He couldnt cry.
Why couldnt he cry?
He was hearing his clanmates give their final goodbyes to a cat they loved knowing he too would have to do the same in just a moment. And yet nothing came but blank cold nothing. So as the patrol members went around saying their piece, dull green eyes turned to the dirt instead.
His paws were bleeding.
Huh.
Dimly the medicine cat knew that was because he'd been on them so much today over rough surfaces when he wasnt used to it, Snakeheart spent most time in camp or the more soft grassy places for the clan, and that the pain was uncomfortable but... But he didnt really feel it. Even as blood drops speckled the dirt he dug into, breaking ground for the graves he just didnt really feel it. That probably wasnt good and he shouldnt be up, dirty wounds especially on ones paws got horribly infected all too easily, but he couldnt just sit idly by. Lionstorm and Fawnsqueak too in a way had made him, he would bury his titans. Anything else would be disrespect.
So he dug half an ear on the talking, paws stinging, digging digging uncaring of who joined in until there was space to lay the two limp bodies in. The medicine cat had things to say, words he didnt really belive and those he did but that was after the warriors were buried in the dirt. So he just remained silent and numb and dug hoping someone would think to go grab some marker for the site or help him but accepting in a way of if they didnt.
After that was done he'd open his mouth and speak. "I-" he swallowed voice cracking and raw clearing his throat as the medicine cat tried to force the words out of his mouth. That hurt too in its own way, good thing he was numb to it. "Its strange to stand here knowing by pure age alone Ive not known these cats as long as any of you especially given the circumstances but Ill do my best to do them justice....
I cant say I cared for Lionstorm when I first met him, quite frankly I hated him. The first time we met he was scolding my mother my idol and chasing off my father and the second he was handing down a horrible burden to me when all I wanted to be was a warrior. Afterwards Fawnsqueak taught me nothing and cats died because of that. I hated both of them.
Then so much happened in the moons after and I learned two crucial things that changed everything and nothing; Lionstorm was right and I was what the clan needed then and that I cant really fault Fawnsqueak for their actions in this role. Standing where his paws did everything makes a sort of sense I didnt see before. Things fell to pieces and still Lionstorm was there supporting me, trusting me, accepting my help and offering it in kind and suddenly all my vitriol was hollow and soft edged. That was something I dont think will ever happen again, that kind of growth because only he was there for the entirety of me becoming a medicine cat.
I can speak until Im horse and raw about what they've done for the clan but the special thing about was what they could do for the individual. So Ill not waste words on a history we all know and instead hope I can learn from Fawnsqueak and have the strength and dedication Lionstorm had every day for Riverclan.
We will morn, we will move on, we will seek justice, and we will know that it will never be enough to make up for what we've lost here today. The absence left behind is too big and we will honour them for that."
Was this grief? Probably. But the numb static it brought was ever leaking into the young toms voice to give what should probably be a passion filled mess a steady speech that was foreign. Snakeheart was a wild hissing viper, ever tossing venom and injecting his emotions where it might not belong, he did not do calm for more than a moment and if this was a moment it was an eternity filled one. This time warranted emotion and for once he couldnt seem to summon the fiery anger or wailing sorrow that'd feel more fitting of it. He meant every word though to his core though, that had to count for something.
The next words were less so, but it'd bring the comfort to his clanmates it was his job as a medicine cat to provide. And if on the chance that Snakeheart was wrong, that his rock solid conviction that Starclan was false was untrue, he wouldnt take the chance that him not saying something would hinder these cats from reaching peace. Even if it was morning and there was not a star in the burning sky it needed to be said. "Starclan and our ancestors above I ask you to look down on these cats and their life and judge them well. They have lived their life's supporting their clan with skill and grace and have brought the cats around them joy and peace in a way that can only be admired. I ask you to look upon them and grant them peace to among your numbers in the stars. Starclan grant them safety and their own joy in death with the knowledge that those left behind await the day they can meet again and wish them well."
