Just Hold On Like You'll Never Let Go [p]

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
___________
pp perms given by @Alchemist Kitsune @Fish and @taillow | Please let me know if any adjustments need to be made. Additionally, this takes place after the joint battle with the minks

Lyrics borrowed from Forest Blakk's "If You Love Her"

Love

Noun:
an intense feeling of deep affection
A great interest and pleasure in something

Verb:
To feel deep affection for someone
To like or enjoy something very much

In a sense, love could be interpreted in a lot of different ways. In addition, there were many different ways you could love. An example being, if one were to love eating a certain food, maybe they would go out of their way to make sure they had it every night. Perhaps if someone loved their pet, they’d make sure to try to give them a long and comfortable life.

Then there was love for another person. The kind of love that makes you do stupid things because you want to see that special someone smile, or the kind of love that has you want to be with them 24/7 and never want to leave their side. The list could go on and on, but what really matters is that it’s all Love.

Firestorm spent her whole life not knowing what love was. Of course, at one point she had a mother, but the young queen had died so early into her kithood that she could hardly even remember her before meeting her again in a dream. Though she did have a sister, she had gone missing pretty early in their apprenticeship. Despite this, Firestorm could very clearly remember wanting to stick close to her all the time and to cheer her up when she felt down. But could you call that love? She didn’t tell them that she loved them, not that she could remember at least, so did it count?

Then there was Milknose. He was the first cat that she thought she might have romantically loved. Firestorm would’ve died for the tom. Hell, she almost did on at least two occasions and she didn’t regret it one bit. The two times the tom had gone missing, she was distraught, like something had been ripped away from the very fiber of her being and tossed aside. It hurt. A lot.

Milknose had been her very best friend and then he was just… gone. The orange tabby had planned to ask him to be her mate after her warrior ceremony but when she looked for him, he was nowhere to be found. Was that love? Or was it just a desire to have what she felt was hers by right? Something she and him could have that no one else would’ve been a part of? She didn’t know – couldn’t know, she didn’t have anyone to teach her about those things. All she knew was that his leaving hurt her so bad that she didn’t know if she’d recover.

But again, not once did she ever tell him ”I love you.”

It was only when a blue-eyed certain she-cat entered her life that she began to reexperience those feelings that she had once buried deep within her once more. At first, she hated her guts. Lightningstorm who was an apprentice at the time had everything that she wanted at that moment. She had the attention of Milknose, and everyone seemed to like her. This had caused Firestorm to become incredibly jealous and as a result, would pick petty fights with the healer on the regular.

After a long time of going back and forth and picking on each other, Firestorm started to develop feelings for the calico. Of course, it wasn’t rushed at all, and she vehemently denied it at first, but eventually, things progressed to the point where she could acknowledge these feelings as some sort of affection. She began to feel possessive over the medicine cat, not wanting to have others spend too much time with her or be away from her too long. Spots was hers and hers alone.

It was this desire to solidify the bond that she and the other she-cat shared – to have tangible proof of it, that led to her making that reckless wish. It was in line with her ideals anyways. You see, Firestorm had always wanted to be a mother. She always wanted to be the leader of WindClan, but above that, she wanted to have a litter of her own to care for and raise. Spottedpaw had asked to be her daughter, and she agreed, but it wasn’t the same. She wanted kits of her own. When she was given the chance to have a litter that shared a bit of her and Lightningstorm, she was overjoyed! She jumped on the idea immediately, not worrying about any potential consequences. However, those consequences she brushed off to worry about later were now collecting the debt owed. She just wasn’t aware of it yet.

The heavily pregnant queen was resting in the nursery, chatting with her adopted daughter about how the latter felt ignored by the others in the clan when the pain started. It was time. The kits were coming. ”Spottedpaw.” She breathed through gritted teeth ”The kits – go get Lightningstorm, tell her to bring burnet. Quick!” She didn’t want to do this without her mate here. The idea of bringing their kits into the world without Spots by her side was terrifying. She needed her here.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait too long because Lightningstorm came in as if there was fire at her heels. A strained smile graced her lips as the healer and the apprentice joined her at the nest that Spots was insistent she move to, instead of remaining in the nest they once shared (where she kept the feather Fallownose gave to her). ”Spots.” She purred tiredly, relieved to see that the calico joined her.

To spare the gory details, sometime after, Firestorm welcomed the first two kits into the world. First, it was a fluffy cream and orange tabby with dark markings [ @Starfall ]. Not long after her, a similarly fluffy orange and white classic tabby tom came along [ @stag ]. There were only two of an unknown amount of kits, and she already felt drained. Though her head was spinning at the sharp smell of blood permeating the air, she took the herbs her lover offered her when directed without any fuss. She was aware that things weren’t proceeding smoothly. At some point, those around her began baring worried expressions, and her beloved Lightningstorm had ordered Birdie out to fetch some moss. Outside of that, she wasn’t too aware of what was going on, instead focused on the task at paw: having these kits.

