Spring long-furred, scarred, oriental-shaped, gray-and-orange calico molly with blue eyes; torn right ear
purrks: herbal knowledge - tier 2 | the collector | mind reader | dreamwalker
she/her | … | 25 moons
At first, Spring had felt manageable with the lack of interaction that she was receiving. It would save both herself and anyone else the irreversible damage of trying to interact with her. Hiding alone in the shadows of the camp, she could pretend that silence was a balm rather than a burden, a quiet space where she might be safe from the eyes of those she had left behind. She was a stranger here, stripped of her title and her name—no longer a healer, no longer Springlight. Just Spring. The emptiness of it rang hollow, gnawing at her insides like an ache that wouldn’t ease. But maybe that was what she deserved. She didn't try to return to the place she had considered her home all her life any sooner than she had hoped she would. She always kept her distance, watching from the edges as the camp carried on as if she were invisible, like a ghost haunting the shadows. It was easier that way—easier for her to avoid the reminders of all she'd left behind. If she kept her head down, if she let the quiet close in around her, maybe the ache in her chest would start to fade. But the guilt lingered, pressing down on her like a stone, heavier each day that she resided within the camp, smothering every attempt to find peace. The isolation had started as a refuge, a safe place to hide from her own mistakes. But now, as the days had slipped by, it had become a prison of her own making.
She’d always sit alone, staring blankly at the remnants of her meals, hardly tasting a thing. The emptiness gnawed at her once more, growing more hollow and cold, like the hunger she’d let settle in her bones, as though starving herself would somehow atone for everything she’d done. To repay for every lingering mistake she’s made. She was still staring at the half-eaten squirrel in front of her, lost in her intruding thoughts when she sensed movement nearby. A familiar scent cut through her quiet, pulling her from the half-eaten squirrel she’d been staring at for the last few minutes. Duckfrond. Her heart leaped in her chest before sinking as reality settled like a heavy stone in her stomach. She hadn’t seen him since returning and hadn’t dared to face the hurt and anger she knew would be in his eyes. Her tattered ears flattened, a flicker of poisonous shame rising in her throat, but her gaze remained glued to the squirrel as if she could somehow hide from him by pretending she hadn’t noticed that he was right over there. His paws came to a halt just within her view along the side that thankfully wasn't blind, and she didn’t have to look up to know that he was staring down at her. The air grew thick with a tension that prickled at her pelt, and her ragged fur tingled with a mixture of anticipation and dread. The scent of his presence was painfully familiar, a reminder of moons spent growing together side-by-side as kits and young apprentices.
She could almost hear his voice in her mind, reminiscent of all the times he had used to defend her as a kit when Smallsky used to treat both herself and her siblings poorly. The teasing warmth the duo had when they would always hang out together was something she always remembered, and now it just left a pitiful lump in her stomach. Those days were long gone. She’d abandoned that life. Abandoned him. And from the cold look in his eyes, he hadn’t forgotten it. From the moment he began speaking, his voice cut through her like a shard of ice. The words stung, more than she had expected, each syllable heavy with disdain. She hated admitting that she pitifully flinched at his accusation, tucking her paws further beneath herself to provide some sort of closure. Spring forced herself to look up, meeting his gaze reluctantly. His green eyes once had been so warm and full of a bubbly fierceness that she loved dearly, but now they seemed hard and unforgiving. She tried to find her voice, to explain, to apologize, but the words stuck in her throat. She felt smaller, like a kit cowering under the disapproving stare of a queen after doing something they weren't supposed to. Her chest tightened as she tried to form words, but Duckfrond’s stare pinned her down, the weight of his gaze anchoring her in place. It wasn’t the kind of anger that flared and burned out—it was a cold, simmering resentment that lingered, deeper than anything she’d felt before—even deeper than Bumblestar’s.
A harsh silence hung between them, with only the whispers of camp life around them to remind Spring that they weren’t alone. But in that moment, they may as well have been; the weight of Duckfrond’s gaze was enough to drown out every other sound. Her heart hammered in her chest, each beat a reminder of how much she had left unsaid, how she had abandoned him without a single word. She had once thought herself brave for trying to return, for trying to come home to all her loved ones and prove herself. But now, under his piercing stare, she realized her bravery had been little more than cowardice. She forced herself to swallow, the pent-up apology stuck in her throat like grit, and she could barely find her voice when she finally managed to speak. “Duckfrond… I—” Her voice cracked, barely a whisper as if even her own words were betraying her. She wanted to explain, to spill out every regret and apology that had haunted her in her prisoned solitude, to tell him she had never wanted to hurt him, to make him feel so betrayed. She inhaled deeply before slowly exhaling, flexing her claws against the coarse soil beneath her snow-white paws. "I’m sorry," she began, her voice trembling with the effort of speaking, each word a struggle against the overwhelming guilt that threatened to consume her. "I didn’t mean… to leave you… or the clan… I wasn't… trying to… come back… looking like… this.” Her eyes welled up, but she forced herself to keep them open, meeting his gaze despite the tears threatening to spill.
