homeward bound. [p]

[silver.]

tansy
she/her // 16 moons // outsider

---

Okay, okay. This is it, Tansy. You can't mess this up! Mess it up and you're doomed to be alone for the rest of your life. After Fishface and she separated so he could go report to their new leader she's been pacing a ditch into the grass as she waits. What would he be like? Unsure like Larkstar? Kind like Birdsnow? Or maybe something else entirely. Oh no, what if he held some kind of grudge against her for her running away? All at once her fur puffs out at the thought of it, eyes blowing wide. No, no, play it cool! Keep it cool! Crack and he'll see right through you and then tell you to go away and then--

Wait, what was that? Blinking at the sudden appearance of a presence-- or at least a presence she had only realized was nearby right this instant-- she turns to face the new face that greets her. Oh boy. Here we go. You got this, Tansy. Just talk to him like he's a clan mate. But more respectful!

"Hey there... Are you Fadingsun?" A slow breath out, she shifts her weight between trembling paws. This was going to be harder than the first time she joined Riverclan, for sure. Ugh! Get a grip already! "Not sure if Fishfa- urm, Fishfreckle told ya or not but I'm Tansypaw. Or, uh, wait-- Tansy. I'm Tansy. But you probably already knew that."

Yep. This was it. She was gonna die right here and now. What an embarrassment she was! Ears laying back a bit anxiously, she tries a smile and sees if that helps anything. And what better to do when she's already begun digging herself a hole? Dig a deeper one by running her mouth some more! Because of course she does.

"So, I... I'd like to come back to Riverclan. If you'll have me. I'll make up for runnin' away any way you'd like. I'll make any promise, do any job, take any punishment, just... I wanna come back home."

(ITS GO TIME)
fadingsun | @occultation

[occultation]

( @silver. )

Fadingsun hadn't been expecting to see Fishfreckle approach him; the warrior had hardly been seen around RiverClan as of recent, and he certainly wasn't Fadingsun's biggest fan. So, the sight of the tom coming up to him had caught his attention immediately; that interest only grew when he found out the reason for the chat.

Apparently, Tansypaw was back, and she wanted a place back in RiverClan. Her timing certainly could have been better. He debated whether he'd be allowing her back into the Clan or not as he walked out to meet her. On one paw, she was a young cat who'd been put in a terribly difficult situation. On the other, she'd stolen herbs from RiverClan, a rather grave offense.

By the time he found her, pacing and clearly agitated, he'd made up his mind what he was going to do. She didn't notice him at first, but once she did she immediately cut to the point as to why she was here. Well, sort of.

She did seem genuinely interested in coming back to RiverClan. The petty, slightly cynical side of him chuckled silently at the thought of how she'd returned as newleaf began, when times would be easier for the Clan. They could've used her paws during the past few moons, and they certainly could've used the herbs she'd stolen.

But, that was water under the log at this point. For the most part, at least.

"To be frank," he began, "you don't exactly deserve a place back in this Clan after how you chose to leave. Simply up and leaving would've been different, but you chose to steal herbs from us. Medicine that could've saved a life. You chose to do something that deliberately put your Clanmates at risk. While you were treated poorly and deserved better, that wasn't a justification.

"If you were an adult, I wouldn't let you back in this Clan. In fact, I'd drive you out without even giving you as much as a word. But, since you were still a child when everything happened, I decided that I'm willing to give you a second chance. With some stipulations, of course."

He fixed his blue eyes on her. "First and foremost, you are banned from the medicine den for the first moon. If you're assigned to an herb patrol during that time, you'll be permitted to go into the medicine den to drop off your herbs, but only in the presence of another warrior. You'll drop your herbs off, and then leave. If you need treatment, you'll call for Mistyshard from outside of her den.

"Second, you are not to help with any healing matters for the foreseeable future. If you prove your loyalty to this Clan again, I'll see about removing this restriction in the future. If I do, however, you'll only be healing on an as-needed basis, at the medicine cat's discretion. Don't dream of being a medicine cat again, because the odds of that happening are slim to none after what you did."

He wasn't sure how the molly would take that, but she seemed to be expecting some sort of consequence for her choices. A medicine cat needed the trust of all of their Clanmates; Fadingsun's trust could be earned back, but many in their Clan would likely never want to trust Tansypaw with being in charge of the medicine den again.

"From here on out, you'll be training as a warrior. I'll choose a mentor for you at the next Clan meeting, which will be in... around a quarter moon or so. I expect you to focus on your training; don't let me find out that you're getting sidetracked with herbs. I'll see to it that you're treated reasonably, but you're going to have to work to earn the trust and respect back of your Clanmates. It isn't going to be fun, but if you put your head down and work, in a few moons life will be a lot easier."

He turned back towards the Clan, glancing over his shoulder. Depending on what she had to say, he'd decide whether it was the right time for them to head back to camp.

