There aren't enough stars to say... [p]

[Tiabirb]

Sweetsong
----------------


Another change in leadership, another setback for RiverClan, and as a result, she hadn't been able to keep her promise. A promise she would never say aloud for a very good reason. Another full moon came and went, and Sweetsong had missed the first chance to see her friend face to face. And not just in a dream.

But there wasn't anyone to blame...at least from her side. Sweetsong had already done the entire rationalizing exercise; Birdsnow must have been too sick for the last Gathering, and rather than show and have questions asked and put RiverClan under more scrutiny, Fadingsun had decided to skip another Gathering in order to save face and strength for the coming moons his leadership would take place and be the most critical for him. It would have been so much easier to blame either him or Birdsnow, but neither of them knew about her friend, much less about the promise of meeting him at the last Gathering.

It broke her heart knowing she had failed. She had broken a promise. She had let Crowpaw down, and she could scarcely imagine the torment his poor heart was putting him through. But she needed to know.

Her nest wasn't made the way it usually was; the flowers were old and stale, and it wasn't as tidy as she kept it. She had been laying in it for a while now, contemplating her life choices. And with a heavy heart, she had decided where she could help her Clan the most...and that meant the only other life a she-cat like Sweetsong could take. Her eyes closed, and she felt the hot sting of tears fill the corners of her eyes, creating thin, invisible trails down her cheeks as they fell.
When she opened her eyes, she felt rain pattering on her pale ginger pelt, and she gazed around in bewilderment. It wasn't the oceanside, where she and Crowpaw enjoyed their visits. Nor was it the awful forest she had seen when she first arrived. It was just...a field. An open field with rain, and it was coming down heavily. Her thick fur was soon plastered to her small frame, but her skin remained warm and dry thanks to her RiverClan heritage. Water was their friend, and their coats, plus the oils from their fish, helped make them pretty water resistant. Not completely, but pretty well resistant.

That didn't apply to eyes and ears, and Sweetsong was squinting heavily in all directions, her ears pinned back to avoid more water from seeping into them. It was only a dream...but it was still very uncomfortable. Looking up yielded only a sight of black storm clouds and white rain striking her face, but somewhere in front of her, she could faintly pick up a break in the torrential water falling. Like...a tree! Sweetsong gasped and hurried in the direction she thought this tree was in, but as she ran, she realized with a gulp that the water level was rising...and quickly! She struck out against the sucking water and mud, the silhouette of something tall and branching coming into a hazy view. Relief filled her, and Sweetsong thrust herself the last lengths until her paws hit solid ground, and she scrambled underneath of the tree, practically hugging herself to the black bark as she took in her new surroundings. With the rain broken just a bit beneath the tree, she had a better view, and she saw that she was on a tiny 'island' that wasn't shrinking despite the water level rising below. The taller grasses disappeared beneath the black water, or did the ground lower?

She had no idea at this point. All she knew was one thing.

This was a dream. Whether it was hers, or Crowpaw's or even both of their dreams fusing into one because of their sorrows, she didn't know. Frankly, the ownership didn't matter to her.
"Crowpaw?" Sweetsong cried out into the white sheet of falling water. "Where are you?" She let out a whimper, waiting for an answer...of any sort. Was he angry with her? What if he didn't come to see her? What if he never wanted to see her after....after breaking her promise? She didn't want to think about it. Regardless of whether Crowpaw would see her tonight..she deserved his wrath. She had failed him...like so many others before.

She curled into a tiny sodden ball against the tree, burying her face into her paws as she added her tears to the relentless rain.

@SpiritedWarrior

[SpiritedWarrior]

Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
@Tiabirb

Being pissed wasn't enough to describe the emotions that was going through his head. Although it was one of the words, it wasn't the whole story. He was exhausted in all three ways and just wished it would end, but it seemed the stars would show no mercy just as they had refused to do in the 20 moons before this moment. Crowpaw was tired of being a bad luck magnet. He was tired of promises being broken. He was tired of having to fight for the simplest of things that no one else had to fight for.