It was after the next two kits that Firestorm was sure something was wrong. Despite the herb that was given to her, she could only feel herself growing weaker and weaker. Was this normal? She was in so much pain, and at times felt like she was seeing double. Exhaustion hit her in waves after the fluffy light grey tabby tom [ @naiad ], and simple red tabby she-kit [ @Weekend-Wondering ] were born. Her breathing was growing increasingly labored and was coming out in quick pants. At some point Lightningstorm had begun pacing back and forth, coming to her in between pacing and saying some kind of words. There was a sense of urgency held within her words as she spoke, but at the moment it was hard to focus on any particular sound long enough to decipher it.

That’s when it dawned on her.

She was dying.

~ Take it
If she gives you her heart, don't you break it
Let your arms be a place she feels safe in
She's the best thing that you'll ever have ~

Lightningstorm knew it. She knew it. The calico healer was talking to her in an attempt to keep her awake because she wasn’t done yet – there were still more kits to be had. ”I get it.” the young queen whispered, hanging onto the words that left Spots’ mouth. They were the only thing keeping her tethered at the moment, the only thing preventing her from falling unconscious. She was faintly aware that Bravebird and Spottedpaw were somewhere, but their exact location escaped her at the moment. Did they too know? Know that she hadn’t much time left for the world? ”Calm down~” She chirped softly, more to herself than the other three ”I can do this.”

~ She always has trouble falling asleep
And she likes to cuddle while under the sheets
She loves pop songs and dancing, and bad trash TV
There's still a few other things
She loves love notes and babies and likes giving gifts
Has a hard time accepting a good compliment
She loves hеr whole family and all of her friends
So if you'rе the one she lets in ~

With a lot of struggle, the final two kits joined them. A dark-furred tortie with splotches of orange spread throughout her pelt [ @Poprock ], and a diluted calico with gorgeous grey and light orange markings [ @SuspiciousMindz ]. She did it. She brought all six of her kits safely into WindClan. She succeeded in fulfilling her greatest wish. She was a mother.

Sensing that her time was growing ever shorter, she blinked so agonizingly slowly as she turned to the three cats that surrounded her. First, she would address the love of her life. After all, if it weren’t for Lightningstorm grabbing hold of her heart and claiming her affection, she would’ve never been given this opportunity to fulfill her greatest desire.

~ Take it
If she gives you her heart, don't you break it
Let your arms be a place she feels safe in
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her
On days when
It feels like the whole world might cave in
Stand side by side and you'll make it
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her like that ~

”Spots,” She called weakly, reaching out a paw to touch it to her mate’s ”I’m sorry.” Pale green eyes lifted in an attempt to meet those of the healer as she continued, ”I never thought things would end up like this between you and me.” She admitted with a weak purr rumbling at the back of her throat. Never in a million moons would she have thought that the cat that she once disliked with all of her being would become someone she couldn’t see herself without.

To be honest, Firestorm was scared – terrified even, of dying. She always had been since the death of her mother. Something about the permanence of it just scared her. She did her best not to let those fears show in her gaze though. She had to be tough for Spots — had to show her that she was more than just a Kitten. It wasn’t like she wanted to die, but she had come to terms with it and accepted that she couldn’t be saved.

~ Kiss her with passion as much as you can
Run your hands through her hair whenever she's sad
And when she doesn't notice how pretty she is
Tell her over and over so she never forgets ~

”Our kits… You’ll take care of them, right? You’ll make sure they eat and become big and strong warriors, right? Make sure they end up as cool as their moms?” She asked, unable to keep the tremor out of her voice. ”Y-you’ll-” her voice cracked, tears beginning to stream down her face at last. She had tried so hard to be tough, but while staring death in the face she just couldn’t anymore. It was too much. ”You’ll tell them how cool I was, r-right? That I had all of those d-dreams and w-wished for nothing m-m-more than to see t-them, right?”

She choked back a sob, not wanting to disturb her kits or make this harder for her lover. She didn’t want to die! Why couldn’t she stay and raise her kits with Lightningstorm!? Why did StarClan have to punish her so? It wasn’t fair!

It wasn’t fair…

~ Take it
If she gives you her heart, don't you break it
Let your arms be a place she feels safe in
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her
On days when
It feels like the whole world might cave in
Stand side by side and you'll make it
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her like that ~

With that out of the way, she turned to Spottedpaw. Oh her dear daughter. She was starting to regret not making more time for her the last few moons. Her heart hurt to see tears running down the apprentice’s face, but she wanted to make sure that she didn’t leave without saying anything. “Tears look terrible on you,” the orange tabby said with a light, strained laugh “You should smile instead, like this.” A gentle, yet exhausted smile found its way onto her features as she looked at the cat in front of her. She didn’t want any of them to be sad, not on her behalf — they deserved nothing but to be happy, even if it was without her.

