( @Marigoldwhisper )
cw: nausea, distress??, just emotionally meh
->> minkpaw [she/they, outsider, 13moons] <<-
a dark blueish grey and white she cat with silver eyes
minkpaw shuffled uncomfortably, guilt driven nausea seemingly eating her from the inside out, and it had been a whole experience just trying to will herself to fall asleep. she was tired, the blind panic that had taken hold of her body and driven her out into the depths of the outskirts had ebbed away and left nothing but empty, cold exhaustion.
she was ashamed for her actions and scared and worried and she wanted nothing more than to make it all just stop but she couldnt, she couldnt and she had to explain or the guilt might eat her whole. she swallowed another wave of tears, she had to look presentable, she was the guilty one, and she shouldnt be the one to cry.
the fog wafting around her felt especially cool tonight, biting and just simply unwelcoming, as she took a shaky breath before reaching out into riverclan camp. her silver eyes had fallen shut and dark grey, dishevelled fur remained still, one could think she had fallen asleep if there wasnt the deep frown on the felines face, accompanied by a slight tremble of her shoulders all the way to the dark tip of her tail. her mind ghosted around the sleeping kits in the nursery, ignorant of anyone but the small she kit she had grown to adore in such a short time. another deep breath and minkpaw let her foggy figure gently nudge marigoldkits sleeping conscience before pulling her into their foggy dreamscape.
the way minkpaws dreamscape appeared had changed, the fog had grown cold and unwelcoming, unlike the pleasantly fresh hug it has provided only a few days ago, and the endless sprawling meadows had become cold and dull. she was ashamed to welcome the kit into her mind at this state, ashamed to expose herself in a way so personal and open. she didnt want the kit to immediately feel repulsed by her, especially not because what she had done and would have to reveal was so much worse.
"marigoldkit" minkpaw called gently, willing herself to put on a little though admittedly tired looking smile for the kit, so she would at least awake to a friendly face. however, if minkpaw was being honest, realistically, no matter what she couldve tried, nothing would save her from looking tired, dull eyes, dishevelled fur she had been to exhausted to groom, slumping posture and all.
__________________
"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
Marigoldkit
She\Kit\RC
"Keep your head up! You need to look at the world around you!"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·
Sleep. It was all she had wanted for a good while even though she practically slept 24/7. To be honest, she was tired of being tired, but sleeping was still pretty nice. It was some sort of escape from her frail and useless body. She expected to dream of sweet nothings tonight... Oh how she was wrong. Or, maybe she was right? Guessing by her surroundings she couldn't really tell.
She blinked back the grogginess that weighed so heavily on her eyelids. Huh... That's weird, she felt grass beneath her feet instead of sand. Where was she? This wasn't Riverclan camp!
With an alarming jolt of worry, Marigoldkit scrambled up to her paws and tried to determine where she was. It was so odd. She could feel and smell and see yet whenever she focused on something, like that wilting flower bed, her vision seemed to blur and the dull colors meshed into one another into a puddle of unrecognizable hues. It made her head hurt and she winced.
Everything looked so dull and dead. Was it a nightmare? The Darkforest even? That thought made her shudder from ear to tail.
Wake up, wake up! Marigoldkit hissed to herself, finding her throat too parched to speak.
"Marigoldkit"
Hazel eyes slid open as she looked around in pure horror. Who was that!? What was that!?
Wait....
"Minkpaw?" Marigoldkit croaked, undried tears welling at the bottom of her misty eyes. "Oh thank Starclan! I thought you were a ghost for a second there." Marigoldkit offered her friend a tired smile as she turned to look at the apprentice. Her smile faltered as she noticed the veil of eerieness that covered her friend in frightening waves. Goodness she looked awful...