She followed out to the sandy shores of the beach, enjoying the gentle sea breeze that rustled up her fur, the smell of salt heavy in the air. Seagulls making their annoying noises, a crab skittered across the sand several fox-lengths away. Hopefully it didn't decide to be annoying, though if it did, that was an easy dinner. "When are you going to rename it to 'Kestrelbeach'?" She joked aloud before they arrived.
Then, pausing in her tracks as he released all that frustration with just one sentence. She was taken aback, a bit shocked, even. She didn't think Kestrelwing to be the type that was so hard on himself, since he never showed it. She was stunned, jaw hanging open a bit, Even more shocked when he brushed up beside her. She gave a few licks to his shoulder for comfort. Her tail pressing against his back, urging him to take a seat. There was no point in walking, it was better that he rested and just talked things out. "Go on" She said simply, wanting him to let it all go. All the frustrations, anger, exhaustion, all of those terrible feelings that had been bottled up. Now was the time to let them out.
There was no poking or judgement, no pressing for what he meant by the cryptic words. Kestrelstar didn’t exactly know when or how it had happened, but Junipersong... he felt comfortable around her now. Enough to drop his thorny exterior at least. It was mainly for a way to protect himself from getting hurt, from being vulnerable. Like he was that day when Duskfall died, or when Eelsting had left.
”They don’t get it,” he started, giving a lash of his tail as they continued to walk along the shoreline, waves lapping gently to their side but never quite reaching their paws. ”I... I owe a lot to Lionstorm. And to Fawnsqueak, in the last couple moons of his life. No two cats have done more for RiverClan. They were pillars of light, beacons pointing the way towards greatness. Yet, all half of the Clan can think about is... is... defending the cats who murdered them.”
He didn’t care about the circumstances. He didn’t care if Lionstorm had attacked first. To kill a former leader like that, with so many wounds, that brutally... there was no repairing the code after a breach like that. Time would fail to mend it back together, and forever it would lay shattered to pieces.
Sucking in a breath, Kestrelstar halted his steps, turning his head to the sky as starts began to twinkle on one by one. ”It like... they expect me to be this emotionless robot with no care to the lives that have been taken from us. To seek “peace” with the cats who have brought so much harm onto RiverClan already,” yellow gaze blinked, shifting from the stars to Junipersong. ”Am I wrong to want vengeance for their murders? To make ThunderClan realize how far they’ve broken the code?”
- - - - -
As each of his Clanmates took their turns to say their goodbyes, Kestrelstar had to look away. His gaze found the ever rising sun, its rays splashing the shoreline with golden sparkles of light. The waves that normally crashed like the fury of claws were quiet, only a gentle murmur below. Beside him, Snakeheart continued to dig their graves, though he knew the medicine cats pads must be aching by now.
They had to have something for when they were finished. Some sort of marker, or symbol, or object that represented both Fawnsqueak and Lionstorm. Breaking off for a moment to walk a bit down the cliff side, nose to the air, Kestrelstar’s yellow eyes began to search. His legs felt numb to walk on, barely registering the rocky terrain they crossed. The cut on his right pad didn’t even bother him anymore, leaving a tiny blood trail as he walked.
Shells he felt were too common markers. Fawnsqueak and Lionstorm deserved uniqueness. They deserved to stand out, like they had strived to make RiverClan do during their life in the Clan. Not far from the burial site was a pile of feathers - seagulls. A grumbling sound made its way from the depths of Kestrelstar’s stomach - stars when was the last time he ate?? - but the leader pushed it aside in favor of picking one of the feathers up.
Lionstorm had always loved his seagulls. Either catching them, or chasing them. A picture of the two frolicking down the beach with smiles as big as their personalities, a flock of seagulls squawking as they ran from them. How happy they must’ve been doing any sort of activity like that... how good it must’ve felt to have finally found their other half.
Fawnsqueak was a bit more difficult, and Kestrelstar stopped to knit his brows together in concentration. He’d known the tom to be a former medicine cat, but other than the time when he’d held Kestrelstar dispose of a rogue body he’d accidentally killed in a blind rage, there wasn’t much else he was aware of. Perhaps a herb of some sort would suffice.