Then it was to Bravebird. Oh, Birdie. Over the last few moons, Firestorm had grown to see the older warrior as something akin to a mother. Of course, she wouldn’t replace her actual mom, but she would always be the next best thing despite their differences. ”Birdie – no… Mom.” she said, eyes brimming with confidence as she finally admitted what she held in her heart out loud. ”I forgive you.” It was three simple words, but they held a lot of meaning. Firestorm had plenty of reasons to be hostile towards Bravebird. It would’ve started with drowning the RiverClan warrior in front of her, then the way she acted toward Cowtuft during his exile… Okay, well there weren’t too many reasons, but those two were reason enough. Initially, she had avoided the warrior at all costs, taking a long time to reopen back up enough to allow her back in her life. She had since let everything go, things had gone back to normal-ish, however, she couldn't remember if she had ever formally forgiven the grey and white Fury. ”I hope that you can forgive me too.” She felt she didn’t have to elaborate on this either. She was leaving her the same way that Fallownose had left them. She was abandoning all of her other hopes and dreams for the sake of this one.

It felt… selfish.

With that out of the way, she expended what little energy she had left to angle herself so that she could look at the kits nursing at her side. ”We did it. These are our kits, Spots.” She purred weakly. Despite the pain, despite the fear, and worry, a sense of warmth and motherly love filled within her chest and she somehow knew everything would be okay. Growing weaker, she laid back down with a labored wheeze. It was her time. She could feel it. The cold breeze of death had begun to blow over her and unfortunately, she had nowhere to go. She couldn’t outrun this.

Not this time.

~ She'll love you
If you love her like that
She'll love you
If you love her
She'll love you
If you love her
She'll love you
If you love her ~

”Lightningstorm I…” She began, voice drawling lazily as she slowly reaching her paw up toward her beloved’s face. Oh gosh, her head was spinning and things were starting to get dark, but she wanted to look into those gorgeous blue eyes one more time. Angling her face a bit so that she could give Lightningstorm a proper look, she could feel her chest swell with an indescribable emotion. Her paw finally reached its destination, her mate’s nose, a gesture that she had grown used to being done to her throughout the last few moons. She smiled softly before closing her eyes ”... love you…” She managed before her paw dropped to the ground with a soft thud.

One breath… Two Breaths… Nothing…

She was gone.

Firestorm was dead.

The orange tabby had begged and prayed to the stars for an opportunity to be a mother, and her prayers were answered. Unfortunately, she just didn’t realize that the cost was going to be her life. Every action had a positive or negative reaction; in this case, she gave up her own life so that her kits could live.

~ On days when
It feels like the whole world might cave in
Stand side by side and you'll make it
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her like that ~

Though she may be dead, she made sure to do one last thing before she went. She told the love of her life, the one who used to annoy her so much that she couldn’t bear to see her, the cat that she decided she’d spend the rest of her life with, the cat whom she had her kits with, she told her something she’d never told her or anyone else ever before – something that she knew deep down in her heart had to be true.

”I love you.”

[I ask that you all please wait until Alch posts and then any order after that is fine]

[Alchemist Kitsune]

| Lightningstorm |
Flock Together [Tier 3] - Inactive | Mind Reader - Active

---

It had been lonely in her den ever since she had forced her away. Firestorm had not been happy, but at least she had understood it was for the best. Or at least the lithe calico certainly hoped so. The medicine cat's den was no place for the kits to be born in. To grow up in. They should have friends. Meet others in the nursery. Hopefully be accepted by the vultures of the clan. It would raise their possibility to survive. To not grow up to simply be that medicine cat's kin. She would hate for them to grow up in her shadow for so many reasons... The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced this had been the right call for their sake.

Despite having been awake and alert, Lightningstorm had grown accustomed to the solitude once more. Had learned to deal with the lack of steps, of life... of anyone, really, buried here with her. Spottedpaw's arrival had been a surprise, but even that had been tame compared to the twist her insides gave at the news. They were here. The kits were here. Never had she felt such a conflicting storm of emotions before. An unfettered glee that their little ones would soon join them. That they would have a family! That Firestorm would be a mother, just like she had wished... and that she would be a part of it! But that trepidation refused to let go. The knowledge of their origin... of the dark forces that had allowed her precious family to be formed. It was terrifying, and a wretched part of her mind kept screaming at her. Telling her to not let her guard down. Because nothing good could come from the Dark Forest.