She doubted her apology would fix the strained bond between them, that anything she could say would erase the hurt she’d caused by not returning sooner. Her throat ached as she searched for words that could bridge the chasm between them, but everything she thought of felt thin, insubstantial. Nothing could truly undo what she’d done. Duckfrond deserved more than an apology; he deserved someone who hadn’t abandoned him. Someone who wouldn't abandon him like how Smallsky abandoned her and her siblings. As the silence stretched, her gaze dropped back to the ground, her heart heavy with an old, familiar weight. She felt the cool air prickling against her fur and the loneliness settling back around her like an unwanted cloak. He had every right to walk away, to leave her sitting here with nothing but her loathful regret and the half-eaten meal that tasted like ash in her mouth. Her paws dug into the earth, the rough soil grounding her as she swallowed back the bitterness of her own mistakes. She hadn't wanted to leave; she had been taken by an owl and was nearly killed in the process. She’d tried to make her way back to ThunderClan, but her heart was too soft for her good, and she couldn’t refuse those in need along the way. That strange family… the encounter that had changed her life irrevocably, left her with burdens she never imagined, and kits she never expected to bear. And now, she was paying the price that she never wanted at all.
A shaky breath surpassed her lips as she tried to hold herself together, feeling the walls she’d built begin to crumble. The memories clawed at her insides, dragging her down into a churning pit of regret and pain. She closed her eyes, her voice barely above a whisper, as if sharing it would finally loosen the iron grip of guilt around her heart. Her voice quivered with a vulnerability she had tried so hard to bury. "I tried… to come back… Ducky," she said, her voice a ragged whisper as she let the nickname slip past her lips, each word trembling with the weight of memories she had locked away. "But… so much… happened… more than I ever… thought I could… bear… after I… escaped the owl… when it… nearly killed me… I thought… maybe that… was a sign…. that I didn’t… deserve to… come back… after everything… that happened... I wanted to… but every time… I thought I…was close… something kept… pulling me back.” She didn't know if the abyssinian tom was even listening or not. The small voice in her head hissed that he wouldn't care for her like the others. All he would do was see her reasoning as pitiful excuses just as everyone else had; just as Bumblestar had. Another small part of her believed that he could be listening, at least, even though he would be holding onto the pain that she caused. She took a shaky breath, the truth unraveling from her in a way she couldn’t control, spilling out like the tears she’d refused to shed.
"As you heard… I met… a family," she continued, her gaze distant, as if she were staring at something far beyond him. "They were… isolated… and strange… They needed me… for my knowledge… I thought that… maybe… by helping them… I could find… some way to… make amends for… everything I’d done... but things only… got worse… because I… was a naive… little fool… they… pressured me… into staying… made me feel… like I was… their last hope… and when… when things… turned violent… I… I didn’t know… what to do… I tried to leave… but I was too… scared… too weak... I couldn't bear… the weight… of their expectations… of everything they… needed me to be." Her voice was growing thick with emotion, a paw lifting to rest along the side of her kit-bloated belly as she continued. "I ended up… forcefully bearing kits… I never expected... kits who… reminded me… of everything… I’d unintentionally left… behind… everything I’d failed… to protect." Her voice wavered, and her shoulders slumped as she struggled to keep herself steady. "I thought… maybe… if I kept my… distance when I… returned… it would hurt… less... I didn’t want… you… or anyone… to see me… like this… broken… ashamed… not the Springlight… you all remembered." Her heart twisted as she finished, guilt and relief mixing into a bittersweet ache. She’d feared this moment for so long, imagined it unfolding in countless ways.