The rain battered his pelt constantly, blinking every time it had managed to mix in with the tears that were pouring out of his eyes like a waterfall. They were silent tears. Tears that no one would know he was shedding unless they looked directly at him. His claws were extended to their fullest, clutching onto the single tree that was sitting on the bit of sand surrounded by the water of the world's tears. At least, in this dream-made world, it was crying for his sadness. He was cold, though thanks to him being part RiverClan, he had some resistance to the weather that pitter-pattered against the ground.

He heard Sweetsong arrive on the island, though he refused to look at her for fear of blowing up on her (that would probably happen regardless, but he wasn't going to go without trying). He then heard her voice cut through the rain, and he did not respond. All the young tom did was gulp and cast a short glance at the small-figured golden tabby below. I know it's not your fault, but part of me blames you. It blames you for... for not keeping your end of the deal we made to each other.

Scratching the surface of the tree was easier than he thought. Perhaps it was his anger finally exposing itself through his claws? Whatever it was, he really didn't care anymore. It was just another time that he was showing his emotions in a physical fashion rather than verbal. For several moments more, he remained atop the tree, attempting to get a grasp on his emotions. But when he gave up trying, the young tom climbed down the tree and stared into Sweetsong's eyes.

"Thought you'd never come. I'm surprised, especially considering you broke your promise. Can't say the same for myself, though... Crowpaw's eyes flashed with bitter anger. Flashbacks echoed in his gaze. "I kept mine."

His frown of anger turned into a scowl of deep distaste. Perhaps Poisonberry was right about something with Sweetsong. She's great, but... she still hurt me. When I least expected it. He looked around at the swirling waves, contemplating what else he should say. "You broke a promise. A promise that should have broken my trust in you. The promise I relied on you to keep. Of course what would I expect from someone who decides to connect with me? It’s always the same result, always the same… same instance. A promise broken.”

The words he spoke were words he never dreamed of saying to the she-cat in front of him. But he couldn’t help himself. Crowpaw always expressed his feelings through word of mouth- rarely ever physical violence. Were these the emotions Poisonberry went through on a… daily? Or was it nightly? Anyhow, that Dark Forest warrior was mean all the time. I need to dial it back… Sweetsong doesn’t deserve an ounce of my anger.

“I- I’m sorry… I really shouldn’t be telling you off. I’ve… I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately.” Coming down the wire for warriorhood, Poisonberry’s lessons, keeping the Dark Forest training a secret from almost everyone in ThunderClan and Sweetsong, and then this. He looked down at his paws, which have been soaked in the water from the sky and his tears.

He took in a few shaky breathes and looked at his RiverClan friend. ”I’m… I’m really sorry. Could you forgive-“ No. ”Would you forgive me for my anger?”

[Tiabirb]

Sweetsong
-------------


She could feel herself growing cold, wishing for an out from this dream, this place. She had failed him, she had promised to be different, and here she was, doing the same as all before her had done to Crowpaw; Breaking promises and hurting him. She started when he climbed down and stood before her. She knew it was him, yet she couldn't bear to meet his eyes, to see the anger there. The resentment....She couldn't bear to see the fresh wounds she had caused him. But she needed to see it, and she lifted her eyes, pools of green sorrow each, to Crowpaw. He spoke to her, and she flinched away with every bitter word and sharp tone of disappointment. She felt her paws trembling, doing her best to hold her ground...even if she was merely cowering if she were to be honest with herself.

"I'm sorry." They were the first words from her. He had no reason to apologize. No reason to ask forgiveness from her; He probably knew she wasn't going to blame him for his anger. "I'm so sorry, Crowpaw...." Sorry to let him down, sorry to fail him, sorry that RiverClan was in such a bad shape that they'd rather hide from the other Clans instead of showing their strength and resolve, sorry that she had made a promise to begin with. Sweetsong lowered her gaze again, "Nothing I can say will justify hurting you...giving you hope and promise...and then..." She squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm so sorry...you don't have to ask for my forgiveness, Crowpaw..I should be the one to ask. Your anger is...so perfectly deserved. I deserve it..." Every tremor in her voice said how much she believed it, too.