"Minkpaw...?" She echoed, giving this strangely foggy place one last glance. Was Minkpaw captured with her? Is that why she looked so sad? "Where are we? Are you alright?"
minkpaw gave marigoldkit another bittersweet smile at the relieve she expressed, and shifted closer to the kit, "its okay dont worry" the former apprentice hummed comfortingly, or at least thats what she intended.
the thought of her being a ghost was almost amusing and in any other situation minkpaw mightve laughed before shaking her head and confirming she wasnt a ghost. "dont worry dear, im alright." they repeated, term of endearment slipping her maw so readily she hadnt even processed it before hearing it spoken aloud. striped tail curled around the kit to keep her warm, shield her from the harsh coldness her oh so beloved fog has transformed into. "do you remember when i told you about blazingstar? when he came to speak to me we were here too." minkpaw began, a positive memory, completely unlike she had planned. she had already messed up by not immediately revealing everything to the kit. she felt like she was leading her on, making her hold onto the positive memory just to claw it from he paws. minkpaw never wanted this, she didnt want to have to tell her, disappoint her, she felt way beyond her age, guilt weighing her down and desperate need to protect marigoldkit. "we're in my mind right now. and before i get to the reason we are here i feel i owe you something." she continued, her voice surprisingly steady, before lifting a paw to disturb the fog in front of them, revealing a starry yellow-orange flower. atop a short deep green stem, its pedals curled around a light yellow center, making the flower head look almost round.
minkpaw swallowed, "i promised i would show you what marigold is" silver gaze remained on the kit as silence engulfed them, minkpaw didnt want to continue until the kit had time to look at the flower. "i need you to do me a favour.. you need to remember, no matter where i am, i will always be there for you." despite her racing thoughts each word came out sounding genuine and confident. and she meant it, truly, she did.
__________________
"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
minkpaw gave marigoldkit another bittersweet smile at the relieve she expressed, and shifted closer to the kit, "its okay dont worry" the former apprentice hummed comfortingly, or at least thats what she intended.
the thought of her being a ghost was almost amusing and in any other situation minkpaw mightve laughed before shaking her head and confirming she wasnt a ghost. "dont worry dear, im alright." they repeated, term of endearment slipping her maw so readily she hadnt even processed it before hearing it spoken aloud. striped tail curled around the kit to keep her warm, shield her from the harsh coldness her oh so beloved fog has transformed into. "do you remember when i told you about blazingstar? when he came to speak to me we were here too." minkpaw began, a positive memory, completely unlike she had planned. she had already messed up by not immediately revealing everything to the kit. she felt like she was leading her on, making her hold onto the positive memory just to claw it from he paws. minkpaw never wanted this, she didnt want to have to tell her, disappoint her, she felt way beyond her age, guilt weighing her down and desperate need to protect marigoldkit. "we're in my mind right now. and before i get to the reason we are here i feel i owe you something." she continued, her voice surprisingly steady, before lifting a paw to disturb the fog in front of them, revealing a starry yellow-orange flower. atop a short deep green stem, its pedals curled around a light yellow center, making the flower head look almost round.
minkpaw swallowed, "i promised i would show you what marigold is" silver gaze remained on the kit as silence engulfed them, minkpaw didnt want to continue until the kit had time to look at the flower. "i need you to do me a favour.. you need to remember, no matter where i am, i will always be there for you." despite her racing thoughts each word came out sounding genuine and confident. and she meant it, truly, she did.
Marigoldkit
She\Kit\RC
"Keep your head up! You need to look at the world around you!"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·
Okay, Minkpaw's melancholy tone was really starting to worry her. Marigoldkit could feel her brow begin to furrow as she looked up at Minkpaw wide eyes. She listened intently, making mental notes along the way.
She still couldn't directly meet her gaze though. She couldn't in normal circumstances and she certainly couldn't do it when Minkpaw was talking to her like she was about to make her journey to Starclan. It freaked her out and lead her gaze straight back to the foggy ground.
She shivered, her teeth clenched as she buried her side into Minkpaw's fur. She had assumed that the apprentices warm gesture had been an invitation for physical contact and there was no way she was about to pass it up, not when Marigoldkit was growing even more worried by the heartbeat.
