Owlthroat
he/him | Shadowclan Enforcer | 44 moons Killer Aptitude T3 - Just A Scratch - Silver Tongue T2 The Dancing Bird
Owlthroat had trailed lowly after Mistlewhisker with her solemn command. It hadn’t taken them long to arrive at Dawnstar’s den. The sheer gravity of his situation had long since hit the large tom, his size had seemed to have given way to his deflated ego. Crumpled and tossed to the side, he’d pushed things too far. The regret was palpable. Mistlewhisker’s words cut clearly through the den, straightforward and explanatory. Owlthroat found his muzzle tensing, whisker’s twitching in an uncharacteristic nervous expression. It was a strange sight, the prideful tom quite unlike himself in mannerism. But it was the fear of course, not of Dawnstar shredding him apart. His own bloodshed had never been of concern to him, but the fear that came with his actions. The fear that came with potential loss of rank, his accomplishments swayed and heaved in the balance before his very eyes.
There was no room for anything but honesty with Mistlewhisker’s demand, he wouldn’t give anything less. There was no point to lie and blubber, in a situation as such it seemed below him. He’d already fell far enough with shame, the deep rooted regret of his actions. His temper overwhelming him in an outburst frankly embarrassing, it wasn’t like Willowpaw didn't deserve it. That wasn’t what was at question, what lay before him was the question of his reason. Would Dawnstar see what he did as justified, let him off with a slap on the paw? Or would he be stripped of all he had worked for, be made to work for it again? It bubbled like acid stuck inside his throat.
The truth, nothing but the truth. He’d convince her well and good that he still deserved what he'd worked for. Owlthroat’s words came surprisingly steadfast as his resolve strengthened, ”I won’t make excuses Dawnstar, I acted rashly. “ Owlthroat had steadied his twitching whiskers, ”My emotions bubbled over when Willowpaw missed her ceremony, after I’d put my belief behind her and she failed to show. She made me a fool.” His deep yellow eyes flashed a glint of irritation as he spoke of her incompetence. ”But that remains to be no excuse, what I did was unacceptable. I am ashamed.” The words pried one by one from his blackened lips, the vulnerability was rare. To admit he was anything but greatness incarnate, to admit shame. But the fear of losing the rank he had coveted was too real, shame was the least of his worries.
”This, will not happen again.”
The tom’s words were final, decisive. He’d been through the stages of grief and back, but there was something shifting within him. Starting small, a seed not yet visible to the eye. Undergoing a metamorphosis he himself was not yet aware of. Ripping that twisted part from his soul, discarding the rot, building something brighter. Piece by painstaking piece.
Grottokit welcomed her contact. He never really minded that the words were never reciprocated; he rarely said it himself, anyway. But they didn't need to be said for him to know. It was already clear.
"It seems like a lot of work," he admitted quietly, shuffling around a little to get more comfortable. "One day. But I figure I start with Enforcer and work up to the bigger stuff. So that I can be great like you one day."
What a smart spawn, obviously he got his sense of loyalty and brains from her side of the family. "That's a wonderful plan, so many overestimate themselves by aiming for more than they're ready for." She purred delightfully. "But you want to progress towards higher heights. You'll make an excellent Enforcer, perhaps good enough to take over Hawkbite's place as commander."
Dawnstar had been overly ambitious during her warrior years, among the many who had overestimated themselves which made earning the rank of deputy take longer than it should have. She should have been more like Grottopaw, earning it instead of believing she deserved it. She had hiccups and bumps along the bloody path to greatness, but she wouldn't change anything for it.
Lessons were learned no matter how painful or tragic they were. Though she'd like to spare her kits from the same lessons, life was not fair or kind and she knew they'd hurt as they grew at some point in time. All she could do was keep an eye on them, support them, and potentially brutally murder whoever was the unlucky fool who left them aching. Like any good mother would.
Dawnstar yawned and cuddled closer to her son. She wasn't exactly tired but had gotten into the habit of dozing with the hairballs when they were still in the nursery. So now sleep tended to tug at her mind like a conditioning effect when they rested in her nest.
[We can wrap this up here if you'd like]
It was probably a good thing Bleedingpaw could only see brown tabby fur through a haze of tears with his head currently burred in Dawnstars side. If he could see her pinned ears, even if it was just a reaction to the horribleness of the situation, a thought that would brew later would come immediately and ruin any chance of connection and emotional progress being made. After all, the thought that Bleedingpaws messy chaotic grief and his lack of strength in the face of it had disappointment the leader was a haunting thought. Especially when he thought so highly of her.
Ah well, the thought would come to him later, and that was better anyways.
No, for now he listened, letting all the emotions wash over him as Dawnstar spoke.