She felt...he needed some explanation. Some sort of understanding from her side, "RiverClan is suffering...Birdsnow stepped down...she was too sick the last moon...and this moon Fadingsun decided to keep us at home...we only just got a real medicine cat again...and it isn't me." She let the slab of icy heartache slide down her throat. Her woes didn't matter at this time. If she wasn't meant to be a medicine cat...she didn't know where she was meant to be anymore. She wasn't a warrior; She didn't have the heart or aggression for fighting and hunting. She wasn't a medicine cat; She wasn't the right choice in StarClan's eyes. She felt as though she was less of a Clan cat than ever. There was only one option for a cat like herself inside of RiverClan...

"I'm moving to the nursery," Sweetsong blurted out suddenly, though she quickly realized just how strange that sounded, and she added hastily, "It's the only place for me now..." Did that make any sense? Did it make any sort of logical conclusion? She didn't know. Her emotions were high and overwhelming her, and she just...she didn't want to lose her friend.

She couldn't lose Crowpaw too...

@SpiritedWarrior

[SpiritedWarrior]

Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
@Tiabirb

Seeing her eyes look down, away from him, let him know that she was already sorry for what she had done. For causing him the pain it did. It took a lot of energy out of him to restrain his words in a way he could never restrain before. Of course, back then he didn't know any better. He was merely a young apprentice. Now, he was the oldest of the apprentice group in ThunderClan.

"Anger? That's not enough to describe it, Sweetsong. Betrayal? Betrayal is what I feel right now. I'm asking for forgiveness because I know it's not all your fault. It's not you fault your leadership has been so wishy-washy lately. I'm mad at you for making a promise you had enough knowledge to not make yet you made it anyway. You led me on, thinking- hoping that the cat I could be friends with would meet me the night we promised each other to meet."

"I made that promise knowing I'd make myself entirely uncomfortable because all the other Gatherings I went to when I was younger? I challenged my father's rights as leader. I challenged Dawnstar when her warriors killed one of ThunderClan's apprentices. All the Gatherings I went to... I ended up getting emotional one way or another. I made myself uncomfortable for YOU! And you let me down by promising something you knew you couldn't follow through with. I went to attack your sister for you in your fragile emotional state... and this is what I get? I don't want to be mad at you- I really don't, but I am. Because I did something I haven't done in moons just so we could see each other. Damn it, Sweetsong I nearly got flattened by a foxdung ROCK that came out of nowhere because I was there to meet YOU! To fulfill the promise I had made to YOU!"

Oh, my... that was a lot of yelling. Crowpaw was breathing heavily, still seething with the many emotions that swirled his brain. He grimaced in disgust with his own actions and words, but he did nothing to retract the words he spoke. What's done was done. His emotions were made known now, and that was all he wanted at this moment in time.

In all honesty, he had no idea who Birdsong even was, nor did he care. He had no idea who Fadingsun was either, and he felt he probably should, but that would have to wait. RiverClan suffering was new to him, like all the other information Sweetsong had given him. Deep down, he felt bad for everyone in RiverClan. They didn't deserve to suffer under instability. ThunderClan was unstable for a long time, so he knew the pain of an unstable Clan. Yet ThunderClan went to every Gathering I was alive for. Even through the struggles, they went to the Gathering. RiverClan better get their heads out of their asses and show that despite their weakness, they're still a force to be reckoned with.

"Moved to the nursery huh?" He wanted to say some sort of snide remark, but held his tongue. Sweetsong got just about everything from his head. "What, you... you pregnant or something? Or are you just helping the other queens in your Clan? Because if you're going with that second option... well, I think you know enough from me to know that neglecting kits is a horrible idea."