Lifting his nose once more the leader tried to distinguish any sweet smelling flowers from the salty breeze of the ocean. Springing up from the earth a few paces to the side, near the edge of the cliff, was a beautiful lavender flower, its sweet yet strong aroma drawing the tabby tom over. For some reason, it reminded him of the former medicine cat. Perhaps it was also a herb too - it looked as though it could be of us.
Finally returning to the group in time to hear Snakeheart’s words, Kestrelstar dropped what he had obtained, dipping his head as the final words were given. ”RiverClan will never forget what you two have done for us. We will honor your memory for ages to come.” After that, Kestrelstar fell quiet, allowing the cats who had carried the two here to slide them into their final resting place, shoving forward the seagull feather and lavender to serve as markers for each of their graves.
There was no poking or judgement, no pressing for what he meant by the cryptic words. Kestrelstar didn’t exactly know when or how it had happened, but Junipersong... he felt comfortable around her now. Enough to drop his thorny exterior at least. It was mainly for a way to protect himself from getting hurt, from being vulnerable. Like he was that day when Duskfall died, or when Eelsting had left.
”They don’t get it,” he started, giving a lash of his tail as they continued to walk along the shoreline, waves lapping gently to their side but never quite reaching their paws. ”I... I owe a lot to Lionstorm. And to Fawnsqueak, in the last couple moons of his life. No two cats have done more for RiverClan. They were pillars of light, beacons pointing the way towards greatness. Yet, all half of the Clan can think about is... is... defending the cats who murdered them.”
He didn’t care about the circumstances. He didn’t care if Lionstorm had attacked first. To kill a former leader like that, with so many wounds, that brutally... there was no repairing the code after a breach like that. Time would fail to mend it back together, and forever it would lay shattered to pieces.
Sucking in a breath, Kestrelstar halted his steps, turning his head to the sky as starts began to twinkle on one by one. ”It like... they expect me to be this emotionless robot with no care to the lives that have been taken from us. To seek “peace” with the cats who have brought so much harm onto RiverClan already,” yellow gaze blinked, shifting from the stars to Junipersong. ”Am I wrong to want vengeance for their murders? To make ThunderClan realize how far they’ve broken the code?”
She was completely stunned. He had never opened up to her this much before. She was expecting a short outburst, maybe him yelling about a recent frustration, needing someone to be the target to bear a few harsh words before he went back to his usual self, but no. This was different. He was exposing his true, inner feelings.
To make matters worse, not only was he being vulnerable, but it was such a touchy issue. The topic of relations with thunderclan, and the death of their two beloved clanmates. This would be a very difficult situation to navigate. She would most likely have to choose between preserving her relationship with her close friend, and telling him to do the right thing.
"Lionstorm and Fawnsqueak were..... truly amazing. I know the grief that is felt at their loss. I do not know the conditions of their death, and based on evidence, its easy to blame Thunderclan." She started. Based on how she was speaking, it sounded like she was about to lecture him and speak her mind like she had done during the clan meeting earlier. "And I want revenge, too." She added, likely a complete shock. Revenge seemed so unlike her!
"You are in an impossible situation and you have to choose. There are gonna be a lot of different opinions about this. I think the one that will make the most cats satisfied is to confront Thunderclan about it. But with just one caveat." She paused, having to word this next part very carefully. She thought about lecturing him on how to properly assess who was responsible for the deaths, but that would drag on and only feel grating against him while he was so vulnerable. Instead, she took in a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. "Remember... all of us. Your clanmates. What we mean to you, if we do mean anything to you. You make the choice for all of us. But we dont all agree with it. I bet that not everyone in Thunderclan agreed with the treatment that Lionstorm got too. Its only vengeance if we enact it solely on those who have wronged us. I would hate to see you make a decision you regret later because you are blinded by rage."
