclan Warrior | Moons: 16 | Purrks: Go with the Flow | The Collector | Ultimate Predator |
“Ocean waters rising above your neck
You feel the glass start to crack.”

Seabreeze had been having a rough morning, and night for that matter, since his encounter with Frostmelt. To be honest, he almost wished that the walk never happened and the only reason why he was not wishing that it didn’t happen was because of the prey that the pair of warriors brought back in at the end of it. It’s only been around 8 moons since Cloverpaw’s death. Surely the clan hasn’t moved on so much that they don’t remember her. Or maybe they did. He didn’t care anymore, he never really did, but having the fact that she was forgotten already thrown in his face when he wasn’t expecting it like that really messed with him. The warrior sighed and stretched in his nest in the warrior’s den before he got up with a yawn that sent tears springing to the corners of his eyes. Time to get breakfast and find some chores to keep him busy from thinking about Cloverpaw and Frostmelt. He didn’t want to even see the other warrior right now. He didn’t need to be making himself more upset by thinking about him.

The sandy grey-blue warrior left the den and squinted his eyes against the sun that was rising in the perfect spot to kill his eyes the moment he left. What luck. Trying to not let everything annoy him even though it just felt like one of those days, Seabreeze made his way over to the prey pile and took one of the mice from the pile and found himself a spot with a sunny patch to eat as the morning’s cold was still trying to be lifted by the sun. Maybe another border patrol or herb patrol. He should check in with Marigoldleap or one of the apprentices how the stores have been looking. With loners testing their borders at every second and the lingering sense of war with Thunderclan, the herb stores needed to be kept up with. Maybe he should ask Dusklion if she would be up for a spar, or Mistyshard, he needs to get better at fighting. Maybe he should check in with Fadingsun, see how he is feeling after his attack. Luckily, he got better though he certainly has scars to show for it and it sent anxiety prickling through Seabreeze every time he saw the deputy. Worry was biting at him but the deputy was strong and Seabreeze trusted the other feline to know his limits.

It was very unwelcomed when the source of his strife to come up to him like their fight yesterday didn’t happen. Was it a fight? Seabreeze wasn’t sure, he has never really been social enough to be in a fight like that before so he wasn’t sure if their conflict counted. Seabreeze’s blue eyes trailed across Frostmelt and rather than responding, Seabreeze in an admittedly petty act, just purposely bit into the mouse in front of him and turned his head away. If Frostmelt was going to try and pretend that what he said didn’t obviously hurt Seabreeze then Seabreeze will pretend that he didn’t hear Frostmelt. Not until he heard an apology or at least something that wasn’t pretending that it never happened. Frostmelt brought out a lot in Seabreeze that he hasn’t had in a long while and that included some of the lesser things that really only his sister would know about. Including his pettiness when it came to disagreements, or at least disagreements where Seabreeze wasn’t at fault or didn’t think he was at fault. There was a time when he and his sister were apprentices where Cloverpaw had eaten the fish that he saved for himself and she knew it. The tom made sure that he was bitter when during their fishing lesson he made a point of staring at her whenever she made a catch. She apologized and got him a new one and the thing was patched up with Cloverpaw teasing him about grudges. In the end, Seabreeze would’ve been over it by the next day but it was still one of the last times he acted like this.

The warrior wanted to look to Frostmelt but refrained as he wanted to see what the other warrior would do in his reaction of Seabreeze’s actions.

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: N/A|moons: 17| riverclan warrior|
"Pulvis et umbra sumus," ~ we are dust and shadows


Frost flinched when Sea ignored him and then turned away. Social situations are tiring, why did he choose to stand here? He stepped back a bit, giving the other tom space. He shouldn't be there, he felt that Sea's stubbornness was his green light to just leave the other tom alone... and, maybe... never go back. But that felt wrong as well. And apologizing. It wouldn't be apologizing if Frost didn't remember what he was apologizing for. But... if he didn't then... He brought his gaze back from the ground, looking at Sea again. He would lose his only... ah... not friend... companion? But did that matter? If he didn't have Sea the stress of this interaction, or any interaction would go down drastically. "I..." his voice trailed off as his paw softly rubbed the dirt and rock under him, nervously, "I'm sorry... about... yesterday... I... just..." he mumbled, oh my gosh, why was it so hard to talk? It was always hard to talk but he struggled to get words out and felt drained. His ears flattened slightly, his tail drooping.

