let's talk war [p]

[val]

All he offered was a small nod. The future was something he didn't think of. Whatever happened, it happened now. Alderstep supposed that if he was still around, and Yarrowcrest was too, maybe it would be nice to get to talk to the kid again. But he didn't think of the future, much less expect anything from it.

Yarrowcrest was closer now. He was acutely aware of the cat's gaze on him, made him feel - no words for it.

and that was weird. He ignored it. What would he say? 'Stop looking at me?' It was more unreasonable than before. There was still a scream curdling in his throat. Going insane. Maybe, but not at all. Like his mind had stopped, switched, and began.

They looked at the kid, tilting their head. He did see him as a kit, though. A little thing, did he know that? So small, like he was nothing more than a tiny bug subject to whatever the world brought forth.

But not a scared bug. Not of him, at least. Alderstep tilted his head, blinking at Yarrowcrest with furrowed eyebrows. Scared of ruining their relationship? Alderstep could scoff at that. It wasn't like he had standards. Anybody could treat him like nothing more than a speck of dirt on their hind paw and he'd just be happy to be there. That was actually...probably not good.

Stars, he almost screamed right then. How did he remind this kid of his father? He wasn't anything like the embodiment of paternalism. And he didn't even know if it was a good thing that he reminded Yarrowcrest of his dad. What the hell was he supposed to say in reply?

Tread carefully, and don't make him cry. Again. "C'mon kid, let's go to the creek, yeah? Bet you're dehydrated or something," Alderstep suggested, instead of commenting on the 'dad' comment. He wasn't sure if he had the words to explain how he felt, to reassure the kid that he wasn't doing something wrong by telling Alderstep what he meant to him. He got up to his dirty paws, risking a glance down at them. He could use the creek, too. He flicked his head in the direction of the way he'd come, silently beckoning that Yarrowcrest should follow him.

Besides, he wasn't going to leave the kid alone right now. Might as well take him along with as he completed his chores. Alderstep glanced over at the younger warrior, eyes searching the kid's expression to make sure he was doing alright. He didn't quite trust that sudden mood switch.

@silverwynds

[silver.]

yarrowcrest // he/him // 17 moons
purrks active: mind reader

---

Had he finally gotten through to him? Judging by the lack of reaction-- or well, hostile reaction anyway-- he thinks he has. And it was reassuring. It felt good to know that he wasn't some cur that Alderstep would rather not deal with if he could help it. Sometimes he could be hard to read-- his father had been, too, when he was alive-- but the more effort he puts in the easier it becomes. Just like with training. More practice, the easier it became. Not that he would practice too much in fear of making Alderstep uncomfortable. No, no, just enough to understand what he liked and didn't like. What made him feel better and made him uncomfortable. Every new piece of knowledge gets tucked away into a safe space in his brain so he can reference it later.

The invitation to join him comes as a surprise. Part of him had expected the deputy to send him back to camp or to make himself useful if he was already out here. But no, he was being thoughtful. Dare he say he was being caring? Expression lighting up almost immediately, the young tom smiles to the other, tail raising from his happiness. Instead of giving a reply, he just nods to him. In this moment there wasn't a need to run his mouth any more than he already had. When the tabby begins the trek in the direction of the creek, Yarrowcrest trots along behind him. When their eyes meet, he can't help but smiling a bit brighter.

Sure, when they had started speaking moments ago, he stuffed his thoughts and feelings so far down his own throat in order to make sure Alderstep was holding up okay. The tears and tightness in his chest back at camp still left a faint sadness to his eye but all in all he felt... Lighter. Safe. Oblivious to the other's discomforts, he crossed a line he wasn't meant to cross. He'd feel guilt over it for moons to come. But the lash of emotion directed at him in that moment didn't scare him. Like he said, he just didn't want to lose the growing relationship. If it came down to it he would start at square one if he had to. But he's glad that he didn't.

Eventually he grows comfortably enough to pad at his side instead of trailing behind him, stare focused on the forest ahead as they walk.

"I don't know if you came out after me but if you did... Thank you."

alderstep // @navarra

[val]

What a dork. Alderstep had no other word to describe Yarrowcrest's smile other than stupidly goofy. How did this guy just switch emotions like that? Like an...acorn, bouncing back after throwing it at someone's head. Stars, the kid was resilient. And possibly was too optimistic. It was nauseating, but he'd say nothing about it this time. He felt it was better to be a killjoy later.