She looked to the ground, then back up at him, taking a seat and offering him to rest beside her. He looked like he needed it. "You will make the right choice. I know it. Im right there behind you, through thick and thin, through river rapids and burning fires, even from the stars above I will do everything that I can to be there for you."
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Idk. Insert something inspiring or edgy here so people think that im cool.
The leader had hoped that Junipersong's words would offer a piece of new advice, or clarity on what path Kestrelstar should lead RiverClan down. But she was right though; he had to think of RiverClan as a whole, and not just his own personal needs. His wrath could spell disaster for RiverClan, but it was just... too difficult to see past the rising tides of anger at times. Most times. "We've given them so much..." the leader murmured, his voice soft enough that he wasn't sure if Junipersong had even caught it.
RiverClan had provided for ThunderClan when they were in desperate need of direction and safety. Countless times Lionstorm specifically had offered them food, shelter, and peace after the fire devastated them, leaving them displaced and frightful. ThunderClan was back on their feet now because RiverClan had decided to put their differences aside to help. And now... between the coyotes that had so blatantly been disregarded by their neighbors (causing them to kill a valued elder and injure several others) and the mauling of Lionstorm and Fawnsqueak... Kestrelstar let out a sigh, taking the rest offering that his companion provided.
Hearing that she too desired revenge, that she in part shared his wish to see ThunderClan pay... it warmed him in a way that the meeting had not. His Clanmates reactions to keeping the peace had left him cold and abandoned, lonely atop the Streamstone. This felt like finally setting his paws on solid land, and he turned his yellow eyes to look at her. The words wouldn't come, but just with one look Kestrelstar was certain he could convey how grateful he was for it.
"I want to do right by RiverClan. I... don't want my leadership to start with an era of bloodshed. We've lost too many warriors already, too many good cats to either enemy claws or outside predators." He resumed his watch of the stars, recalling the lives he had received through his ceremony. The two Dark Forest cats that had stepped forward, shadows clinging to their pelt, offering lives that spoke of retribution and malevolence. It was hard for him to not give in... to push away his own personal quest for retaliation.
He had an entire Clan to think about now, and Clanmates in it that he never in a million years though that he could grow to care for. Like Frozenberry. Like Junipersong. Like Snakeheart. Like so many others that had somehow wiggled their way into his heart.
Junipersong was right. Kestrelstar would never say it outloud, but as he let himself truly relax, he brought his gaze down to gaze out over the endless ocean abyss that stretched before them. "I'm glad that I have Clanmates who are willing to stand beside me," the leader continued in a softer, more calm tone. "When Lionstorm passed... I wasn't sure if I would be able to do this anymore, to lead a Clan that I had for so long not been apart of. Ever since my mother..." That sentence was too painful to continue, still, all these moons later, so Kestrelstar just swallowed and looked to Junipersong. "What I'm trying to say is thank you."
Not many other words were needed as he watched her, knowing that no matter what decision he came to, he could count on the molly's loyalty to him, steadfast and unwavering.
Its true. Riverclan had done plenty for Thunderclan. The coyote incident could have been brushed off as a mistake and carelessness. Sure, horrible that they didn't so much as warn Riverclan, but there was no malicious intent behind it. It was solely inaction and a lack of communication that had caused the problem. Things that Junipersong was willing to forgive wholeheartedly, even if the mistake had almost lead to the death of the friend she was currently sharing this moment with.
This more recent act wasn't so easy to dismiss, though. With that Thunderclan scent over the bodies of their two dead clanmates. Even if Lionstorm and Fawnsqueak had both wandered into Thunderclan territory and gotten mauled by some wild animal, the scent of Thunderclan was far too strong on them. They had to have interacted directly with Thunderclan cats. The deaths were most assuredly caused by at least a warrior or two from Thunderclan, if not more, considering how much the bodies reeked of Thunderclan scent. That was malicious intent, alright, enough for Junipersong to reason that some sort of punishment or retaliation was just.