It baffled him, how she just withstood the pain he was feeling over and over again for so many cats without collapsing under that weight. Right now it felt like his world was ending, like moving on was futile even if he tried. But she was speaking like it wasnt, like the grief was lying to him and it might be bad, the first time worse perhaps, but he had options and not just defeat.
However.... However as she spoke it seemed almost like there were no true options at all. Because despair was.... Well it was nothing. It was an option but it was a life of nothing, a ghost in your own body.
Like Darkfall. That clicked then, Darkfall had chosen, and had chosen despair and living as a ghost instead of trying again with another cat (even if it wasnt Lostspark) with his kittens, with anything. That realization alone was enough to sway him more towards one option.
Though, before he could reach any sort of resolution Dawnstar asked him a question, one that caused him instinctively to jerk up and hiss in disgust at the idea, before his mind had even processed it.
'Do you regret me bringing you into the clan and giving you mother now that you've lost her?'
Did he regret it? Head lifted to be visible and looking a tad startled and confused at his own violently angry reaction to the idea the tom settled into contemplation, thinking deeply. There was a lot of thoughts there, and hesitantly opening his mouth he worked through them.
"I.... Well I hate that it came to this... I hate that I got a Mama so good the world feels like nothing now that shes gone. I-I.." His ears dipped in shame for a moment "I have wished Id never felt like this, even if it'd meant I was always an orphan." It was a horrible thought, given a parent and place in her family however distant was a gift Bleedingpaw couldnt comprehend sometimes. But roiling emotions twisted the mind sometimes, and made horrible thoughts oh so tempting. "But... But I think Ive always know I only think that because I love her and it hurts. I love shadowclan, this is the best home ever and I never wanna leave or even think of being anywhere else." Which was true, though he was also aware that without shadowclan that 'anywhere else' would likely be an early grave. "I have great siblings who I love and love me. Sleepysunrise, Quietraven, Birdecho.... I dont regret being their brother, its something important to me. And Mama...... She was the best mother I couldve had." Bleedingpaws memory of his joining was fuzzy but he knew he was given options of parents and had chosen her over Cougarbite and Slytiger, and stars what a good choice that had been.
For all that Dawnstar was here to stay, and Bleedingpaw believed her, they had not been, and they had not been far earlier then Lostspark. His Mama had loved him with an intensity he'd loved her, which was a reciprocation he didnt think he'd ever get.
The realization hurt as much as it soothed a raw part of his heart, knowing that he only regretted that she was gone, not that she was a part of his life at all.
The tom took in a shuddering breath, eyes still wet but tears no longer falling and finally made eye contact, blue meeting amber. "I dont regret it. A-and Im not gonna give up, not when Mama wouldnt, not when you never did." Maybe he'd never live up to the mollies who'd shaped his life but they'd given him so much, even beside his disgust at the idea of turning into Darkfall he would try for them.
....The resolution didnt ease the pain though, didnt erase it, even if he was determined to get up tomorrow despite the pain. The thought alone that he'd be getting up tomorrow, resigned and more accepting of a life forever without his Mama was enough to exhaust and sadden him, dampening the fire that had built. "Easier said then done though... And it still hurts and Im so tired of it already.... C-can.... Can I stay here tonight? Please? I know its forward I-I just havent slept well in days a-and with Mama's nest gone I..."
He worried that any sleep he'd get at all without being able to shelter in her nest and scent would be rife with nightmares, or thoughts. Maybe in how drained he was the tom was overstepping, but Dawnstar was a comfort most might not expect out of the leader.
The bulky muscles underneath her pelt quivered as the apprentice jerked up with a hiss at her questions. Not expecting such a dramatic reaction, her claws itch to slide out but she keeps them sheathed and forces her muscles to relax. It was difficult for her not to be alert even around furballs like Bleedingpaw. It had less to do with the lack of trust and more blind instinct and hints of anxiety constantly swirling around within her. It wasn't something she could turn off, it was like trying not to breathe. It had made raring kits exceedingly hard, it took forever for her to stop growling and trying to maul her kits when they were in nursing.
Refocusing on Bleedingpaw, it was almost alarming how his words resonated with her. Eerie even. Dawnstar would not say Icestar had been anything like Dawnstar's daughter had been for her kits, any good. But as resentful as Dawnstar was towards her mother, she still missed her, and losing her had hurt. Thanks to Icestar; Dawnstar was as hardy and steadfast as she was. If the former leader had been even a tad soft on her Dawnstar doubted she'd be where she was today. She hated how things turned out but had yet to feel any regret for it. She was glad to hear Bleedingpaw felt the same about his mother.
Dawnstar wondered if the obsessive affection for Icestar resulted in the same type of pain Bleedingpaw felt for the pure affection for Lark. She figured he might hurt a bit more. Dawnstar has long since stopped fooling herself into believing Icestar had seen her as anything more than a tool to further her legacy. Whereas with Lark, Dawnstar knew she genuinely loved her family even though she hadn't said much or shown it. The she-cat had left such a positive effect on the clan that Dawnstar had cat after cat asking to take her name in honor of her. Even though the she-cat was a traitor, Dawnstar couldn't bring herself to blindly hate that one.