She ignored this feeling, for once grasping on to the positives. She would not allow her own sense of foreboding... her paranoia to get the better of her. This was Firestorm's day. Their kits' day. Not even the Dark Forest could ruin that. Nodding at the request to bring burnet, the healer grabbed one of the pitiful amount she had left while making a mental note to send for more later, and she was gone. Swift as the wind, a WindClan cat through and through in spite of her claims to the contrary.

The nickname the silly molly had once intended as an insult escaping her lips, Lightningstorm couldn't stop the nervous smile that played at her lips as she set the burnet down. The ginger tabby was tired. Too tired. She'd been through enough of these. Enough kitting queens to know that this was... not how they started. It wasn't until a few of the kits had been born that they started showing those signs of fatigue. But then... Kitten had always been able to stomach less pain than she liked to laud. It would be fine. She had her burnet. That would keep her strength up. And if she needed a rest, the spotted lass would be more than happy to help with the kits while her lover rested. She had no idea how many there would be, but she would watch over them. The clan could wait for a few hours while the queen took a nap.

"Already tired, love? Kits haven't even come 'round yet. Here I was, thinking your energy was infinite. Guess the kits take after me if they can already get you this exhausted, wouldn't you agree?" she purred, nuzzling the molly, hoping her remark would kindle some of that stubborn, hot headed, competitiveness in her and keep her awake. As long as she was conscious, everything would be fine.

The kits began coming, the first one a lovely cream and orange tabby... a kit Lightningstorm would have praised Firestorm for... if not for what came after. The blood... the damned blood. It had been moons since the medicine cat had seen so much blood in a kitting. The last time this had happened, the queen had been ignored by all other cats, despite her giving birth in the middle of the clearing. She had been a new apprentice then, and her pleas for help had gone unheard. No one came to her aid. No one cared that a helpless queen was bleeding out, or that only one of the four kits were alive. She wasn't an apprentice anymore, however, and she would be not standing idly by. But... but she had no mushrooms. The patrols never came back with them in typical WindClan fashion. Gritting her teeth, she turned around, spotting the lynx point there with them - she'd forgotten about the company for a moment, her concern too high - and pleading once more for help, her voice high pitched with fright.

"Bravebird, I need moss! I... I need to stop the blood. Just rip some from the nesting materials pile. We don't have time to lose!"

Even as she begged for the help, she knew it was hopeless. Firestorm was growing weak. Too weak. And there was nothing she could do. She was pointless here. No matter what, Lightningstorm would always hate attending the birth of kits. There was nothing she could do other than offer the queens some strength and pray for the best. Because it was out of her paws. If something went wrong, there was precious little a cat could do. She could not revive a stillborn. She couldn't stop the bleeding that would lead to the mother's death. To her mate's death. All she could do was pace back and forth. Mutter herbs and what they could do under her breath. Wonder if a combination of any of them together would somehow provide a miracle cure. But at the end of the day, there was nothing more she could offer other than apologies to the ones who survived. The ones who were left behind.

"Come on, Kitten," she whispered softly, laying down besides the warrior, her voice cracking despite her best efforts to keep it upbeat and positive. "You are fine. You are going to be fine. Once the little ones are born, you are going to see them and name them and... and I won't even bite your tail when you inevitably settle on naming one after your ol' grandad. Only nibble a little. How's that sound?"

Words of reassurance left Firestorm's maw, and Lightningstorm couldn't help the confused glance she sent her mate's way. What was she getting? She had this? She had this?! Did the molly truly not realize what was going on? Not understand that she was... that this cursed wish had... Damn it all to hell, she couldn't even think it, let alone accept it! No, no no. The tabby was strong, right? She had a dream. To be a deputy. She was going to be deputy someday. And then their kits would be the light that would push her forward to accomplish those goals. To be a good deputy and keep the clan safe for everyone, because that was the kind of cat she was. A deputy with a heart of gold that every kit could look up to and aspire to be like! She would not die here. Not like this. Not before she had accomplished her dreams.

I'm sorry.

It was as if the air had been knocked straight out of her lungs. Like if she was drowning in a river of darkness with no light in sight. I'm sorry. No, she couldn't be. She wasn't! Firestorm would never quit! She didn't know the meaning of the word! Oh stars! Why?!

I never thought things would end up like this between you and me.

But I did...

"No. Don't say that... It's not... It's not going to end like this. You know that. You'll be-"

Lightningstorm gritted her teeth, tears streaming down her cheeks as a wrecked sob escaped her. Because she couldn't lie. Her last words to her love would not be a lie. Not when she had never lied before. Played with words? Absolutely. It had always been her own brand of getting away with things. Of not being caught. After all, it wasn't her fault if cats didn't understand what she meant to the letter. A little quirk of hers that Firestorm had never been fond of, knowing how the calico used it to gain the upper paw. She still did it to tease her, of course. But never to hurt her. Never to lie. Today would not be the start of that.