Alderstep tilted his head at the little cat as he matched their stride, side-by-side. Eventually, he stopped looking in favor of watching where his paws were going, following Yarrowcrest's gaze. An ear twitched when the kid started talking again, but Alderstep only glanced sideways at him before returning his eyes ahead. He didn't want to trip on a twig or step into a hole and sprain a paw or something, but he hoped that the peek was enough to let the younger cat know he was giving his attention.

It was difficult to answer that half-question display of gratitude. Maybe it was that pesky flicker of guilt (really, when had he started caring? Or had he always cared, about all of them?) that kindled when Alderstep thought of how he hadn't originally left the camp to trail after one devastated cat. He went simply to accomplish a task, as those were his priorities. His clan, his responsibilities. The things that mattered were also disjointed, impersonal, and intangible so much so that sometimes Alderstep wondered why he even tried.

He'd gone down this path before, though. It'd taken him far, but not in the sense of accomplishment. In unavailability, worse than he was now. Close to the precipice of something that if he'd taken a step more, he knew he would've regretted it now. Alderstep blinked away the vague recollection, the burdening feeling of the past weighing down on his pelt. It was best to let that go. He knew where his loyalties lay.

So he tried. But maybe he wasn't trying in the right way. If only someone could tell him how. Alderstep hummed a soft sigh meant to lighten the load rather than complain theatrically. He didn't think that Yarrowcrest should be thanking him, not for such a small act. Accepting the bare minimum was his flaw, and he'd rather not see Yarrowcrest be the same way.

"Don't do dumb things," he chided in lieu of a serious, heartfelt answer. Some cats may be pouring their heart and souls into their relationships, but he certainly wasn't. Stars know what would happen to him if he got vulnerable, only for somebody to disappear as usual.

Well, would you look at that? The creek, the Sunkissed Creek! Right there, before his very eyes! Hmm, maybe he was dehydrated too. Alderstep sat a few fox-lengths away from the bank, keeping a careful eye on Yarrowcrest. It'd be bad if the guy fell into the creek and got swept away or something. Hopefully, he wouldn't, because he had just told the kid not to do dumb things.

[ i like how this has transcended the original purpose of the thread @silverwynds ]

[silver.]

yarrowcrest // he/him // 17 moons
purrks active: mind reader

---

It had been some time since he had visited Sunkissed Creek by any kind of direction. Not since before battle had waged here-- a battle he didn't participate in, thankfully. As they approach the river bank, he pays no mind to Alderstep deciding to stay behind. Perhaps he wasn't thirsty? Which didn't make much sense to Yarrowcrest considering that now that he thought about it he was quite parched. The white-and-ginger tom trots towards the edge of the water eagerly, pausing before his paws could get wet. Because the last thing he needed right now was for his paws to get all soggy and covered in mud. That was the worst. It took forever to get the color from his white fur. Drove him nuts.

Heeding the older warrior's demand of 'don't do anything dumb' he's pretty careful as he crouches closer to the running water of the creek, taking a few feeble laps before hydrating himself properly. There was something about this place in Greenleaf that was just so... Lively. The lush greenery of the forest contrasting the running water just made it feel even more peaceful. Nearly as peaceful as the silent beauty of Leafbare.

And then he takes a moment to just... Stare at his reflection. It distorts with the movement of the water but it still captures his likeness all the same. Bright blue eyes, perked ears... Even as he stares at himself he can spot the sadness that still hides in his expression. How pathetic he looks... Eyes still puffy and red from his crying. Nose a bit more pink than usual from it, too. No wonder Alderstep was being so nice to him. Any cat that looked at him in this state would be a monster to be mean to someone that looked like he did. The urge to swipe at his own reflection grows hot in his chest, traveling to white paws and he ignores it, turning away in order to control himself. No more of that. Sad Yarrowcrest was safely tucked away and wasn't going to make a reappearance. Not now, not today, not for a while.

Smiling, he makes his way back over to the tabby, tail raised and demeanor a lot more put together than it was. Drinking some water definitely helped. It was almost as if Alderstep knew what he was talking about or something. Go figure?

"You should drink while we're here, too. And then we can head back... Unless there was anything you needed to do? Or... wanted to talk about?"

Giving him the chance, juuust in case he felt like taking it... Of course he figures that the opportunity is going to go untaken but he'll extend the courtesy regardless.

alderstep // @navarra
( listen... this had to happen one way or another. they just had to have an emotional conversation first )

[val]

The urge to dip his paw in the water and flick the droplets onto Yarrowcrest was strong, but never as strong as Alderstep's dislike for water touching his paws. He probably shouldn't stare as the kid took his fill from the creek, he even hated when cats did that to him, but he couldn't help but not keep an eye on the young warrior. It was almost like if he looked away, he'd fall in and get swept away forever. The mortality bothered him incessantly, and so when Yarrowcrest backed away from the water's edge, Alderstep averted his eyes.

