blessed by the stars [p]

[alec]

"i- i suppose there is something else-" she mumbled, letting out a sigh she allowed herself to relax further.
"i guess i dont really know if i can be a warrior" they confessed, shrugging non committedly "i mean, im almost 13moons and im not even close to finishing my training,...and i dont like to think about my future self being a warrior" she added, last part of her sentence getting more and more quiet with every word until she trailed off after 'warrior' leaving the sentence sounding open and unfinished.

@SuspiciousMindz

[SuspiciousMindz]

Blazingstar would listen closely to their concerns, his tail tip twitching with thought. 13 moons? Barely trained? Oh, no, no, that wouldn't pass. That would catch up to them soon. It was a little worrisome, but perhaps there was a reason for it?

"Are you simply not being trained or are you not putting in the effort to be a warrior?" Blazingstar inquired, wanting to clarify. "Is... there another path calling for you perhaps?" Blazingstar further pressed. There was no judgement or any tone of being upset in his voice. It was merely concern and curiousity.

@al3cc766

[alec]

cw: parental abuse, low self esteem

"i was sick a lot since i was born really- im getting trained and im trying but-..." minkpaw trailed off again, shrugging non committedly once again. being weaker than some of the seven moon old apprentices didn't necessarily float around her head all the time anymore, she had other things to think about, but it being pointed out to her directly made her shift in discomfort.
it was silly, really, she shouldnt be reacting like this was a big thing at all but she couldnt help but feel a bit sick at the thought of how disappointed her mother would be to know she was even thinking about not becoming a warrior. it was her duty, become a warrior, serve her clan, become a queen, rinse and repeat. she knew it was right and she was a shame to her bloodline for hating to think about where she would be even just 5 moons in the future.
"i dont know" she replied helplessly, 'i dont know' seemingly her new favourite word judging by how much she had said it the fast few minutes.

( @SuspiciousMindz blazingstar )

[SuspiciousMindz]

Blazingstar hummed to himself for just a moment, trying to gauge how he should respond to them. He didn't let them sit in silence for very long as he pressed gently against the smaller feline.

"That's okay," he finally responded. His gaze was lighthearted and understanding. "There are other paths you can take. Other things you can do."

Blazingstar could recall his loss of faith many, many moons ago. Remember when he lost hope as an apprentice. Remembered when he blamed himself for his mentors death and stopped training for a while. He didn't know what Minkpaw had been through, but he could remember when he didn't know if he was meant to be a warrior.

Then to be thrown into the leader position when Dapplestar died? He barely had a chance to be a deputy and so much weighed on his shoulders.

He understood.

He drew Minkpaw in a little closer his a paw over her shoulder. The small purr of comfort rolled from his chest again.

"I understand."

@al3cc766

[alec]

letting herself be comforted by the rumbling in blazingstars chest she didnt say anything for a while. he had sounded earnest when reassuring she didnt have to be the version of herself that she feared most and hearing that spoken aloud from another cat, a leader, allowed her mind to finally quiet down a bit. he wasnt mad at her for losing faith. he wasnt mad they didnt know what to do. she repeated in her mind, finding comfort in the constant reminder.
"what else is there for me to do?" she finally broke the silence, voice small as if there was anyone around they would disturb by speaking louder. even if they werent alone, the fog still surrounding them would swallow any words.

@SuspiciousMindz

[SuspiciousMindz]

Blazingstar knew the question was coming so he'd already prepared himself to say the suggestions aloud. "You're lacking a medicine cat right now, ain't ya? Perhaps you suggest yourself to Birdsnow yourself, put yourself out there."

It was a bold move, but Blazingstar knew if she wanted it, she'd do it. If he were in the position Bird was in, he'd take close account to who stepped up and who didn't.

The next suggestion wasn't as easy to run off his tongue. "You could always leave," Blazingstar spoke softer. "While it may not be noble in a Warriors' eyes, it's always there as an option. You gotta do what makes you happy, y'know," he finished. The comfort purring didn't stop.