A rare smile appeared on the she-cat's scarred face at Bleedingpaw's resolve. "Good, I'd hate to watch you rot from the inside out." Like Darkfall. She had such high hopes for that tom and now she barely ever saw him around the clan. She wouldn't be surprised if he disappeared altogether one day.
"I don't mind if you want to sleep in my den, resting with you can't be any worse than my Parasites." She couldn't say anything about the pain, she told him it wouldn't be going away any time soon. But if he found comfort in her den, so be. "Sleepysunrise slept in my den during her apprentice moons, had her own nest and everything. I don't care if you want to while you go through your grief." So long as he didn't snore and wasn't a serial kicker. "Get some rest I'll be here when you wake."
[We can wrap this up after your next post if you want, or here since I know you wanted to start another roleplay with the pair]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shanmo11
Hornetpaw
(Black and white tom, blue eyes)
17 moons, ShadowClan Apprentice, He/him
Hornetpaw walked over to the Leader's den and stopped. "Dawnstar?" He called in to the den. He had been told to come to the leader's den to get his warrior name back.
Dawnstar glared at the opening of her den as if she had x-ray vision and could see through the lichen into a cat's very soul. She scented the air, picking up Hornetpaw's scent coming through the entrance. "Enter," She orders in a stern tone.
"I'm assuming you're here to get your name and rank back." She meowed, although didn't wait for a reply. "Since you've carried out your punishment without any issues, I reinstate your warrior rank and give you your warrior name, Hornetfur back. I will not be so merciful if you disobey my orders or vanish again." She warned before dismissing him.
[I got him updated on the allegiance so you're good to go]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mica
Mistlewhisker
ShadowClan Deputy
she/her | 48 moons
[Large black cat with a half white muzzle and a pale green eye] Purrks: Killer Aptitude T3, Shadow Fiend, Mind Reader
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ The Chariot ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
· · ────────────── · ·
[Owlthroat - @Daragca ] [Dawnstar - @Undertaker ]
· · ────────────── · ·
Mistlewhisker shouldered her way into the Leader's den, Owlthroat on her heels. "I found Owlthroat using physical punishment on Willowpaw for missing her ceremony." The Deputy meowed bluntly, not one to mince words. "Willowpaw is fine. Two small cuts on her nose, but nothing that will not heal with time. I sent her back to the apprentice's den for now, and will check in with her if necessary later."
Mistlewhisker glanced over her shoulder at Owlthroat. "I believe you should explain yourself." He'd already explained his emotional outburst to Mistlewhisker, but it was Dawnstar he had to convince. Though Mistlewhisker knew Dawnstar was as fed up with Willowpaw as he was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daragca
Owlthroat
he/him | Shadowclan Enforcer | 44 moons Killer Aptitude T3 - Just A Scratch - Silver Tongue T2 The Dancing Bird
Owlthroat had trailed lowly after Mistlewhisker with her solemn command. It hadn’t taken them long to arrive at Dawnstar’s den. The sheer gravity of his situation had long since hit the large tom, his size had seemed to have given way to his deflated ego. Crumpled and tossed to the side, he’d pushed things too far. The regret was palpable. Mistlewhisker’s words cut clearly through the den, straightforward and explanatory. Owlthroat found his muzzle tensing, whisker’s twitching in an uncharacteristic nervous expression. It was a strange sight, the prideful tom quite unlike himself in mannerism. But it was the fear of course, not of Dawnstar shredding him apart. His own bloodshed had never been of concern to him, but the fear that came with his actions. The fear that came with potential loss of rank, his accomplishments swayed and heaved in the balance before his very eyes.
There was no room for anything but honesty with Mistlewhisker’s demand, he wouldn’t give anything less. There was no point to lie and blubber, in a situation as such it seemed below him. He’d already fell far enough with shame, the deep rooted regret of his actions. His temper overwhelming him in an outburst frankly embarrassing, it wasn’t like Willowpaw didn't deserve it. That wasn’t what was at question, what lay before him was the question of his reason. Would Dawnstar see what he did as justified, let him off with a slap on the paw? Or would he be stripped of all he had worked for, be made to work for it again? It bubbled like acid stuck inside his throat.