It was a difficult decision. There was going to be cats in Riverclan who protested against it no matter what Kestrelstar chose. That was just the nature of being leader. As long as he kept the interests of his clanmates at heart, he wouldnt lead them astray. That was for certain.
"Lionstorm's wisdom was invaluable. Even after stepping down, I never stopped seeing him as a leader. I dont blame him for growing tired of the role, but he was just... so good at it. Though I know that you are going to be better than even Lionstorm one day." She purred, touching her nose to his cheek. "Though, I say 'one day'. You are new at this. You are going to make mistakes. Do not let them hold you back. Keep improving and growing. You will be the best leader that Riverclan has ever seen!" She licked at the top of his head, helping to groom his fur in the hard-to-reach spots. Not sure when the last time he had someone else do that for him. The tide slowly crashing onto the shore next to them, flapping of bird wings above their heads, insects chirping all over the place.
the loud cries of seagulls made the kits eyes blink open, big green-blue eyes staring at the sky. she squinted, puffing out air at the bright sun and the continuous sound of birds. "momma.." ponyo mumbled, flopping onto her other side, taking a big whiff only to inhale some damp sand. her eyes widened, and she quickly pushed herself half way off the ground to let out a big sneeze. sand! sand..? what!
the ginger looked around at her surroundings, and realized that this place was not her home. she stared at the water that kept coming closer, then going away, then the sand on the ground, and the shells, and the birds in the sky. "momma!" she called out, standing up and doing a wobbly spin. she was still young, only a moon old, so it was still hard for her to walk correctly.
then, ponyo plopped down with a huge frown. "mommmaaaa!" she was only met with the cries of the seagulls, and she instinctively shuffled backwards until she was against a rock. "momma! come out, please! ponyo can't see you.." she gulped, big tears welling up in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.
If you were a regular to Lionsbeach, you would often notice a lithe red and black molly either swimming, or sunning herself on the shore, you probably wouldn’t stare long, and you’d continue your day doing whatever task you came for.
Alderfoot was an unremarkable cat to say the least, she was a great contributor to the fresh-kill pile every morning, and a steady fighter, but she wasn’t anyone who would be recognized for any special award or honor. She was red-furred with a black tail with a white tip, so she kind of looked like a fox. She also sported a mane of black that started at her ears, and ended under her neck, that was the most striking part about her. Her eyes were that of a deep forest-green, not unusual for a cat. All-in-all, you wouldn’t exactly call her beautiful, but she was rather pretty.
At the time, it was around sunset, and as that was when most cats had downtime it wasn’t uncommon to see Alderfoot combing the beach for pretty shells to decorate her nest, swimming, or just resting and listening to the waves crash on the shore like a natural lullaby.
Alderfoot loved the beach, it was a favorite place of her’s, and she couldn’t even think of life without it.
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Probably permanent roleplay hiatus, though I’ll be around nonetheless. Might make some throwaways every now and then for people’s plots + Non-Clan cats and Nonwarriors roleplay characters. Free Art Artfight
Swimming lessons, huh. Not how Thornpaw had expected things to go- shouldn't be be learning how to fight, by now?
"...I'm freezing," Thornpaw groans— paws barely having dipped into the water as he steps backwards. "You're really sure this is a good day to be swimming on? We can't just reschedule?" Despite the sweltering heat, he's still frowning, the fur across his back bunching up in annoyance. There's a part of him that's upset that he'd even have to learn something like this— the ability to swim's always been inherent in RiverClan cats, isn't it? Why should he have to learn, as if he were a sniveling child?
He scoffs to himself, shaking his head before glancing to the side- towards his mentor, expectantly. While his gaze is wholly displeased, he doesn't move to leave, nor does he make any more disparaging comments, waiting for his response with a flick of his tail.
Swimming lessons, huh. Not how Thornpaw had expected things to go- shouldn't be be learning how to fight, by now?