"You can always get your warrior name and if fighting isn't your thing, you can instead focus on training apprentices and just being a clan teacher. Focus on the learning and hunting aspects of the clan. Be a good support," Blazingstar suggested. That was the last option he'd give, unsure of anything else from personal experience.

@al3cc766

[alec]

minkpaw nodded when he asked if they were still lacking a medicine cat but quickly began shaking her head at his suggestion. "i dont think-.. i dont know if i could do good- what if i'd be really bad and everyone would hate me and-" she cut herself off and sucked in a shuddering breath. they had said enough, no need whining to blazingstar, blazingstar who had probably seen so much in his life, she sounded like a whiny kit. the leaders next suggestion made her shake her head 'no' even more, the thought of leaving riverclan made her shudder and feel her chest tighten uncomfortably, "i cant go back..there- and wouldnt that be betraying my clan?-" she shook her head again, she couldnt imagine going back, her mother had brought her to riverclan to be a good warrior, to be better than her father had been, to make her proud, she couldnt just throw it all away?? "wouldnt you think i was weak for running away-" she asked truthfully, blazingstar was confusing her, a clan leader but telling her she could run away..
his last option sounded a bit..less bad, thinking about herself as a warrior was still accompanied with a bitter taste and teaching sounded terrifying but the possibility of being a useful valued asset for riverclan, even in the eyes of a leader, sounded much more promising than running away or trying to be something she wasnt.

@SuspiciousMindz

[SuspiciousMindz]

First, let's address the lack of confidence. Blazingstar simply raised a brow at Minkpaw's comment. "Well, if you hold that attitude over everything, you'll never really give yourself a chance to know, huh?" He began. The tone was curt, though inquisitive. "When Dapplestar assigned me as the deputy, it was sudden and not a goal I was reaching for. Honestly, I didn't think I was suited for such a role. Who really does, though? Unless you're shooting for it." Blazingstar spoke from his own experience. "And while I was a leader, those thoughts intruded my mind. They caused me to falter. I had to learn to be more confident in myself or I really would let the clan down. . . " Blazingstar trailed off for a moment, shaking his head. He could understand the fear in the idea, but if she wanted to provide, that was an option.

The next response, he could dismiss quickly. "It's clear you don't want that, so we'll pretend I didn't suggest it, yeah?" Blazingstar spoke, waving his tail to end the thought. He would answer anything further on that, it clearly caused a negative reaction.

The last option gave him a silent response. He studied the apprentice for a moment, curious as to what was running through her mind. Was she doubting herself again? Seriously considering it? It was hard to tell at this moment. "So the last option? What are you thinking?"

@al3cc766

[alec]

minkpaw shrugged weakly, sinking in on herself under blazingstars tone and sentence, she knew he was right but wrapping her head around not only hoping to be chosen as medicine cat but having to tell birdsnow of all people was scary. "i- i understand, youre right, 'm sorry" she mumbled, though still unsure how she would actually proceed. tell birdsnow immediately and come off as weird, wait it out to see or- or what? there was no hidden third option, no matter how much she wouldve liked there to be one. the story of how she gladly accepted his invitation to skip past that topic again and just nodded.
"i think..i think it sounds less scary." she replied and let out a sigh, some of the tensity bleeding from her small frame, "i think i could do that- maybe-" hunting and teaching. she could do that-

@SuspiciousMindz

[SuspiciousMindz]

Blazingstar could sense the topic was bothering her. He didn't want that. That was no the impression he wanted to make on a young mind. He let out a soft sigh before offering a half smile. "No need to apologize! None at all. It's my fault for even making that an option to you, but we'll pretend it didn't happen and keep moving. Just like most things in life," Blazingstar let out an amused chuckle. It was soft and short, but still notable.

"I'm glad the last option was something you could see yourself doing. Having a good mentor can really shape up a cat's life. Perhaps you can be an amazing mentor and really help the future cats. Maybe you'll even have a similar conversation with someone in the future," Blazingstar spoke. The possibility was real on that aspect. Minkpaw wouldn't be the last cat to feel this way and she definitely wasn't the first. One day she'd fully understand that.

"Is there anything else I can help you with while you're here? You can always call out to me when you need something in the future too."

@alec