"and... uh... congrats on Lionheart..." Frost said, his heart dropping as well. Here Sea was, he had worked his way up close to the top... What had Frost done? He couldn't even hunt properly. He would die in battle within the first few seconds. He kept his breathing low his eyes finding their way to the ground. He didn't want to look up. "I-I can just... leave... you seem... uh-- busy..." he mumbled quickly, his paws, he hadn't noticed, stung from the constant rubbing on the ground, he winced as he picked up his paw and put it back down. Shifting his weight. He wasn't about to tell Sea about his memory loss, or his blackouts. So what could they talk about... Nothing, perhaps. Maybe this was where Frost walked away. He got up quietly

[Dolomedes]

Seabreeze
He/him | Riverclan Lionheart | Moons: 17 | Purrks: Go with the Flow | The Collector | Ultimate Predator |
“Ocean waters rising above your neck
You feel the glass start to crack.”

Seabreeze immediately felt guilt crawl up his spine as Frostmelt’s dejected voice rang in his ears. Especially, when the tom immediately apologized for what happened yesterday. It wasn’t something he actually expected even though he wanted to hear one. Then the congratulations on his role. Yeah, that was enough of that, and Seabreeze turned his head to the warrior and caught his attention, or at least tried to, by waving his paw a small bit. Seabreeze almost didn’t want to speak, wanted Frostmelt to just know what he wanted to say so that the lionheart didn’t actually have to talk but things didn’t work like that. “L-look, I just… you don’t have anything to apologize for. It’s been a long time since she died and… a lot has happened.” That wasn’t very good at explaining why he got so upset though and it wasn’t an apology for his own actions either but it was a start that Frostmelt could process while Seabreeze tried to figure out the rest of his words. He would just have to get to that before Frostmelt could speak. The lionheart doesn’t think that he would be able to continue having a conversation about Cloverpaw, even if it wasn’t directly about her, for much longer.

“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I’m sorry as well. I just…forget sometimes that to everyone else, she was just some apprentice. That it was unfortunate but not life ruining like it was for me.” Seabreeze left it with that. Frostmelt could decide if he wanted to stick around or not. This was most definitely not something that he was going to make a habit of. Seabreeze hasn’t lost his temper like that for a long time. It wasn’t fun. His blue eyes finally moved to the other feline. Watching carefully for any signs of a reaction.

[ @Epiales - Frostmelt ]

[Epiales]

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: N/A|moons: 18| riverclan warrior|
"Pulvis et umbra sumus," ~ we are dust and shadows



He sat down next to Sea, who was sitting in the clearing. He didn't say much and kept his distance, but still sat. It had been an awkward day and Frost couldn't just ignore him forever. "I... I'm sorry... about... Cloverpaw..." he mumbled to the Lionheart, "I'm sorry for... forgetting." he continued, he would continue to talk until he had said everything on his mind. He had, the entire patrol(s) thinking about a speech he would say to Sea once they had gotten done. It had been an entire lecture, which Sea wouldn't want to hear, but Frost didn't remember much of it anyway. Just the bits where he continued to say sorry. "I... didn't mean to forget... her... actually-- I don't mean... to forget anything. But-- I think... it's getting worse?" he mumbled. Half of himself wanted to shut up while the other half urged him on. Continue talking, Sea at least needs an explanation, it was you who forgot. You who had upset him. His brain swirled. "Then... if I try.. to think about... it... I have-- these blackouts..." Why was he telling him this? Sea didn't need to know about his problems. He had his own. Not that Sea would worry about Frost of course, but still these are things Sea doesn't need to know.


He paused after saying all that, laying his head down on his paws. This was none of what he needed to say, his speech was gone and replaced by words he was randomly grabbing for hoping it would make sense to Sea. Who probably had no idea what Frost was rambling about at this point, considering how he was just talking, he didn't even know what he was saying anymore. "I don't even... remember what we did-- before we went on that hunting patrol," his words slowly becoming less spaced out, forming sentences. Maybe it was his mind trying to piece things together, him forgetting that he needed to watch how he spoke. He wasn't sure. He was trying to remember everything thing he had forgotten but it wasn't working, his head hurt. That was all that he could think about.

@Dolomedes

[Epiales]

@Oliver
What about we continue here? Mayhaps?

[Dolomedes]

Sure thing! @Epiales

[Epiales]

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: prison break|moons: ??| riverclan warrior|
"Pulvis et umbra sumus," ~ we are dust and shadows



Frostmelt lay in a field of what used to be soft grass. The smell and taste of blood filling this senses. What had happened? He didn’t know, was it his blood? A pain in this back leg throbbed, his answer. He could just stare at the grass, why wouldn’t he move? He kept telling himself, get up. Get up. How long had it been? Too long, he assumed as he felt sun hit his back. Was anyone waiting for him? Maybe his father… back at camp? His mentor? It was blurry, someone else too. He couldn’t remember the face, or the name. Just that it was someone. Someone he cared about.

Finally he pushed himself up to his paws, then so he was standing. Putting weigh in his back paws sent a shock of pain through his body.
He could only whine as he picked his back leg up. And what happened to his eye? It wasn’t bleeding, no, it felt… old? When had that happened.

Fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy. His memory, all wrong. Broken. His vision blurred from the pain, his ears rung. He settled, then, for laying down again.

@Oliver

[Dolomedes]

Seabreeze
He/him | Riverclan Lionheart | Moons: 21 | Purrks: Go with the Flow | The Collector | Ultimate Predator |
“Ocean waters rising above your neck
You feel the glass start to crack.”
TW: Slight Suicide Idealization, Sadness, grief

Seabreeze had decided to get out of camp completely on his lonesome this once to try and figure out his thoughts on what had happened during these past moons with how much has been thrown at him one after another. It was surprising, for a loner, he hadn't really been out on his own much lately even though that was all he wanted to be. He didn't want to be with others forcing himself to be okay when all he wanted to do was breakdown because what else could he do at this point? Thunderclan, Windclan, and Shadowclan all threw them out like trash, Seabreeze's past apprentices are gone and likely dead, one of his only friends is missing, and his sister dead, and now he had two more siblings in the camp that are trying to be his siblings and by blood they are- but they aren't, not really. Seabreeze can't handle having new siblings, couldn't deal with the guilt that would come with borderline replacing Cloverpaw with a pair of cats that look nearly identical to himself and her. Everything was just so wrong and there was only so much work he could do to distract himself before it all came tumbling into the forefront of his mind all at once.

Seabreeze wasn't a stranger to break downs though, long since acquainted with panic and anxiety attacks, and the utter numbers and apathy that follows more often than not. After all he was a cat who has lost so much but that didn't make him special, and that's why when he has to go out on a so-called solo patrol to cry his eyes out a way from everyone and everything it was just utterly pathetic. Completely! He was a mess and somehow he was still a member of Riverclan, a lionheart at that. The tom sighed, and dragged his paws down the mountain side from the so-called home the clan made for themselves here. He just wanted to lay down and never wake up. He really did. What good was he anyways?? Nothing. Oh wait, that's a lie, the only thing he's good at is throwing pity parties for himself and being a failure. The lionheart sighed and looked up towards the trees through tear-blurring vision, the forest wasn't so bad. More secluded than most of this damned mountain.

He stepped in, rock and dirt turning to grass beneath his paws. It was more familiar than the rest of the mountains so that was a slight comfort. Seabreeze really couldn't wait to get home in the slightest. He missed being able to swim, and being able to visit his- Blue eyes whipped around towards a clearing. A flash of familiar blues and greys had appeared in the corner of his vision and he was turning to stare before his brain could catch up and tell him he's just seeing things again. False hope. But... it wasn't... Because that was him!!! Seabreeze broke into a run as he weaved through the tree roots and light shrubbery, "FROSTMELT!" He called out desperately, that was him and oh my stars- The tom's paws slowed to a halt and he stared down with horrified and wide eyes at his friend. There was blood and injuries and... Seabreeze was frozen in shock of both good and bad varieties, but he couldn't let himself just stare for very long. Frostmelt needed help desperately. "Frostmelt, It's me, Seabreeze! Its- Its going to be o-okay. I'm going to help- Just, look at me please." The lionheart's words were punched out as his chest quickened in its haste for oxygen as a result of adrenaline and fear. Frostmelt was breathing so he was alive but it would be reassuring to see his eyes and hear his words but he shouldn't be talking right now, or at least, probably not- he wasn't a medicine cat... but he wouldn't be able to get Frostmelt to camp without him bleeding out if he doesn't stabilize him with what little medicinal knowledge he does know.

"I-I'm going to help you out and then- then I'll bring you back to camp where you can be healed fully, alright?"

[ @Epiales - Frostmelt ]

[Epiales]

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: prison break|moons: ??| riverclan warrior|
"Pulvis et umbra sumus," ~ we are dust and shadows
TW: more blood

And then there was someone. Someone, someone, someone. A familiar face. Someone he knew. Right? Then there was a name. Seabreeze. A mystical name. A beautiful cat. He just stared, his vision hazy. His mind blank. Until he could hear words again. And who was Frostmelt? Had he gotten his warrior name? Already?
Strange. Hadn’t he just started his apprenticeship? His mother would be so proud to hear his name, Frostmelt. As would his father. Where were they? Could this Tom know him? And this Tom had been crying, why? He seemed panicked, why? Had frost done something wrong? Surely not, he never did, he kept his head down just right, not to loud, not to soft. Just like his father had taught him.

Should he ask about this father? Maybe, he couldn’t tell, his thoughts seemed to swirl and mend together, confusing himself. As the Tom stuttered frostmelt would stare. Confused, wondering what to do.
“My father?” He heard himself ask, slight blood pouring out of his maw. Oh, what was happening? His head hurt, his body ached, his thoughts swam, his memory’s blurred. Would it ever end?

@Oliver