He didn't know what to say about what the golden tabby had spoken about. She wanted to be chosen as the medicine cat? Well... he hardly thought the ancestors she worshipped so much would allow for such an exception. Heck, they were both going behind their Clan's backs to meet with one another. "You should count yourself lucky. I'm willing to give you a second chance. With everyone else... it's one and done. They no longer get a second chance from me. You don't deserve it... but I feel like I should give you that mercy. Nothing you say can change my mind about that. You tell that Fadingsun- whoever he is- that the longer your Clan doesn't show... the more weak every Clan will see you as. The more weak your own Clan will see him as. A weak Clan never survives long... soon it'll fall apart from instability. You tell Fadingsun all that. It sounds like he needs to hear it."

[Tiabirb]

Sweetsong
-------------


The more his volume raised, the more she shrunk away from him, eyes stretched in horror. "C-Crowpaw, please..." Her voice was just above a whisper, "How was I supposed to know? How can you possibly think I had any intention of breaking a promise to you?" She shook her head, her eyes never leaving him. She had no idea what to make of his experience at the recent Gathering...had she been there, things might have been different...or maybe it would have simply led to more problems...if he had been hurt..

She didn't like this feeling. She felt lower than dirt, and for one of those rare times, her eyes burned with green fire, and she rose to her paws and thrust her nose into his face.
"Who do you think you are telling me what to say to my Clan leader? Who are you? There is nothing, nothing you can say that can make me feel any worse than I already do, Crowpaw. I made a promise, and it was broken. But you need to understand that I am nobody. I am no one in my Clan with any importance." She took a moment to breathe, her sides heaving, her body trembling with her anger, "I am choosing to become a queen. It's the only place where I will be of any real use. That's where nobodies like me go when we don't want to become shameful kittypets!"

She whisked around, whipping her soggy tail into his face as she stalked to the edge of the island. It wasn't a far distance. "If you can't see past your own whiskers and see how much I am hurting because of this, then you can take your..your silly second chance and...and just..." She sucked at insults, at threats or anything that required hostility backing it. "...I don't know..." She sat down with a thump, defeated. She had blew it. Ruined it. Like she always did with her stupid...bleeding heart...


Poisonberry was right....

@SpiritedWarrior

[SpiritedWarrior]

Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
@Tiabirb

"Well, guess what, Sweetsong! I'm a nobody too! I have never been anyone of importance in my Clan." Crowpaw let out a hiss and fluffed up his fur (though that was more for warmth than intimidation). "But you know what? You're important to ME! You're the most important cat in my life right now!"

Feeling the quick lash of the golden tabby's tail against his face, Crowpaw's emotions turned from downright anger to sadness. The headache he was feeling was now gone, and he blinked a few times to get a hold of himself (for the time being, at least) and walked to stand in front of his friend. "Sweetsong, please. I'm trying to help you. I don't want to see RiverClan fall under the same scrutiny that ThunderClan has been in for generations! I don't want your Clan to suffer, Sweetsong! I don't want you to suffer!"

He looked down at his paws and huffed before sitting down. "I'm not like you. I don't get the option of- o-of of becoming a forever queen! I'm still a bloody apprentice for StarClan's sake! I am stuck as an apprentice! Reliant upon a Clan that I absolutely hate and cannot trust with a single damn bone in my body! I can't go anywhere alone!"

Then, his emotions let loose, describing everything that he felt he should apologize for because he had hurt Sweetsong when he didn't want to. "Look- I'm sorry that I have been hurt by everyone that decided to come into my life. I'm sorry that I can't move on past the hurt that I have experienced. I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was. I'm sorry I am so damn clueless in my anger that I can't recognize another's pain. I'm sorry that I ever tried protecting the only Clan that's ever shown me mercy."

"And I'm sorry... that your sister has forced me into training with her in the Dark Forest. I'm sorry that I had been given two injures that I've yet to see a medicine cat about because I wanted to show you. To get comfort in knowing that at least someone is reliable enough that I can lean on them for support. I'm sorry that you are my support. I'm sorry that I've been such a pain in the ass to help. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with me and my pain. I'm sorry that I don't know all you've had to go through with Poisonberry. I'm sorry that I haven't told you about all that until now because I was respecting your privacy! Not wanting you to get in between me and your sister. Not wanting you to get hurt. Not wanting you to get killed or separated from the world you love! I'm sorry that I've cared enough about you to keep all this from you for the sake of your own mind! And I'm sorry I grew up without proper parents. With parents that never taught me what love was... with parents that never taught me to control my emotions."