The truth, nothing but the truth. He’d convince her well and good that he still deserved what he'd worked for. Owlthroat’s words came surprisingly steadfast as his resolve strengthened, ”I won’t make excuses Dawnstar, I acted rashly. “ Owlthroat had steadied his twitching whiskers, ”My emotions bubbled over when Willowpaw missed her ceremony, after I’d put my belief behind her and she failed to show. She made me a fool.” His deep yellow eyes flashed a glint of irritation as he spoke of her incompetence. ”But that remains to be no excuse, what I did was unacceptable. I am ashamed.” The words pried one by one from his blackened lips, the vulnerability was rare. To admit he was anything but greatness incarnate, to admit shame. But the fear of losing the rank he had coveted was too real, shame was the least of his worries.
”This, will not happen again.”
The tom’s words were final, decisive. He’d been through the stages of grief and back, but there was something shifting within him. Starting small, a seed not yet visible to the eye. Undergoing a metamorphosis he himself was not yet aware of. Ripping that twisted part from his soul, discarding the rot, building something brighter. Piece by painstaking piece.
[Idk why I keep calling this guy Owltalon in my head, no idea why that name keeps popping up. I'm trying to make a conscious effort not to type it but I apologize in advance if I do]
Wonderful more trouble. Her pupils narrowed when she saw that it was Owlthroat Mistlewhisker was towing in. Owlthroat? Really? One of her Enforcers? Dawnstar held all her elites to certain standards, they were meant to be shining examples for her clanmates and the best of the best among her warriors. It's been a long while since she's had to deal with any Enforcers stirring up unwanted trouble. She hadn't expected in the slightest that it'd be Owlthroat who'd break the Enforcers' recent spotless record. And over a foolish apprentice at that.
Dawnstar furrowed her whiskered brows and listened as Owlthroat meowed. Now she was glad that he was taking responsibility and whatnot, she could respect a cat willing to own up to their faults, but in this circumstance, she couldn't simply let this be. One of her Enforcers took their temper out on their apprentice because he felt like a fool. What would the clan think if she just let him off?
"Hold still or lose your rank," Dawnstar ordered, unsheathing her foreclaws, and rose from her nest. Quick as a striking snake, the leader's forepaw lashed out aiming for Owlthroat's nose, endeavoring to leave three large cuts along his snout deep enough to leave a pretty scar.
__________________
siggy art by redshiftreign
Dawnstar is the leader of ShadowClan. She has a semi-closed den policy as in do not enter without asking permission first or her fangs'll greet you. ShadowClan Resources ||| Dawnstar ||| ||| Kit Curriculum Finder
Owlthroat
he/him | Shadowclan Enforcer | 45 moons Killer Aptitude T3 - Just A Scratch - Silver Tongue T2 The Dancing Bird
Owlthroat gulped through his fears, watching Dawnstar process his words. His resolute words. Then came the ultimatum, hold still or lose his rank. He had no fear of the punishment that in split seconds he imagined would come, he could take pain. He couldn’t take losing what he had worked so hard for.
The large tom’s legs braced underneath his bulk. A paw from Dawnstar darting forward quicker than he could blink, for a moment he thought she was about to take his eyes. Owlthroat was prepared to be rather miffed about that, he would’ve had to learn to function again from square one. So he was rather thankful he found himself still seeing, at first he didn’t feel it. Adrenaline was pumping through his ears, but the blood began to flow. Staining his ivory muzzle a deep crimson. His nose burnt, a retching sickening burn that blurred his eyes bringing tears to the corners.
It would scar. He knew that almost immediately, his face was the least furred place on his body and the cuts were deep along his tender snout. Underneath his thick pelt were scars galore, but hidden artfully through splotches and tufts of black or white. He’d have something matching to adorn the scar on his cheek, another mark of humiliation from long ago. He let a few drops drip down to the floor of the den before he raised up a paw to catch them before it started to bleed heavier. He’d taken it like he should, with stoicism. Only a huff of air escaping him as he bit down to his tongue through the blow, he didn’t know if he could taste blood from that or he was simply just smelling it.
Owlthroat’s yellow eyes wandered up once more, meeting Dawnstar, begging the question of what came next. Had he served his dues?
[ { @Undertaker @Mica ]
[ Don’t sweat it!! It has been making me giggle occasionally I must say c: ]
Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]
There was a certain trepidation as she faced her grandmother inside the dimly lit den. Sleepysunrise had been (figuratively) gnawing at her paws since the start of the gathering, telling herself she needed to speak to the dark leader for a variety of reasons all leading back to the same point: her training, her mother, her... Hm. Would she call it concerns? The corner of her lip had a little twitch upward, a little sign of thought. She could feel the pressure to start speaking, never had she found such difficulty in speaking these words. But whenever she thought of her, all she could see, all she could hear -- all the same, she held herself composed in the face of the leadership.
"A past medic came to me. She said her name was Coldamber. She taught me a pawful of herbs... Do you know her?"
A tentative question. A test. "There was this other cat, Thrush. He taught me about poisons. They both treated themselves as the living dead."