[silver.]

tansy
she/her // 16 moons // outsider

---

She expected anger. Expected bitterness. Expected hesitance, wariness, distrust but this malice... Was not something she had expected. It seemed as though the more that the tom spoke the more enticing it seemed to run away and never look back. More than anything she wanted to return home. More than anything she wanted to no longer feel the sting of loneliness when she woke in the morning. But this... Was it worth it? To return to a place where very few cared what happened to her?

Swallowing hard, she tries to think of what to say. She tries to think of what to feel aside from the overwhelming urge to run. Maybe somewhere, deep down, she was bitter too. Bitter that all of her hard work was being overlooked. All her suffering and her stress. It was a terrible thing to do-- steal herbs but at the end of the day they were rightfully hers. Herbs she worked hard to procure sometimes on her own. But she couldn't voice that. No, if she did he may change his mind and turn her away. It already seemed as though one misstep and it would end up that way. But still she had to try. Had to reason.

"Take me on yourself, then. Let me prove myself to you, Fadingsun, please. "

Maybe it was a bold thing to ask for. Maybe she was overstepping whatever shred of kindness he thought he was offering. But she had to get his approval. Just like she needed Gingerstar's. Just like she needed Larkstar's. If no one else believed in her, they did, and it was enough for her. Holding back tears, she takes a few steps after him as he begins to move back toward camp, tail dragging against the ground behind her.

"I agree with ya. But... Stars, it isn't fair. I know I don't deserve it. I know ya should just chase me off and leave me to die somewhere but everythin' that happened to me... It wasn't fair." Maybe she was still just a child, yearning for an ounce of comfort. Why was she being tried as an adult when she never had a chance to be a child in the first place? From the moment she was stolen from her mother she had to grow up fast, protect herself, devote herself to her duty. So why? "I ain't gonna argue with you but I just... I need ya to hear me out. I worked so hard, Fadingsun. I worked harder than anyone else an' I didn't get a lick of gratitude."

It was only right to be open with your leader, right? If they couldn't talk on an even level, as long as she was being respectful, then in her eyes he was just as bad as Beanstar had apparently been. It seemed as though the previous leader's work to destroy Riverclan in the first place had been forgotten, but not her own lapse in judgement in a moment of panic. How fair was that?

"Send me on patrol after patrol. I'll bring back more herbs than anyone else. Or even prey, I can hunt too. Because that's who I am. When no one else would help me I'd do it myself. Train me as a warrior but I'll never forget who I was. If yer smart you'll understand the clan needs my training. My knowledge. Keep me away from the den until you find me worthy but please... Please don't forget what good I did. How hard I worked. Don't make me throw it all away."

Tail flicking behind her, she steels her gaze upon the leader. How else could she make him understand? How else could she make him see that Riverclan needed her just as badly as she needed them? It would be stupid not to enlist her help. To not depend on the moons of knowledge that sat unused in her head. The teachings from Starclan that would go to waste.

"I know you're all mad at me, but... I-I did a good job. I did my job as best I could." The tears that escape, regardless of how hard she tries to stop them, burn against her face. Still a child, in the end. A pathetic child. "Let me prove myself again. I can do it, I promise. I made a mistake-- I was scared and angry and I know it doesn't make it better but I can make it better. If I mess up again you can kill me. I promise."

fadingsun | @occultation

[occultation]

( @silver. )

What Fadingsun was looking for was understanding. Acknowledgement, real, genuine acknowledgement, that Tansypaw understood the severity of what she'd done. More than just a little "I made a mistake, you can punish me how you want." Something of substance.

Instead, all he got was about her. How she never got any gratitude for what she did as medicine cat, how the way she was treated wasn't fair, how she could do this and do that to prove herself. She said she knew she made a mistake, but it truly felt to him as if she was still trying to excuse it.

Fadingsun gave an angry lash of his tail. "You don't get it, do you? Cats could've died because of the choice you made. You claim to know that you made a mistake, but you don't seem to understand the severity of that mistake. I haven't heard a single thing out of you that suggests you do.

"All you've done, save for a couple of sentences, is go on and on about yourself. How life isn't fair for you, how you weren't given this or that, how you'll do this and that to prove that you deserve to be here. This isn't about how many herbs you can collect, or how much prey you can carry at once. It's about owning up to the choice that you made. Quit making excuses or trying to soften it. I think you're only telling me you think you deserve punishment because you think it's what I want to hear, not because you actually mean it.

"You claim that the Clan needs you and your knowledge. What we need the most right now are cats we can trust, cats who are able to look beyond their own noses and understand the way that their decisions impact others. Yes, your life was hard. But do you really think that you were the only one who suffered? Do you really think that what you went through somehow makes your decision more understandable, or less damning? Plenty of high ranks before you went through the same, if not worse. Fawnlight. Stonepaw. Gingerstar. Larkstar. Birdsnow. Yet none of them stole from their Clan and put their Clanmates' lives at risk by doing so."

He shook his head. "You aren't ready to be part of this Clan again. I've changed my mind. Leave this territory, and come back in a moon. I'll decide whether you'll ever return or not at that time. While you're gone, I suggest you do some serious self-reflection."

[ Tansypaw has been rejected. She may try to rejoin again in one month. ]