"I thought… maybe you’d… all be better… off without me," she admitted, her voice breaking. "I didn’t … want my mistakes… to become yours… I thought if… I stayed away… I could at least… keep you all… safe from… everything I’d done." As Spring's voice trailed off, her heart pounded as if it might shatter under the weight of her own words. She stared down at her paws, feeling the earth cool and unforgiving beneath her, grounding her yet somehow pulling her under. Thickened silence hung in the air as she waited for Duckfrond’s response. She couldn’t bear to look up, couldn’t face the cold judgment she knew she’d find in his eyes. The only sound was her ragged breathing, her chest tightening with every heartbeat, each one a reminder of all the lives she’d left in disarray. After what felt like an eternity, she dared to lift her gaze, half-hoping, half-dreading that he might offer even the smallest flicker of understanding. She didn't know how he would react, and her hope sank even lower, the silence dragging her deeper into her pit of regret. It was almost laughable, how she’d come back to ThunderClan thinking she might make amends, thinking that somehow, she could rebuild what she’d broken. Now, under the weight of her failures, she realized just how foolish she'd been. Her thoughts drifted to the future she knew she would face—exile, a fate she knew she couldn’t avoid since her story was fully known.
She felt a fresh wave of grief rise within her, raw and agonizing, as her mind turned to her unborn kits. They would never know a mother who could guide them, protect them, and teach them the names of the stars or the secrets of the forest. Her paws shook as she imagined them being alone and left to grow up in a clan where their only connection to her would be a legacy of shame. The thought of them being raised by strangers, never knowing why their mother had left, left her heart aching with a hollow emptiness. She tried to imagine Duckfrond’s face softening and telling them stories of her, but the image refused to form. Would anyone even care to remember her once she was gone? Or would her memory become something whispered about, a cautionary tale to keep kits from wandering too far or trusting too easily? Swallowing hard, she pushed back the tears that threatened to spill, forcing herself to stay steady, if only for a moment longer. She had to believe that there was still something—some sliver of friendship—that might remain between her and Duckfrond. Just one last hope she could cling to, a last-ditch effort to ensure her kits would have someone, anyone, who would look after them once she was gone. She took a shaky breath, her voice almost a whisper, the words slipping out with a rawness that left her feeling exposed and vulnerable.
“Duckfrond…” Her voice cracked, but she held his gaze, her blue eyes reflecting both the strength and fragility of a mother’s love. “I need you… to make me… a… very important… promise.” Her voice quivered as the weight of her plea settled between them, her gaze distant, already haunted by the fate she knew awaited her. “When I’m gone…” The words tasted bitter in her mouth, thick with the grief of a future she couldn’t bear to face just yet. “My kits… They’ll need someone… someone to teach… them… to remind them… of who… they are… where they come… from.” Her voice grew hoarse, each word tearing at her insides as she forced them out. “They shouldn’t… suffer for… my mistakes.” Her heart twisted painfully as she thought of her kits, their small, fragile bodies growing within her, the embodiment of all her regrets and mistakes yet also, somehow, her last hope. Her snow-white paws pressed harder into the earth, grounding her as her chest heaved with the effort of holding back her tears. “Please… promise me… that they’ll… know kindness… that they… won’t be judged… for who… their mother was. That they’ll have… someone to stand… beside them… when I can’t.” The finality of her words settled over her, suffocating in its certainty. She could feel herself breaking, piece by piece, as she looked up at him, her gaze pleading and filled with despair.
She had no right to ask him for anything—not after all she’d done. But this was her last hope, the one fragile thing she could cling to as her world came crashing down around her. “Promise me… that they’ll know… love... that they'll… have someone… to remind them… that they… are enough… that they… are worth… something… even if I… wasn’t.” Her voice trembled, barely a whisper, her eyes glistening with the grief and guilt she could no longer hide. She knew this might be the last time she’d ever speak to Duckfrond, the last chance she’d have to leave something behind in this clan, the only place she’d ever called home. All she could do was wait, her heart pounding in her chest, each beat a countdown to the moment he would answer.
@Mica ( i hope u get some sobs from this /j /silly )
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⊱ my carrd ◦ future roleplay tracker ◦ future character bio ⊰
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u know u wanna
Last edited by iliri; November 3rd, 2024 at 11:38 PM.
Nightgaze fluffed out her ebony pelt as a frosty breeze ruffled her fur. Brrr! Sure was nearing winter...bit concerning but they couldn't stop the seasons..they really needed to start stocking up the prey pile. Cold season meant prey was scarce and hungry mouths galore. And so far it didn't look good...only a few measly rodents.
Brows furrowing as the small hornet picked through the fresh kill pile, not intending to choose anything just counting. A sigh fell out of her mouth as she sat back down onto her haunches. They really needed to pick up the pace...no way they could keep up with winter at this pace.