It all spewed out of his mouth, the tears in his eyes flowed freely, only to stop when he spoke the last sentence. He did care about Sweetsong. He did care about RiverClan. "All I'm trying to do... is help. That's all I'll ever try to do. That's- that's all I've ever known to do if I'm not fighting someone else on my own behalf. But if you don't want me to, then fine. I'll quit helping."

Helping others is all he ever wanted to do. He never wanted anyone to experience the pain he has, and would battle both dead and alive, regardless of affiliation, if it meant those he cared about never got to suffer again. "I don't know what you want from me... all I know is you're hurting. I'll do my best to make it better. I am actively trying, as a matter of fact. While training with Poisonberry, I'm.... I- I'm trying to see why she's in the Dark Forest. I'm trying to figure out what it was that she did- that's so unforgivable- to land in a place such as that in the afterlife. I'm trying to figure it out so I can understand you better- s-so I can be the shoulder you want to lean on. So that if you wanted to rant- I would be able to understand it all. I mean- yeah, I'm being forced to train with her, but the last thing I want in life is to end up so evil to end up in the Dark Forest. I mean- I don't know whether I can join StarClan or not considering they took everything from me and I hate them for it... but I'm trying to turn my life around. I'm trying to be better... for myself and now for you."

[Tiabirb]

Sweetsong
---------------


For most of his speech, she refused to look at him, even going as far as to squeeze her eyes shut. If she were so important to him, why would he think demanding her to tell her leader that someone from another Clan said they needed to get their act together. How could he not understand how little of a position she was in to even start approaching that matter?

"You're still an apprentice because you have training to make up for," She retorted, "You were gone for some time, correct? Stuck is such an exaggeration; Delayed is the right word." She snapped at him, still upset. His mention, however, of training with her sister? Forced? She couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, finally looking up and settling a deep, green gaze onto her ThunderClan friend.

"Oh Crowpaw...I know my sister...she didn't force you...if you are training with Poisonberry, you chose to." Sweetsong frowned. She looked down at her paws. Memories flashed in her mind. "She was never caught...but I know..." She shuddered as she remembered bright red berries within half-eaten fish....the cracked skull of Stonewhisker by the river, believed to have fallen and died when he hit his head on a stone...

"I know why...." Sweetsong whispered, looking back up at Crowpaw. "I had suspicions of her....I knew what she could do...what she had done.." Another shudder rippled through her.
"I'm sorry I ever let her touch you..." Sweetsong's eyes grew rounded with distress. "It's my fault...I let her in..." She began to back away from Crowpaw, "And you began training with her...it's too late; She won't let you walk away without a fight...she'll kill you the moment she thinks..." She was struggling for words, fighting with this knowledge.

"She's a murderer, Crowpaw..." Sweetsong choked out, "She killed our mother and father...she killed her own mate...she was never caught......the truth is I was going to bring my suspicions up to my Clan leader..Poisonberry found out and confronted me outside of the nursery....we argued...but then she stormed off...I think she expected me to follow her...but I didn't. It got dark...and I found her dead outside of camp, still stuck on the branches..." Sweetsong looked miserably at Crowpaw, "What if I had followed her? I think we both know the answer...and you are following her now...all I can say is, don't eat what she feeds you..." Her tone was grave, reflecting the grim setting in her eyes.

"I won't judge you for training in the Dark Forest," Her face softened along with her voice, "Just...don't lose who you are, Crowpaw...I just want you to be safe...to be happy..."

@SpiritedWarrior

[SpiritedWarrior]

Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
@Tiabirb

"W-wh... what?" his voice cracked as his eyes widened with fear. With realization. He always knew that she was capable of killing another, but he never thought Poisonberry killed whenever she wanted to. Now he really was playing a dangerous game. A game he should've known not to enter. A game he never wanted to play with the afterlife, especially that of the Dark Forest. A game he was too blind to see...