"...I'm freezing," Thornpaw groans— paws barely having dipped into the water as he steps backwards. "You're really sure this is a good day to be swimming on? We can't just reschedule?" Despite the sweltering heat, he's still frowning, the fur across his back bunching up in annoyance. There's a part of him that's upset that he'd even have to learn something like this— the ability to swim's always been inherent in RiverClan cats, isn't it? Why should he have to learn, as if he were a sniveling child?
He scoffs to himself, shaking his head before glancing to the side- towards his mentor, expectantly. While his gaze is wholly displeased, he doesn't move to leave, nor does he make any more disparaging comments, waiting for his response with a flick of his tail.
Now, Jackdawblaze didn't care whether or not Thornpaw got him wrong. He wasn't into that whole macho, Warrior 'push on because if it ain't rainin' you ain't trainin'' crowfood his mentor thought was cool back in the day. In fact, Jackdawblaze's mentor was probably one of the least 'cool' cats he knew. But he wasn't about to reschedule Thornpaw's training.
And that was for the simple--albeit selfish--reason that his struggling was far too entertaining to cancel. It was the only redeeming quality of being a mentor; why would Jackdawblaze give it up?
"Check out your feet, kid. You have webbed paws. We all do. And you have plenty of fur. When you get out of there, just lick it backwards and you'll warm up in a couple of seconds. It's not star science."
Jackdawblaze let out a huff. Was he going to be a good mentor and get in the water himself to serve as an example for Thornpaw?
No. He absolutely was not going to do that.
"You'll get used to the temperature, anyway. Pedal faster."
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After her resurrection from the Dark Forest, Whitewolf has not been the same. This once loyal and honorable senior Warrior is now back with a vendetta--be aware that any new interactions with her will likely reflect a hostile and/or dangerous mentality.
Please note that Tigerpaw's racist, homophobic, transphobic, and ableist opinions do not reflect my own. Be aware her views are very bigoted before requesting roleplay with her.
If you were a regular to Lionsbeach, you would often notice a lithe red and black molly either swimming, or sunning herself on the shore, you probably wouldn’t stare long, and you’d continue your day doing whatever task you came for.
Alderfoot was an unremarkable cat to say the least, she was a great contributor to the fresh-kill pile every morning, and a steady fighter, but she wasn’t anyone who would be recognized for any special award or honor. She was red-furred with a black tail with a white tip, so she kind of looked like a fox. She also sported a mane of black that started at her ears, and ended under her neck, that was the most striking part about her. Her eyes were that of a deep forest-green, not unusual for a cat. All-in-all, you wouldn’t exactly call her beautiful, but she was rather pretty.
At the time, it was around sunset, and as that was when most cats had downtime it wasn’t uncommon to see Alderfoot combing the beach for pretty shells to decorate her nest, swimming, or just resting and listening to the waves crash on the shore like a natural lullaby.
Alderfoot loved the beach, it was a favorite place of her’s, and she couldn’t even think of life without it.
A Bog monster; big, green, dirty: crawled from the gently lapping waves of the ocean. Seaweed hung like stringy twoleg hair from the muddy monsters head, and it's paws left a trail of brown against the light yellow background of the sand substrate beneath their feet.
A large wave; a tail lengths taller than most cats, light teal in colour; engulfed the creature and for a moment, they disappeared into the foamy water, but quickly re-emerged as a more feline creature but still not fully cat!
Seadog didn't have the name dog for no reason; some kits swore the tom was half canine, with a stink just as foul as them sometimes. Either way, he stood there, with a crown of seaweed and a crab between his crooked jaw.
The trails of brown turned to a trail of darker yellow as the sand became damp with sea water as it dripped from his odd calico pelt. The senior warrior didn't hesitate to approach Alderfoot, knowing she loved the sea just as much as him, as the two were no doubt beach buddies from afar.
"Aye, yu' ever crack opan' er crab befor'?" Seadog spat the tough red sea spider in front of the molly, raising a thick kitty brow at her as he waited for a reply.
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splinterpaw please bump me constantly | Dealing with ADHD & Dyslexia.
Re: Lionsbeach
