A Blast to the Past [P]

[Bean]

II She/Her II 25 Moons II RiverClan Warrior II
[ Herbal Knowledge T1 ● The Collector ]
tw: death, blood, self-hate, Asking for death ig, Drowning references

Tonight was one of those nights. Instead of falling into a dreamless sleep, Spottedstream found herself in the nightmare. She had been unable to save Adderpaw, the cat she had loved. She watched as it played out, over and over, Adderpaw dead each time. The silver molly normally wasn't fazed, and rarely cried. But this broke her. She crumbled to the ground, tears streaming down her spotted fur as she transitioned to the StarClan hunting grounds. She was cursed. First was Violetkit. Her kithood friend, like a second sister to her. Then, she met Adderpaw. He was handsome, sweet, and they loved each other. They had so many plans together - Having kits, fighting side-by-side in battles and passing away together in the elders den. That future was gone the moment the day started. Their warrior assessment, and they were paired up. I should have been there. I could have saved him, she thought as she remembered that moment. She had heard a blood-curling scream, and found the sandy tabby on the ground, blood oozing out a small bite. She felt helpless as he writhed in pain. It seemed like hours before he fell silent. She couldn't do anything. She was useless. Adderpaw, the love of her life, was there on the ground, begging for her to take his life. To stop the pain. And she was foolish - she refused. "You'll be fine, You'll be fine," she had told him as he begged for her to take his life. It wasn't fine, it wasn't fine. After a painful 3 minutes, the screaming and tears and breathing had stopped. She sobbed over the dead apprentice's body. Adderpaw was gone. Taken from her, like everyone else she cared about. Why was fate so cruel to her? She just wanted to be happy for once in her starsdamned life, and StarClan took that from her! The moons after her love's death were cruel to her. She barley did anything. She barley ate, and sometimes went days without eating. It had been Finleap and Goldfish who saved her. But still, somedays she wished she could just scream. Scream how it was unfair. Scream about how StarClan took Adderpaw from her. Scream about how StarClan was evil. But she couldn't. She felt like she was drowning. Drowning, and she couldn't move. Her paws weighed her down like rocks as she sunk below the surface, Adderpaw and Violetkit watching her sink away. She was met with black eyes. "WHY?" she demanded, lashing her bengal tail. "I JUST WANTED TO BE HAPPY, AND YOU TOOK THAT AWAY! ADDERPAW COULD HAVE LIVED, BUT YOU JUST WANTED TO TORTURE ME! YOU WANT ME TO SUFFER!" she screamed, her throat hurting after she finished.

"It's not fair," she sobbed, letting herself fall to the ground. Tears streamed out of her blue eyes as she saw a sandy pelt come into view. It wasn't often she had been pulled into a dream. It's just a dream, he's not real. But her heart ached. She wanted it to be real. She wanted Adderpaw to be there with her, as a warrior, as her mate. She could imagine his tabby pelt brushing hers as they bathed in the sunlight. He was the only one she loved. "Adderpaw?" she croaked, lifting her head up to face the starry figure. She had to remind herself that it was a dream. She couldn't wake up and cry when Adderpaw wasn't by her side. StarClan was cruel to Spottedstream. Despite how many cats have told her it wasn't her fault, she couldn't believe them. Because she knew that StarClan targeted her. And because of that, others suffered. "Before you tell me it's not my fault, I'm going to stop you. It is my fault. Because of me, the cats I love get hurt. It's my fault our story ended so soon. I..." she stopped, tears falling down her silver fur. Why Adderpaw, though? It could have been her mentor, It could have been her sister, but of all cats, they chose the love of her life. Thanks to the stars, she had to live without the only cat she had ever loved. They had spent hours awake together, talking about their future. They were going to be mates, they were going to have kits. But now it was all gone. Gone. There it was. The feeling of drowning. Spottedstream's body felt heavy as she forced herself up, her silver bengal pelt ruffled up. It normally was sleek and graceful, but whenever Adderpaw or Violetkit came up, she couldn't keep it together. "They took our future," she whispered. Why? Why her? Out of all the cats in the world, StarClan chose her as a life to ruin. But why? All her life she had been a perfect little kit, following instructions, protecting her sisters, working hard on her warrior training. What had she done wrong to deserve StarClan's wrath? Nothing. Damn nothing. And yet they decided to ruin her life. Her mind flashed to other innocent cats that StarClan had destroyed. Mistyshard and Rainpaw, Both missing an eye. RiverClan as a whole being driven out of their home by a flood and Invaded by both WindClan and ThunderClan. Why does StarClan like to punish them? It's like she was a pawn in their game. She just wanted to be home, curled in her nest, but she was here, Drowning in her memories, In StarClan with Adderpaw. Damn them. She couldn’t live life without someone dying for her. Because of her. It hurt, and Spottedstream hated it. She has only been alive for 25 moons, but in her short life, so much has happened. Her mother disowned her, her friend when they were KITS died, the love of her life died right before they could become warriors, and never had a chance to become mates, and so much more. It was dumb. Did StarClan really need to do all of this? Why did they anyway? It really hurt.

Damn them.

[ @blxze. - just warning you I want this to be fairly fast paced as I want this to be included in her MCA application!! ]
[ 1,000 WORDS WHAT ]

[zBlaze]

Adderpaw

"Oh, captain, let's make a deal
Where we both say the things that we both really feel"

Adderpaw watched as Spottedstream seemed to shatter was the dreams replayed for
Her over and over again. He couldn't stand it. Wouldn't stand it. He wouldn't see her
Suffer. Not tonight. She wouldn't suffer now. He was safe in StarClan. He had fulfilled
his purpose. And thus, he fierce tugged her out of the dream, aching with effort. He did
It! Love was all that remained in the short-hair's star-flecked eyes as they focused on
Spottedstream's beautiful Bengal face. He could lose himself so, so easily in those
Round, cerulean orbs. But he wanted to speak to her, not stare at her.

Adderpaw watched as she began despairing blaming his death on herself at his paws.
"Hey. Look at me." His voice was soft, quiet. The tom moved his tail-tip under
His lovely companion's chin in an attempt to
Move her spotted head to stare into his eyes as He stared into hers... and he pondered pondered if
She could hear him well enough, or if he should Speak up.But after all the times she had spoken
With him, she'd had little trouble hearing him. "Don't cry. Don't feel bad, not when I'm
Right here with you. I can't bear to see you so sad."

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@Bean [Two paragraphs oop sorry ]