"I- I'm... I'm so s-sorry..." Crowpaw cried out before burying his fur into the she-cat's water-soaked fur and wrapping his paws around Sweetberry's small frame. "I- I didn't... I didn't k-know. I'm s-so sorry... y-you lo-lost your f-family."

With his paws still around his friend's small frame, Crowpaw let out a meek whisper. "S-she s-said... s-she w-wanted to apologize. S-she n-never told m-me what sh-she had found o-out. I- I walked into it.... a-and n-now y-you might lose me too. All... b-because I- I... let h-her man-anipulate m-me. S-she s-said that s-she wanted... me to pro-protect you. A-and i-in order for me t-to do that, I- I had to train with h-her. S-sweet... Sweetsong I don't- I don't want to die..."

He paused for a few mere moments, trying to right himself and quite crying enough to not sound like he was all over the place. I was so desperate for a friend... for family, that I had walked right into death's paws. "S-weetsong... I-if I'm- if any- anyone t-tells B-bumblestar t-that I've b-been- that I've b-been... talking w-with you- o-or I a-accidentally l-let something about T-ThunderClan slip a-and it's- it's discovered? I- I could be executed. M-my m-mentor... s-she saw m-my wounds. I... I told h-her I'm t-training in the Dark Forest. I... I don't know how Bumblestar wo-would react. W-what if... what if she kills m-me I-if R-redhawk... if R-redhawk tells her? F-for training... t-there..."

"Y-you want- you want me to be safe and happy... but I'm neither safe nor happy in ThunderClan. I-I'm a dead tom walking!" He didn't trust himself anymore to not let something slip about ThunderClan. If he ever got this angry again, and it was done at the Gathering or at the border, he would be executed by Bumblestar. And now with Poisonberry training him and with her being that unpredictable, he was at risk of being killed by her. He let go of Sweetsong and walked away, nearing the water's edge before returning to stand in front of his friend. "P-please... I- I want- I want to join RiverClan. I w-want to be w-with you... a-and I w-want t-to... be with the only Clan t-that's ever felt like family. Please... help me. I-I'lll h-have to j-join a-after I become a warrior... j-just so m-my c-ceremony i-isn't delayed any further."

[Tiabirb]

Sweetsong
--------------

Sometimes...she forgot he was still young. He should have been a warrior moons ago...but that didn't mean he wasn't any less naive. And matched with someone like Poisonberry, a master with words and playing with minds, Sweetsong could only wrap her paws around Crowpaw in return, holding him close. He had become so precious to her in such a short time...and now he was in very real danger of being hurt...worse, killed.
"You're okay," She whispered into his ear, "You're alright. I'll never, ever leave your side..." She smiled weakly, "Don't think about tomorrow...don't think about what ifs. Think about the moment, the now, the present. That's why it is a gift." Sweetsong let him pull away, watching him in silence while he gathered his thoughts.

"Poisonberry isn't strong enough to hurt you." Sweetsong said, her voice sharp with conviction. "She's only been dead for a five moons...she's given you very superficial wounds; She wants to show strength and place fear...which she has done. If she gets stronger..." Her eyes hardened. "I know my sister...I can help you...navigate her. How her mind works....I'm no expert at it..but I know a lot more than Fallenwish would." She paused, then added, "That's my younger sister."

To say she was surprised about his divisive loyalties? Well no. Not at all. His life in ThunderClan sounded simply horrid, and downright abusive. He had kin in RiverClan, somewhere, perhaps, but if he felt more at home by the river than under the trees, she couldn't blame him.
But to say...he wanted to be with her? What did he mean by that? She had already told him she was going to be a queen- granted, a mateless one. Though that was the moment she recalled his shock, and a slow realization dawned over her.

Was..was he in love with her?