She could never tell whether they were fractions of her own mind personified or true spirits visiting her mind. It bothered her. These constant visions, this constant observation - she didn't like being observed, and yet she always was.
Her mind tugged at its darkest edges, knowing what came next. She took a breath, her paws set stiffly on the ground. "Mama taught me too."
She finally admitted, her gaze glancing away as visions of the deceased flashed in her mind's eye, acrid whispers tugging at her ears. She flicked them away. "She said she was alive. And at the StarCave."
Her gaze lifted, briefly. "Did you know?"
Piercing gaze stayed on the leader this time. How could she have know? Sleepysunrise reasoned. Mama was dead. Gone. Not even her spirit might have been true. She let a long silence drag on before her head rolled to the side, and she spoke again.
"I can't tell... If she was real."
The young medic whispered, her gaze looking at nothing in particular. "She couldn't have been."
She paused. Her chest felt heavy, tight. She straightened her stance. "Mama is dead." Why don't the dead ever stay dead?! "It was gone, the StarCave. She couldn't have been there. She taught me, just before the gathering. Or it wasn't her. Or just an illusion.. Regardless, she is gone. You said so yourself. She is dead." So why do I keep seeing her? "You are always right. You wouldn't lie over such a thing. So why would she? Why would.. she.. some spirit.... something, claim she is alive?"
She paused, eyes flickering when they settled on the leader again. She couldn't see proper straight. "I apologise. I.. In part, wanted to see the cave to be certain. About Mama. I shouldn't have. I should have known she was gone."
She paused. "Thank you for indulging me."
Her chest felt heavy again. It was difficult to breathe, but she couldn't let it show. She had to stay calm in front of her grandmother but the feline's mind felt foggy and unclear, screams in every one of her senses and flashes in her mind's eye with every word she spoke. Sleepysunrise tried to chase them away, momentarily looking past her grandmother at the den in which she had stayed with her and her kittens not too long ago, trying to distract her mind from the warring topic. Her mama was dead, she had established as much. Why she kept seeing her all the same, why she had to keep on haunting her. "I always see her;"
The kitten spoke quietly, almost detached from reality before snapping back. Her lashes lowered. She blinked, then spoke up. "I can... try to reach out. Again. To... Whatever I saw. If there is anything more to learn from them. I'll be willing."
[ @Undertaker | Wanted to get this out; would be set after their Starcave visit, either the same night or the next morning depending on what Dawn would have wanted. Let me know if anything needs to be changed! ]
__________________
Sleepysunrise is ShadowClan's current Medicine Cat.
She has a Semi-Closed den policy.
It was strange how a smile, a genuine one not born of malice, transformed Dawnstars face. It was so easy to think of her as a monster when she intentional acted cold uncaring and cruel to even her clanmates. It wasnt true of course, Bleedingpaw knew that from the start when she took him in, showing kindness where is birth mother didnt. But the carefully constructed mask, built in part to protect Dawnstar herself was an effective one. Under it however, illuminated by a rare warm smile, she was kind in the most unexpected ways.
Staring up at her with wide blue eyes the golden bengal let out a little purr, grinning back (the first real smile since Lostspark had died) sunshine bright once more like the dawning sun. He would live on, carry on, and the sun would rise in the morning to banish the dark. Hope lasted evermore.
"I always wondered where she went...." the tom murmured, settling in to Dawnstars chest and yawning again. Honestly Bleedingpaw had never asked considering he himself didnt spend equally as much time not in the apprentices den, sharing his Mamas nest, but mystery solved. "Ill try not to bother you tomorrow morning, Brairsplash likes early morning training sessions..." And he needed to get back on top of things after his wallowing soon.
"G'night Dawnstar. Thanks again." and the tom was out, softly breathing into her fur.
@Undertaker (Alright first rp wrapped up time to double post starting the second)
__________________
Crowtooth is Deputy of Windclan, If he's needed mention me at any time~
Have a kittypet/outsider who needs healing? Post here!
Perhaps he'd dwelled on this for longer then necessary but the knowledge he'd gained had been earth shattering. It'd killed the last of his childhood, the happy innocence that only youth had before life murdered those hopes, leaving something stronger but less gilded in return. It'd fractured the core of Bleedingpaws strength, his belief in and love for his family, leaving uncertainty.
The titans, the angels, the gods were dead, and now he had no clue what he'd worshiped.
How far did the rot go? That was the part that haunted him most. Bleedingpaw was smart enough to watch and catch on that some of his siblings must have had the same dream, shaken and rattled as they looked now. He didnt blame them for their silence, they were likely in the same boat as he was, world changed for the worst. But there were others.... Did Darkfall know? It wouldnt shock the pretty apprentice, it'd just be another way he was disappointing so that mattered less.