Instead she was left a bubbling mess. A wreck of a cat as she tried to coherently respond to the only cat that mattered in this desolate place. The only cat that saw her as more than that herb cat that served the clan. And it was all because of her. Because she had dared to dream that maybe happiness was possible even in this cursed clan. But she had forgotten her lot in life. The misery she was meant to suffer. The lonely, hopeless despair that was meant to be hers since that day she'd left a warrior to die in a pit of infection and rejection. This was her punishment, and she had brought it upon Firestorm for nothing more than her own foolishness. For thinking she deserved a respite. To find love. The Dark Forest had cursed her with kits... why had she ever dared believe it was a blessing? And now she was meant to care for these... these tools of death? These creatures whose sole purpose had been crafted for nothing more than the demise of the feline who had loved them so much she had wished them into existence? What sick bloody joke was this?!

And then... she was gone. Too soon. Too swiftly for Lightningstorm to let her know that she'd loved her too. A yowl of anguish erupted among her sobs as she collapsed forward, feeling for a heartbeat. A breath. Anything that let her know that Firestorm wasn't dead. That this was all a cruel, sick joke she had planned. It was... not her style, and the medicine cat would bloody kill her for it, but she would be alive. And well. And she wasn't breathing. And her heart wasn't beating. Oh stars... her heart wasn't beating. She was truly dead. She had wished for a family... and was granted nothing but blood, misery, and orphans of darkness for the clan to raise.

"She just wanted a family..." she mumbled, slowly sitting up as logic won over. As she came to terms with the fact that Firestorm was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. "She just wanted a bloody family!" she repeated, her voice growing stronger as the tears continued, ire slowly creeping over the sorrow as she spoke, her face to the nursery's ceiling as if speaking to StarClan itself.

"You bloody rats can't let anyone have a damn thing, can you?! You stick your worthless noses out of anything that could be remotely important, and then even when you decide to mess around look at what happens! Look at the misery you've wrought! Look at it! Is this what you call a wish fulfilled?! Is this what you call a job well done?! What is the point of you?!" Lightningstorm screeched, her hackles raising as she condemned them all. StarClan, Dark Forest... it mattered none. They were all useless before her eyes now.

"WHAT IS THE BLOODY POINT OF YOU?! ANSWER, DAMN YOU!" she cried out, her voice breaking up, a cough rattling her entire body as she collapsed once more, sobs slowly turning into a low, hysterical laugh. "What is the bloody point?"

---

@taillow [Bravebird] | @Dark [Firestorm] | @Fish [Spottedpaw] | @Starfall | @stag | @Poprock | @SuspiciousMindz | @naiad | @Weekend-Wondering

[Fish]

“If you must wait, Wait for them here in my arms as I shake”


Spottedpaw had found comfort in Firestorm when she found no one else in the clan that was willing to pay attention to her. She had been cursed by awful dreams lately that tried to tell her that she was alone so she decided to talk to the one person who knew she existed. That she wasn’t just another face passing by among the crowd. A nameless cat that one wouldn’t notice if they disappeared one day.

Thankfully Firestorm was willing to listen to her when complaining about this, about how the clan was ignoring her. Yer she knew she wasn’t telling the whole truth in her pain, she was watering it down, dancing awkwardly around what she really wanted to talk about. Bravery grew as she got comfortable in conversations, Spottedpaw was close to talking to Firestorm about something very important, something that really needed to be said—to be addressed. Then it happened.

Firestorm was starting the kitting process. Spottedpaw had a hint of an idea that this was happening though she had never seen this before, an educated guess. Then she asked for burnet. Having hovered around Firestorm and as a consequence, Lightningstorm as well, she learned what that was meant for. “I’ll be right back Mommy! Stay strong!” She said before running out of the den to get her adopted mothers mate. Suppose she was technically her mother too but..


Spottedpaw stayed to watch the whole thing. It was really eye opening, honestly Spottedpaw didn’t know her eyes could get that wide or stay open for so long. This was somehow more shocking than seeing a dead body for the first time. Something stirred in Spottedpaw’s heart as she watched the kits be born. Something beneath shock and queasiness from watching this for the first time.

“If you must weep, Do it right here in my bed as I sleep”

Mommy, you are growing weak..


Please..





There was just so much blood. Something that she wished she would never have to see again in her life. A vow of pacifism to not see it, to not bring it in the world was something she silently swore but.. The one cat she care the most about in this world was losing so much of it.

What was worse, to watch someone you love die in front of you, or to know that you would now gone on the rest of your life unloved.

Spottedpaw wouldn’t ever truly know as both came to her at once.

She wanted to scream at the sight of all the blood and beg.. Plead… Anything! But all this apprentice could do was watch in silent horror as she watched the fire in her mother drain away slowly. The only thing to comfort her were the ceaseless tears.


