the fault in our fake stars

[occultation]

( @taillow )

Ever since his dream with whatever that arrogant, flea-ball spirit's name had been, Fadingsun had been debating how he'd wanted to handle things. The spirit had allowed him to take the leader suffix, so that must mean he had the spirits' approval.

The thought made him scoff. He couldn't care less about getting the approval of a bunch of dead cats, but some RiverClan cats clung to tradition like fleas to an elder's pelt. That was what brought him to this dilemma.

With the way the Clan currently felt about him, if he went and tried to tell them a spirit had visited him in his own den and granted him his leader name, he'd likely be yelled at and called a liar. No leader got any approval without visiting the Starcave. At least, that was how it had always been.

The reluctant leader in him hated to think what that might mean. He didn't want StarClan to see him as some special cat that deserved special treatment. So, he'd forced himself to deduce that they saw him as not worth a visit in their sacred home... or something. Whatever he could concoct to stop himself from having to deal with the idea of being some sort of "special one".

Ultimately, as much as the idea of lying to his Clanmates made his stomach churn, he knew it was the right thing to do. It would give his Clanmates the peace of mind that he'd been approved the "proper" way, and it would give him the freedom to actually take on a leader name. Maybe then cats would start treating him like a proper leader instead of a glorified warrior.

There was only one cat, despite the ups and downs they'd had, that he wanted to go with him on this journey. Said cat was in front of him now; he'd approached her with some hesitancy. "Dusklion," he said quietly. "There's an... important matter I need you to help me with. I need you, and want you, to come with me to the Starcave. I know leaving the Clan right now may not sound like the best idea, but WindClan likely won't attack right away. If they were, they would've done it right after the Gathering. I think we've got enough time to get there and back. I... I want to have some formality to my leadership. And I think the Clan needs to see that I'm taking this seriously, at least those who still care about StarClan."

Once they were out of earshot of everyone else, he'd tell her the truth.

[taillow]

DUSKLION
she/her | riverclan deputy | 28 moons

Sleep wasn't in the stars for her tonight so Dusklion had taken up residence near the camp entrance. Her blue eyes were lined with a layer of exhaustion, but she shook it out as her ears swiveled to the sound of paws approaching her. A slightly narrowed gaze settled on her brother. So he was finally going to the Starcave, hmm? "Oh, so you trust me enough to join you, then?" ...Yeah, she was still sour over that. Probably would be for awhile. The deputy gave a snort and got to her paws, any other biting remarks swallowed for the time being. "About time. You've been this Clans leader for, what, two moons now? Would've expected you to go right away." There wasn't any real tone to her voice, but a hard edge was present...

...Immediately though guilt flooded her once again at her sharp tongue towards her brother. It flashed in her eyes before she ducked her head and glanced towards the camp exit. "...Lead the way. I'll follow you." She didn't like the idea of leaving the camp at night, both of them... but they had Lionhearts in place now to handle things, and Mists should things really get out of paw.

[ Fadingsun - @occultation ]

[occultation]

( @taillow )

Fadingsun only flattened his ears at Dusklion's comments. They definitely stung, but he didn't have the energy to defend himself anymore. He'd prove to her (and everyone else) that he was worthy of trust and respect, but that wasn't something he could do with words. And... he did feel guilty over the way he'd handled the Fallownose stuff, now that it had been enough time since all of that had gone down.

He quietly headed out of the territory, his pace a bit slower than usual. He wasn't sure if it was worth voicing what was on his mind; Dusklion would probably just tell him to suck it up again. But she had expressed a desire to still be there for him, as a sister... maybe he was selling her short in assuming she'd callously blow him off if he said what was on his mind.

A slight breeze ruffled his fur as he glanced at his sister. She'd always been the more confident, the more self-assured, between them. She was a natural leader, in his view, whereas he made every blunder imaginable and always felt awkward in the role. That spirit's threat still burned in the back of his mind; would he see Dusklion as a better candidate and kill him to get her into leadership? Would the Clan be better off if that were to happen?

"Lately, I've been wondering if this Clan would be better off if I were to step down and let you lead," he admitted quietly. "I've never come by leadership naturally, whereas with you, it seems so easy. You've never had any trouble getting cats to listen to you and respect you, it seems. I don't know how to do stuff like that."

He shifted his gaze up toward what few stars were visible overhead. "I don't know. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. But... I feel like everyone would've been better off if I had turned down Birdsnow's offer of deputy. I accepted it selfishly, you know, because I thought that I could really make a difference. Now it just feels stupid, looking back. She didn't have any business making me deputy when I'd shown no leadership qualities whatsoever. All I'd done was yell at a couple cats and give an idea or two; you don't need to be a leader to do that."

[taillow]

DUSKLION
she/her | riverclan deputy | 28 moons

While her brother seemed content to go at a slower pace, Dusklion's paws were buzzing with anxiousness. She wanted to run, or at the very least trot faster. The idea of leaving camp with RiverClan still in its precarious state made her heart thump uneasily - but it wasn't like she'd run ahead of him. He might annoy the daylights out of her at times but he was still her brother. Deep down, underneath all of the annoyance that still counted for something in her eyes.

Feeling his gaze on her as they walked she turned to look at him with a raised brow. "Got anythin' you need to spit out?" she questioned dryly, though humor was still evident in her tone. There was clearly something on his mind and in true Fades fashion he was taking his sweet time telling her whatever it was. Part of her felt guilty again. This journey hadn't started off the greatest. Ever since their talk it always seemed like there was something getting in the way of it all. So she made an effort to soften her face and peer at him with a genuine curiosity.

What came out of his mouth next stunned her into silence. It wasn't often the dark furred tabby was left speechless, but this was... unexpected. Between his acceptance of the position in the first place, and his anger, and his demands for torture, and now his... whatever this new phase of him was, Dusklion was starting to get whiplash. She knew her brother - or, she thought she had. He was confusing her lately though and because the question was a bit overwhelming she stopped.