When her friend explained to her that this was her mind Marigoldkit couldn't help but look around in confusion, as if she couldn't believe her eyes. This? This was Minkpaw's state of mind? Stars, she wasn't okay! Minkpaw was never outwardly dull, her mind couldn't be this gloomy and cold and foggy....
She would've been excited to know that she was in a dream with another cat just like Minkpaw and Blazingstar, but it felt more like a slap to the face than anything. Couldn't Minkpaw just walk into the nursery and talk to her? Maybe she didn't want to wake her. Still, she wouldn't have minded being woken up if she got to speak with a cat she cared about. Sleep could wait for that.
Before Marigoldkit could open her maw to speak, a vibrant orange caught her attention.
A marigold.
She stood up onto her shaky paws and reached out for the starry flower. It looked so out of place with all the fog and dull colors that surrounded them.
Despite her growing worry (and admittedly, fear) she couldn't help but smile at the sight. "Woah," Marigoldkit whispered into the humid air. "They're beautiful. How... How did you do that?"
Any other question that lay in her throat were left choked and unsaid. She frowned at what Minkpaw had last said, her lip quivering. "I know that," Marigoldkit nodded. "I'm here for you too, that's right." She wasn't sure why Minkpaw felt the need to say that. "Are you... Are you gonna die? Is that why you're here? To say your goodbyes?"
__________________
❝Whatever will be, will be. Don't care what anyone else thinks.❞
-When You Grow Up, Your Heat Dies
Marigoldkit
She\Kit\RC
"Keep your head up! You need to look at the world around you!"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·
Okay, Minkpaw's melancholy tone was really starting to worry her. Marigoldkit could feel her brow begin to furrow as she looked up at Minkpaw wide eyes. She listened intently, making mental notes along the way.
She still couldn't directly meet her gaze though. She couldn't in normal circumstances and she certainly couldn't do it when Minkpaw was talking to her like she was about to make her journey to Starclan. It freaked her out and lead her gaze straight back to the foggy ground.
She shivered, her teeth clenched as she buried her side into Minkpaw's fur. She had assumed that the apprentices warm gesture had been an invitation for physical contact and there was no way she was about to pass it up, not when Marigoldkit was growing even more worried by the heartbeat.
When her friend explained to her that this was her mind Marigoldkit couldn't help but look around in confusion, as if she couldn't believe her eyes. This? This was Minkpaw's state of mind? Stars, she wasn't okay! Minkpaw was never outwardly dull, her mind couldn't be this gloomy and cold and foggy....
She would've been excited to know that she was in a dream with another cat just like Minkpaw and Blazingstar, but it felt more like a slap to the face than anything. Couldn't Minkpaw just walk into the nursery and talk to her? Maybe she didn't want to wake her. Still, she wouldn't have minded being woken up if she got to speak with a cat she cared about. Sleep could wait for that.
Before Marigoldkit could open her maw to speak, a vibrant orange caught her attention.
A marigold.
She stood up onto her shaky paws and reached out for the starry flower. It looked so out of place with all the fog and dull colors that surrounded them.
Despite her growing worry (and admittedly, fear) she couldn't help but smile at the sight. "Woah," Marigoldkit whispered into the humid air. "They're beautiful. How... How did you do that?"
Any other question that lay in her throat were left choked and unsaid. She frowned at what Minkpaw had last said, her lip quivering. "I know that," Marigoldkit nodded. "I'm here for you too, that's right." She wasn't sure why Minkpaw felt the need to say that. "Are you... Are you gonna die? Is that why you're here? To say your goodbyes?"