Because he knew it'd be safe, logically. Today just was an illogical day, it seemed. After a quick sitting stretch, Alderstep studied Yarrowcrest's appearance. Rightfully, he still looked awful, but at least the kid had some water now. Not one to sicken himself with false platitudes, Alderstep held back the thought that everything was going to be okay. The concept of being 'okay' was abstract and foreign, and honestly didn't exist.

There goes another long trail of thought, tantalizing him with its complex philosophy. Alderstep would scoff at it, if he weren't in the presence of someone who couldn't read his mind and therefore would think he's going insane, making noises to himself. Sharply, he switched his thought process back to Yarrowcrest, now processing the words addressed to him.

Drink. Yeah, maybe. But also, the 'make me' was bubbling up Alderstep's throat, ever stubborn and obstinate. The problem was that he had no valid reason to reject a drink from the beloved creek that he'd earned scars fighting for. That didn't mean that he concealed his annoyance at being told to do something as he lapped up some of the rushing waters himself. He didn't need some kid telling him to take care of himself. That was his job, thank you very much.

What did he need to do? A lot of things. He had a list. Most of the things on it were unachievable, though. (find Rabbit, find Creamcloud, fix his relationship with his sister, fix whatever's wrong with him, find someone to laugh with, impress someone, get moss for his nest, catch something today, report to Bumblestar if needed, organize patrols, check the warrior's den for any leaks, take his 'paws out training, etc.) A long list, really. Even thinking of it filled Alderstep with existential dread. He didn't feel like he had energy for half the things on that list, but that didn't matter because they still needed to get done.

"We can head back, and then you can go take a nap." Alderstep shot a sharp look at Yarrowcrest, attempting to communicate that there was no room for argument there. The kid would be getting some good rest after his traumatic morning. Besides, he wasn't such a heartless loser that he'd burden the kid with all the things he had to do in his own life. If he barely had the energy for himself, who says that Yarrowcrest would have the energy to manage his own life on top of Alderstep's problems?

Yeah, nah. Made no sense to have the kid do some things on his list or...just, yeah. A whisker's breadth of time passed, and then Alderstep caved in to his urges. He dipped a paw in the creek quickly, and then rose it up enough that when flicking his white paw, it would send droplets scattering at Yarrowcrest, assuming the warrior didn't duck out of the way or something.

Acting like nothing had happened just then, Alderstep once again took the lead, beginning the trek back to ThunderClan's camp, or what he called sometimes-home.

@silverwynds

[silver.]

yarrowcrest // he/him // 17 moons
purrks active: mind reader

---

If anything, Alderstep listened and hydrated himself as well. That was definitely a step, right? He had figured that the deputy would huff and complain that he didn't need to take care of himself or something along those lines. A pleased purr rolls from his throat as the other passes by, and he finds himself following him back over to the edge of the bubbling creek.

For once today he thinks he feels at peace. Sure, their conversation started over tense anxiety and the fear of losing himself in a sea of blood, and then devolved into a misunderstanding beyond belief... One that he didn't think they were going to bounce back from, in all honesty, let alone so quickly. But now the forest and Alderstep's presence calmed his nerves into a pleasant worry. The nervousness wasn't going to disappear entirely-- it was something he dealt with constantly, it was so ingrained in his personality at this point-- but in this moment of calm it lessened into something less noticeable. The urge to press into the older cat's side affectionately rises and he promptly tucks it away. He and Sparrowfur had no issue being physically affectionate with one another to express themselves and that was great! Alderstep wasn't her though, and if it put him on edge then Yarrowcrest was nothing but respectful.

The demand has him rolling his eyes. Until, well... He's splashed. It's light but unexpected. So very unexpected that he thought it was just a fish in shallow water! But nope! Surprised eyes blink after the departing deputy as he processes... And then he's bolting after him, not wanting him to get too far ahead.

"Hey!" He shouts in between quiet laughter. "What was that for!"

It didn't matter why he did it. Whether it was deserved or an act of teasing lightheartedness, it didn't matter. There was a softer side to Alderstep that over the course of their time out in the wilderness of their territory he was allowed to glimpse. And that was enough for him. Padding to once again settle his pace at his side, he walks beside him with a soft smile on his face and a quiet purr in his chest. He was glad he talked to him before all of this. Now he didn't regret talking to him. Not one bit.

alderstep // @navarra
( we can cut it here if you want!! unless alder did want to chat back at camp )