"...Why the hell do you bring that up?" Okay, not the best reply. But Dusklion wanted to know the reasoning behind the statement. Yeah it was true, out of the two of them she'd always been the more natural leader. Perhaps it was her stubbornness, or the moons she spent studying the cats of RiverClan to assimilate as best she could into their group... or maybe it was just a natural trait. But she thought that they had gotten over that - his being selected in the first place.

First of all... "I don't know what kind of pond water you've been stickin' your head in, Fades, but not a single cat in this Clan respects me. Cobs, maybe, but even that I'm not sure of anymore. Not after... Fallownose." She swallowed thickly, pushing unwanted memories away. "Yeah, they voted for me to remain, but only for stability. Only so they didn't have to be another couple moons without a deputy. It was a decision based on fear 'n uncertainty - not because any cats like or respect me." As far as the listening stuff went... her mind drifted back to Starlingpaw and the sheer defiance the demoted warrior had showed her during her punishment.

"I think RiverClan needs stability. Do I wanna lead? Yeah, I do. More than anythin', you know that. But stars dammit, if I have to go to our next gatherin' as this Clans leader 'n not its deputy at your side, 'n that snide tree-rat leader makes a comment, Fallownose won't be the only high rank I'll have murdered." Well that came out blunt. Dusk let the silence settle a bit and glanced at the stars. "...I think you need to go 'n get your leader name. I think you need to suck it up, because it doesn't matter anymore what you want - it matters what's best for RiverClan. Stability, consistency. You step down 'n we're right back in the hole we've just started to climb out of."

...And then, added more as an afterthought, Dusklion smirked. "Plus, I don't see a whole lot of deputy candidates out there, 'n I'm not lookin' to run this Clan with just any mouse-brain. If I get a say, I'd say the mouse-brain right in front of me is just fine."

[ Fadingsun - @occultation ]

[occultation]

( @taillow )

The bluntness was expected; even in the times before things had grown strained between them, Dusklion was never one to shy away from saying exactly what was on her mind. It was a characteristic that had often worried and frustrated him, since it often got her into trouble. These days, though... he was slowly beginning to appreciate it.

Her words could offer him a reality check, and that was what he was getting right now. He didn't necessarily agree with her sentiment that nobody in the Clan respected her. Despite her ambition, Dusklion had a lot of self-confidence issues. She often seemed convinced that the entire Clan hated her; Fadingsun wasn't sure exactly where it all came from, but he wasn't sure of much these days, to be perfectly honest.

He smiled at her comment about (hypothetically) killing Bumblestar, and about him being the best mouse-brain out of the bunch to lead with. There was a spark of hope buried underneath it, he felt; maybe they were finally starting to get on the path to growing close again. The doubtful, increasingly-cynical side of him figured something else would eventually come up to drive another wedge between them, but he tried to tell himself to just enjoy what he was getting right now.

By this point, they'd walked out of RiverClan's territory. Now that they were definitely away from potentially-prying ears, he could get into the reality of the situation. Fadingsun knew that she'd probably be upset with him for keeping this information to himself, but there hadn't... exactly been the best opportunity until now to tell her.

"There's something you need to know," he said, his voice growing shaky. "Something I've kept from you... mostly because there hasn't been a good time for me to tell you. But, also, I guess, because I still fall kind of naturally into keeping my troubles from you, because I've never wanted you to worry about me for no reason."

He kept his gaze focused ahead. "I'm trying to fix that. I realize that we aren't kids anymore, that I've got to be open with you if I want this whole leadership-deputyship thing to work." He paused. "I was visited by a spirit some time ago now. He gave me permission to go by my leader name, but refused to give me any lives. For now, at least. We're going to the Starcave out of formality, because I don't have any confidence that my Clan will believe that a spirit saw fit to visit me directly instead of the other way around.

"When I met with this spirit, he plainly told me that if I fail, he'll kill me. At first, I didn't really take it too seriously. But the more I think about it, the more... real it feels. I mean, spirits can give extra lives, they can bring cats back to life... who's to say they can't take life, too? Maybe that's what happened to Gingerstar." Fadingsun hadn't ever believed the rumors that Larkstar had murdered the leader; it never made sense.

"I think... maybe that's why I've acted so irrationally lately. I'm living with this... immaterial threat over my head. I worry every time I go to sleep that he's going to be waiting there. He said if I failed, I'd go to sleep and he'd make sure I never woke up."

The leader stopped for a moment, turning once again to look at Dusklion. "I hope that the spirits will see fit to keep me alive, but... If I should end up, you know, going to sleep and never waking up and all... I'm at least glad to trust that you'll stick around for this Clan."

Turning back in the direction they were heading, he sped up a bit, anxiety putting a spark in his step. "I've been thinking a lot about the fragility of life the past few days. Not just my own, but yours, too. I haven't done a good job protecting you recently. Not just emotionally, but physically, too. You've gotten yourself into a lot of trouble; not just with Fallownose, but with every time you've put yourself in danger for one reason or another. I know that I can't be there for you every time. I hate that, but I can't be."

He swallowed hard. "That's why... one day, when I get one of my extra lives, I want you to have it instead. I don't know if it's possible, but if I'm willing to give up one of my lives for it... maybe there's a chance. If there's even a slim chance that the spirits will allow it to happen, I want it to. I want you to have it so that you can be safer, so that even if things get bad between us, I'll always have a part of me with you that can protect you. Even when I'm mad at you, even when you're frustrating me and making all the wrong decisions, even when you're putting yourself and the Clan in danger... you're still my sister, and nothing can override that."

Fadingsun grew quiet after that.