“If you must mourn, my love mourn with the moon and the stars up above”


Then her mother looked back at her with such a weak look. Did mommy know how she looked right now? A joke, a gentle smile. Her mother, despite all this fear, was willing to make light. Her mother wanted to still be the light of her life while her own slowly drained away. “Yes mommy...” She managed to choke out while trying her best to retain her composure. “I love you mommy, I’ll smile for you forever, ok?” She said as she forced herself to smile. Just please, if I could ask you for anything and nothing again. Stay with me mom…




I love you too much to say goodbye.

Goodbyes should never be left without knowing you can see them again, say it forever without it being the last time.

This is how it should be.

This is how the universe could be good.

Yet it did not care.



Hearing the yelling of Lightningstorm was almost too much for Spottedpaw. It was almost enough to break the armor the young apprentice has learned to build up over these moons. Yet the words of her mother rang through her head.. Smile like this. She wouldn’t

But… It seemed like lightningstorm was too powerful of a foe. Her greatest enemy without never knowing it. How awful, how humorous. The universe just wanted her to remember..



You are alone.



"She just wanted a family..."



Spottedpaw crouched down as her smile died. Her ears pinned back, trying to get as small as she could so that she could hide from the medicine cat’s grief. Did they.. Was Spottedpaw’s fear about her mother correct? It seemed like Lightningstorm let out the secret that Spottedpaw was slowly coming to realize.



You may adopt a mother all you want, Spottedpaw, that doesn’t mean she will love you.



Lightingstorm was supposed to be her mother as well given Firestorm was her mate but yet she still speaks of just wanting a family. Spottedpaw wanted to bolt as fast as she could. That meant that all this time she wasn’t considered family. An unwanted kit was always meant to be unwanted. Who would ever want the leftovers? The crowfood replacement of a true family. Of true blood. If this wasn’t the case, why did Lightningstorm say that? Why did Firestorm start to forget about her?

Spottedpaw could have died right there just from grief—From heartbreak. At least then she wouldn’t have to continue on this pathetic life that she called her own. “M..Mommy..” Spottedpaw muttered out tearfully.

She wanted to scream at her. To ask her why. To tell her to get back up. Yet she found no strength to do this. All these could feel was grief and betrayal… And.. Jealousy. Jealousy that these kits were born, and hatred to them. Why couldn’t she have been one of those lucky vermin? To only have one mother was better than to have none. Even better than to be lied about being loved.

Spottedpaw couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do. So instead she stayed low to the ground like the pathetic rag she was as she questioned everything about her life. What was she supposed to do now? To do without going on without this lie she deluded herself with.

A tearful glance towards Lightningstorm as she screamed gave her no answers. She doubted Lightningstorm would love her. Not after losing her mate to these kittens. Not after never a conversation being said between the two of them. Spottedpaw needed to live through this world on her own. It was the only person she could rely on to not lie to her.


Goodbye Mommy, I wish you could have loved me.











“If you must mourn, don't do it alone”

@Dark @stag @Poprock @naiad @Weekend-Wondering @Alchemist Kitsune @taillow @Starfall @SuspicousMindz

[taillow]

BRAVEBIRD
she/her | windclan fury | 45 moons | active purrks

Everything was achy and sore, mainly from tailing Lightningstorm the whole mink battle, but nothing that really kept Bravebird down. Still though she had decided to take it easy, taking to grooming her pelt off to the side of the camp. Things were relatively calm - well, aside from the boiling rage at RiverClan - and they seemed to stay that way. Until her eyes caught Spottedpaw sprinting from the nursery and disappearing into the medicine den... then Spottedpaw and Lightningstorm running from the medicine den and back into the nursery...

...Okay, definitely should check that out. Getting to her paws the lilac Fury trotted over towards the nursery, slowing her steps and perking her ears to listen better. Poking her head into the nursery she was met with a scene that couldn't help her but smile. "Your kits!" Though she couldn't ever understand why any cat would have kits willingly, Brave knew this had been Firestorm's dream, and for awhile now if how she spoke of it was anything to go off of. The first two were born well, though there was a lot of blood. "...Is that normal?" she echoed as her eyes locked onto it, almost missing the last two kits that were born. "There shouldn't be... is that how much blood there... How..." It all felt too impossible, and for a moment she shuddered. She'd never had kits of her own, nor been around a kitting before, but there shouldn't be-

-Moss. Lightningstorm ordered her to get moss. Rip it from the nests? "O-On it." It took a moment though for Brave to drag her eyes away from Firestorm, away from all the blood. Then she turned and started to ravage the nursery, targeting all of the empty nests. Her claws ripped it from them, collecting all they could. Soon enough she supplied the healer with all the moss she could carry, not caring who's nests she happened to rip up.