Scanning the clearing, Nightgaze picked out a familiar pelt: Mothflame! An acquaintance but from the few interactions they had she seemed nice enough, and hardworking too! Grinning brightly, she bounded up to the rosetted warrior. "Hiya, Mothflame! Ya look a bit tense, wanna help me hunt? The pile's been running low lately" She observed, keeping her tone friendly. A bored cat would be more willing to get out.
╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗ Mothflame
Fluffy leopard-spotted she-cat with dichroic eyes and a scar covering half her face.
She/Her | 23 Moons | + every 19th | ThunderClan Warrior | Sweet but Deadly
Purrks:
Mind Reader [INACTIVE] • Killer Aptitude T1 [INACTIVE]
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Mothflame was almost instantly brought out of her boredom at Nightgaze's arrival. The she-cat returned the Hornet's grin, giving her a nod.
"Hunting! Oh yes, I would love to!" She shook her pelt briefly and turned to Nightgaze. "Been noticing the fresh-kill pile isn't lookin' too happy. I'm more than willing to help out!"
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Please feel free to bump me on any ongoing RPs. I have ADHD and it gets really hard for me to keep track of all my RPs ^^
• • • Icekit • Silentpaw • Mothflame • Firepaw • Daykit • Windpaw • Spiritkit • Eveningpaw • Mimickit • Starlingkit • Hiddenpaw • Milkbee Do you dare approach?
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『 Tigerpelt 』
⚝ TC Warrior ⚝ Tom ⚝ 25 Moons Old
Short Ginger fur with striking green eyes
Apprentice : Pinepaw (otter)
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Tigerpelt looked over at Hiddenpaw, noticing her actions and facial expression. The worried Warrior padded over to her and tilted his head. "Are you alright?" He asks softly, hoping to not spook the Apprentice.
╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗ Hiddenpaw
Golden braided tabby with white freckles and brown and blue heterochromia
They/She | 8 Moons | + every 26th | ThunderClan Apprentice | Timid and Shy
[9/100]
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Whuh? Her? Was he talking to her? Hiddenpaw quickly looked around, to see if there were any other cats the warrior would potentially be talking to. But there was no one around. At least, no one near enough. Hiddenpaw looked down at herself, then at Tigerpelt, then at the ground, then back at Tigerpelt. She gave a horribly forced smile and a nod at the warrior, panic obvious in her eyes.
"Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm fine. Yes." She muttered, though mostly to herself rather than to Tigerpelt.
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Please feel free to bump me on any ongoing RPs. I have ADHD and it gets really hard for me to keep track of all my RPs ^^
• • • Icekit • Silentpaw • Mothflame • Firepaw • Daykit • Windpaw • Spiritkit • Eveningpaw • Mimickit • Starlingkit • Hiddenpaw • Milkbee Do you dare approach?
╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗ Hiddenpaw
Golden braided tabby with white freckles and brown and blue heterochromia
They/She | 8 Moons | + every 26th | ThunderClan Apprentice | Timid and Shy
[9/100]
. 。・゜✭・.・✫゜・。.
. 。・゜✭・.・✫゜・。.
Whuh? Her? Was he talking to her? Hiddenpaw quickly looked around, to see if there were any other cats the warrior would potentially be talking to. But there was no one around. At least, no one near enough. Hiddenpaw looked down at herself, then at Tigerpelt, then at the ground, then back at Tigerpelt. She gave a horribly forced smile and a nod at the warrior, panic obvious in her eyes.
"Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm fine. Yes." She muttered, though mostly to herself rather than to Tigerpelt.
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『 Tigerpelt 』
⚝ TC Warrior ⚝ Tom ⚝ 25 Moons Old
Short Ginger fur with striking green eyes
Apprentice : Pinepaw (otter)
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Tigerpelt didn't believe the she-cat one bit. He watched her for a moment, his head tilts to the side. "Y'know you can talk to anyone if you are upset about something," he says, trying to sound as comforting as possible. The warrior wasn't good at comforting others but was willing to try. He hated seeing others upset, nervous or even mad.
Alpinepaw walked with a big vole, stumbled, and fell onto her chin. Thump! Her grip on the vole loosened. Alpinepaw laid there with her vole for a while. She started to think about her acquaintances. The young cat sighed in sadness before getting up slowly.
Chasmpaw padded over to an oak tree and jumped onto the tree, claws unsheathed. She landed successfully. Her claws dug deep into the tree and she tried to climb. Unfortunately for her, she got stuck to it.
Re: ThunderClan Clearing
