DarkPaw Learns…Anxiety?

[Rowan]

♧DarkPaw♧
Male | 6 Moons | ShadowClan Apprentice | Mentor: DawnStar | Posts: 2/100
long-furred gray tom with darker leopard spots towards the back of his body and dark blue eyes
Purrks: None

@alec (sorry for all the writing- I need kk lmao)

TW — this character may explore themes of abuse, mental health, gore, and triggering stuff overall.



The tom fidgeted with his paws, restless, weary blue eyes darting around the clearing. Miss- uhh… Leader DawnStar was busy with her spawn…she seemed like a good mother (imagine having one of those…) and she couldn’t train him much…yet. But he had to be ready when she was, ready to impress the leader with skills he already has. But who would be a noble enough cat to teach him? Who could handle his…the darkness he felt consuming his soul…was that why mother dearest named him that?
But who could be trusted to not get him killed as he got his siblings. He didn’t want to learn battle training yet…he was bad. He was a monster that had to be tamed, and he wouldn’t trust himself until it was. The horrid monster he was forced to believe lurked inside him. Or there would be more blood…That’s the cruel words his mother engraved into his naive, young mind. You’re a killer. It’s in your blood.

Blood

Blood

BLOOD.

He would cause blood spill…murder. The helpless, deceased bodies of his siblings flashed in his mind. He shivered at the mere though if it, probably looking odd amongst the cats in the clearing. His mother’s blame and the weight he still carried on his chest thanks to her. But she told him the truth. He was a killer. The blood was stained, maybe not on his pelt, but in his soul.

Who could he trust? What cat could handle him and be a cat DawnStar would trust? Maybe…maybe RookFire?…He had warrior experience. Maybe healing…so he could help, not hurt. Not jeopardize more lives.

How would he approach the cat? What if he knew? What if everyone knew? He could be cast away, or a more fitting sentence for his life…killed. Sickening wasn’t it? That that was what his life deserved…what it was worth. But for now he had to try and approach the older tom. He spotted him in the clearing, approaching the warrior, his head down in respect…or shame. But no…if he wanted DawnStar to keep him as an apprentice, he had to be better…more confident. Like mama? No—that’s a bad example. She was plain mean.

He seemed to change into a mask, as one would flick a switch. “Sir—RookFire. Would you be open to helping me begin training? I haven’t yet started…don’t much mind what.” his voice was low and quiet, but not quite in a scared or humble way.

[alec]

ROOKFIRE
[ he/him | shadowclan medicine cat app | purrks ]
[ #rookMCA24 ]

whilst still very much adjusting to this admittedly huge change in his life, the dark pelted feline had almost immediately made the choice to continue helping out with training, and since, by his and his roleplayers knowledge at this moment in time, he had been allowed to keep his apprentices this was good in dawnstars books as well. and stars help him, even if not, he was determined to help cinderpaw and firepaw finish their training and be the beginning of what would hopefully be a long line of proper warriors trained under his mentorship, no outside forces like the description of his position or anything that didnt kill him would make this change. obviously, when darkpaw, a apprentice he had vaguely recognised as having a sort of antsy aura but otherwise being nothing out of the ordinary, he had no reason to decline helping with his training (even if his roleplayer lowkey got sick of writing training roleplays two months ago).
the formal approach made him mildly uncomfortable, white tipped ear flicking briefly, he had taken to calling dawnstar and mistlewhisker 'ma'am' himself yet couldnt really help but be surprised to be met with a similar honorary title. the concept of honorary titles was overall not something he was super familiar with or understood, given some apprentices didnt use it at all and other did for seemingly every cat.
"yeah sure err, lets head out then hm?" rookfire agreed, letting the choice of 'what' linger a bit longer whilst nimble white tipped paws carried him out towards the territory. the apprentice hopefully hot on his heels as he sped up to a slightly more brisk walk, not yet switching over into trotting because he wanted to talk to the apprentice without having to sort words out into a logical sentences between the youngers potentially heavy breathing and the wind rushing in his ear.
"'you up for some hunting? realistically we should start with battle trainin' but 's up to you" he hummed in thought, trying to remember whether he had looked at the fresh kill pile today already.

[ @Rowan || head is feeling very soupy, hope this makes sense lol ]

[Rowan]

♧DarkPaw♧
Male | 6 Moons | ShadowClan Apprentice | Mentor: DawnStar | Posts: 8/100
long-furred gray tom with darker leopard spots towards the back of his body and dark blue eyes
Purrks: Cats Got Your Tongue! (Wheel of Misfortune)
@alec


He let out a breath of relief he didn’t know he was holding for the hope of the warrior agreeing to teach him. He didn’t think he would have had the energy or confidence to prance cat to cat around camp to train him, and he damn well wouldn’t bother DawnStar whenever she was currently focusing on…other things.

The apprentice followed the tom out of camp, being sure to not lag too far behind the semi-rapid pawsteps. He had to prove himself. He was sure that this would be a cat that DawnStar trusted his advice, observations, and just…words in general. If he wanted to get off on a good mood with her (which he had no idea how to do) it would be best to have this cat in his good graces, as long as he didn’t suspect. Oh, he was speaking. The apprentices gray ears perked towards the warrior. “U-u-uhh…yeah…I- uh…I’m fine wi-with that- hunting.” it took all his might to not shoot his paw up to cover his muzzle. Holy hell why was he speaking like this? At this rate, the whole clan would know in seconds of talking to him.

[alec]

ROOKFIRE
[ he/him | shadowclan medicine cat app | purrks ]
[ #rookMCA24 ]

darkpaw let out a weird huff but rookfire didnt bother question it any further, there was no need in further pressuring the apprentice that already appeared to be pretty nervous to have approached him with this. besides, he was here to teach, not bother with whatever issues the apprentice had unless they took it to the medicine den or the apprentice actively approached him with anything. he doubted there would be any cats choosing him over mossfreckle in regards to discussing their issues but a boy could dream.. or perhaps stop speaking his mind as much as he did right now..

stuttering words carried over to him, confirming their plans shortly before they reached a clearing rookfire deemed good enough for hunting. shaded grass dappled by sunlight where it broke through the thick canopy, a space small prey like mice and birds tended to gather at. "if you've had basic hunting as a kit i dont care, we are going to start from the beginning." he prefaced any and all explainations that would follow. besides being marked down as one of the kit lesson teachers the medicine cat apprentice had absolutely no idea what differenciated the two and chose to assume it was simply the opportunity to get similar training twice, only one of them would involve moving prey though.

"hunters crouch. should look somewhat like this n you dont need ta focus on much besides keepin yer tail off the ground" low to the ground and striped tail held above the ground with practice percision, the dark furred former enforcer demonstrated, pushing himself through the undergrowth at a speed slightly slower than regular walking, before halting and pouncing on a lizard that had been basking in the sun. "easy as. 's long as ya can pick up a scent you'll get a hang of it quickly, get practicing" he offered with a up-nod, straying from his usual technique of letting them pounce on leaves before moving to living prey to just letting the apprentice decide.

[ @Rowan ]