Asking for the impossible, over and over again [p, solo]

[Minku]

[Cw for hallucinations, I suppose. On another note I've been wondering whether or not to post this for a good 2 minutes]

They walked through the territory, paws stepping in an even motion on the ground below them; It was still dawn and the sun was still on it's way to rise back into the sky, ever so slightly peeking over the horizon. They..had a nightmare... one that had to kill their sleep and force their paws back onto the grounds of the den. Eyes that look down on them for every move they make, judging them for all they're worth. It's...been a while since they've had a nightmare, let along one so...dark. Usually their sleep is blurry, simply taking them away from their day and bringing them into a dreamless sleep. As a kit and apprentice, they have lots of fun dreams. Like the one where they found a pretty flower field. Or the one where they had the ability to communicate with little animals and befriend them. Those are...peaceful

They..they just haven’t been feeling the best lately. They don’t know how or why. They just feel like that. No, it’s not painful. It’s just..weird. Very weird. The tabby just..needed some time for themselves. Without another cat’s presence. It’ll only be for a bit; kind of like...a break time of sorts. They could feel the grass and soil beneath them for every step their paws take up until they took a stop. The sky. The birds that fly overhead. Must be nice. To just fly away. From horrowing things. They can’t help but wonder what it could feel like if they have wings. They could just fly away with the wind. Feel the air between their fur

The rules of nature that prevents cats to have wings. That’s...that seems logical...cats don’t have wings.. It’s..childish. But there can’t be anything wrong with it. It’s harmless. Move forward, stop looking at the sky so much, someone’s gonna see it and think it’s weird. If someone dreams of flying with the birds in the sky... But that’s not possible. Such dreams would never be fulfilled when reality glues their paws on the ground

isn't your life like that? You're filled with hopes higher than you'll ever be able to reach

Their ears slowly move up. Did someone say something? They could’ve sworn someone said something just now. That voice. They can’t help but think it’s familiar. No. They can’t have heard it before when they can’t even remember who it was. Then again, ————'s reason of death they didn’t remember. No, they must’ve been hearing things. Why would anyone tell them that? They’ve done nothing to have provoked it..and it’s just so negative. The clan made it back to the forest safely. That’s already a wish come true, even if it’s not a typical one.

No. They could make things come true if they really want to. Anyone could make things come true. It just takes work.

Are you sure?

The first time was just the wind’s whispers. The second made them stumble over their own steps that were even just a second ago. They could barely make out those words. But why did it make them stop more than the first round? What in the torment is this? “hey. Is..anyone there..?” their question was left without any trace of answer. It’s..nerve wracking to say the least. To hear things in your head when you’ve been doing just fine up until this point. What was this voice that they feel close yet so..distant..? They could feel their heart beat slowly increasing as seconds pass. But why is that? Their ears flattened.

They feel their limbs tense up, their mouth open yet no words escape the confinement of their throat. They must’ve looked crazy to any other cats passing by. Threatened by a nonexistent threat of all things. Threatened by the voice of the wind. They looked at the sky. The clouds. The sun. It burns their eyes to look at. They dragged their gaze onto the ground; everything was too silent for their liking. Maybe they should go back to the den. Maybe alone time wasn’t for them. They needed those sounds back. The sound of cats talking to each other, the sound of kits playing. Instead of when They heard nothing but the rustling of plants behind them as they stand, like someone's about to pounce on them from the shades. No, really, it felt like someone was about to come out and drag them to their fate? Just who was this

What being has ever reached success, trying defend what's left of peace, when it's already crumbled long before anyone walked the lands?

Their eyes narrowed at those words; really, it sounded more like a statement than a question at this point. Sure, there's not much peace left, but it's like they can't try

When the balance of right and wrong had already been twisted in ways according to the taste of those that hold power.

They hold no power to change anything. They hold no power to do anything. They simply exist. That can't be the extent of their life(?). They've worked hard to become a warrior, they could continue to work hard to change things. It's not like a cat can't use logic to know what's good or bad. They're not some newborn kit that doesn't know anything about the world yet. They've lived. Maybe not as long as some other cats. But they've lived. They know enough to know how live works. And they do have the power to change things, they just need to work

How do you plan on doing that? You, you're full of yourself in a way

Huh? Stop reading their mind. Or..are they talking to themselves? No, if this was them, they can't possibly be so..negative..? Have some sunshine for once. They can't put a finger on what such voice is coming from yet. They want to know. They want to know. They need to know. And they need to find a way to shut it up for once. They can feel a shadow lurking among them. They can feel it's peircing eyes. Like the multiple eyes of a spider. Are they full of themselves? They're not about to go sulk in the corner just because some voice in their head tries to tell them they're an idiot. They'll do it for their sake and for other's sake (maybe for spite?). They stood up straight, the fast beating of their heart echoing in their head. Should they go back to camp and talk about the voices in the medicine cat's den? It's not harming anyone. It's simply the voices in their head. And it's not effecting them that much, not is it? They'll live

How do you plan on doing that? What happens when you're in the eyes of someone with a way different sense of goodness than your's

Enough. Enough is enough. Their tail lashed behind them, before in quick and rushed steps they head back, in hopes of escaping the voice's grasp. They...this wasn't the break they wanted. This wasn't the break the hoped for. Breaks like this aren't for them. They need something to occupy their head. How..long did they spend thinking to themselves..? It's not dawn anymore. That probably means more cats are waking up. More duties being handed out to warriors. They should see if they had any tasks to do. And in general they need to fill their ears with things that isn't their own head playing tricks on them. They can..feel a lingering gaze on them. There's nothing there. There's nothing there but they can just feel it. Is it possibly for one to feel something that doesn't exist!?

The more they move, the more they could see the shadows moving by itself. A figure following their steps, lurking from behing yet always ended up in front of them; it was faster than them. The same ones they could sense back at the gathering when no one else had payed a mind to it. It was only them. Only they can see it. They weren't going crazy, are they? Seeing things that doesn't exist? They're probably just tired. It's..why did they have to wake up so early!? Why did those damn nightmares have to force them into the waking world in the first place!?

You'll surely smile on day

They won't. They won't. They won't