"i cant exactly tell you how i did it but you have some level of control over your mind and dreams" for now, said control was restricted to summoning small things though, and minkpaw was almost sure she'd never gain the ability to truly affect her dreamscape. white tipped paw twitched in front of her, resisting the urge to pull marigoldkit back against her body, it wasnt her place to overstep now. "no, no im not dying." though some part of her truly wished that this was the reason she was here tonight, to announce her passing.. "but in a way im here to say goodbye" they began somberly, "i dont think i can make this any more pleasant for either of us..i left riverclan. i left and im not coming back" her plans to venture through riverclan territory one last time, use the knowledge she had gathered whilst training to be a warrior, and make her way to shadowclan, were left unspoken. she couldnt bear drop this information on the kit now. "i know i promised to teach you to swim and promised id show you the territory, and i know i cant do any of that anymore. " minkpaw chocked out, letting her voice because airy and chocked off, before briefly closing her eyes to swallow the building wave of emotions. she shouldnt be the one fighting off tears, not when she just told the kit that everything she promised was futile, not when it was all her fault and she never deserved to think about a future with marigoldkit. not when she had just broken trust, backstabbed the kit that had looked at her with love and admiration and wished nothing more than to undo her mistakes. "im sorry."
__________________
"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
"i cant exactly tell you how i did it but you have some level of control over your mind and dreams" for now, said control was restricted to summoning small things though, and minkpaw was almost sure she'd never gain the ability to truly affect her dreamscape. white tipped paw twitched in front of her, resisting the urge to pull marigoldkit back against her body, it wasnt her place to overstep now. "no, no im not dying." though some part of her truly wished that this was the reason she was here tonight, to announce her passing.. "but in a way im here to say goodbye" they began somberly, "i dont think i can make this any more pleasant for either of us..i left riverclan. i left and im not coming back" her plans to venture through riverclan territory one last time, use the knowledge she had gathered whilst training to be a warrior, and make her way to shadowclan, were left unspoken. she couldnt bear drop this information on the kit now. "i know i promised to teach you to swim and promised id show you the territory, and i know i cant do any of that anymore. " minkpaw chocked out, letting her voice because airy and chocked off, before briefly closing her eyes to swallow the building wave of emotions. she shouldnt be the one fighting off tears, not when she just told the kit that everything she promised was futile, not when it was all her fault and she never deserved to think about a future with marigoldkit. not when she had just broken trust, backstabbed the kit that had looked at her with love and admiration and wished nothing more than to undo her mistakes. "im sorry."
Marigoldkit
She\Kit\RC
"Keep your head up! You need to look at the world around you!"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·
No.
No, no, no, no.
She can't! She wouldn't! She...
She was leaving.
Marigoldkit gulped back the whine that formed in her throat as well as the bile that threatened to spew from her maw. She was leaving...
"Why?" Marigoldkit whimpered, finding herself getting too dizzy to stand for much longer. Why why why why? Wasn't Minkpaw happy? Didn't she love Riverclan? Marigoldkit thought, truly thought that maybe she'd finally learn the ropes and this time she'd have a friend to tag along. She avoided exploring the camp or territory like the plague just so whatever Minkpaw might've shown her would still be a surprise. It all didn't matter now.
She looked down at her paws and let the cold fog bite all around her. At least it made her feel something other than the sour pang in the back of her mind and the threat of tears wanting to spill over. But she found herself crying anyways. She heard the break in Minkpaw's voice and Marigoldkit absolutely lost it.
Her vision blurred (whether from stress or tears she wasn't sure) and she crouched down, placing her white tiny paws onto her equally small head. She cried and cried and cried. It had genuinely been a while since she cried, at least a week. She thought that maybe she could keep it up, carve a better name for herself and start fresh. But now Minkpaw was gone, leaving her trio of friends to a one at worst and a two if she was hopeful.
As wet tears ran down her cheeks and slicked her thin fur she couldn't help but keep asking questions. She didn't care if they didn't get answered, didn't care if she was overstepping a boundary. She craved answers like she craved connections.
"I thought-- I thought---!" Marigoldkit blubbered uselessly, her frail body quaking. It was awful hearing herself sound like this, all squeaky and vulnerable. Everything she wanted to ask was unsung as she circled straight back to her first question. "Why?"