But... Did Dawnstar know? The betrayal of Bleedingpaws Mama- of Lostspark had murdered his innocence but if Dawnstar who'd been there after had done the same... Then he'd be facing the fundamental destruction of his core. His home, his place in shadowclan, his loyalty to the cats around him, his dreams of what he wanted to be and do, everything.
So it was, three days after Sleepysunrises own confronting of the shadowclan leader that Bleedingpaw wobbled his way up to her den, and once more didnt knock. Before it'd been due to rage and grief that wiped away the manners the tom was usually known for. Now?
Now perhaps it was something in his heart hardening against more potential betrayal.
"Did you know?" The words were stilted, pained in a way but also afraid. "Did you know Mama- the she was alive all this time. Did you know she'd betrayed and abandoned the family, me the entire time I was mourning?" Had Dawnstars words about loss and grief been spoken with the knowledge that she hadnt truely been dead.
Did Dawnstar know all this time that Lostspark didnt, couldnt by how she acted, love him like he'd believed? What more was lies.
Owlthroat
he/him | Shadowclan Enforcer | 45 moons Killer Aptitude T3 - Just A Scratch - Silver Tongue T2 The Dancing Bird
Owlthroat gulped through his fears, watching Dawnstar process his words. His resolute words. Then came the ultimatum, hold still or lose his rank. He had no fear of the punishment that in split seconds he imagined would come, he could take pain. He couldn’t take losing what he had worked so hard for.
The large tom’s legs braced underneath his bulk. A paw from Dawnstar darting forward quicker than he could blink, for a moment he thought she was about to take his eyes. Owlthroat was prepared to be rather miffed about that, he would’ve had to learn to function again from square one. So he was rather thankful he found himself still seeing, at first he didn’t feel it. Adrenaline was pumping through his ears, but the blood began to flow. Staining his ivory muzzle a deep crimson. His nose burnt, a retching sickening burn that blurred his eyes bringing tears to the corners.
It would scar. He knew that almost immediately, his face was the least furred place on his body and the cuts were deep along his tender snout. Underneath his thick pelt were scars galore, but hidden artfully through splotches and tufts of black or white. He’d have something matching to adorn the scar on his cheek, another mark of humiliation from long ago. He let a few drops drip down to the floor of the den before he raised up a paw to catch them before it started to bleed heavier. He’d taken it like he should, with stoicism. Only a huff of air escaping him as he bit down to his tongue through the blow, he didn’t know if he could taste blood from that or he was simply just smelling it.
Owlthroat’s yellow eyes wandered up once more, meeting Dawnstar, begging the question of what came next. Had he served his dues?
[ { @Undertaker @Mica ]
[ Don’t sweat it!! It has been making me giggle occasionally I must say c: ]
She'd say he was bright, but at this point, it was simply common sense not to move. Wounds heal, that couldn't be said for the humiliation that came with being demoted. Dawnstar drew her tongue over her claws and sheathed them as she watched the blood drip from the Enforcer's snout. The scowl fixed firmly on her maw showed she took no pleasure in this. It's been quite some time since she's had to raise her claws against her own. By now, her clan was knowledgeable about her dos and don'ts so she didn't have to fall back on more drastic measures.
"Go see Sleepysunrise and have her clean you up, no poppy seeds, you've gotten off very easy. If I hear about you throwing a tantrum over your wounded ego and harming a clanmate again, you'll lose your rank and an eye. Learn to check yourself, Owlthroat. I won't tolerate such kitten-like behavior from one of my elites, get out of my sight, and don't disappoint me again." The she-cat shooed him away with a lash of her fluffy tail.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estelle
Sleepysunrise
[ 14 moons | She / Her | Shc Medicine Cat | Shadow Fiend ]
There was a certain trepidation as she faced her grandmother inside the dimly lit den. Sleepysunrise had been (figuratively) gnawing at her paws since the start of the gathering, telling herself she needed to speak to the dark leader for a variety of reasons all leading back to the same point: her training, her mother, her... Hm. Would she call it concerns? The corner of her lip had a little twitch upward, a little sign of thought. She could feel the pressure to start speaking, never had she found such difficulty in speaking these words. But whenever she thought of her, all she could see, all she could hear -- all the same, she held herself composed in the face of the leadership.
"A past medic came to me. She said her name was Coldamber. She taught me a pawful of herbs... Do you know her?"
A tentative question. A test. "There was this other cat, Thrush. He taught me about poisons. They both treated themselves as the living dead."
She could never tell whether they were fractions of her own mind personified or true spirits visiting her mind. It bothered her. These constant visions, this constant observation - she didn't like being observed, and yet she always was.
Her mind tugged at its darkest edges, knowing what came next. She took a breath, her paws set stiffly on the ground. "Mama taught me too."
She finally admitted, her gaze glancing away as visions of the deceased flashed in her mind's eye, acrid whispers tugging at her ears. She flicked them away. "She said she was alive. And at the StarCave."
