Would it even matter? [P]

[Fish]

Spottedpaw
Peaceful ⋆ Dejected ⋆ Melancholic ⋆ Neutral Good
“Life is fickle and self serving."
@Dark

Life was a fickled thing it seemed. So soon to leave you but so soon to come back. Spottedpaw heard but never witnessed that leaders could come back from the dead but an ordinary cat? It almost seemed to good to be true but she had watched her adopted mother die in front of her with screams that would forever haunt her. Several minutes passed that had felt like ages to her, then, miraculously the dead queen spoke again. Still to Spottedpaw this felt like some kind of odd prank. That all of this didn't actually happen and that no life was lost but.. She herself heard the beating heart of someone she foolishly loved stop.

Spottedpaw was a raging hurricane of emotions at the time of her adopted mothers death and determined that she hated Firestorm. Yet this was a lie. Spottedpaw couldn't find herself to actually feel hatred and meekly she decided hate wasn't worth it. Sure she wished things had been so much different with her and Firestorms relationship but that wasn't a reason to hate. It was a reason to mourn, but hatred would not fix anything its sole purpose was destruction. Something that wouldn't ever help, no matter how much one cat thought it so.

She wasn't sure how many days had passed after the birthing of the kitten but Spottedpaw kept away. She wanted to keep away for the rest of her days and to lay rotting in her den away from everyone but... One day the light came sinking in from the day and the young Apprentice got up from her nest. Eventually she would be pulled away by her whiskers to get out, to be a part of the clan again. So she had to do something about that.

Walking out of the apprentice's den, she made her way over to the nursery in auto pilot. There was someone she had to talk to, it was important. For her own sake, her own mind she needed to talk to them..

"Firestorm... Can we go out for a hunt? The prey pile is looking scare." Spottedpaw said in a dull tone. She did not check the pile to see if this was actually true. It really didn't matter.

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn
___________

It hadn’t been long since she came back to life. The shock of her beloved mate losing her memories and subsequently not being able to enjoy the birth of their kits was heartbreaking. Instead of choosing to worry too much about that and wallow in her sadness, she instead opted to look after the kits and recovering. The birth of the kits was by no means smooth nor easy. She had lost a significant amount of blood and barely managed to bring them all into the world before she eventually couldn’t keep up her strength. One selfish wish after another. A desire to have things her way without any regard for those around her. That’s how she had been living up to this point – something she desperately wanted to change.

Another consequence of her actions was that Spottedpaw seemed to be avoiding her. She first noticed it when she opened her eyes after closing them for what she thought would be the final time. Spottedpaw had been hanging in the back of the group that had come to see her and had since not visited her. She was mad at her. Or that’s what Firestorm thought. She felt like Spottedpaw simply didn’t want to be around her anymore – not saying that she blamed her, but it still hurt nonetheless. Speaking of Spottedpaw…

Firestorm was resting in the nursery, keeping a careful watch of the kits at her side when her eldest daughter came into the nursery. Tired eyes looked up as the apprentice came in and she offered a small smile. She missed her. She missed her so much. She still wanted to make things right and rekindle their relationship and improve it to a state better than where it had been previously.

A hunt? It had been over a moon since she had been able to go on a proper hunt, and being able to stretch her legs would do some good. Shifting in her nest, the small queen rose to her paws and padded over to her visitor. Gently leaning in to attempt to lick the top of her head, she gave a small trill. ”Lead the way, love. I’ll show you just why I’m the best hunter in the clan ~”

[ @Fish A bit more time passed than I would have liked, I aplogize]

[Fish]

Spottedpaw
Peaceful ⋆ Dejected ⋆ Melancholic ⋆ Neutral Good
“Life is fickle and self serving."
@Dark


A smile betrayed Spottedpaw. It wasn't something she wanted to give away freely now, a smile was to only be used for a service and a joke wasn't adequate payment. Or at least she was trying to steel herself that jokes wouldn't affect her but, despite it all she did love Firestorm. Yet to make herself grow maybe she had to let go of things and letting go of what caused her great pain, for some pain for a little while was a good trade. So let go.