__________________
❝Whatever will be, will be. Don't care what anyone else thinks.❞
-When You Grow Up, Your Heat Dies
minkpaw resisted the urge to reach out again, instead averting her eyes with a slight turn of her head, and couldnt do anything but listen to the kit sob for what felt like forever. she had opened her maw to reply but no words found their way out, all the thoughts and feelings rushing through her head far beyond what she could ever express with words alone. "im sorry" they finally repeated quietly, helpless to do much more than focus on the words she had already said until her mind stopped racing, "i dont think i could express why exactly, but i cant bear to stay in riverclan any longer. its.." minkpaw tried the more matter of fact route, it had always been easy to rely on the facts when emotions got the best of her and now it was simply the least painful option. "its not because of you. if i could i wouldve stayed, begged fadingsun to be allowed to train you and give you a apprenticehood worth remembering but i cant give you any of that. even if i stayed i couldnt have." minkpaw inhaled shakily, "im going to join shadowclan" now it was out. she had revealed the biggest betrayal of this whole situation and even though she was speaking to a kit far younger than herself she couldnt help but lower her gaze in fearful anticipation of the reaction she was about to witness.
__________________
"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
minkpaw resisted the urge to reach out again, instead averting her eyes with a slight turn of her head, and couldnt do anything but listen to the kit sob for what felt like forever. she had opened her maw to reply but no words found their way out, all the thoughts and feelings rushing through her head far beyond what she could ever express with words alone. "im sorry" they finally repeated quietly, helpless to do much more than focus on the words she had already said until her mind stopped racing, "i dont think i could express why exactly, but i cant bear to stay in riverclan any longer. its.." minkpaw tried the more matter of fact route, it had always been easy to rely on the facts when emotions got the best of her and now it was simply the least painful option. "its not because of you. if i could i wouldve stayed, begged fadingsun to be allowed to train you and give you a apprenticehood worth remembering but i cant give you any of that. even if i stayed i couldnt have." minkpaw inhaled shakily, "im going to join shadowclan" now it was out. she had revealed the biggest betrayal of this whole situation and even though she was speaking to a kit far younger than herself she couldnt help but lower her gaze in fearful anticipation of the reaction she was about to witness.
Marigoldkit
She\Kit\RC
"Keep your head up! You need to look at the world around you!"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·
The small cat curled up into a tight ball, her paws still secure on her head. She would've pressed up against Minkpaw to gain some warmth, but her fur had become cold and bitting just as the fog as well as a new prickly sting of betrayal.
She had stopped her crying, but her eyes still burned and tears were still filling her pinned ears. She felt groggily, her head hurt, her ears hurt, her teeth hurt from clenching them so much. It was truly a nightmare to hear what she just heard. A part of her hoped, prayed, that this was actually a dream. A really horrible good for nothing dream. But it wasn't... She knew this kind of thing was possible and right now she really wished it wasn't. She could handle bad dreams because they're gone when you wake. But reality? No. She'd always have to live with that.
Buds of unopened excitement wilted inside her as Minkpaw expressed her want to apprentice her despite how much she apparently disliked Riverclan. She hadn't even known Minkpaw had such big plans for her, which made all this stuff feel even more soul crushing like a different reality just got stolen straight from her paws. Marigoldkit hadn't even thought she'd be worth apprenticing. She honestly thought she'd be too ill or boney to do anything but stay a kit for the rest of her life. But Minkpaw had faith in her. Regardless of how lost Marigoldkit felt about the whole situation, she still knew that the very same faith continued to ring true for Minkpaw.
She mustered up a small smile in substitute for a thank you. It's not like she could see it anyways...
What was said next didn't leave her with the same sense of betrayal only confusion. Why Shadowclan? Then again, why any clan? She still wasn't sure why Minkpaw couldn't just stay with her. Things would be so much easier! She'd be happy, they'd all be happy. Marigoldkit was obviously missing something and she had yet to know what.