And from there Bravebird stepped back and felt... frozen. Blue eyes were round as she stared at Firestorm's tiring form, until six kits lay beside her. Lightningstorm was focused on Fire, and Spottedpaw was focused on Fire... and the last thing the Fury wanted was to be useless. So as each kit came she made quick work of warming them with her tongue, instinct telling her to warm them. It was methodical and rhythmic, and it wasn't until all six kits were done that she finally lifted her head. "...Um, the kits, they're all-"

Firestorm was speaking now. Her voice though, it sounded... far away. She was apologizing... Apologizing for what? Confusion clouded her gaze as Brave glanced between the new queen, her mate, and Spottedpaw. Why was she apologizing?? Saying stuff like this?? Like she wouldn't... "Why are you saying that? Why is she saying that?? What-" Her jaw snapped shut and cut the rest of the words off before they could tumble out. Firestorm was speaking to Spottedpaw now, and Brave took a small step back. Her heart hammered against her chest and suddenly she felt like sprinting. Bolting.

What was happening??

Then the golden tabby was speaking to her and... Everything in Bravebird froze. The desire to run, the need to get out, the longing to be anywhere but here. Her blue eyes locked onto the queen and - Mom. Storms had called her mom. Never in her entire life had Brave ever expected anyone to call her that, it just wasn’t in the stars for her. WindClan was her everything, and she didn’t think anything else could fit above that - until Storms called her mom, and suddenly the lilac found herself angry for all the times they’d never get to have together now.

"Firestorm, I..." Words didn't come as Brave stared at Firestorm, tears falling freely. When had she started crying? The dampness on her cheeks felt foreign. Even as they spilled to the ground the Fury questioned when they had come. Her throat felt tight and words stuck in her throat like bad prey, and even as Storms smiled at her she could do nothing but return it weakly.

Coward. She was truly a selfish coward, for not being able to give Firestorm the words back she wanted to as the orange tabby looked back to Lightningstorm. Bravebird gritted her teeth together, claws coming out unknowingly and digging into the ground. She knew what was coming, she knew she should look away. But the pain demanded to be felt, and as the Fury watched Fire - no, as she watched her daughter - she felt as though her heart might burst from her chest.

Thud.

It was sickening. A sound that made the ground lurch underneath her. Everything froze at once as the green eyes that had once been so full of life now stared ahead. Dull. Empty. Lightningstorm's screech to the nursery ceiling, cursing StarClan, was barely heard as Bravebird took a single step forward again, eyes glittering with tears. There was no rise and fall of her chest. No fluttering of her eyes. Firestorm was dead.

Her daughter was dead.

A beat passed, then another, before a low growl erupted within Bravebird's throat. Her gaze first shot towards the kits, then to Spottedpaw (perhaps if grief hadn't sunk its talons into her heart, she would've tried to comfort the young cat), and then finally... A fury unlike anything ripped her chest wide open and exposed her beating, bleeding heart. Narrowed blue eyes fixed themselves onto Lightningstorm as Brave rounded on the medicine cat, claws still out.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?" Fernpaw. "How come you didn't save her? Did you even try??" Fernpaw. "She needed you - and you did nothing! You let them take her!" Fernpaw. "HOW DARE YOU!"

...Fernpaw...

...He wouldn't want this. Seeing her like this would break his heart, Bravebird was sure of it. Blinking once, twice, the lilac lynx-point Fury backed up a bit from Lightningstorm, regret and sorrow pooling in her blue eyes. Her ears went back and she sucked in a breath. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't..." Vile words that felt like poison on her tongue reminded her of Cowtuft's exile, and how she hadn't gotten the chance to apologize to him. For not... for not believing him. Eventually she ducked her head away and looked back at her daughter.

Without much more energy the lilac lynx-point collapsed on the floor of the den, pitiful whimpers leaving her. A single paw reached out, claws retracted, towards Firestorm's lifeless body.

"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye... you were bigger than the whole sky..."

[ Lightningstorm - @Alchemist Kitsune ] [ Firestorm - @Dark ] [ Spottedpaw - @Fish ]

[Mica]