Sweetsong wanted to ask. She wanted to know if she was..right? She didn't think it was the best idea, not while Crowpaw was under such distress. Instead, she walked over to his side and while having to raise herself onto her toes, she let her side press ever so gently against his. She was thinking now, an idea, a plan forming.

Poisonberry wasn't the only one with a clever mind.

"When you become a warrior, we'll meet again here...and then we plan for the next day, where you will wait by the border...and...and I'll bring Fadingsun to you. Or I'll try." She frowned, "If I can't get Fadingsun, then...then I'll bring Fallenwish. Have two warriors vouch for you...It may not be immediate entry, but if we can form a good case for you to join RiverClan, I think we can do this together," Sweetsong said, her eyes shining with light and warmth once again as she gazed at Crowpaw. "A good case means clear and concise points. Your Clan's history of instability, an experience we are currently experiencing, but you don't need to say anything about that. About how you have a long history of RiverClan blood running in your veins...how you feel endangered by the leadership of ThunderClan, that any misstep could mean death..."

Not so unlike his situation with Poisonberry...

"Make a strong, solid case. Sadly, I don't think Fadingsun will...care for deeply personal stories. He may want something...more solid. More general and...something he can relate to. It's called empathy, and don't ever mix it up with sympathy; Empathy is putting yourself in another's paws. Trying, at the very least, to see through their eyes. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, pitying them. Aim for his empathy, Crowpaw...he might be a bit...crude and brutish..but everyone does have a place for empathy inside of them..." She said with a kind smile, and then, "It's called a heart." She let out a tiny, nervous giggle at her little joke.

"But in all seriousness, Crowpaw." Sweetsong mewed as she bit of laughter died away, "If this is what you want, I will help you as much as I can..when you are ready."

@SpiritedWarrior

[SpiritedWarrior]

Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
@Tiabirb

Feeling Sweetsong's paws wrap around his larger body felt... odd. In a good way, of course. He just hasn't felt a hug from anyone in a very long period of time. He couldn't do anything but close his eyes and wish it was all over. Wish that he was in RiverClan, spending the rest of his life with his true family. Next to his friend. The RiverClanners words brought him comfort. What she said, about him being alright and it being okay, reminded him of his old friends. I miss you so much, Cinderpaw.... I know you didn't want me to go to RiverClan, but... it feels like I have no other choice. The young tabby tom remembered how the large gray and black she-cat was there for him and had his back. How she was thoroughly disappointed in ThunderClan.

She spoke of how Poisonberry wasn't strong enough to hurt him, which he did not entirely believe. She bit me. And clawed me. And manipulated me. I don't know how that isn't classified as 'hurting me.' Sweetsong promised that she would be able to help navigate Poisonberry's dark mind, even better than... who? Who's Fallenwish? Oh... well, at least she still has someone alive in her family. He looked toward the positive. And although he didn't want Sweetsong get in between him and the Dark Forest warrior, it seemed like he didn't have any other choice. He couldn't risk making a mistake that will end up taking his life. And if she did end his life... he'd probably be stuck in the Dark Forest as her prisoner.

Now on the edge of the sandy island, Crowpaw felt Sweetsong's body press into his. The brown tabby tom flicked his torn ear and let out a heavy sigh to release some of the pressure that was building up within his chest. The plan she was forming... it sounded like a good idea. But would that plan work? I suppose we'll have to find out when I'm a warrior. It was a large move that meant he'd leave his sister's grave behind. Unable to visit it anymore. That doesn't mean I can't still speak to Quietpaw- even though she won't answer. He knew that his little sister was watching over him, but she'd never be able to speak directly to him. She was mute, but Crowpaw was fine with that. It would just be like when she was alive- she couldn't speak then and he still talked to her like she was any other cat.

"Thinking... about death... it makes me think about t-the day I brought my sister's body back to our camp. I didn't tell you this before, but... w-when my mother came to me and my sister's body, s-she said lots of things. Things t-that a parent shouldn't say to their child. S-she... she asked my sister's body why she had to leave her. Her, specifically." "T-that's all... fine and good, I guess, especially since y'know, parent and child... b-but one thing in particular made me want to attack my mother. It wasn't just because I didn't feel like she was worthy to mourn."

