Calm the storm [p]

[SuspiciousMindz]

[Hawkbite]
Enforcer Commander
Shadow Fiend | Agatha Kitty | Kitty Softpaws

Hawkbite had been in the territory, it was well past midnight at this point. It wasn't uncommon for the Commander to dwell in the night, but he wasn't out here to patrol tonight, no. From a distance, it simply looked like he was shuffling in place. Sitting beneath the stars and shuffling. Little known to anyone else, he was seething. He'd been seething and uncomfortable about it for moons now. The pot had boiled over. It was draining all over the forest floor. His body ached from the pressure and stress on his muscles.

The closer one would approach, the more it was obvious it was that Hawkbite simply wasn't shuffling. Beneath his claws sat a half-decayed body of some sort of bird. Too decomposed to identify, but his claws still tore through the feathers and skeleton. It left behind a pile of shredded bits and feathers scattering around him.

He was antsy. He was angry. He was sad. He was mulling on decisions he couldn't change and ambitions he kept failing to achieve over and over. He wanted to scream aloud to the stars, but he didn't want to attract the attention of anyone around. So, Hawkbite sat in his quiet anger, ripping and shredding the corpse.

Something had to change.

@Mica - Mistlewhisker

[Mica]

Mistlewhisker
ShadowClan Deputy
she/her | 42 moons
[Large black cat with a half white muzzle and a pale green eye]
Purrks: Beefed Up T3, Shadow Fiend
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ The Chariot ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
· · ────────────── · ·
[Hawkbite - @SuspiciousMindz ]
· · ────────────── · ·
Solitude wasn't hard to find in this territory. The dense forest provided many good places to huddle and brood. Mistlewhisker wasn't a brooder herself, but occasionally liked to dabble in scowling. Coming out into the territory at night and sitting under the shadowed stars was a source of relaxation for Mistlewhisker. Just sitting peacefully, listening to the sounds of the forest. Usually, she could go out undisturbed. But tonight... someone was here. Mistlewhisker paused at the edge of the clearing, watchingg Hawkbite with a glinting eye. Well then. She had been meaning to speak with him anyway, and it looked as though he was seconds away from exploding. Knowing his track record, he'd get himself hurt, and be stuck in the med den for a week. Mistlewhisker wasn't about to let that happen.

The deputy cleared her throat to make her presence known as she slipped out of the shadows and into the dimly lit clearing, the smell of blood and prey thick in the air. Poor thing. She hoped it had been dead before he started shredding it. Mistlewhisker settled a tail-length away from the commander, tucking her paws under her and wrapping her tail around her loafed form.

She said nothing for a short while, waiting on Hawkbite to speak first, if he so desired.

[SuspiciousMindz]

[Hawkbite]
Enforcer Commander
Shadow Fiend | Agatha Kitty | Kitty Softpaws

The all too familiar scent of Mistlewhisker filled his nostrils as the she-cat made her presence known to him. The last time he'd had alone time with her, he was trying to teach her how to relax better. He was happier. They'd been playful... she wasn't deputy.

She wasn't in the rank he'd been striving for everyday of his warriorhood existence and while he'd given her a recommendation, he couldn't help but resent her for it anyway. It was wrong. He knew it was wrong, but it was one of the things that'd been building up within him.

Resentment towards a warrior he had high respect towards. Ugh.
"Mistlewhisker."

It was such a different tone than the last time he'd addressed her. The frustration practically foamed from his mouth. His claws had stopped working at the corpse and he simply sat there, staring down at it blankly. There was no stopping the way his fur bristled along his shoulders.

@Mica - Mistlewhisker

[Mica]

Mistlewhisker
ShadowClan Deputy
she/her | 42 moons
[Large black cat with a half white muzzle and a pale green eye]
Purrks: Beefed Up T3, Shadow Fiend
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ The Chariot ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
· · ────────────── · ·
[Hawkbite - @SuspiciousMindz ]
· · ────────────── · ·
Well, his tone answered the question she had been harboring ever since her name had been called during that meeting. Hawkbite resented her. Mistlewhisker found this peculiar, and puzzled over it for a moment. Hawkbite confessed to her that he had recommended her for deputy. She had been grateful to him--still was, in fact--and figured that despite his obvious desire for the position, he recognized that his strengths were needed for the Enforcer Commander position.

