Yippee, more crying!(Private)

**gs29513** · #1 July 28th, 2024, 06:40 PM

Deadmoon wasn't sure she had ever felt so absolutely shattered.

She was certain other cats had had it worse. Had seen their entire families killed, maybe, by predators or rival clans or natural disasters. She was sure others had been done dirtier by the fates, but it was hard not to feel like a complete wreck when she had just buried her brother. The younger sibling had buried the older. It wasn't quite like a parent burying their kit, but it was still pretty bad. And Deadmoon wasn't particularly worried about these semantics. She was worried about the fact that her BROTHER was DEAD.

They had finally gotten their crap sorted out to some degree. It had stopped being painful to be around him. It had actually been something to look forward to. And now she was going to have nieces and nephews, ones their father was never going to raise. There were too many things going on, each one worthy of a crying session given Deadmoon's penchant for weeping. There wasn't even anyone to lament too, not that she wanted to anyway. Rookscreech would have listened to her complaints and made enough jokes to have her feeling a bit better, but she was gone. Another reason to despair.

Wolffang, too, might have received her sorrows once. Mostly he had been subjected to her family-related angst, but he had been willing to give hugs whenever needed. That was what she really needed right now. A hug. Something to ground her, make her feel more like a real cat, less like a ghost floating about on the meadow. Her mind was detached, observing her situation with a dispassionate eye. Feeling little, but well aware that much SHOULD be being felt. Laughing at her.

She could go to Snowybreeze, she supposed. But it didn't really feel like she deserved it. Her and Wolffang were stuck with each other and their issues, whether they liked it or not. Rookscreech had been just as messed up as her, equally fragile and just trying to get by emotionally. But Snowy was still so....pure. He had loved, he had lost, and he was still going somehow. This situation wasn't as twisted and mauled as some of Deadmoon's previous issues, but Rosebriar was involved and that alone meant she was angry as well as sad. Never a good mix. Never, never a good mix. No one should have to deal with her like this.

She just didn't want to think, and she wasn't really thinking. Just stumbling back to camp, tripping on things and almost falling, and staring blindly ahead into the darkness as she pushed through the barrier, back into camp.
@Alchemist Kitsune

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #2 July 30th, 2024, 01:08 AM

A silent sentinel, Snowybreeze had remained vigilant by the camp's entrance shortly after the patrol had left. His vigil served double purpose here. There might be a coyote on the loose, and while he had admittedly never seen one, he had been taught how to fight one. Knew how to defend. And he would rather die than let some rabid killer destroy his home. His friends. Then there was the... anxiety of it all. The waiting. For his friend to return. For his clanmates to come back home safe.

He could smell her before he saw her, his nose ever the tattletale. Mismatched ears perked up, hoping against hope that perhaps Twistedpaw had seen it all wrong. That Wolffang had managed to get away. But the scents betrayed that knowledge before it was told to him, and as Deadmoon burst through the camp's entrance tunnel, fur in disarray, eyes looking far more lost than he had ever imagined her possible, he took in a sharp breath. He was dead. The massive, gray tom was dead. Oh stars... was he... was he Deadmoon's remaining family? Was he all the pale warrior had left in the clan?

No. No that wasn't true. She had him. Even if she didn't know it. Even if she didn't see him as family, he could never stop seeing her as such. Snowybreeze would stay with her. Comfort her while it... got easier. Because it never left. Not really. He still felt it. The sting of Berryfrost's death. But she hadn't left him to suffer it alone, and he would never, ever allow her to go through that pain by her lonesome either. Unless... of course, she asked. Which... you know... He couldn't really deny her if she really wanted to be alone. But! He would still linger. Distantly! Making sure he was paying attention to her wants while also making sure she was alright!

Cautiously he approached his former mentor, an apologetic, understanding look on his face. She didn't need to say anything. And there was nothing he could say. Because words weren't enough. An I'm sorry would not convey the heaviness of this loss. It would amount to nothing in the face of what had happened here. Instead, the tom sat, raising his two forelimbs as he attempted to wrap his paws around the smaller she-cat. Envelop her in much needed comfort. To let her know that he was here, silently in wait until she needed to talk.

@gs29513 [Deadmoon]

**gs29513** · #3 August 1st, 2024, 09:45 PM

Of course Snowybreeze was waiting for her. That was.....it had sort of become his thing. Taking care of her even before she knew she needed cared for, in some cases. Deadmoon knew she needed something, she was self aware enough to know that she was unlikely to hack this on her own, but she hadn't really evaluated what that might mean. Who she might turn to. She had mostly been prepared to descend into some horrid, tortured headspace never to return again unless forced by duty or a rare bout of affection for a cat she held dear. Well, one of those cats she cared about was here now, and she had to get it together.

Or not.