She didn't push the question though. She already tried that and she failed at enforcing her need for closure due to the spring of emotion that shot through her. Instead she asked, "Why Shadowclan? And... Who the heck is Fadingsun? What do they have to do with---" Marigoldkit's face twisted up into a frustrated scowl as she scanned this dreary place, "Any of this!?"
She didn't mean to get angry. She really really didn't. But that sadness, all those tears boiled up from inside her. She wanted to rip something to shreds, she wanted her claw her own face off. She wanted to do anything, anything other than yell at Minkpaw. They didn't deserve it, neither of them did. Minkpaw was just as devastated about this situation and yet Marigoldkit couldn't seem to be logical in this moment. Her fur bristled as her anger grew.
__________________
❝Whatever will be, will be. Don't care what anyone else thinks.❞
-When You Grow Up, Your Heat Dies
at the mention of fadingsun reality suddenly dawned on her, she had falsely assumed the kit knew any of the things that had happened since they spoke last time and she so very apperantly didnt.
a quiet "oh-" escaped her before minkpaw was able to do anything about this, "im sorry, i- well, i assumed you knew what happened." she wouldve laughed if this wasnt such a horrible situation, assuming the kit knew what she knew, embarassing. "i told you about birdsnow right? she was going to be our riverclans leader and she appointed fadingsun to be her deputy and help her, but she fell ill and fadingsun stepped up. birdsnow is going to be okay but now, fadingsun will be riverclans leader." the reminder of explaining the kit how the clans worked and who was where stung, but what stung even more was that she couldnt have this conversation with the kit in the nursery. she couldnt walk into the nursery and tell the kit she had done it, instead she had to rip well deserved rest from tiny paws to tell her about failure. "and since tansypaw left we didnt have a medicine cat, right? so i tried to look out for everyone and-" she paused, silent and unmoving apart from the tremor coursing through her while they swallowed tears they had thought had long dried. "-and fadingsun finally appointed a medicine cat." shame burned in the back of her throat and the corner of her eyes, she didnt want to be here. "and its mistyshard.". silence hung heavy between all consuming fog and silent tears. "i met a cat." she began after what mustve been minutes, "his name is mossfreckle and hes shadowclans medicine cat"
"i thought about simply staying away for a while and then coming back to riverclan but i have nobody else and i dont think i can be out and alone for moons on end. and i dont think i can ever come back to riverclan." she was sick of her own bad explanation, the struggle of trying to transform her feelings into words wouldve bordered on infuriating if she wasnt so darn tired. too tired to do much more than accept it. "i never wanted to leave you behind and i will never forgive myself for acting so desperately self centered but i dont even want to offer you come with me because this was my mistake and you shouldnt have to deal with it." the thought of simply taken marigoldkit with her, wherever she went and protect her from what she knew to be a world filled with death and grief. "but no matter where i am and no matter what clan either of us are in, i will never leave you." there was too much to say, too much to get off her chest. too many thoughts, feelings and words constricting her throat leaving her with nothing but the desperate urgency to get it all out. "except if you dont want me to contact you. if you dont want to see me ever again i will respect your wishes and not talk to you again."
( just realised mink can train her via dream this is awesome )
__________________
"i wish things were different, but it werent us who changed."
at the mention of fadingsun reality suddenly dawned on her, she had falsely assumed the kit knew any of the things that had happened since they spoke last time and she so very apperantly didnt.