Her gaze lifted, briefly. "Did you know?"
Piercing gaze stayed on the leader this time. How could she have know? Sleepysunrise reasoned. Mama was dead. Gone. Not even her spirit might have been true. She let a long silence drag on before her head rolled to the side, and she spoke again.
"I can't tell... If she was real."
The young medic whispered, her gaze looking at nothing in particular. "She couldn't have been."
She paused. Her chest felt heavy, tight. She straightened her stance. "Mama is dead." Why don't the dead ever stay dead?! "It was gone, the StarCave. She couldn't have been there. She taught me, just before the gathering. Or it wasn't her. Or just an illusion.. Regardless, she is gone. You said so yourself. She is dead." So why do I keep seeing her? "You are always right. You wouldn't lie over such a thing. So why would she? Why would.. she.. some spirit.... something, claim she is alive?"
She paused, eyes flickering when they settled on the leader again. She couldn't see proper straight. "I apologise. I.. In part, wanted to see the cave to be certain. About Mama. I shouldn't have. I should have known she was gone."
She paused. "Thank you for indulging me."
Her chest felt heavy again. It was difficult to breathe, but she couldn't let it show. She had to stay calm in front of her grandmother but the feline's mind felt foggy and unclear, screams in every one of her senses and flashes in her mind's eye with every word she spoke. Sleepysunrise tried to chase them away, momentarily looking past her grandmother at the den in which she had stayed with her and her kittens not too long ago, trying to distract her mind from the warring topic. Her mama was dead, she had established as much. Why she kept seeing her all the same, why she had to keep on haunting her. "I always see her;"
The kitten spoke quietly, almost detached from reality before snapping back. Her lashes lowered. She blinked, then spoke up. "I can... try to reach out. Again. To... Whatever I saw. If there is anything more to learn from them. I'll be willing."
[ @Undertaker | Wanted to get this out; would be set after their Starcave visit, either the same night or the next morning depending on what Dawn would have wanted. Let me know if anything needs to be changed! ]
Dawnstar shakes out her pelt as they enter her den shedding the chill from outside. One of her ears was angled to the side listening as Sleepysunrise followed her inside. She had said she had a reason for wanting to go to the Starcave and Dawnstar was eager to hear it. However, after entering her nest she was starting to regret it. Was she going to lose sleep over this, probably should have waited till morning. Oh well, too late now.
Dawnstar circled her nest twice and sat down as the medicine cat started talking. Coldamber?! "I know her she served as one of WindClan's medicine cats seasons back, although I have no clue whose allegiances she holds now since I believe she left WindClan after... I can't recall if she was demoted, retired, or died. I got to know her briefly while playing in WindClan for a few moons. She wasn't anything special that I can recall." She had some backbone and a missing leg but didn't take up much space in Dawnstar's memory.
She was surprised the she-cat was still sticking her nose in clan business. She couldn't say she was overly happy to hear she was butting into ShadowClan, but she could shove aside her disdain for the dead if they were lending a paw. She had no clue who Thrush was. The name was not clan, Dawnstar assumed the cat walked in the Dark forest. She had yet to hear of a StarClan cat who carried an outsider name.
"You've been accepted as a proper medicine cat if the dead are visiting," Dawnstar commented, uncertain if she should be pleased about this or not. Her ears jerked upright at the mention of 'mama'. The fur along the leader's spine spiked and a low growl rumbled from her chest. That stupid brat! What the hell did she think she was doing? It was bad enough that Dawnstar had to deal with her betrayal but now she was set on making the rest of the family suffer.
When she urged her to visit her kits, she meant in a way that would console and give them some peace with departure from ShadowClan. Not whatever this was. Lark wasn't stupid, she had to know the pain she'd cause telling them that she was alive but abandoning them knowingly. What a freaking mess. And now look how freaking confused Sleepysunrise was!
"I didn't know she was at the Starcave, but I know she was alive or at least a version of her. And no, I didn't lie to you I honestly thought she was dead for the longest time till she showed up at the outskirts, informing me she'd never be coming back to ShadowClan, and abandoning us." She spits out the words like they were bile; pain and anger brimming in her golden orbs.
"Your mother is dead, a mere husk of her former self, what's left is a traitor. Her knowledge is all she's good for now, she has no loyalty to anyone but herself. If she was caught in the StarCave collapse then so be it. I couldn't care less, she lost the privilege of being someone worth worrying about when she walked away from her family." It was a small lie as the smallest sliver wondered about the traitor's fate, but her anger burnt it away.