Hawkfur
WindClan
he/him | 49 moons
[Russet tabby with tuxedo markings and sky blue eyes]
Purrks: Flock Together T3
· · ────────────── · ·
[Firestorm - @Dark ] [Lightningstorm - @Alchemist Kitsune ] [Spottedpaw - @Fish ] [Bravebird - @taillow ]
· · ────────────── · ·
Hawkfur never had an interest in what kitting was like. He was rather squeamish on the best of days, and from all the wailing and howling that usually accompanied birth, he figured that it was best if he just stayed out of it. Besides, usually when the process began, the kits old enough to walk were shunted out of the nursery, which meant playtime for Hawkfur and the babies. Most of the time, Hawkfur didn't know the queen, nor did he really have an interest in getting close enough to play with the kits. But today, when Lightningstorm rushed into the nursery alongside Bravebird and Spottedpaw, Hawkfur knew it was Firestorm. He and the fiery she-cat had only spoken once or twice, but they shared a mutual like for hunting, and had made a deal that once Firestorm had recovered from having her kits, they would go out together. He knew how close the queen and Bravebird were, and as far as the tom was concerned, that made them at least friends. So Hawkfur padded over and ushered the kits into a game of mossball, keeping an ear out for news. As the game began, older kits squealing in delight as he tossed a mossball far over their heads, he eagerly thought of all the places he and Firestorm would visit, and all the mossball games they would play with her kits.

The den walls were thin, and even from several cat-lengths away, Hawkfur could tell something was wrong. The murmurs from the nursery were borderline frantic, hisses and groans barely reaching his tufted ears and doing nothing to assuage the fear that settled in his heart. He tried to push it away, even as the high-pitched squeal of newborn kits rang through the air. They were crying, which was good. It meant they were alive. The worst thing one could hear during kitting, he had learned, was silence.

The second worst was screaming.

Lightningstorm's howl shattered the tense quiet of camp, shrill and full of agony. Hawkfur's ears rang with it, his heart cried out in response, and before he knew it his paws were carrying him towards the nursery, shouts and wails and tiny kitten cries like a siren's call. Firestorm, Firestorm, Firestorm--his heart thundered her name, a desperate attempt to drown out Lightningstorm's sobs. He hesitated for only a heartbeat at the den entrance. Firestorm. Then he shouldered his way in, standing half in, half out of the den.

The scent of blood hit him first, making his head swim and his nose sting. Even before his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, it wasn't hard to tell that there would be no hunting, no mossball, no auntie Firestorm for his future kits. None of that. The worst thing was when his eyes finally blinked the darkness away, and he saw her laying there, deathly still.

Dead.

"Oh, Firestorm..." Hawkfur breathed, body shaking as he stared at her, at Lightningstorm sobbing by her mate's cooling side. As he watched six perfect, healthy kittens squirm for milk that would never come. They looked painfully like their mothers, their tiny bodies covered in slicked back orange and white kitten fluff.

Bravebird and Spottedpaw were crying nearby, the latter whispering into Firestorm's fur as if she could wish the tabby back to life. Had Hawkfur had any faith in StarClan's mercy, he would have begun praying too. But this... this was no act of grace from a clan that watched over them with gentle, starry eyes. Because who took a new mother away from her kits? From her mate? Her mate that worked day and night to keep the rest of the clan alive.

He shouldn't be here. He didn't deserve to grief so closely, not like the three she-cats in the nursery, surrounding their mate, family, mother. He took a step back--he needed to get back to the kits, surely they were wondering what was happening, and he needed to make sure they stayed away--but then a growl rumbled next to him, and for a very brief moment, Hawkfur wondered if thunder had begun rolling across the sky, as if StarClan was weeping for the very cat they took away. But no, it was Bravebird. She was breathing heavily, tears pouring from her face as her gaze shot from the kits, to Spottedpaw, to Lightningstorm. And then she started yelling.

Hawkfur fully pulled himself into the den, then, shouldering his way between Bravebird and Lightningstorm as his friend screamed at the grieving medicine cat, shouting about failure, about letting this happen. A warning snarl pulled on Hawkfur's lips, feathery tail bushed out. It was just grief. It was just grief, making her act like this. She didn't mean it. But she kept going. "Bravebird!" Hawkfur snapped, partially in shock, and her body thudded heavily to the ground before the breath had fully left his lungs. She began whispering, the word "sorry" barely reaching his ears. Forcing himself to calm, he swallowed back a retort. She is grieving, she is grieving--he chanted. He kept himself in between Bravebird and Lightningstorm. "You know it's not her fault. You know that." His voice shook, but he took a breath to steady it. "You know damn well Lightningstorm would never let anyone in this clan die if she could help it. Do not take this out on her."

Hawkfur turned his blue gaze to the medicine cat, realizing that he, out of everyone here, was an unwelcome guest. What right did he have, defending her? He had called for Cowtuft's exile. He had taken her mentor away from her. He had no right to even look at her. But he kept speaking, something in his chest cracking further with every word. "You could have never prepared for this." He meowed, forcing his voice to remain steady. "I'm so, so sorry." Because what else could he say?

Closing his eyes only caused tears to trail down his striped red cheeks, dripping close to his paws as he tenatively approached the lifeless warrior. He crouched down, pressing his nose to her shoulder. "Show StarClan just how good of a hunter you really are." He whispered, only for her.