a quiet "oh-" escaped her before minkpaw was able to do anything about this, "im sorry, i- well, i assumed you knew what happened." she wouldve laughed if this wasnt such a horrible situation, assuming the kit knew what she knew, embarassing. "i told you about birdsnow right? she was going to be our riverclans leader and she appointed fadingsun to be her deputy and help her, but she fell ill and fadingsun stepped up. birdsnow is going to be okay but now, fadingsun will be riverclans leader." the reminder of explaining the kit how the clans worked and who was where stung, but what stung even more was that she couldnt have this conversation with the kit in the nursery. she couldnt walk into the nursery and tell the kit she had done it, instead she had to rip well deserved rest from tiny paws to tell her about failure. "and since tansypaw left we didnt have a medicine cat, right? so i tried to look out for everyone and-" she paused, silent and unmoving apart from the tremor coursing through her while they swallowed tears they had thought had long dried. "-and fadingsun finally appointed a medicine cat." shame burned in the back of her throat and the corner of her eyes, she didnt want to be here. "and its mistyshard.". silence hung heavy between all consuming fog and silent tears. "i met a cat." she began after what mustve been minutes, "his name is mossfreckle and hes shadowclans medicine cat"
"i thought about simply staying away for a while and then coming back to riverclan but i have nobody else and i dont think i can be out and alone for moons on end. and i dont think i can ever come back to riverclan." she was sick of her own bad explanation, the struggle of trying to transform her feelings into words wouldve bordered on infuriating if she wasnt so darn tired. too tired to do much more than accept it. "i never wanted to leave you behind and i will never forgive myself for active so desperately self centered but i dont even want to offer you come with me because this was my mistake and you shouldnt have to deal with it." the thought of simply taken marigoldkit with her, wherever she went and protect her from what she knew to be a world filled with death and grief. "but no matter where i am and no matter what clan either of us are in, i will never leave you." there was too much to say, too much to get off her chest. too many thoughts, feelings and words constricting her throat leaving her with nothing but the desperate urgency to get it all out. "except if you dont want me to contact you. if you dont want to see me ever again i will respect your wishes and not talk to you again."
( just realised mink can train her via dream this is awesome )
Marigoldkit
She\Kit\RC
"Keep your head up! You need to look at the world around you!"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·
Assumed? How could she possibly assume anything! Minkpaw knew she was practically living under a rock, taken prisoner by her own growing nausea. That was enough to keep Marigoldkit's fur bristled.
She listened as Minkpaw took that time to explain, and during that lecture--- a lecture that was bittersweet and nostalgic ----her anger finally faded to a manageable amount. A medicine cat? They hadn't had one already? Huh... Okay so the order was Tansypaw then Mistyshard. She took notice of Minkpaw's growing sadness and she laid a careful paw on their shoulder. She still couldn't bring herself to say much else as she was still processing this information. Yet, Minkpaw deserved comfort even if it wasn't audible.
Dang it... More names? Marigoldkit was sure that she'd be waking up with a splitting headache from all this information. Okay okay... So Mossfreckle was Shadowclan's medicine cat... Also apparently Fadingsun was the new leader. Marigoldkit saw sure what to think about that especially since she quite recently just got introduced to another leader. Are they supposed to come and go this fast?
As her clanmate--- no no. She wasn't her clanmate anymore. Infact, she wasn't sure what Minkpaw was now ---further explained herself Marigoldkit began fighting back tears all over again. Hearing her thought process alone was stressing her out, she couldn't imagine having to decide what she had to.
"You're not self centered," Marigoldkit piped up with an edge lacing her voice. "You thought about what I might think before inviting me to come with you..."
What she said next make her rush to her trembling paws, her hazel milky eyes finally meeting her gaze after what felt like moons. She'd only looked at Minkpaw's twice. Once to figure out their color, twice to see what kind of nasty scar had formed on it. This time she was merely doing it to get her point across, her own heart weighing her down like a boulder of shame.
"No!" She screeched as she stood to her toes. "No... Please please visit me. I'm sorry if I sounded angry before, I'm sorry if it seems like I'd never wanna see you again, but that's wrong. I don't hate you Minkpaw... I said I'd be there for you, right? Plus, you're my best friend, why would I give that up?"
(WHAT GHE HECK!!! THATD BE SO DARN COOL! I'm very open to that idea)
__________________
❝Whatever will be, will be. Don't care what anyone else thinks.❞
-When You Grow Up, Your Heat Dies
foggy dreams and bone deep guilt [p]