"If you want to try and speak to her again, so be it. Learn what you can if you can handle it." Her pupils narrowed picking up on Sleepysunrise's distance. "There is a reason I withheld the information about her, you're under enough stress as it being a medicine cat. While I am glad you're doing well in your studies and caring for the clan, I figured learning about her betrayal would only further hurt you." No, she wasn't apologizing she wasn't in the wrong! However, she wasn't above trying to make an effort to communicate with her kin, if only to avoid misunderstandings. She was worried about the wandering eyes and the distant look Sleepysunrise had. This was going to be a long night.
Perhaps he'd dwelled on this for longer then necessary but the knowledge he'd gained had been earth shattering. It'd killed the last of his childhood, the happy innocence that only youth had before life murdered those hopes, leaving something stronger but less gilded in return. It'd fractured the core of Bleedingpaws strength, his belief in and love for his family, leaving uncertainty.
The titans, the angels, the gods were dead, and now he had no clue what he'd worshiped.
How far did the rot go? That was the part that haunted him most. Bleedingpaw was smart enough to watch and catch on that some of his siblings must have had the same dream, shaken and rattled as they looked now. He didnt blame them for their silence, they were likely in the same boat as he was, world changed for the worst. But there were others.... Did Darkfall know? It wouldnt shock the pretty apprentice, it'd just be another way he was disappointing so that mattered less.
But... Did Dawnstar know? The betrayal of Bleedingpaws Mama- of Lostspark had murdered his innocence but if Dawnstar who'd been there after had done the same... Then he'd be facing the fundamental destruction of his core. His home, his place in shadowclan, his loyalty to the cats around him, his dreams of what he wanted to be and do, everything.
So it was, three days after Sleepysunrises own confronting of the shadowclan leader that Bleedingpaw wobbled his way up to her den, and once more didnt knock. Before it'd been due to rage and grief that wiped away the manners the tom was usually known for. Now?
Now perhaps it was something in his heart hardening against more potential betrayal.
"Did you know?" The words were stilted, pained in a way but also afraid. "Did you know Mama- the she was alive all this time. Did you know she'd betrayed and abandoned the family, me the entire time I was mourning?" Had Dawnstars words about loss and grief been spoken with the knowledge that she hadnt truely been dead.
Did Dawnstar know all this time that Lostspark didnt, couldnt by how she acted, love him like he'd believed? What more was lies.
[So to avoid confusion, after re-reading through Lark and Dawn's interaction, I discovered that it's set after she consoled bleeding, so I have to edit her knowledge of lark during their therapy session since it is inconsistent.]
She loathed having her thoughts stuck in a perpetual loop of torment. The news about her daughter kept popping into her head at the most unwanted times. Funny, she loathed her but couldn't let go of this family bond. She'd tried to cut ties with her family before, her mother, her grandmother, her sister, her aunt, lost kin, or dead kin, adopted kin, traitors a lot of them but this senseless need to belong addled her brain and infected her heart. She hated them, but they were the only family she had.
Her head snaps away from the wall she had been staring at lost in a daze. Her ears twitch as they catch the incoming paw steps barding into her den. Her lips peel back to expose her fangs as she gets ready to snap at the moron who stepped into her den uninvited, but it dies away when the spotted pelt touches her vision.
Bleedingpaw. She had been expecting her grandkids to arrive one by one demanding answers after hearing from Sleepysunrise about Lark's visit. It was hard not to feel like this was being done deliberately.
"No, I did not know she was alive while you were grieving. I thought she was truly gone when I spoke to you. I met her at the border, surprised to her alive and well, and only learned of her plans to leave everything and one behind there. I had urged her to at least visit you and your siblings amongst your dreams, but I didn't expect her to be so tactless and thoughtless with her betrayal. I should have, though, Lostspark is dead and gone. That traitor is a husk of her." A husk who had no care for causing pain to those she once called family.
"If I had not she would be so careless, I would have told you about about her earlier. Or perhaps not at all, as much as it may not seem like it, I don't enjoy seeing you in pain. And that's all she's seem to have caused you and the rest of the family, nothing but anguish." Perhaps she should have told her to stay away instead. It had been no small task ensuring those broken by Lostspark's death came out better for it, stronger. And just like that it's all shattered. All those good memories were left fractured as little indents reflecting the she-cat's turning away from the dark tabby.
"I've never lied to you, but I didn't see any reason to tell you about her after you appeared to be recovering from losing her. Telling you that she was alive, but would never return here, had abandoned us, I thought I was supporting you but with how you're looking at me, perhaps I thought wrong." Her teeth are clenched by the time she finishes speaking. She refused to admit that she did anything wrong here but did acknowledge that... maybe she overstepped. But not really, it wasn't her fault that Lark was being an insensitive ass.
__________________
siggy art by redshiftreign
Dawnstar is the leader of ShadowClan. She has a semi-closed den policy as in do not enter without asking permission first or her fangs'll greet you. ShadowClan Resources ||| Dawnstar ||| ||| Kit Curriculum Finder
Re: ShadowClan Leader's Den