Had he really harbored this resentment for her this whole time? Something in her chest clenched uneasily. It was an unfamiliar feeling; settling around her heart and slowly squeezing. Guilt? No... Disappointment? Not quite. Internally, Mistlewhisker hissed. Of all the times she needed words for her emotions, now was one of them. She was aware that Hawkbite's resentment was not her fault nor fair, but that feeling still coiled further and further.

Mistlewhisker knew ambition. Her ambitions had driven her farther, faster, up through the ranks and into the position she desired. She hadn't become an Enforcer early, like Silverlark or Sleepysunrise. She hadn't even been on anyone's radar until she was almost thirty-seven moons old. Until recently, Mistlewhisker had been the very thing she abhorred. Average.

Perhaps that was what fueled Hawkbite's fury. He had worked so hard, done so much as Enforcer Commander, and Mistlewhisker had shot up beside him only to surpass him. Ambition could make even the most level-headed cats lose their minds. Seeing her friend be one of them was... painful. As Mistlewhisker looked forward into the future of all of this, she found herself hoping that their friendship would not suffer because of her rank. She needed him to know...

Mistlewhisker followed Hawkbite's gaze to the shredded prey beneath his paws. Had he imagined it was her face? Her flank? Her belly? His own, for recommending her? What was she to say here? I'm sorry? Well, she wasn't. Not in the least. I understand your frustration? She didn't, actually. If Hawkbite, any of the Enforcers, hell even Lostspark became deputy she would be glad to serve under them. But then again, she didn't really know how she would have reacted, did she? She was deputy, and that was that. Mistlewhisker had no plans to let her position go.

Perhaps if she could provide no words of comfort, she could merely state the obvious. Sometimes, just pointing out what was around you could get someone's dams to finally break. Once Hawkbite actually talked to her, they could start on the road to getting back the way they were. She wasn't about to lose one of her only friends over her dream coming true.

"You resent me." She meowed softly, voice as cool as the night air around them. "I do not blame you." That was true, also. Again, she knew his jealousy was less than fair, but jealousy never really was fair, was it? Not to the cat feeling it, and not to the cat it's directed at.

[SuspiciousMindz]

[Hawkbite]
Enforcer Commander
Shadow Fiend | Agatha Kitty | Kitty Softpaws

It was like this cat could read his mind. Hawkbite felt his claws involuntarily sink into the corpse of the bird again and his jaws clench tightly. Was it frustration? Anger? Respect? All of the above? It was those simple words that caused the tom to look up at Mistlewhisker. His green eyes reflected the moon and stars above as he studied the she-cat. Resentment burned into her before something odd, new, replaced it. Something more than respect. An expression only one other cat in this clan had received.

I do not blame you.

"It's not fair to you... I'm sorry.

I'm proud of you, really.

You're amazing."

A tone that grew softer with each statement. A tone that spoke of his respect for the she-cat. He knew he was wrong for this feeling, but this ambition was something he struggled with his entire life. It created his happiness and brought him down at the same time.

While he struggled with the moment, he felt as if something lifted off his chest. A few more seconds and Hawkbite seemed to melt a little into his pelt. Relaxation, maybe? Although, something else overtook his strange expression. Something dark. Something sad. An emotion that didn't escape him often. He turned away from her, glancing up at the sky. As his green eyes reflected the stars of Silverpelt; he'd note how they seemed to shine brighter tonight. For good reason.

Then the unexpected happened. Tears ran down the Commanders cheeks, slowly spilling further to his paws. He'd felt them tapping the top of his paws as he sat there with Mistlewhisker. The silence was heavy. A silence that his voice was struggling to break. As the previous feeling of resentment and frustration lifted, a new one of deep sadness bubbled its way up until he felt like he was choking on it. "Wh-" A cough. "Do you-" Another cough and Hawkbite clenched his jaws, purposefully sinking his claws into the prey deeper.

COME ON HAWKBITE. SPEAK.
USE YOUR VOICE DAMMIT!