Spottpedpaw nodded her head and led Firestorm out of the clan's camp. There was guilt eating at her for dragging a nursing queen out for a hunt but she heard something about it was good to stretch your legs after sitting too long—She didn't know why but this was going to be used to not feel as guilty anymore. So she made Firestorm do the longest walk that she had probably done in a few moons. The apprentice stopped near the outskirts before she turned around to face Firestorm—Her heat rate spiked.

Was this the right thing to do?

“I’m sorry to tell you this but I lied to you. I didn’t want to come here to hunt.. Hells I don’t even know how much prey we actually have.” Spottedpaw started while being unable to look Firestorm in her eyes—the ground just seemed so much more interesting. “No, I wanted to come out here and talk to you alone, without the worry of others listening in on this conversation.” She finished as she looked around at the field that they were standing in. No way there could be a cat hidden around here.

“Can you please spare me indignity?”

Forgive me, I'm not as naive I've been here before.

Her green eyes tried to pierce the soul of the orange cat in front of her. No longer was Spottedpaw scared of looking Firestorm in the eyes. There was still fear in her heart but bravery was just acting while being scared.

“This cruel game being played, I cannot bear it any more. Just tell me that you don’t love me anymore or that you never did to begin with. I can’t bear being pulled along like this.” She wanted to run away before she could hear Firestorm’s response. An irrational fear of what the other cat might say, but she had to hold strong for her own little heart. There was no other way to survive if she didn’t do this.


And won't you please call it if our time is through?

The young cat lashed her tail as she continued through her own mental torment. “Despite how you may respond to that.. I don’t think I am cut out for clan life.”

She fell silently for several heartbeats after dropping that bomb.

Yet this is how she truly felt for a long time now.

“All of us are no better than the rogues we hate and spit venom at. The only difference is that we pretend that we are different. This is some delusional act that we play, that we are brainwashed into thinking is true.”

“We play this game not alone but with other ‘clans’. Since they aren’t a part of our clan we get a free pass to brutalize and murder each other. Hell, sometimes we don’t even save it for the other ‘clan’ cats. We can even be spared from carnage even in our own homes, just like rogues. So what even is the point of all this?”

Spottedpaw was furious. Furious at the injustice forced upon her and all the other cats just because of arbitrary stink lines. “How does it even make sense that if someone accidentally crosses a line that they must die. Why do we hold life saving herbs away from others because of these lines.” Spottedpaw snorted. “Maybe that’s too hard of a thought for us savages to even think of not hurting cats just looking for medicine. Cats can’t be stopped from shredding medicine cats anyways...” She looked off for a moment and sighed. The world could be a much nicer world if others just took a moment to talk instead of trading blows.

“Hell ‘we’ joined all up as three cowards to drive one out of their homelands. They didn’t play very nice, but that wasn’t all of them was it? We think that the river dweller were rogues but we should reflect on ourselves and see that we are just what we thought of them. A bunch of cowardly, criminals pretending to be civil.” Maybe Spottedpaw had too soft of a heart but she was appalled that they would never see punishment for this crime. It wasn’t like the stars above would do anything, they were just self absorbed savages that had no care of the living. Clans being good or civil was just as much of a joke as Starclan was. Everycat was so brainwashed that they could not see this. It was all so laughable.

“So tell me ‘mother’ what do you say in your defense, and for this savagery?” Spottedpaw said, looking into Firestorm’s eyes with a sharp look. The young cat was not afraid of making out on her own. The world was a scary place but even in her own home it was the same. Seeing no one wanted the seconds, Spottedpaw found little reason to stay. She was a strong kitty, she could rely on herself when no one else wanted to prop her up. All she needed was a soft word, a heavy mistake to make her to never turn her head back and to look at what was. What could have—Should have been.