Snowybreeze's hug was everything she needed in that moment, and Deadmoon essentially collapsed against him, cocooned in his fluff. Her protective, parental feelings for him were really quite silly in light of their respective sizes, so easily was she enveloped, but such things couldn't be helped. The buzzing in her head quieted somewhat, although it didn't go away fully. In that moment, she doubted it ever would. Why should it? It had no motive to do so, it never had done before. There were still moments when she longed for Breezefeather or Nightpaw or Marigoldpaw or Rookscreech, or any of the other cats she had loved (in whatever manner) and lost. And Wolffang would be no different. Worse, probably.

And whoop de doo, she was crying again! For a few moments Deadmoon tried fruitlessly to return to a somewhat calm state, before giving up. The relatively composed (for her) front she had somehow managed to maintain crumbled, really ugly sobs making her nose run. Eww eww eww, big eww! She hadn't cried like this in a while. Maybe not ever. Certainly not in the middle of the clearing, getting gross sadness juices all over her friend. Poor Snowybreeze, once again getting her emotionally constipated carcass foisted upon him by fate.

Deadmoon turned her head away, in some sort of bizarre attempt at retaining dignity. Foolish, really. She had none left, hadn't for a while. If nothing else, it might spare Snowy's fur the worst of the abuse it could potentially suffer. There really was no dignity left, seeing as she was crying like a kit. Some warrior she was. Wolffang's words to her seemed to taunt her now. You've got this, little sister. Yeah right. She couldn't even make it back to her nest without making a disgusting spectacle of herself, looking like a complete and utter excuse for a warrior.

While she was crying, she decided she might as well indulge a bit. Stars knew she didn't particularly want to open up to anyone else, as much as Snowy didn't need to deal with her messy insides. But he'd already been so patient with all her other flaws. That wasn't really a reason to take advantage of him more, but Deadmoon had never claimed to be a selfless cat. She'd give, yes, but she'd also take when the chance came. Take when the offer wasn't withdrawn. Take till cats got sick and tired of her, and flounced off into the night, maybe.

I just.....it's not FAIR! It came out as a disgusting wail, pathetic and ugly and wretched. We'd just.....we'd just talked! Sorted it out! I had a real family! And then.........and then...... she couldn't say it. They both knew what had happened, but she couldn't verbalize the loss. Like that would make it truly, finally, real, despite how real it had been since Crowtooth had turned back, eyes glassy, no words needing to be said. And now she was basically unable to speak again, adrift in her own misery. Unfairly so, but unlikely to emerge anytime soon. @Alchemist Kitsune

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #4 August 4th, 2024, 10:18 PM

Blood roared inside the gentle giant's ears as his mentor all but collapsed over him, her cries of anguish piercing remorselessly through his heart. He wished there was something he could do. If only he could turn back time and save Deadmoon's brother for her. If only he could have taken the gray tom's place. If only. A meaningless set of words that accomplished nothing, yet it was all that seemed to run through the long furred tom's head.

His hug was soft. Unwilling to keep the pale brown she-cat there against her will. It seemed she'd had enough after the initial wave of sobs that had torn though her like a tidal wave of despair. And yet it wasn't over. It couldn't be. Because one of Deadmoon's greatest attributes - her kindness, her compassion, her passion when it came to those closest to her - would inevitably be a downfall here. And he... understood. To a degree. True. He had never lost a brother - he had no family, after all - but if losing a mate... the love of his life... Snowybreeze knew far too well how deep that wound could be. For how long it could fester. The Maine Coon mix hadn't fully recovered himself, and how long ago had that been?

It seemed energy was once more coursing through the warrior's veins, and soon the short furred she-cat spoke, her words too similar to ones that had been repeated ad nauseum in the younger feline's head. Because it really wasn't fair. Wolffang had come back. Given his family such joy. Such hope that they could all live a long life together. He had seen the tom spread his roots. He was close to so many cats. Touched so many lives in nothing more than positive, admirable, exemplary ways. To have this be the end? It was far too cruel for words.

A nod. It was all he could give. Lifting his paw gingerly, he attempted to place the massive limb on his former mentor's shoulder. A comforting action. One less stifling than the hug from before.

"I. Understand," he finally whispered, voice barely raised above the gentle breeze. "W-would you. Like. To go. See. Lightningstorm? She might. Be able. To help. With the... Pain. Or. Perhaps... I am sure. Wolffang's. Nest. No one. Would dare. Say. Anything. About his. Sister. Taking a. Well earned. Rest. There."

He was at a loss for what to do, really. Deadmoon seemed to retreat into herself once more, and he... could not blame her. Snowybreeze had done much the same. But he couldn't allow her to suffer through this alone. He would be unable to improve the... reality of the situation. Because who could? But perhaps a trip to the medicine cat for an aching heart - did such a medicine even exist - or one last slumber covered in her family's scent could bring some level of closure. The scent would soon be gone. Washed away by the elements. It was best to feel their loved one's presence one last time... before it got away forever.

@gs29513 [Deadmoon]