"Do y- you think he's up there?" A whisper. It was out. The question dawning over them and drowning the Commander. It was a pile of emotions that was boiling over Hawkbite. It wasn't just Mistlewhisker. It wasn't just his frustrations with the Enforcers. It wasn't just the closure of what happened to Vixensnarl. It wasn't just the death of Silverlark. It was all of them. Everything had been building up for moons and finally he'd come to a moon that broke him. Shattered the figure he played for everyone. Shattered the stoic tom that everyone seemed to respect.

Silence drew over them and Hawkbite looked down at his paws, letting the tears fall without break to the ground.

@Mica - Mistlewhisker

[Mica]

Mistlewhisker
ShadowClan Deputy
she/her | 42 moons
[Large black cat with a half white muzzle and a pale green eye]
Purrks: Beefed Up T3, Shadow Fiend
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ The Chariot ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
· · ────────────── · ·
[Hawkbite - @SuspiciousMindz ]
· · ────────────── · ·
Mistlewhisker expected silence. Hawkbite ignoring her, leaving, or demanding they change the topic. Or hell, even a tirade. She almost wanted him to yell at her. It would give her the reason to be mad too. She wanted to be mad. Anything other than this crushing, suffocating emptiness--

A blink, and Hawkbite had deflated. Mistlewhisker watched as her former commander softened beyond the point she had seen before. The pain in her chest strengthened. Oh no, she could not handle this right now. If she let herself pause, let herself grieve, she might not ever be able to stop.

"I'm sorry"

Mistlewhisker scrunched her eye shut, still facing forward. Any flickers of frustration were smothered with the heaviness that settled over the two at those words.

"I'm proud of you, really"

The former enforcer turned her head, eye still closed as she opened her mouth to tell him to stop it, tell her how he actually felt, to let her have it--

"You're amazing"

Mistlewhisker's eye shot open, staring at Hawkbite with a starstruck expression. The moonlight had the single jade orb glittering like a sea full of stars. She searched his profile, trying to read him, his body, his words, as though he were a puzzle she had yet to crack. But she couldn't find anything to fit what he just said into her preconceived narrative.

She had never been told those two words before. Sure, she got things similar; compliments on her fighting, acceptance from Dawnstar, been told cats seemed to like her. Those were all good things that would normally make her feel very pleased. But those paled in comparison to the two words Hawkbite just uttered.

As Hawkbite's jaw worked to contain the emotions piling inside him, Mistlewhisker's ears worked overtime. First pinned back, then swiveling around in confusion, only to end up right back where they were. An endless dance as the gears in her head turned quicker than a rabbit's legs.

It all came crashing to a halt though, when his next words spilled out.

Mistlewhisker grit her teeth harder, ears finally settling on pinned far back, nearly dragging her furrowed brows up with the force of their pinning. She took a deep breath, forcing her body to relax and her ears to lift forward. "I have no doubt h-..." She cleared her throat. "He is." She murmured. Refusing to look up. She had to keep going, keep moving, otherwise it would catch up to her.

Salt stung her nose as she breathed in again. Tears. From Hawkbite.

And Mistlewhisker's carefully constructed composure crumpled. It didn't shatter, it didn't tear, it merely folded up on itself and died a quiet, pathetic death.

Thornwing was the only cat who ever saw Mistlewhisker cry. She had no friends, no family to confide in as a kitten, but had hardly felt as though she needed it. She didn't cry, she didn't explode in rage. She was as stable as a boulder. Until water seeped into her invisible cracks, slowly molding and rotting her from the inside, separating her layers further and further, too far to pull back together when she realized it.

Silverlark's death. Mistlewhisker didn't so much let the thought come into her mind, rather it barreled through her mental walls, screaming into her awareness. The molly swallowed thickly, slamming her iron-clad walls shut once more on the tsunami that threatened to overwhelm her. Later, later, later. Grieving wasted time and energy, both of which she was in very little supply of.

Mistlewhisker, a pinnacle of calm once more, turned to look at Hawkbite. She studied him with a cool gaze. "He is most likely looking down on us now, wondering why we look so sad." A weak excuse for a chuckle escaped her, and she swallowed again. Later, later, later.