"Quailfur... she said, to Quietpaw's body... 'curse you.' She didn't know what happened... b-but that's why I was so furious. I was laying there... covered in blood- Quietpaw's and my own. And when she cursed Quietpaw... I did not have any tolerance. I- I don't have tolerance anyway for anyone who disrespects my- my family... b-but it... that comment made me feel more guilty than I already was. It made me feel like Quailfur wanted- or... o-or even preferred that I die instead of my sister."

Maybe that's part of the reason for my guilt over Quietpaw's death. It would make sense now, wouldn't it?Crowpaw merely shrugged at the thought. He did feel guilty for having been saved by his sister and having to watch her die, but at the same time... Quailfur was 'mourning' her daughter's death to a degree. Either way, both his parents had their good moments, but... they were few and far between their bad.

"So- yeah. I... I not only felt like Quailfur had no right to mourn my sister's death, especially because of her absence in Quietpaw's life, b-but that was the final straw. That's why I launched myself at her. That's why I unsheathed my claws. That's why I had to be held back. That's why... I didn't like my mother when she was alive. Even now, I... I don't like her. She... well, her and Thrushstar only ever acknowledged Quietpaw when she was dead. A-and... t-to hear my mother say that... it just- triggered a violent response from me. I was lying there... injured. My parents never even thought to ask if I was okay. Never even acknowledged my injuries- a-and you'd think they would... b-but they weren't even the least bit concerned about me."

All of this made him think a bit more on the subject. If they weren't that concerned that he battled against a literal fox and got lasting injuries in an attempt to save his sister's life, and his mother said such things to his face, did they ever care for him at all? If she said such things, she must've wanted me dead. She must have not cared about me in the slightest. It would make sense... she never told me she loved me.

"B-but... a-after that day... my mother never said such words again."

Fadingsun's empathy was the goal. It would be hard to reach, especially since he seemed to get more sympathy than what Sweetsong said he'd need to get. How would he get the new RiverClan leader's empathy? Well, that was easier than he would have thought. The golden tabby spoke about how he could say something about his RiverClan blood and how he felt his life was in danger living in ThunderClan. Both points were true, of course, but would that even work? Would he have to go into detail about both points?

The first point would be easy. All he'd have to say is his grandpaw was a RiverClanner. Establishes possible kin. The second point though? Yeah... not so much. How'd he mention that to the rival Clan's leader without risking Sweetsong's exile or getting in trouble? He didn't want his friend to get kicked out of RiverClan when he joins. That'd be... hard. 'Hard' was a nicer way of putting what he really wanted to say. He didn't know Fallenwish and really he only knows Sweetsong. If she was absent, how'd that affect him? I doubt I'd go through all the heartbreak I went through when I was younger, but I need someone to lean on and she needs someone to lean on if she doesn't rely on her sister for support.

They needed each other, that much was for certain. He still had a lot to process, and now that he knew she wouldn't judge him for training in the Dark Forest, he felt a little better. Still doesn't feel great knowing two cats would be out for my blood the moment I make a mistake, but... at least I have Sweetsong to help me through it. And if I have to die, I want to die in RiverClan. With Sweetsong by my side to comfort me and I her. "Heh." He giggled softly at the joke. Though it did make him wonder... did his parents ever have empathy? Or even sympathy? I don't think Thrushstar did. And I doubt Quailfur did. His parents were probably in the Dark Forest... but regardless of that, Crowpaw would not fall victim to the pain and let it engulf his heart and turn it to stone like his father had let it do.

"It is. It really is what I want. Crap, at this point- it's what I need... to stay alive." He wanted to laugh. To make it a lighthearted statement, but... was it even really lighthearted when his life was literally on the line? When his blood could be spilled and cover the grass in a dark russet stain like his sister's blood had done to the snow all those moons ago? "Thank you, Sweetsong. You've no idea how grateful I am for you. For your support... your presence... your words."